countdown
by hourglasshero
Summary: discontinued.
1. A Second Chance

**I'm really not even sure what this fic is. I was inspired by the anime series "Erased", and I haven't written for Vocaloid in forever, so I decided I would mix the two together. I aim to make this KaiLen, because Gewlface has been waiting for me to make a fic for that pairing and, well, I really wanted to anyway, heh. Aside from that, I'm not really sure about pairings. There's implied Negitoro, GakuLily and Gumi/Rin, plus Gumi/VY2 (Roro) but those might end up changing. I'm willing to take pairing suggestions as well! I apologize for my writing as of now, I'm not one for first chapters. It's kind of a scrambled mess lmao. Anyways, hopefully you enjoy this!**

* * *

 _"Even so, why do the two of us always stumble at our exchanged words?_

 _Crumbling, breaking, and conversely being born..._

 _Could you please teach me, right now, the meaning behind these reasons?"_

* * *

It was always on nights like these that Kaito found he couldn't sleep.

Outside, lightning sliced through the pitch black clouds that had gathered in the night sky, and the inner turmoil of his thoughts had grown into a clamor that mimicked the thunder screaming above his apartment. More often than not, Kaito didn't mind thunderstorms; in fact, as a kid, he remembered vividly being the only one to stare out the window in his bedroom or classroom and watch the torrent of the rain rather than duck away like a coward, as if the noise could hurt him.

For the first time in twenty-odd years, he turned away from his window as it blazed white and yanked his cerulean comforter over his head, ignoring the red blur of _2:03_ that lingered behind his eyelids.

Maybe it was the recent murder of Hatsune Miku that was bothering him. Maybe it was the paralyzing loneliness of his apartment when Meiko was away for work. Or maybe it was just that in a few more hours he would be twenty-five and it would go unnoticed by the world around him.

Kaito burrowed further under his blankets, hoping that if he sunk deep enough into the mattress he'd find himself in some sort if an alternate universe where he didn't think thunderstorms were so obnoxious, and where all the mistakes of his childhood life just- _poof!_ -disappeared.

Sometimes he'd ask for things like this- an escape from reality or some kind of release. He hadn't asked for much throughout the expanse of his life. As he squeezed his eyes shut, he believed resolutely that he at least deserved this.

He wasn't certain if he'd managed to fall asleep or not, but he supposed he had because the next time he felt that he was aware of his surroundings, it was eleven in the morning. For a moment, he wondered if he'd slept through his alarm or if he had forgotten to set it; after moments of moping, it dawned on him that he had the day off. It was Monday, after all. The studio didn't need him on Mondays.

With a grunt, Kaito rolled himself out of his bed and onto the itchy, carpeted floor of his apartment bedroom. He squinted against the bright light streaming in through his window, hand acting as a visor against his forehead. There were no traces in the glowing sunshine that it had rained the previous night, but then again, that was no different than every other winter storm in this city.

Even now, it was the simplest of things could get washed away in the tides of time.

Kaito sat up slowly, finally managing to kick off the sheets tangled around him after several failed attempts. He cracked his back with a loud pop, then his arms and his neck, and rose to his feet with mild satisfaction.

He shuffled into the kitchen- or, as Meiko liked to call it, the 'tiny living room food space', since it really wasn't anything else in terms of its size -in search of coffee and eggs. Disappointed to find that there were neither of these things, he rummaged through the freezer of his refrigerator for a solid two minutes before he gave up in his endeavors, lips drawn into a tight, frustrated frown. There was no ice cream. There was no _anything_.

Of course, he blamed it on the fact that he'd been too stressed (and too broke) to go grocery shopping as of late, and the aisles always confused him when Meiko wasn't around, and she hadn't been around at all these past few months, so he had had no real time to go out and buy food, or any necessities for that matter. It wasn't really _his_ fault. It was just the winding road of life, or whatever Ritsu always called it.

Really.

He grumbled angrily to himself through every agonizing moment it took to get dressed, his stomach growling and his head aching from a lack of caffeine.

Just as he pulled on his scarf and started out the door, a sharp series of rings sounded from the countertop. Kaito wheeled back around the second he recognized the ringtone, still grumbling even when he picked the device up and answered the call.

"Ritsu-,"

"Oi, Shion."

Kaito winced at the usage of his last name; he'd figured they'd be on first name basis at this point, but...Well, Ritsu was a strange man. "What's up?" he asked, remembering- thanks to Meiko's nagging voice at the back of his head -to lock his door before he slid out of it. The corridor of the apartment was void of life, other than himself, as it often was during the morning.

"You know that thing about the singer girl that used to go to our high school?"

"You mean Miku?" Kaito murmured slowly. It was a topic he'd been trying to avoid.

Ritsu said something incoherent and muffled at a distance. His voice became clear again just as quickly. "Yeah, her." He hesitated, clicking his tongue, and Kaito, still taking long strides toward the out of order elevator shaft, listened. "Cul thinks she knows what happened."

"Since when does Cul know anything? I doubt she even knew how to count until she was in middle school."

"Ooh, you're grumpy today. Have you not had your morning coffee?" Ritsu teased, a smile noticeable in his voice.

"Unfortunately, I haven't." Kaito passed by the elevator toward the doorway hidden discreetly by the edge of the wall. He jostled the rusty knob once, then a second time, and pushed inward. The door flung open on loose hinges and banged against the bricks of the staircase foyer.

"Want to meet me for coffee? I'm about to go on my lunch break."

"I was actually about to go grocery shopping," Kaito said as he squeezed through the threshold and scrambled down the stairs. "Though, I guess before that works."

"Great!" the other man cooed. "How does Kasane's Cafe sound?"

It was a bit out of the way, but Kaito wasn't one to refuse a coffee. "Sure, that's fine." Shouldering his way into the lobby, he remembered what his friend had told him about Cul's assumptions, and he added, "So, what's the situation with Miku?"

"Right." There was the sound of paper rustling, and a soft _click_. "Cul thinks a gang had to do with it."

Kaito thought about that for a brief moment. And he snorted. "That's ridiculous."

"Well, yeah, that's what I said at first, too," Ritsu huffed. "But Cul makes it seem a lot more sensical. She says that-...You remember Megurine Luka, right?"

"I think so," Kaito responded. He stepped awkwardly through the revolving doors of the lobby, tripping over his own two feet as he tried to recollect an image of the woman. Truth be told, most of the memories of his childhood had faded away over the years, but he vaguely remembered that she and Meiko had been friends.

And, for some odd reason, he remembered the Kagamine twins. He remembered suddenly that Rin had befriended him on his first day of school, all big eyes and bright smiles, and he remembered that Len had remained her shadow, his eyes downcast and his lips a pout. He remembered that day upon day the twins would come to class with bruises, their cheeks red and their heads lowered; but the reason as to why, he'd never known. He'd never bothered asking.

The man talking to him, on the other hand- he had no idea how they'd met or interacted during their childhood days, but somehow, when they applied for the same job, Ritsu recognized him and from then on, they were, to say the least...companions. Not that Kaito minded; the redhead was pleasant company on lethargic days like this one.

It always bewildered him, the intensity of thoughts, and the way that his memories were like flowers in bloom.

Ritsu continued about the same time Kaito started listening again, "Luka's a detective, or a cop, apparently- and she and Miku were living together. Luka had gotten involved in some gang case. Cul said she thinks the gang retaliated and killed Miku by way of a warning."

"That's surprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be," Kaito snorted.

"Don't be an ass, Shion."

The bluenette stifled a laugh. "Sorry, sorry," he mused. "But, hey, let's be real here, it's not like-,"

"Roro Okunuma. He used to be your friend, right?" Ritsu interrupted. His voice had melted away into something more irked than enthusiastic.

Kaito quirked a brow. "Yeah, he was. Pink hair and yellow eyes, right? Really tall?"

"Uh-huh," Ritsu said. "He's part of one of these gangs. He had some kind of a disagreement with Luka in their last year of high school."

"How in hell do you even know all of this?" Kaito asked.

He could almost imagine the redhead's usual modest hair flip as he chimed, "I get around."

"I'm sure you do," Kaito muttered as he flicked his gaze from his shoes to the dense crowd of people manifesting in front of him, maneuvering in between the mass. "Still, I don't think I can really believe that. For all anybody knows, it could have been a suicide. She was getting popular with her musical career, and the fame could have been getting to her. I don't know."

"Shion," Ritsu sighed, exasperated, "how does a woman shoot herself without a gun?"

"Magic?"

Ritsu nearly choked on a laugh. "You're literally an idiot," he snickered.

"That may be so, but at least I don't look like one."

"Rude!" Ritsu retorted. "I'm more attractive than half the women in this world, anyways. You're just jealous."

"I can assure you I'm not. I've got enough charm of my own," the bluenette huffed. Gradually, his mind shifted back on track, and he tilted his head toward the approaching crosswalk. "Why have you and Cul been so interested by this entire... _thing_ , anyway?"

"I liked Miku," was all Ritsu alleged.

"I did too, but it's not like-..."

And then the words were swallowed up by the astounded look on Kaito's face, by the silence of the phone call as his eyes fell on the distant figure that he desperately wanted to believe wasn't who he thought it was. But that _person_ \- they were unmistakably _him_ , from the bright yellow hair to the slumped posture, from the shorts in the middle of winter to the pale white complexion.

Kaito grit his teeth and quickened his pace, watching the graceful shift in movement the figure took into a small bakery, and, without thinking, without even so much as a second of hesitation, he followed.

An irritated voice snapped at him from the other line of the call he'd forgotten he'd been a part of. "Shion? Shion! Oi, Kaito!"

"Ritsu," Kaito said, and he found that, somehow, his voice was still calm, still even, "I think we better take a rain check for that coffee."

* * *

A pair of aquamarine eyes stared at him from across the table. In all of ten years, they hadn't changed in the slightest. There was still a subtle ring of green around the iris, flecks of a darker blue dashed along the sides of even that. They glowed like the stars, radiant and vivid, and it comforted Kaito to know they hadn't changed. Because Len had. Len really had.

"It's been a while," Kaito said, a soft smile on his face as he took a sip from his coffee. It tasted bitter, but he blamed it on the atmosphere. That's what it always came down to, anyways.

Len leaned his cheek onto his fist and nodded lazily. "Yeah, it has." He paused before adding, "You really don't look any different than you did in eighth grade."

"My high school attractiveness will never fade."

"Yikes, I think it already has. You look like a truck just hit you, backed up, and hit you again."

But Kaito knew that lopsided smirk, the crease under Len's luminous eyes. He knew he was teasing in that childish way of his, and it filled him with a sense of alleviation to know that at least one member of his youthful memories could still smile. He knew damn well that Miku wouldn't anymore, and he really couldn't say for Luka. He hoped she'd find it in her to smile again. He really did.

At least Len could. That felt like it was enough for Kaito.

"You don't look too shabby, you know," Kaito said, but the words felt limp in his mouth. They felt like a lie. They _were_ a lie.

Len had changed.

There were bags underneath his eyelids, dark and staining, and no better were the hollows of his whitened cheeks. His shaggy blonde hair, which had once stopped just short of reaching his shoulders, which had once always been pulled into a sloppy ponytail, now rested a few inches _past_ his shoulders, and it didn't quite fit him, the way it was loose and wavy and free from restraint. He was skinny, too- not lanky or scrawny like he'd been back in high school; that was just his build. No, he was _skinny_ , as if he hadn't eaten enough, hadn't slept enough, hadn't lived enough.

It didn't even look like he was really living anymore. He was almost a corpse. Almost, but not quite. He was still breathing, after all.

Yet, Kaito found him- even after all these years -pretty, as he was sure all the people who didn't pay attention closely enough to him did. Because that's just what Len was; sickly, but pretty. Something of a cherished, wilting plant.

Len hadn't said anything in response to Kaito's comment, the bluenette realized, just as he'd also realized he'd been staring, and Len had averted his gaze down to the steaming cup of tea in front of him.

Kaito took a sharp inhale and gripped his coffee cup tightly. "So, what brings you back here? I could have sworn Cul said you moved pretty far away." _Though_ , he thought, _Cul doesn't know all that much._

After a beat of quiet, Len affirmed, "Oh, I did. I moved out after high school, to Shizuoka. I like to visit Sendai every now and again, though. Brings back memories."

"I get that," Kaito said quietly. "That's why I never moved away. I like the nostalgia of living here. Every now and again I'll just think, _Oh, hey, this is where in fourth grade Meiko punched me in the arm and for the first time, I didn't cry_. Well, maybe not exactly like that, but you get what I mean."

Len pushed his smile into the palm of his hand. "Mhm."

"Oh, hey," Kaito thought aloud, "how's Rin? I lost touch with her after I transferred."

The smile on Len's face died and rotted, and the image of a sunshine-deprived sunflower became very clear at the back of Kaito's head.

He regretted saying anything at all.

"The year you left," Len said, his voice muffled by his hand, "there was a lot of conflict between her and this gang and Gumi, and, I mean, she was trying not to get herself involved- I guess she just really wanted to protect Nakajima -but, she just…" He tapped his free hand anxiously beside his cup of tea. "She pissed them off- or, well, that's what Luka says...That's what she _thinks_...And then...they killed her. Some part of that stupid gang found Rin and they shot her. But, it's-...that's just what we-,"

"Luka? As in, Megurine Luka?" Kaito found himself blurting. It felt like the horribly wrong thing to bring up, but he couldn't help himself. He couldn't ignore the fact that Len had kept contact with her.

"Yeah." Len slid his hand off his face and draped it over the other. "When I started college I heard that she was a cop, or something. Since I couldn't for the life of me get over not knowing what happened to Rin, I found her and she helped me out. I wish she hadn't though...I really...kind of wish she hadn't."

Kaito had a feeling he knew exactly why. He pressed the rim of his cup to his lips, only just registering the taste of of his beverage. "You heard about Miku, then?"

"That's actually one of the reasons I came here. I wanted to talk to Luka about it," Len mumbled. "That, and it's almost the anniversary of Rin's death."

Suddenly, all the words spoken to Kaito by that annoying trap friend of his didn't seem like bullshit. He found that this very well could be a reality. There could be some kind of a gang out there that was seeking vengeance on people without a sliver of mercy. And Kaito could see a very fine connection between those involved.

"Do you have a place to stay?" Kaito asked quickly, setting his cup back down on the table.

"...What?"

"I said, do you have a place to stay? If not, I'd like if you stayed with me for the next few days. Until you have to go back home."

Scratching weakly at the back of his reddening neck, Len murmured, "I was going to see if I could stay with Luka, but…"

"I think it's best if you don't."

Len peered out the window to his left. "How far away do you live?"

"Just a few blocks. Not even,"

"Is it okay?" Len asked. "I don't want to invade your personal space or anything."

Kaito waved a hand dismissively. "Nah, I don't mind. It's kind of lonely without Meiko around anyway. I could use the company."

"...Okay," Len acceded, and Kaito could only wonder if he imagined the intense flush of his cheeks. The blonde cleared his throat, running the tip of her index finger across the lid of his cup. "So, you and Meiko are still in touch? That's good."

"If by 'in touch' you mean she comes into my house when I'm not home and scavenges through all my food and I put up with it, then, yeah, we're still in touch," Kaito mused. He finished off his coffee with another long swig, and tilted his head at Len as he swallowed. "What about you? Do you still talk to anyone from high school?"

"Not really. Oliver and I tried to stay friends, but about three months ago, we just kind of...stopped, y'know? We haven't talked for awhile. But- you remember Tei?" Len asked, worrying on his lower lip.

Kaito nodded. She'd been Len's secret admirer for years when they were younger. He was sure they'd even dated, but again, memories like that had never held much significance to him. He'd erased them years ago.

"She and I were engaged up until recently."

If Kaito hadn't finished his coffee, he was sure he would have spit it right onto the table in between them. "R-really?"

"Yeah. For about a year and half."

"You broke it off?"

Len sheepishly tucked his face back into the cusp of his hand. "Yeah," he repeated.

With a gentle sigh, Kaito rose from his seat and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. This constant talking was doing something to him. He felt nauseous, sort of like the world beneath him was spinning and the world above him was sinking. "C'mon, let's go. You look like you could use a shower and some good ol' terrible television."

"I think you're right."

As Len pushed himself into a standing position, he blinked rapidly, and pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. "Hey, Kaito?"

"Mm?"

"It's February seventeenth, right?"

Kaito hesitated at the doorway of the bakery, his shoulders rigid. "It is," he said, his voice low and uncertain.

"Huh. Happy Birthday, then." Without another word, Len stepped out of the doors of the bakery, hands jammed in the pockets of his hoodie and his head bowed toward the ground.

There was a passing moment where Kaito wasn't sure if he had the ability to move. Eventually, with the faintest hint of a smile on his face, he shuffled out of the shop, thinking over and over again how things like this usually came out of shoujo mangas and lame reality TV shows.

Strangely, though, he didn't seem to mind.

* * *

It wasn't until an hour after he stepped inside his apartment that he remembered he hadn't done what he'd gone out to do in the first place.

But that was just a reoccurring pattern in the life of Shion Kaito.

"Damnit," he muttered as he opened the cabinets for the umpteenth time. They were empty, just as they had been when he'd left, and just as he'd hoped they wouldn't be when he returned.

 _It can't be helped_ , he thought, quickly shutting the small wooden doors, _that I got sidetracked for a good cause._

The good cause poked his head up over the back of the sofa, his messy hair damp and his eyes bleary with fatigue. A book he'd borrowed from Kaito's room was draped over his lap, the pages already creased, the corners dog-eared. "Do you need help with something? You've been flailing around the kitchen since I got out of the shower."

"It's fine," Kaito said. "You need anything? I've got, uh...booze, probably."

"For someone I barely know, you're really pampering me." Len flicked his gaze away, as if contemplating, and returned it with a grin. "I'm not complaining, though; it's nice." He leaned back down on the cushions of the sofa, scooping the novel back up and flipping back to wherever he'd left off.

Kaito stared dumbly at him as he leaned against the countertop, his head cocked to the side and his mouth agape. "So, is that a 'no' to drinks, or...?"

"Actually, if you have any sake, that'd be great."

"I'm pretty sure that's _all_ I have," Kaito muttered. Meiko had a habit of coming over time and time again carrying bottles of sake that could last a person a lifetime. She'd always pass out, drunk and hysteric, halfway through her first go, leaving leftover rice wine in her wake that Kaito never needed nor wanted. He kept it anyways, and even though Meiko would have his head for giving it to someone that wasn't _her_ , he felt glad that he had.

He grabbed a wine glass from the cupboards and a bottle of sake from underneath the sink, pouring a quaint amount into the cup.

Len's head popped up again, his eyes narrowed at a piece of paper in his hand. "You write music?"

Kaito quirked a brow, grabbing the glass from off the table and making his way toward the lounge. He handed it off to Len, his other hand plucking the scrap from the blonde's grasp. Instant recognition flooded his senses. "I work at a studio," he explained, "as a lyric writer. This was part of a project I worked on, like...months ago."

"You must not have liked it for it to turn into a bookmark," Len snorted.

" _Er_ , no, I guess not."

Lifting his shoulders, Len flicked his fingers toward a desk crammed into the corner of the room. "Can I read some of your stuff?"

"Knock yourself out. It's all just a ton of half-hearted garbage."

A grin marred Len's features. "I highly doubt that," he laughed, and meandered off toward the unkempt heap of papers and pencils and wrappers, wine glass dancing in his slender hand.

"Well, while you entertain yourself with my failure as a writer," Kaito muttered, "I'm going to go take a shower."

"I might've used all the hot water."

"I'll live."

As he slipped into the bathroom, Kaito felt something of a bad omen pricking at the back of his neck. But he did what he always did in these kinds of situations. He closed the door, and he ignored it.

* * *

There was a sticky note taped onto the refrigerator. Kaito tugged it off with one hand as the other toweled off his hair. He scanned the words hurriedly, his brows furrowing in confusion.

In barely legible penmanship, it read, _Kaito, there's nothing to eat here, so I figured I'd go out and buy stuff so I (we) don't starve. The lyrics were really good, by the way. You should have more confidence in your talent. -Len_

Kaito pursed his lips to suppress a smile, pocketing the note and ambling over to his desk in the living room.

He rummaged through his stacks of notes and thoughts and ideas, silently critiquing them, and wondering what potential Len could have possibly seen in any of them. Half of the things he'd written didn't even make sense to _him_ , and he'd been the one to _write_ them. Still, it was relieving to know at least someone could look past his heart-ripping block and lack of pretty words to find something meaningful in his inanity.

After a moment of debating, he collapsed into his seat and procured a pen from underneath a tattered five subject notebook. He flipped to an available page, chewing his lower lip as he let the tip of the instrument glissade over the wrinkled parchment.

About an hour in, just as he was starting to think, _Hey, where's Len?_ , there was a knock at his door.

For a dazzling moment, he thought that maybe it was Meiko; but she never knocked, and furthermore, she was in Europe. And she was likely going to be staying there for a few months more. He replaced the concept with Len, and found himself eager regardless of whom it was.

"Coming!" he shouted toward the general direction of the door. He pushed himself out of his chair and roved over to the threshold, yanking back the knob and coming face-to-face with an angry-looking man.

Kaito awkwardly hooked his thumbs into his belt loops. "Can...I help you?"

"Are you Shion Kaito?"

"Uh-huh."

"Does the name 'Kagamine Len' sound familiar to you?"

"...Uh-huh," Kaito repeated, slower this time. The words tasted bitter, like his coffee this morning, like the atmosphere that manifested when approaching a practical stranger, like a first kiss with a person who you held no interest for. Sickeningly bittersweet.

The man's expression softened. He cleared his throat and said four words that sent a splintering shiver down Kaito's spine and made him think, _Oh, I shouldn't have ignored it_.

"There's been an incident."

* * *

He wasn't sure when it started.

It was maybe at some point between the officer telling him that Kagamine Len had been murdered on the streets in front of a crowd of people and that Okunuma Roro had been claimed the culprit of not only his death, but his sister's, and Hatsune Miku's, and Nakajima Megumi's.

It was at some point then that the world started to melt away from Kaito's line of vision.

It was then that he started to realize something wasn't right.

He clenched his fists in the fabric of his sweatpants and tried to focus on the man speaking in front of him to no avail. Red and blue were pricking at the edge of an evincing ideality, plunging him into the depths of his memories, of all the things that had been locked away somewhere inside his head.

After that, he wasn't sure what happened. He closed the door, he knew, despite the officer's protest for him to come down to the station and discuss this.

 _What kind of a birthday is this?_ he thought, and it blazed into, _What kind of a_ life _is this?_

Then, there was a vibrant flash of achromatic light, the kind he would have seen in the thunderstorm that had kicked off this day not twelve hours ago, and yet, he was sure that he was the only one that saw it as it seared behind his eyelids and left nothing but a wake of absolute black. For a moment, Kaito had no doubt that he'd died, that by some coincidence, his heart decided to give out on the same day it had started to beat.

There was sudden warmth against his wrist, and an irritable, familiar voice barking at him as he was tugged forward through the endless expanse of darkness.

 _Hey,_ his inner conscious thought, _maybe you should open your eyes._

He did.

It was snowing. He was standing outside. And he felt short. _Shorter_ , perhaps. He breathed in a cold gulp of air and shifted his eyes from the cement beneath his feet to the girl in front of him. The girl that...looked just like Meiko, but…

"Bakaito, are you even _listening_? C'mon, _move it_ or we're gonna _be late_!"

That harsh, violent voice was nothing like Meiko's, and yet, it was. It was as if they were kids again, the way her chest was flat; the way her auburn hair wasn't chopped into a messy pixie cut but instead fell to her chin in a neat, sleek bob; the way that her eyes weren't glassy with intoxication. They held youth and excitement, and it made Kaito want to vomit.

He knew that this was real. This was indeed a reality, but his mind was trying with all its might to pretend that that was not fact. This was a nightmare. This was a depression, grief-induced hallucination. This was fake.

"You gonna figure out how to move your legs or d'you need me to freakin' carry you? Geez, pick up the pace, asshat!"

It took him a couple seconds, but he figured out how to use his voice, and he nearly screamed at the childish intonation of his words. He was a kid. He was really, actually a kid again.

This was- this was…

"I'm…" Kaito swallowed the lump in his throat and took a shaky step after his companion. "I'm sorry!"

He closed his eyes.

This was a second chance.

* * *

 **There we go, there's the first chapter! In case the end came off as confusing, Kaito did indeed go back in time (back to eighth grade to be specific), and from here on out, the story will take place in that time era. It will likely dabble a little into ninth grade too. Henceforth, chapters will probably have memories from not only Kaito's perspective, but also other characters'- regardless, Kaito will still see the memory as though it were his own. Phew, and with that done and out of the way, I think I'm gonna go!~ :0 Review if it's your thing, and if it's not, see you around!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	2. Reformation

**I was eager to update, so within just a couple of days, here's the second chapter! I'll admit I rushed it a bit, so forgive me if anything seems disoriented or messy. I was trying to put a lot of introductory things into this update to help set up for coming events, which can be kind of complicated. So, without further ado, please, go ahead and read this chapter!**

* * *

 _"The letters on our screens don't show a face._

 _Instead, we hurt each other easily._

 _Is it okay to live if we depend on something_

 _And hide a knife inside our chest?"_

* * *

There was a certain sense of wistfulness that came with walking down the hallways of his old junior high school again, the kind that made Kaito remember the yearning he'd felt as an adult for this sort of youthful innocence and simplicity.

But those around him, Kaito was sure, had no idea what lay ahead of them on their paths to adulthood. Not Hatsune Miku, who was passing out flyers for her band auditions; not Megurine Luka, who was standing at window and redoing her lipstick; not Nakajima Megumi, who was chasing Yuezheng Ling full speed down the corridor; not Okunuma Roro, who was awkwardly flirting with Yuzuki Yukari like he did every morning; not Kagamine Rin, who was standing with her hands clasped behind her back as she waited for Kaito outside their classroom; and most certainly not Kagamine Len, who was wiping the blood dripping from his nose away with the hem of his shirt and muttering expletives under his breath.

They were all oblivious to the repeat of an existence, every last one of them. Except for Kaito. Except for him, truly a nobody, with his eyes glued to the back of Meiko's head and his feet tripping over one another, because that's what he _always_ did, and this was the always of the past. At least, for now it was. This was the originality of the world, and Kaito had a horrific feeling that he was going to be the one to rip that away and change everything.

He wouldn't have imagined that, out of all the people in the world, _he_ would be the one to have the balance of several lives handed to him.

"Hey, Kaito! Kai-kun! _Hey_!"

Kaito jolted, tearing his arm out of Meiko's death grip to face a pair of brightly shining teal eyes that belonged to none other than Hatsune Miku. She beamed at him and waved a piece of stationery in front of his face. "I'm hosting an audition tomorrow! Do you think you can make it?"

"Uh, well-,"

"You play guitar, right?" Miku cooed. She flapped the flyer again.

Kaito hesitantly took it from her, his eyes trailing toward Len as he hobbled into the classroom, Rin offering him a hand that he was quick to brush off. She looked hurt, but it lasted for only a split second. Her attention was quickly averted back to Kaito, and the bluenette took note of it. "We'll see," he told Miku gently.

Meiko slammed a fist into his shoulder. "No, we won't! Your _birthday_ is tomorrow, remember? And you said your having a party, you big idiot!"

"Your birthday is tomorrow, Kai-kun?" The tealette rocked back on her heels and pressed a perfectly manicured pinky to her lips. "Well, stop by the band room before classes tomorrow, then! Okay? See you around!" Then she was off, taking a good three paces before she slammed into a fuming Yukari's chest in the midst of offering Roro a flyer. "Oh, Yuka-chan, would you-...No? Okay, well, that's fine, no need to yell!"

As she sprinted off down the corridor again, Meiko snorted and shot Kaito an annoyed glare. "Would you actually want to be in a band with _that_? Your head'll probably explode," she snorted.

"I'm good with lyrics," Kaito replied quickly as he folded the paper and pocketed it. "I could help out. It might be nice."

"Bakaito," was all Meiko muttered in response. She veered around and staggered into the classroom, bumping into Rin with no audible apology provided.

The blonde cleared her throat and swiftly sidestepped away from the threshold. She smiled that dainty smile of hers', giving Kaito a waggle of fingers in greeting and a cheery, "Good morning!"

Kaito tousled her hair as he passed, relishing in the fact that this person was actually _here_ and she was _alive_ , and so was he and so was _everyone else_. "Morning, pipsqueak," he returned, and wondered if the quirk of his lips was unsettling to her, especially in regards to his obvious acknowledgment of the poorly concealed bruise ostending upon her neck.

Rin conveyed no signs of being fazed, although she did make to tug the collar of her sweater higher up her nape.

"Are you planning on joining Miku's band?" Rin queried. She sauntered after Kaito toward the back of the room, where he was certain his desk had been- or, rather, where it _was_ , right beside Roro and right behind a particular blonde boy resting his chin in the palm of his hand and doodling dark swirls in his notebook.

"I dunno," Kaito murmured, "but I'm thinking about it."

Truth be told, he wasn't. He'd already come to a decision.

Whereas once he'd turned down the opportunity to join what would later become one of the most popular high school bands in all of Japan, Kaito would this time step forth to pursue a dream he knew he had a chance at fulfilling. Maybe it would prevent him from becoming such a deadbeat as an adult.

"You should do it. I think it suits you!" Rin mused.

From across the room, Meiko shrieked, "Don't encourage him!"

Before Rin could dish out a retort, the doors to the room slid open and a lanky, familiar figure stepped through the opening. It had been years since Yokune Ruko even so much as itched at the back of Kaito's memory. But for all it was worth, he had been perhaps the greatest assistant teacher Kaito had ever known. The man was rambunctious, to say the least, and loud, and he had an odd habit of slinking into the supplies closet; and these aspects, Kaito had admired. They were what made the man so talented in unique. That, and his figure. There had been confusion about it for years.

Scrambling in behind him were Miku, Megumi, Ling and Fukase, and after a few more belated moments, Luka. They filed into their seats, delving into hushed conversations through the clatter of their folders and bags hitting the ground.

Kaito slipped silently into his chair, his eyes following Rin as she hurriedly trotted to the front of the room to her seat beside Aria. Slowly, his gaze slid to Len, and it stayed there, watching with intrigue as the blonde scribbled on his hands when his paper grew too maimed to write on.

Kaito did little else for a majority of the class. Even after Hiyama Kiyoteru strolled into the room and launched into taking attendance and, with not a moment to spare, a lecture about physics, the bluenette could not for the life of him look away from Len's small, fragile frame. It looked as if at any moment, he would shatter, as if whatever it was that held him together would give out, and he would collapse, a mess, upon the floor. But the more Kaito looked, the more he realized Len would not be breaking apart any time soon.

For someone's sake, no doubt his sister's, he was sewing every wound the moment the threads went slack.

Toward the end of class, when Kaito had felt his staring had reached the point of being excessive, he shifted his eyes back to his hands and his thoughts toward the young man seated beside him.

To think that those hands, tapping a pencil against the corner of a desk, were capable of murder.

In the future, Roro would be responsible for the deaths of multiple students in this very classroom. Yet as of now, he was not only the plausible reason behind Kaito's return to this time era, but also his friend, and that alone was unnerving. But maybe that could be used to change something. His relationship with any of his fellow students could change things.

Kaito quickly lifted his eyes to scan his the classroom, and found that there was not even the slightest detail out of order. Everything was as it should have been. Miku and Luka were bickering about some new musical group, Rin, Aria and Suzune were steadily progressing in their work, Fukase and Gumi were spewing spitballs at Ling, Oliver and Lui from across the room. They were firing back with paper airplanes. Occasionally, Len would join in- those were his friends, after all -and Kaito would watch while half-heartedly listening to Roro ramble on beside him, the words hazy and filtered.

Ritsu was complaining to Piko, and the whitette made to nod at all the right times, fueling the obnoxious whines of the boy beside him. Mayu, Miki and Iroha were talking in angry murmurs, their lips twisted into nasty smirks as they spewed nothing but venom. Meiko turned her head over her shoulder to snap at them every five or so minutes. Tei had been staring at Len even longer than Kaito had, which oddly made the bluenette's blood boil inside his veins.

 _Everything was as it should have been_.

And that made it wrong.

"Shion!"

Kaito jerked his head up, making direct eye contact with Ruko as the man leaned back against the edge of Kiyoteru's desk. "Are you dozing off again?"

"No," Kaito lied.

"Uh-huh. Then what did I just say?"

Kaito really didn't know why he was so surprised; this never ceased to happen no matter where he went. He was constantly distracted by his own imagination. He tilted his head, thought about it for a moment, and slowly said, "We're going to start reading American literature soon...?"

"Oh? So you were listening, good for you," Ruko said, and waved a hand wildly at the board behind him. "As of this week, we'll be reviewing English vocabulary and grammar, and by the end of it, we'll move on to read _To Kill a Mockingbird._ It's a personal favorite of mine, actually! I have a feeling the majority of you fine readers will like it a lot!"

From his desk, Kiyoteru added, "We'll be splitting all of you into groups of three for an assignment starting Thursday."

There was the drone of objecting whines for several moments, but amid it, Kaito found himself both quiet and hopeful at the prospect. This was the assignment of which had led him to befriending Tianyi and growing indifferent toward Gumi, which held little significance, if any at all; so, if perhaps he were to talk to his teachers about switching up the groups, he could land himself partnered with Len. It had steadily become Kaito's mission to befriend him, he had decided, and to prevent Len from the years of suffering both he and his sister had coming.

Though...the Kagamines weren't the only glitch he had to fix. What of Roro, and Gumi, and Miku? What could he possibly do for any of them?

What of himself?

He shook his head. There was no use dawdling on these things when his mind was too muddled of a mess to comprehend them. Chewing absently on his nails, Kaito merely leaned back in his seat and waited patiently for the next few classes to roll to an end. His aching subconscious was screaming at him for a break.

And then it started screaming louder, and louder, until a buzzing din sprouted inside of Kaito's head that overwhelmed his senses. He felt numbness spreading from the tips of his fingers down to his wrists, engulfing his arms at an excruciatingly slow pace.

A flicker of color danced behind his eyelids, and there it was; a memory, one that surely did not belong to him. But it was there nonetheless, clinging onto him, begging to be watched, and heard, and repeated. And, Kaito, after a moment of struggling, succumbed to the plea and let the color erupt against his world.

* * *

 _The room was disturbingly silent. For the first time in weeks, there was only his own steady breathing to keep him company during the nighttime, and nothing else. No disgusting words being spoken in his ear, no hands twisting into his flesh, no melodical and fake laughter wafting up the stairs, no music being played by the neighbors. It was silent, and it was lonely._

 _Spending the nights lonely was never the same as spending them alone._

 _He sat up agonizingly sluggish, his back and arms threatening to rive with every movement involved in discarding his blankets and sliding onto his feet. Taking small, unbalanced steps, he made his way out of the bedroom and to the one directly across the corridor, pushing open the door with strenuous effort. It felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds more than him._

" _I had a nightmare," he said the moment the door closed behind him. He hobbled toward the bed stuffed into the corner of the room on stiff legs, waiting for the usual response of his sister on nights like these. It took a few hesitant moments, but eventually, Rin scooted over, leaving enough space for Len to crawl into the blankets beside her._

 _She kept her back to him as she mumbled, "Again?"_

 _He clenched his fists in the comforter and chose to say nothing._

 _When Rin spoke this time, he could hear the shift it took for her to face him, but he didn't dare open his eyes to see hers' staring back at him in the darkness of the room. "How many?" she whispered._

" _What?" But Len knew. He knew exactly what she was asking._

" _How many was it tonight?"_

" _I lost count," Len admitted, "but...maybe twenty."_

 _Rin let out a sharp exhale between pursed lips. "That's too many. It's too many, Len..."_

 _He didn't say anything again._

 _His sister did._

" _How many of those do you think were for me?"_

" _It doesn't matter, because it_ wasn't _you. And it'll stay that way." Len blinked open an eye and saw nothing but desperation in Rin's countenance. He grit his teeth and brought a hand reassuringly up to her bangs. "I'll make sure of that."_

" _You can't just-,"_

" _I can, and I will. As long as Mom's happy and you're safe, then my well-being doesn't matter."_

 _Rin shook his hand off, her brows drawn together in question. "You think Mom's happy?"_

" _Of course. She's got a boyfriend who loves her, a good, paying job, a nice house, and, as far as she's concerned, two happy, healthy kids. There's no reason for her not to be happy, and there's no reason for us to impede on her happiness."_

" _...Do you think Dad would be happy?"_

 _Taken aback, Len tilted his vision toward his bare feet, poking out from underneath the bedsheets. He shook his head weakly. "No...But- Dad isn't here anymore."_

" _So what? He would've wanted better for Mom than scum like_ him _."_

" _He's not...a bad guy, really," Len whispered._

" _If Mom knew he-,"_

 _Len cast her a sharp look, but it dissipated nearly the moment it materialized. "She won't. She won't know, Rin, and we won't let her know. What if he did something to her, or to you, huh? This is for the best."_

" _It's not," Rin protested. "He could kill you, and then what? What would Mom do if she had to find out like this?"_

" _There's nothing we can do. If word slips, then...then he'd hurt you. And Mom. Right? What would happen then, if I was left by myself? Or...or if you or even Mom was just…" He tensed at the sight of tears in Rin's eyes, and shifted to stare at the ceiling, tracing the delicate swirling patterns that arced across it. "It's better me than you."_

" _It's not," Rin repeated._

 _And Len said nothing._

 _The silence consumed the world again, but, at least this time it wasn't tainted by loneliness. At least this time there was the sound of gentle crying beside him._

* * *

"Bakaito, are you gonna eat that?"

Kaito glanced up from the book in his hands and, essentially, the untouched tray of rice and curry set out on his desk. Meiko stood before him, ogling the plate with her arms crossed beneath her bosom.

"I don't think so," Kaito conceded, nudging his meal forward. His appetite had yet to return to him since the vision he'd experienced a few classes previous. "You can have it, if you want."

A smirk blossomed against the girl's face as she hurriedly snatched the tray off her friend's desk and made for the one beside him. Roro had gone to spend the lunch break with Piko and Ritsu out on the roof, Kaito presumed, which left space for Meiko to slide up next to him in eager anticipation. "What're you reading?" she blurted through a mouthful.

Kaito curiously flipped to the front cover and felt a tug at the corner of his lips. To this day, the novel he clutched in his hands was undoubtedly his favorite of all time. Years after reading it, it stuck with him. "You know the Pandora Voxx series that came out a little while back?"

"The one by Kemu?"

Kaito grinned. "That'd be the one! I'm on Invisible. It's really, _really_ good."

"Lemme see." Meiko wiped a hand on her blazer and reached out to snatch the book from Kaito's grip. She flipped through a few pages, scowling as she did so, her interest obviously having transfixed itself elsewhere. "It looks like crap," she huffed, and tossed it back at him as though it were a discarded candy wrapper.

"You wouldn't know good literature if it hit you in the face."

"What can I say? Movies are better. You get all the action, and you don't gotta put any effort into enjoying it. It's nice and easy, just the way I like it."

"You're just lazy," Kaito noted.

"I'm not!" Meiko punched his thigh, her chestnut eyes glinting in mischief. "Now, go put my tray away."

Rolling his eyes, Kaito tucked his novel safely under his chair and hefted himself onto his feet, grabbing the tray of half-eaten remnants with a faint smile on his face. Yet, as he stepped over to the back of the room where the stack of dirty dishes in waiting to be cleaned rested, he found that the thought of the earlier memory jarred him back into an anxious state of mind and wiped the expression clean off his face.

Those he'd seen had been Len and Rin- of that, he was certain -but the conversation they'd been having was nothing but a vague recollection at the back of his mind. Although, perhaps that was a good thing. It made him feel disgusting, how he had invaded on a personal mnemonic of someone else.

What made him feel worse was that he had _felt_ Len's pain all throughout his back and arms, as if he'd been lashed at and cut with a whip. His stomach clenched in displeasure at the thought of anyone having to undergo such an immense laceration, especially...especially Len. He wondered briefly if the same could be said about Rin; if she, too, had been victim to that crippling pain.

As Kaito set his tray down on the rack, he couldn't help but think he'd achieved some kind of inhumane ability to slip himself inside the eyes of another and witness their past through his own. If so, then he felt sickened.

That alone should have been a feat prohibited from use.

He ducked back around, his head lowered, his fists clenched, and was met with a sudden warmth against his chest just as he went to make for his desk.

Kaito poked his gaze down to find Len awkwardly backing away from him, a deep crimson hue cast upon his face. When he said nothing, the bluenette gave an embarrassed smile and chimed, "Sorry, my bad! I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It's fine," Len said, sidestepping around the other's broad figure to deposit his tray on the rack.

This hadn't happened before. Whatever _had_ happened, it wasn't this. It had never been this. But that was what Kaito wanted- what he needed. This was an opportunity.

"Hey!" he exclaimed a fraction of a second prior to Len's attempt of striding back out the door.

The blonde came to a sharp halt and gave Kaito what little attention he had to offer.

"I'm...Well, tomorrow, it's my birthday, and- it's stupid, but...I'm having some people over, for a party, and your sister is coming, so, I figured...Do you want to come too?"

Kaito didn't know what he'd been expecting as a reaction; maybe for Len to laugh and walk away, or for him to be uncomfortable, or for nothing at all. Whatever it was, it had never once crossed his mind that Len would proffer a lopsided smirk and say, "You're kind of weird, you know that, right?"

To say that it dumbfounded him was far beyond an understatement. Kaito anxiously slid a hand against his searing neck and took a half-step backwards. "I am?"

"You've never been interested in me, I mean. But you...You've been staring at me all day."

"I...No, I haven't!"

Len disregarded this completely. "And now you're trying to be friendly with me. We've barely spoken before today and suddenly you want me to come over your house because my sister is going? That's weird," he said, lifting his shoulders lazily.

"Wait, no- I...I didn't mean just because...Rin is going, I, uh…" Kaito dropped his hand back down to his side, finding himself, strangely, at a loss for words. He clicked his tongue, once, twice, and felt his confidence deflate. "I just thought it'd be nice to get to know you."

"That's so weird," Len snorted, running the backside of his hand across his face. "We're not in second grade anymore."

Kaito, for a fleeting moment, found himself looking at Meiko from across the room, but she was off in her own world, throwing wads of paper at the back of Iroha's head with that demonic sort of grin plastered to her lips. He glanced back at Len, defeated. "So, that's a no, then?"

"I didn't say that," Len mused, and his voice was much quieter this time, the smirk on his lips much less visible. His fingers itched idly at his porcelain pale cheek, his optics twitching hesitantly toward the ceiling. It seemed to be a habit of his to look up in untimely situations. "It's nice. To be considered. By you. I mean, by anyone, but, you know..." The blonde shook his head, waving a hand dismissively. "Thanks."

Kaito blinked at him for a moment, flummoxed and disoriented. _This conversation is familiar_. "So...yes…?"

"Yeah, sure."

 _Something has changed._

"Okay, great! If you want, you can just walk home with Rin, Meiko, Roro and me!"

Len teetered back a bit, inching towards his seat as the bell signaling the end of lunch sounded. "Alright." He sauntered away the moment the words fled his lips, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his lips no doubt pinched into a lazy smile.

If Kaito could keep this up, he was sure that he could renew everything, he could save everyone. There was the lingering qualm of paradoxes that he had seen in movies and read in books, the damage that could be done by aspiring an altercation to time. The consequences he could suffer.

 _Let nothing be a hindrance_ , he reminded himself as he shuffled through the crowd to his desk, _and you will succeed_.

He would succeed.

By succeeding, he would give himself a purpose. He would give countless students life. He would tear through a soul-ripping destiny.

So, no matter what it took, no matter what sacrifices he had to make, he would succeed.

That was a promise.

* * *

The city was beautiful when it snowed. Kaito had thought this for all his life; the frost creeping across the leaves of the trees and the footprints left behind in the powder were enticing and gorgeous, like something out of a storybook or a fantasy. His opinion of it hadn't changed over the many years gone by.

He tugged his scarf over his nose as he waited patiently in the courtyard for Meiko, watching from the corner of his vision as Rin and Len disappeared into the storm, their silhouettes becoming nothing more than flecks of nothingness left behind in the wake of the falling snow. Kaito was tempted to watch until they were completely out of sight, but Meiko's loud, gnawing voice bit into his ears and pulled his eyes toward her.

"It's really snowing, huh?! Aren't you cold?"

Kaito slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shook his head. "Not really."

"You're insane," she snickered, carelessly walking past him. The endless belief that everyone would follow her if she proceeded first had been a poison to her. Kaito had always been the one to feed it.

He dashed ahead to catch up to her, and, like they always did, they meandered down the sidewalk, away from the school and toward their neighborhoods. Meiko blathered about her day for a majority of the walk. Kaito listened, because he had little to say. When it came to Meiko, he was never much of a talker. She took care of that part of their friendship. He just offered her kindness, TV recommendations and homework answers, and in return, she kept him company. It had always been that way. Well, almost.

It had _almost_ always been that way.

"So I heard you're gonna invite Len to your party," Meiko said eventually. "What's up with that? I didn't even think you liked him."

 _I do. I think I always did, but I never knew how to approach him, or if I could. But now I know. I know that holding back can change a lot._ "I'm friends with Rin. I figured it would be nice to be friends with him, too, that's all."

"You don't think he's freaky?"

"No. Why would I?"

Meiko quirked a brow and leaned over to tug on a chunk of Kaito's hair. "You're really ignorant, Bakaito," she mumbled.

"I'm being serious. Do you think he's weird?"

"He's quiet. He doesn't talk much, and when he does, it's usually to insult someone. He draws on himself, he hangs out with all the troublemakers, he's really violent- hey, remember last year? When he punched Ritsu in the face? That's what I'm talking about. He's freaky. He's _different_."

"You punched Roro in the face, you know. Last week."

"Yeah, but that's not the same!" Meiko hissed. "I'm loud and naturally angry! He's just... _creepy_ when he gets mad! He's creepy in general!"

"So, you don't like him?"

"Well, that's..." She rested a finger against her lips. "I just don't get him."

Kaito gave a sidelong glance. "This could be a chance for that to change. Maybe you can bond over your anger. Who knows?" he mused, elbowing her in the arm.

"Whatever," Meiko groaned, adjusting the strap of her bag.

They reached a fork in the road about five quiet minutes later; this was the place they parted ways every day when they walked home together. Meiko turned on her heel, spinning toward the crosswalk on the other side of the street. "See you tomorrow, Bakaito! I'll be sure to get you the best present!"

"You can try! Rin's bested you two years in a row!"

"Shuddup, I'll surpass her this year, I swear!" Meiko smirked and waved a hand wildly over her head. "Tell Avanna I said 'hi'!"

 _Oh?_

The moment he heard his mother's name slip from Meiko's lips, Kaito staggered, nearly slipping on a patch of ice as the weight of the word settled on him. _Mom_. How had he forgotten? How the hell had he forgotten that his own mother needed to be saved?

Maybe he'd been too caught up in Len's death to think about it. Going back in time was quite a rush, after all. His head wasn't on right. There was no fault to drawing a blank about this sort of thing.

All he could look forward to now was seeing her again, seeing her smile and her bright blue eyes dance as she recounted stories of her childhood and meeting Kaito's father and building a life with him. And losing him. And continuing onward because she was strong, because she had a heart of gold.

 _God_ , how could Kaito have forgotten?

He didn't even bother making his entrance into his house subtle. He just threw open the door and careened through the threshold, kicking off his shoes, flinging his bag off his shoulder all at once. "Mom, hey! I'm home!"

He clicked the door shut behind him, panting, exasperated from his wild dash across the snow-slick roads. Kaito peeked into the kitchen, and finding it empty, stepped out into the living room. Sure enough, Avanna was sprawled out on the sofa, a hand over her eyes and her feet propped up on an armrest. She lazily spread apart her fingers to peer at Kaito, a lazy smile gracing her lips. "I can see that," she hummed. "How was your day?"

"Good!"

"What'd you do?"

"We're starting a new assignment in literature and I aced a math test and I might join a band," Kaito said, the words slurring together at the speed of which he was speaking them. He was just finding it hard to believe this wasn't all a dream. Everyone was alive and well, and it made his throat close up as if trying to suffocate him.

Avanna shifted slowly into a sitting position and leaned her chin onto her fist. "Any idea what we're going to do for your party tomorrow?" she queried.

"I'm just going to have a few friends over, I think. Meiko and Roro and Rin and Len, probably."

"Len?" Avanna echoed. "As in, Rin's brother?"

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't know you two were friends."

Kaito twisted a foot into the carpet. "We're not. But I'm trying," he mumbled.

"That's sweet of you. So, what do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever you want, Mom."

"That's the third time this week you've said that," Avanna laughed, hoisting herself to her feet. She dusted off her dress and took a step toward Kaito, ruffling his hair affectionately. "What about tomorrow? And what kind of cake do you want?"

"Sandwiches and ice cream cake."

She cracked a grin and pulled him into a smothering embrace. "Ah, you're such a little kid sometimes! It's going to break my heart when you start driving in a few more years, and then you'll be moving out- my motherly soul can't take it!" she cried.

Kaito slowly wrapped his arms around her, desperate to confirm that this wasn't some sick apparition. This was real. _All of this was real_.

"I'm going to go out grocery shopping in a bit. Do you want to come?" Avanna said as she parted from him.

"Sure," Kaito hummed, pulling off his scarf and draping it on the back of the couch.

"Alright, let me just go get dressed- oh! And boy, do I have a story to tell you. That coworker of mine we hate? Lola? Sheesh, she's just...She's...I'll tell you all about it in the car!"

Then she was gone, and Kaito stood alone in the lounge, listening to the sound of his heartbeat as it slammed against his ribs. He tried to ignore the fact that he was crying. He really did.

But sometimes the weight of the world got the better of him.

* * *

 **Headcanon that Avanna is Kaito's mom. It seemed very cute and I wanted to include Avanna since I love her, so! There she is. Also Kaito is very childish, and it's literally my favorite thing. He's great. Oh, and super big thanks to UntitledReader who has really given me inspiration for this fic and has talked nonstop with me about Vocaloid these past few days! The Len and Rin memory scene was 100% for her since I have a feeling she'll enjoy it. :')) Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter, once again I apologize if it seems odd in any way! Review if it's your thing, see you later if not!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	3. Nonsense Speaker

**Update! I'm trying to get these first couple of chapters up quickly, and it's working so far. I mean, this chapter didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to, but it was fluff, and I needed fluff since the following chapters are likely going to be angsty. Rip. So, go ahead and read!**

* * *

 _"I try to ignore the hurt inside_

 _And bit, by bit_

 _Part of me dies._

 _The smile on my face is just a lie_

 _A lie, a lie_

 _I just can't hide."_

* * *

Once, when he was maybe six years old, Kaito witnessed a young woman being hit by a car. He'd been in downtown Sendai with his father for the day to check out a new restaurant while his mother was at work. The traffic had been miserable, the sidewalks crowded and sweltering amid the summer heat. Kaito had drifted a ways away from his father to investigate the display items in the window of an antique shop.

He'd turned at a voice calling his name, and his eyes fell not upon his father, but the road. A woman had been crossing at that time, a cake box in one hand, her phone in the other. The strings of numerous balloons were tied around her thin wrists, each reading _Happy Birthday!_ in the same looping calligraphy.

Maybe it had been her fault for not paying attention. Or perhaps it had been the Hyundai's fault for slamming down on the brakes too late. Either which way, the front of the vehicle had struck her at full force, and Kaito, mortified, had watched as her blood drenched the asphalt with the crackling pop of several deflated balloons.

He remembered reading in a newspaper a few days later that Izanagi Mizki had died on that warm, Sunday afternoon, with nothing left on her corpse that could say, "Happy Birthday," to her awaiting son.

The memory hadn't left Kaito all night. Not once. It kept him awake after midnight, straying into the rolling tides of the dawn. As the sun crawled over the horizon, it lingered, the smell of blood distinguishable somewhere at the back of his senses. He lay in his bed, the comforter kicked down to his knees and his fingers wrenching into the fabric of his shirt, breathing heavily. A stark realization had cut through his thoughts.

No more than a day ago, it had been his twenty-fifth birthday, and Len had died. Similarly, it had been a little boy's birthday once, and his mother had died.

Today, it was Kaito's fourteenth birthday.

He wasn't sure what to expect from it.

With a groggy whine, he shook his legs loose from his blankets and hefted himself onto his feet. The air was bitterly cold on his bare skin, yet he was slick with a sheen of sweat that he was quick to blame on the budding anxiety that always came with his overthinking.

His cobalt eyes shifted toward the clock mounted above his bed.

It was early- he didn't really need to be up for another hour or so -but he figured it was better than being late. He'd just take an extra long shower and waste his time singing to himself, pretending the bad acoustics were the reason he sounded so awful.

Kaito rubbed lazily at his eyes, shuffling his way toward the bathroom at the edge of the corridor.

He turned the nozzle of the shower, waited for the water to heat, and when it was enough to scorch his pale skin, he stepped in and jerked the curtains shut.

His thoughts digressed immediately from the awaiting future to the events that would take place today. Len would become his friend after the party- he would strongly see to that -and from there, things could be sorted out. But first, he'd do something for himself. He'd audition for Miku's band, and likely fail; but he'd at least try, unlike before, and that was enough for his satisfaction.

There was another matter, though, one that he'd been trying to avoid. What could he possibly do to _save_ these people? Sure, he could befriend them, but what good what that actually _do_? For a fleeting moment, he thought that by putting some kind of an end to Okunuma Roro, he could save Miku and Len and Rin and Megumi.

The water began to feel rather frigid then, and Kaito slowly slid out of the shower.

He dried off and dressed into his uniform (which he hadn't really missed, what with all the buttons of his polo and the tightness of the blazer, and, _God,_ he could never tie his tie right…), combing out his hair with his fingers until it didn't look so flat.

Kaito stuck his head into his room, staring boredly at the clock. He was still too early.

Meandering out into the kitchen, he flicked on the lights and spotted a folded piece of scrap paper on the table. Inside, in his mother's sloppy handwriting, it read, _I left for the shop! I'll be home around 2. Have a good birthday, my blueberry, have lots of fun! And good luck at the audition! - Mom._

He pursed his lips and set it back down. Her outgoing kindness had always been something he was proud of inheriting.

A good fifteen minutes of nothing but glaring at a clock passed, and Kaito decided it was about time to get a move on. He slung his bag over his shoulder, and hoped to whatever Gods may have existed that nothing would go wrong today.

The front door flew open a moment before he opened it himself.

"Happy Birthday, Kaito!"

From the bottom of the porch, Rin was beaming, her hands outstretched before her with a small, neatly wrapped present resting in the palms of her gloved hands. Len stood beside her, hands in his pockets, a half-smile plastered to his lips.

Kaito grinned at them as he twisted his scarf around his neck, shutting the door behind him and hurrying down the steps. "Thanks," he cooed, and slowly took the gift from Rin's hands.

"I got you three!" she exclaimed, waving her arms above her head. "You get this one now, the second one at lunch, and the third at the party."

"Meiko's gonna be seething. She tries to best you every year."

"And she never does! I reign supreme present giver. Now- open it! Before she gets here!"

 _It's an American book,_ Kaito recalled as he delicately peeled back the wrapping paper. _It was...maybe something by Stephen King. I don't think I ever read it, though_.

His fingers hesitated, then tore away what was left of the paper and stuffed it into his pocket. An immediate sense of confusion washed over him.

"Do you like it?" Rin asked, rocking eagerly on her heels.

Kaito examined it without looking at it at all for another heartbeat, his lips drawn into a particularly enthusiastic smile. "How many songs?"

Len perked up at this. "Twenty-three," he said, gesturing toward the mix tape in the bluenette's hands.

"I wasn't too sure of all the songs you like, so I added some of my favorites. And Len's, too."

 _She didn't get me this before, I'm sure of it, but...This is different. This is better._ "This is-,"

"BAKAITO!"

Kaito glanced up just in time to see Meiko fly out from in between the twins. Her arms were suddenly around his neck, legs kicked up from the ground with enough force to knock them both back into the fresh snow. There was a whirlwind of white around him, and, cutting through it, a glowing pair of warm brown eyes. "Happy Birthday, my filthy idiot-,"

" _The mixtape_!" Rin cried.

Meiko peered at the blonde for a moment, brow quirked. "What mixtape?"

"Get up, you might've crushed it!"

"Uh, I think it's fine," Kaito mumbled, waving it above his head.

"Oh!" With a shaky smile, Rin breathed a sigh of relief and clasped her hands behind her back. "Okay. Good, then! Well, in any case, we should probably head off!~"

"Wait, whoa. She got you a _mixtape_?" Meiko, still locked in some sort of a state of disbelief, launched a hand up to snatch the item from Kaito's grip. She scowled. "Aw, _damnit_! She bested me again!"

Len snorted. "Your present must be pretty lame for it to be bested by a mix tape."

"Yeah?! Well, what'd you get him then?" the brunette howled, throwing herself onto her feet to take a menacing step toward Len.

He shrugged, offering a loose smirk. "I can't tell. It'd ruin the surprise."

"Why I oughta-,"

Rin cleared her throat, tugging at her brother's arm and pulling him to her side. "You two can bicker any day that's not _today_ , can't you?" she asked.

"I guess." Meiko pouted and took a step back toward Kaito as he rose out of the snow and wiped the flakes from his coat.

Already, the day wasn't shaping out to be so terrible. For that, among many other things, he was thankful.

The four of them started down the road, the snow accumulating within every pace they took. Above them, the sun had been drowned out by a mass of grey clouds, the diminished light casting a gloom across the city.

By the time they reached the school, the weather had only worsened, and their figures were as white as the torrent around them.

Kaito glanced around the snowy courtyard, spotting Miku waiting by one of the benches toward the staircase leading into the building, her hands clutching a bag above her head to keep the snow at bay. She noticed Kaito and lit up, waving him over excitedly.

"Good luck, Kaito!" Rin cooed, clapping him on the shoulder a few times before scuttling into the building with Meiko right on her heels. Len followed a bit more hesitantly, his eyes gliding across Miku with something near distaste. He turned his head sharply from her and took off after his sister.

Miku, oblivious, bounded toward Kaito and tugged at the sleeve of his jacket. "Happy Birthday, Kai-kun!" she cheered. Her lips were stretched into a wide, hopeful grin, the kind that only actors could perfect. Snowflakes caught on her pale blue lashes, and her long twintails danced along her thin waist. Kaito wondered not for the first time if guys like Roro or Len found her attractive, because he didn't. As much as he looked at her, whether it be this moment or twenty years ago, he couldn't find himself attracted to Hatsune Miku.

He'd always wondered if that meant there was something wrong with him. Revisiting the query was an epidemic ready to rip him to shreds.

"Thanks," he said. He made a limp gesture for the staircase. "Band room?"

Miku nodded furiously and marched up the stairs. Kaito followed, his fingers running over the smooth surface of the mix tape in his pocket.

The inside of the school was warm, heat leaking from every crack and crevice. As they walked, Kaito shrugged off his coat and draped it over his shoulder, fisting his fingers into the fabric until they reached the band room, crammed up in the basement with an assortment of cased instruments strewn across the floor. It smelled of dust and musk, but it was refreshing. It would always be refreshing.

"Here!" Miku said as she lifted a guitar from the edge of the room. Although worn, the paint chipped and the strings close to snapping, it could suffice for another use or two. Kaito accepted it into his arms, draping the strap over his neck and tuning it by ear.

When it sounded alright, he strummed a few chords and let a smile grace his features. He peered up at Miku, jumping as their eyes made immediate contact. She dipped her head. "Ready?"

"Uh-huh. Anything particular you want me to play?"

"I've heard you write your own stuff," she said. "Play me one of your originals!"

Kaito's heart jumped into his throat. His fingers twitched, and slowly settled down across the frets. "Alright," he muttered. He took a deep breath.

And he played.

* * *

"So you're in?" Meiko queried from where she'd collapsed in Len's empty seat. "Now you'd fit that star idol couple stereotype, _and_ that 'in-the-same-band' one if you dated her, y'know."

Kaito lifted a brow skeptically. "What are you talking about?"

Releasing a sharp exhale, Meiko waved her hands wildly at the tealette seated at the front of the classroom. " _Her_ , I mean. She's got the hots for you. _You_! Of all people! You're not just gonna let that slip by, right? Don't be an idiot, Bakaito."

"I don't really have any interest in dating," Kaito said, resting his chin in the cusp of his hand. He'd had his fair share of relationships in his adult life, none of which had lasted very long; most of his suitors called him out for being too distant. That bewildered him to no extent, considering he was more clingy than anything else, but he'd decided to push it aside years ago. His lacking ability of dating wasn't much of a bother to him.

"Why?" Meiko groaned, reaching out to pull a piece of pork from Kaito's tray.

He slapped her hand away on impulse and yanked his plate closer to his chest. "Girls have cooties."

"Oh, dear God- what are you turning today? _Seven_?"

"Mentally, yes."

Meiko sneered. "That sure explains-,

She was interrupted by a shot of yellow and the clatter of a box being tossed upon the surface of Kaito's desk. The blunette looked up and was not in the least surprised to find Rin standing there, her hands fidgeting with her sweater vest and a grin on her face. "My second gift," she said simply, nodding her head at it.

" _Another one_?!" Meiko threw her hands over her head in surrender. "I give up! Three years in a row now, Rin wins!"

"It's not that great," Rin mused. Her smug smile said otherwise.

Kaito rolled his eyes and plucked off the ribbon at the top of the box. The blue wrapping paper beneath it was smooth and sleek, and it had snowmen at each of the corners. He almost felt guilty for cleaving right through it and leaving it as nothing but waste upon his desk. He popped open the top of the box and cast Rin a wary glance before looking in.

She laughed. "Since you're going to be playing your guitar a lot from now on, I figured I would get you some of the basic necessities."

After rummaging through tissue paper and confetti, Kaito's fingers stumbled upon a solid package. Inside were picks, strings, a tuner, and, at the bottom of the box, nearly concealed by the excess, was a journal.

Rin tapped the back cover as Kaito tugged it out from the wrapping. "For writing down your lyrics- inspiration, or what have you. There should be some pens in there too."

"Holy crap," Kaito muttered, "this is a lot," and he gradually began setting all the items, aside from the notebook, back into the gift box, closing the lid over the opening. "Thank you."

"Of course, Kaito. But- oh, thank Len too. He had the idea for the journal."

"You Kagamines are too good at this present-giving thing," Meiko complained.

And they were. Hell, they really were.

That journal, resting at the edge of Kaito's desk, the cover pale blue and the pages pristine and even- he'd seen it before. He knew he had.

It took him until the end of lunch, when Meiko had retired to her designated seat, when Roro settled in beside him and poked at his arms, when Len had flopped down in front of him, silent, drawing on his hands; it took Kaito until then to realize just where it was he'd seen the notebook.

In his apartment, eleven years into the future, on the day Kagamine Len entered and requested to see his lyrics, this very journal had been sitting on his desk amid hundreds of other threadbare papers.

Kaito wasn't sure if this was coincidence or not. Something told him it wasn't. This was something out of those movies with mentions of paradoxes and anomalies that tore through the space time continuum. Well, perhaps it wasn't something to such an extent. But…

It was enough to make him think twice about what, exactly, it was he was here to do.

* * *

Kiyoteru thumbed through a stack of files at his desk, every so often shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose. They'd slip back down his face not a half a second later, and it looked as though he were starting to get annoyed.

Kaito approached him slowly, giving a quick, "I'll catch up with you in a few!" to his fleeing companions from over his shoulder. He lingered at the table for a quiet moment, counting the beats of silence it took for the last of his classmates to fan out of the room. Then he fixed his gaze on his teacher and cleared his throat.

"What is it?" Kiyoteru asked, flicking his eyes from his work to the boy in front of him.

Kaito fidgeted with the material of his pants, feeling his usual childish anxiety bubble up his throat and consume his words. "Hey, so you and Yokune-san mentioned an assignment coming up this week…"

"Yes."

"...And I was wondering...Could I request having Len in my group?"

An eyebrow quirked in contemplation, Kiyoteru let his eyes fall back down to the files on his desk. "What for?"

 _I'm altering time, and this is one of the steps I rightfully believe I must take._

"We've recently become friends," Kaito explained, "and I feel like he's struggling with his academics, so I wanted to be able to do something in class to help him out."

"Hassling with most of his classes he may be- but literature is not one of them." Kiyoteru straightened his posture and offered Kaito a ginger smile. "I would like to think you'd know that. He comes out one slot above you in every language check. You must have an ulterior motive for this. Enlighten me."

Kaito itched behind his neck. "To get to know him better, I guess?"

"That sounds more like you," Kiyoteru said. He drummed his fingers thoughtfully atop his desk. "I'll see what I can do."

A breath Kaito hadn't known he'd been holding escaped his lips. "Thank you!"

"Of course." As Kaito turned to leave, Kiyoteru held up his left hand to add, "And Shion?"

Kaito halted dead in his tracks. "Yeah?"

"The Kagamines-...What you do for them is good. They need it. A solid friend, something of a leader. You're good for them." The man took a wavering breath. "All I ask of you is to never let anyone take advantage of the kindness you have to offer."

It took several moments for Kaito to scrape together what he wanted to say, and even then, it only came out as a strangled, "Okay."

To that, Kiyoteru nodded. "That'll be all."

"Okay," Kaito repeated. He adjusted the weight of his bag on his shoulders and hurried toward the exit of the room, finding Roro, Meiko, Rin and Len standing just outside of it, their backs against the opposing wall, their eyes shifting up to him as he advanced.

"There you are," Meiko huffed, dropping her arms to her waist and ambling toward the double doors leading out of the building. "I was getting sick of waiting!"

"It took, like, two minutes," Roro snapped as he chased after her.

"That's two minutes too long!"

Rin shook her head at them in mock disappointment. "They're as loud as ever, today," she murmured. Then a light burst in her eyes and she twisted her fingers into her skirt. "I wonder who else is going to be in the band with you."

"I think I saw Ritsu going down to the band room," Len affirmed. He kicked himself off the wall and paced to Kaito's side. "And Iroha."

 _And Piko, and Luka, and Aria and Flower...I can't really remember who made it, though. Luka for sure, but...Hopefully that hasn't changed_.

"Quite the group," Rin laughed, and headed out the front doors into the snow.

And then it was just Len, small and quiet beside Kaito, the slightest hint of a smile on his lips as he walked forward with his hands clenched in his pockets. "Hey," he blurted, "what's your favorite color?"

"Huh?"

"I dunno. I'm curious."

Kaito felt his face flush in color, the breath nearly leaving his constricted lungs. He wasn't sure why the brutal honesty in Len's voice hit so close to home. "Red," he said quickly.

"Really?" Len snickered. "You're kidding."

"Why's that so funny?"

"I was sure it was blue."

"Not everyone's favorite color is their _hair_ color," Kaito mumbled, smoothing his bangs across his forehead. "So, what's your favorite color?"

Len tilted his head back discreetly, his eyes tracing the tiles of the ceiling. "Orange," he said, "but, not, like...bright orange."

"You're very serious about this entire 'favorite color' thing."

The blonde shrugged and hesitated at the doors, waiting until Kaito pushed them open to step out. He quickly tugged his hood over his head in response to the assaulting winds. The weather had done little meliorating over the course of the day.

"What's your favorite manga series?" Len asked, not once leaving the bluenette's shadow from the top of the staircase to the bottom.

"The Onibi Series," Kaito said hesitantly. It had been, much to his mother's disliking, his favorite series growing up. Whenever he got his hands on a part of it, he didn't put it down until he was finished.

"You're into gore?"

"Not as much as I used to be. But, yeah."

Len stared down at his feet and hunched his shoulders, his fingers gripping the strings of his hoodie. "And your favorite author?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Kaito laughed.

He wasn't expecting to see the flash of confusion in Len's eyes. "Is that bad?" he asked, his head cocked to the side and a brow raised in wonder.

 _You don't think he's freaky?_ Meiko's distant voice pestered.

 _Not freaky,_ Kaito thought to himself. _It's more...reserved. Insecure. And maybe a little temperamental._

"It's fine! I don't mind," Kaito said, offering some kind of a reassuring smile. He wasn't sure if he'd imagined it or not, but Len perked up, so the blunette continued, "I can't say I have a favorite author, but my favorite series is Pandora Voxx. For now."

"So, Kemu? You like him?"

"Uh-huh."

Len released a puff of vapor from in between his lips, his eyes slipping toward the three silhouettes waiting for them at the edge of the courtyard. He fumbled distractedly with his ear muffs. "He's alright."

"Wait, you like Kemu?" Kaito blurted, and he felt as though something had took hold of his heart and squeezed.

"A little. Reincarnation was tolerable, but I couldn't get past the first two pages of Invisible."

"Aw, man, really? Invisible's great. You should give it another shot!"

Len shook his head assertively. "Too slow. And the main character guy annoyed me in it. A lot. Annoying male protagonists are the worst."

"Who do you like then?"

"Ever heard of Gokuaku Maretu?" When Kaito shook his head, Len continued with, "He writes about a lot of controversial stuff. Society, and limitations, and suicide. It's dark, but it's relatable. And the characters are never typical. Which I like."

"I'll have to check him out, then. That sort of dark stuff is appealing."

"Mhm," Len murmured a fraction of a second before his sister finally fell in line with him. She gave Kaito a little wink of approval, to which he responded with a thumb's up, and they both pretended that Len hadn't noticed.

The rest of the walk back to the Shion abode was, if Meiko's spontaneous shouting didn't count, quiet, and Kaito relished in the peace that would dissipate the second he stepped foot into the threshold of his house.

Upon entering, Meiko set her hands on his hips and hissed, "If you got ice cream cake again, I swear, Bakaito, I'm going to rip your head off."

"That's needlessly violent, don't ya think?" Roro asked, slipping off his sneakers and setting them at the edge of the doormat.

"There's no such thing as needlessly violent," Meiko protested. Beside her, Len went rigid, and Rin's eyelids fluttered a few times, as if washing something out of her vision.

Kaito decided they were in need of a topic change. He set his bag down on the couch in the lounge, saying, "Sorry, Mei, it's ice cream cake again. On the bright side, there's cookies," whilst poking around for his mother. The lights were on, so she was probably home.

 _Oh._ A memory clicked into place. _She would always do those loud entrances._

"What kind of cookies?" Meiko demanded, storming after Kaito into the kitchen. "If they're ice cream cookies, I'm not kidding, I will-,"

" _Surprise_!"

Avanna popped out from behind the fridge, and although the action failed to even so much as make Kaito blink, Meiko shrieked and leapt six feet into the air, the present in her arms crashing to the floor. "Sorry, sorry!" Avanna laughed, waving a hand dismissively by her torso. "I didn't mean for that to work so well."

"You have a way with terrifying people half to death," Rin mused. She made her way carefully around the group to the table, setting the last of her gifts down beside the cake, an envelope resting neatly upon it. Len followed suit, and plopped his down beside his sister's. He fidgeted with it for a moment, eventually taking a reluctant step away so Meiko and Roro could brush past him for their own deliverance.

He hung by the fridge and watched Kaito, his lips pursed, his gaze piercing.

Avanna caught immediate sight of him. After giving Kaito a, "Happy Birthday, my sweet little blueberry!" and a kiss on the nose, she sidestepped toward Len and- _God_ , Kaito thought _, she better not_ -pinched his cheeks.

The blonde's face heated like a furnace.

"So you're Len, huh? It's really nice to meet you! I'm glad my son has enough courtesy to be kind to you, and to invite you over. So, please, make yourself at home! You're a part of this family just as much as I am, or as Kaito is." And then she kissed his forehead, and Kaito really wasn't sure if it was Len or himself that looked more ready to set themselves on fire from embarrassment.

Avanna (gradually) regained composure and resumed her post at the kitchen table, spreading out sandwich ingredients with a pleasant smile on her face.

But Len was still standing in his place, his facial expression dancing somewhere on the border of enthralled and petrified. Roro made to sling an arm over his shoulder and ruffle his hair, and Len made a sort of choking noise. "Hey, don't worry about it! That was just a ritual- it means you're part of the clan now!"

"Unfortunately," Meiko added through a mouthful of bread.

Kaito flicked her ear as he passed. "Play nice!"

"Make me!" Meiko sing-songed, and dashed around the table just in time to avoid another flick to the face.

"Kids these days," Avanna chuckled to herself. She slid the dessert products to one end of the table, the sandwich ingredients finding residence at the other. With a sigh of content, she wiped a bead of sweat from her brow and gestured for the group to sit down.

They did so obligingly.

Kaito found his usual seat by the sink, and with a flurry of movement, Len was beside him, that lop-sided Mona Lisa smile on his features. It was then he started his second barrage of questions.

"So, what's your favorite band?"

"Maybe Arlequin."

"You like J-Rock?" Len queried, astonishment blazing through his countenance.

"Uh-huh."

"What about Mejibray? Do you like them?"

"Uh-huh."

"What's your favorite song by them?"

"Um, Sliver, I guess? I can't really pick favorite songs," Kaito admitted with a shrug, snagging a few slices of bread and deli meat from the assorted plates.

Len stared at the ingredients on the table for a second, faltering, as if waiting for permission to make something for himself. From the seat next to him, Rin gave an urging nudge and flicked her hand at the loaf of bread. Her brother sneered and turned his attention back toward Kaito, fingers twitching in his lap.

"Do you play anything other than guitar?" he asked.

"I dabbled with piano for a bit. I wasn't the best at it, so, uh, I gave up."

Rin rolled her eyes. "You're too hard on yourself. You weren't _that_ bad."

"Rin, he couldn't even play Hot Crossed Buns after six months of practicing it," Roro retorted.

"It was _hard_ , okay? The keys were hard to hit. Strings are so much easier," Kaito groaned.

"I always thought piano was much easier than guitar," Len said, and finally, after a long while of intense staring, he gathered up what he needed for a sandwich and set it down on his plate.

Kaito propped his head up with his fist, allowing his gaze to trail along Len's face, his chapped, bitten lips, his vibrant eyes, his slanted nose, his messy hair. He wondered why he hadn't befriended him sooner. "You play piano?" he asked.

" _Played_. I played, for a few years. I fell out of it."

"That's a shame." And something told him to press on. "Why?"

Len shifted in his seat, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. "I dunno. It got boring," he said, lifting his sandwich cautiously to his mouth.

A brief silence passed among them, broken only by Rin's declaration of, "Hey, Kaito! Did you tell your mom you made it?"

"What?"

She mimicked playing a guitar.

"Oh, right, that." Kaito swallowed and looked toward Avanna. "I made it into Miku's band."

"Ah, I'm not surprised!" Avanna giggled, ruffling his hair. "I'm proud you, sweetie. You're very talented."

"Thanks, Mom," Kaito coughed out. It was something of an accomplishment to get praise from her, since it was always, every time, so sincere and virtuous. It never failed to choke him up.

"Okay, I'm impatient," Avanna sighed, rocking back on her heels. "It's time for presents! What do you say?"

"Yes!" Rin cried, leaping up from her chair and gesturing toward her neatly wrapped gift box. "I can best Meiko for the third year in a row!"

The brunette ripped a chunk of bread from off her sandwich and whipped it at Rin. "Is that a challenge?!"

"It sure is!" With a delighted grin, Rin wiped the mustard-doused crumbs from off her cheek, taking her seat once more, her hands gripping the hem of her skirt.

"I'm opening yours' last," Kaito huffed, much to the blonde's dismay, and instead pulled Meiko's gift out from the stack. He sliced open the envelope taped onto the side and beamed at the familiar homemade card coated with glitter that rested inside.

Next came the wrapping paper, which was rather sloppy in comparison to the neat folds of both Rin and Len's own gifts, but it really didn't matter, as in moments it was scattered across the floor. Off with the lid, and-

Kaito clasped a hand over his mouth to stifle laughter.

"What?" Meiko whined. " _What?!_ "

"Nothing, it's just…" Kaito whipped out what was in the box, and he couldn't help but release another series of breathy chuckles.

"That's cute," Rin said, "but not as good as mine."

Which was probably true. Still, Kaito didn't mind the strip of fabric in his hands; it was officially among one of his favorite of Meiko's presents in the span of his life. He remembered getting it, this very day, eleven years ago. "Did you make it yourself?"

"Hell yes I did! It took me _weeks_."

Len lifted an eyebrow at her, bewildered. "It's a _scarf_. How long does it take to knit a scarf?"

"When you're as untalented as Mei, a couple of years, really," Kaito chuckled, and was met with a well-deserved mini tomato to the temple.

Avanna slid the next present in front of him- Roro's -and Kaito opened it knowing full and well what it was, but feigned enthusiasm regardless. So there was another video game to add to his collection, which he'd play twice and get bored of. It was the thought that counted though. That's what it always was.

Len's was next, and the boy nervously jittered as Kaito peeled through the wrapping and marveled at what was bestowed upon him. "Whoa," he breathed out, his gaze glissading up and down the covers of the three books he'd unveiled.

"You bring in your Kemu books all the time, and- well -a while back, when I liked him more, I got Reincarnation signed at a con, and I haven't seen you read Reincarnation, so I figured you'd like it," Len annotated. "The others are just two of my favorites that I thought you'd like. I mean, you're a heavy reader, and, Maretu- I think I mentioned him earlier -I thought he'd be up your alley."

"What are they about?"

Len sunk his teeth into his lip, his eyes flitting from the light fixtures above him to the books in Kaito's imploring fingers. "Adolescence is basically the mistakes made through a corrupted childhood, and Mind Brand is just a hypocritical girl that sees how fucked up- er, _screwed up_ -society is. They're good."

"I bet," Kaito murmured, and flipped through the first few pages of each before setting them aside next to Meiko's scarf.

Rin looked sidelong at the brunette and gave a weak smile. "I think we've both been bested."

" _Damnit_ , being bested by _him_ is worse than being bested by _you_!"

"You're welcome," Len snorted, giving Meiko a two-fingered salute that induced nothing but a miniature fit of her rage.

When it settled, Kaito took hold of Rin's present, undoing the bow and peeling off the wrapping paper. It got repetitive after a while, and he was starting to not enjoy it so much.

What was inside, he couldn't say likewise about.

It was a necklace, the chain silver, and the emblem hanging from it an array of hues from the rainbow. He was ensure of what it represented, but the clasped it around his neck nonetheless.

"It's the Buddhist symbol of protection. Because you always say you want to to protect me, but I want to protect you too. If you're not here, then there's no wish for you to fulfill. But if you are, and you're safe, then there's nothing to worry about."

Kaito swore, at that paper, he was going to break down. His mother's hand on his head soothed him, however, and he could breathe easy, if only for a few moments.

What did ever do to deserve things like this?

Strange.

"Wait, wait," Avanna hummed, tapping a slender finger on the corner of the table. "I haven't given you my gift yet- I had to save the best for last." She held up a finger as a sign to wait, sprinted out of the room, and returned a heartbeat later with her arms behind her back. A splotch of brown peeked out from over her arm, and Kaito was sure, whatever this was, he'd never gotten it as a present before.

Avanna shook her hair from her eyes and took a sharp breath. "Sorry, kiddos, but mother knows best." She cracked a dazzling grin and tore her gift out from behind her, looking natural with it in her arms. She was a guitar player, after all, and there was no better home for guitars than the artists who could paint a world with them.

"You have to wait until after cake to play it, though," she said, waggling a finger in the air. "So, in that case...Who wants dessert?!"

* * *

It was late. Meiko and Roro had left hours ago, but Rin had been persistent to stay, and Len didn't look like he minded so much either. So they'd sprawled out in the living room on the sofa, Rin squished in between the two boys with her head lolling every so often onto Len's shoulder. Whatever was on the TV had become a blur. None of them were really paying attention. Kaito was exhausted, and the Kagamines didn't look any better. He was sort of in a rush to just go to sleep, maybe strum a few chords on his new guitar.

"Hey," he whispered, giving them each a tap to the forearm. They lazily turned their heads toward him. "Do you guys want to spend the night? We can probably-,"

"Oh, is it that late?" Rin gasped, stiffening as her eyes focused on the digital clock by the television. "We'd love to sleep over, really, but we have a lot of stuff to do at home."

Kaito felt a whirlwind of suspicion stir in his mind. He shook it off, rose to his feet, and gestured for the door. "I'll walk you back to your place, then," he suggested.

"You really don't have to," Rin started, but Len grabbed her arm, squeezed, and looked toward Kaito with a small nod.

"Let's get going, before the snow gets worse," the bluenette said, and made his way out to the foyer. He fished his jacket from off the coat rack and slid it over his arms, then tied his new scarf around his neck. It was itchy and irritable, but for Meiko, it didn't matter. As he stepped into his boots, he called, "Mom! I'm gonna walk Rin and Len home!"

Avanna poked her head out of the kitchen. "M'kay! Be careful! It's dark!"

He pulled back the door and let the twins duck out first, then followed after, into the snow, his feet kicking through massive clumps of powder.

They walked in silence all the way across the neighborhood.

Even at the doorstep of the Kagamine household, few words were spoken. Rin gave Kaito a hug, and he ruffled her hair and gave a, "Thank you," when she said, "Happy Birthday." She trotted up to the door and jiggled the doorknob. It stopped halfway through a rotation, and she let out an exasperated sigh, delving a hand into her pocket to look for- presumably -keys.

Kaito took the opportunity to look at Len, who held his gaze for a blissfully reticent moment. Then Len took a dainty step toward the blunette. He stopped. He took another, shaking, debating- and he settled for giving Kaito a pat on the shoulder. "Thanks," he said.

And Kaito laughed.

"Why are you thanking me?"

Len shrank in on himself, his vibrant eyes skipping across the flakes cloaking his feet. "You're...weird. But it's a good weird. You're the nice weird, and...That's good. So, thanks."

"You're welcome." Kaito smiled, and tousled Len's hair just like he would Rin's. "Thanks for the books! Maretu sounds really interesting."

"He is-,"

"Got it, finally," Rin called from the door.

Len held Kaito's gaze for another instant, like he was appreciating. Or maybe only wondering. Kaito understood that, he knew, watching as the blonde stepped over to his sister and disappeared into their pretty house. Rin waved once over her head, and she, too, was gone. Kaito waited until the lights came on to leave. He waited for the consolation of silence.

Then he started for his own house, and slipped into the door feeling like he was about to fall apart. His muscles were aching, his eyelids were excruciatingly heavy. "I'm going to bed," he hollered after stripping out of his winter clothes and hobbling toward the stairs.

Avanna burst out of the lounge before he could take one more step. Her hands found his shoulder, and she spun him around and, laughing, tugged him into a warm embrace. "How was it? Your birthday."

"Good," Kaito hummed. "I'm just tired."

"Your friends are a delight," Avanna sighed into his hair.

"Uh-huh."

"Len seems to really like you."

Kaito's cheeks burned red. _You're a man, get over yourself!_ "U-...Uh-huh…?"

"I'm glad you invited him. He really seemed happy to spending time with you."

"Um...Goodnight, Mom!" he declared, removing himself from her hug to make a mad dash up the stairs.

"He and his sister are very cute too! You can't escape it!"

Then her voice was gone, and the door was closed, and the world, again, was quiet.

In the sanctuary of his room, the mattress calling was Kaito's name, and so he flopped down upon it and hitched the blankets over his head, breathing in the scent of detergent and sweets in an attempt to lull himself to sleep.

It didn't work.

He curled into himself. His thoughts trailed to Len and Rin, and how he hoped that when they walked into their house they were okay, that nothing hit them and that neither of them would feel the pain that Kaito had experienced for not half an instant the day previous. There was no telling what waited for them, and yet he convinced himself it was fine. They would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

Today, he would not be the boy who received the news his closest person could no longer attend his birthday parties, or hold his hand, or walk alongside him. Today would not be that day.

Tomorrow, though.

Tomorrow was unknown.

There was really nothing more terrifying than that.

* * *

 **I didn't include a flashback/memory scene in this chapter, just because I felt it was long enough already. The next one will likely start with a memory though! Anyways, Kaito's birthday was cute, imo, Avanna is such a good mom? Wow. Also, I apologize for any spelling/grammatical errors, I was in a rush to proof read. Anyways, review if this is your thing, and if not, see ya later!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	4. Epoxy Lips

**Today is considerably a special update. Because- /gasp/ -today is my birthday, and, as crazy as it is, UntitledReader's, which is so weird, I have no idea how we ended up sharing the same birthday. So, yeee, I was going to hold off posting this chapter until tomorrow but I figured it would be nicer to finish it up and publish it today! Here you are, readers, a birthday update that's lowkey Noe's present! I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

 _"The part when this kind of me had vanished,_

 _Hundreds of thousands of people wouldn't change._

 _With something that would stop me, though,_

 _I wouldn't be able to laugh with that kind of face."_

* * *

 _She watched them as they left. She always did. Whether it be raining or snowing or bursting with sunshine outside, she would step out onto the porch and sit down on the top step, her knees tucked against her chest, and there she would watch until her parents' car was completely out of sight. Then she would stand up and go back inside, twisting the lock of the door with a distressed crease across her forehead, the one that Ling always said made her look fifty years too old. She would retreat up to the safety of her room and sprawl out on the floor with one of the books Len had lent her, and she would wait._

 _This time, though, she didn't do that._

 _It was snowing rather hard, so she probably should have. She should have stumbled back into the brimming heat of her house and cozied up under a blanket to stay warm._

 _But she didn't._

 _Megumi remained on the staircase of her porch, teeth grit to withstand her uncontainable shivering. Snowflakes caught on her lashes and against her fingers clasped tightly together in the middle of her lap. She was tempted to call someone, maybe to vent, to get everything she wanted to say off her chest, but she couldn't bring herself to do that. She couldn't bring herself to go inside._

 _Just a few more hours. They'd be back in a few more hours and they'd have her prescription and she'd finally be able to calm down and go to bed. For now, she could bear with the cold. It was the least of her worries._

 _She curled further into herself, her emerald eyes squeezing shut as puffs of vapor fled her lips. It didn't even feel as if the cold was making Megumi shiver anymore; it was something entirely different, a force that often dared to control her and never failed to do just that. She was losing herself again, waiting for someone to give her what she needed so she could be found._

 _She waited for another hour. The frigid air wrapped around her and dragged her down a spiraling abyss of misery. And there went another hour, and the air only grew colder and the snow fell in more severe sheets._

 _Megumi took a shuddering breath and hesitantly rose to her feet at a ringing phone sounding from through the door she'd left open the moment her parents stepped into their car. She didn't want to go in there, but what if it was important? What if it was Len, telling her he wouldn't be at school the following day because there were bruises marred across his body preventing him from moving? What if it was Ling, telling her that she was cancelling her plans for the weekend because Tianyi was back in the hospital? What if it was Fukase, telling her he'd have to back out on prank night because his parents were onto him again?_

 _The possibilities were endless, and Megumi didn't want to think about any of them._

 _She went inside anyways, her footsteps staggering and apprehensive, her breaths coming out as ragged pants that threatened to tear her lungs in half. With shaking hands, she picked up the phone screeching on the dining room table and wished she hadn't not a half a second later._

 _The voice that filtered through the line wasn't Len or Ling, it wasn't even Fukase or Oliver or Lui, it wasn't her parents or Roro or Rin or Sonika. It wasn't anyone she cared knowing the name of._

" _Hello?" she asked._

" _Is this Nakajima Megumi?"_

 _Her lips parted to speak, but no words escaped. She fell silent, glancing over at the clock on the far side wall before her attention fell to the floor beneath her feet, the one so graciously supporting her, keeping her up as the voice kept speaking to her, talking her through the crushing words it delivered._

 _This day wasn't supposed to come until the crease of her forehead was real. In her mind, even, it wasn't supposed to happen at all._

" _I see," she said carefully, testing the weight of the words on the tip of her tongue._

 _Gumi placed the phone back down on the receiver and faced the wall opposite of her, her fingers itching at her neck, scraping down her collarbone and eventually her arms until she was holding herself. She felt her knees buckle, and she was on the floor, and, although it seemed awful, she was laughing._

 _She was laughing because this sick and twisted reality was really something hilarious to think it could just rip her parents out of her life like that. It thought it could brandish her with sorrow, right?_

 _That was funny._

 _She wondered who would buy her her medicine now. She wondered who would come home after work and check to make sure she was okay. She wondered who would replace them._

 _The floor felt colder than the snow that had killed them. Megumi bent her head and stared at it, her violent urges taking control, her senses slowly fading into numbness. She remembered slamming her fist hard against the dining table leg, and that was it. Then it took over._

* * *

When Kaito came to, he remembered it. He remembered what it was he'd just seen in vivid detail. He felt the prying hands of desperation tugging at his mind, felt the sickening starvation for affection and attention. He felt everything that was supposed to be personal crawling around somewhere inside of him.

He'd wondered about Nakajima Megumi occasionally in both his childhood and his adulthood. After all, Roro had dated her once and it led him to rambles about her that could go on for hours. It was only natural for Kaito to feel curious, of that he was certain, but this had done nothing to quench that curiosity. If anything, he felt as if he was at even more of a loss than he had been before.

"You okay, Kai?" His mother hovered behind him at the dining table, lips twisted into a concerned frown and a hand set comfortingly on his head. "You look a little bit pale. Are you getting sick?"

"I'm fine," Kaito said hurriedly as he shoveled another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. It tasted sugary and teeth-rottingly sweet. He never understood why he liked these sorts of things.

Avanna peered over her shoulder out the window for a moment, then turned her eyes back toward her son. "I think Mei is here. Don't keep her waiting!"

"Okay." Kaito gladly pushed the bowl of cereal away from him and slid out of his seat, pulling his bag up from off the floor and slipping it over his arm. His mother pecked him on the forehead, ruffled his hair, and sent him on his way, out the door and toward the perky brunette waiting for him.

Meiko waved a hand over her head as he approached, greeting him with a cheerful, "Mornin', Bakaito!"

Kaito raised a brow at her and twisted the scarf she'd made tightly around his neck. "You're in a good mood," he said. He started for the sidewalk, and Meiko didn't hesitate to fall in line beside him.

"I guess," she said easily, a small smirk on her lips. "Only 'cause I got a new video game that's damn fantastic."

"You pulled an all-nighter, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh." Meiko rubbed blearily at her eyes. "Hey, so, you gonna take my advice?"

Kaito cocked his head. "Advice on what?"

"Y'know...Miku. You should ask her out."

"I don't want to," Kaito said, his face twisting into a look of irritation.

There was a sharp jab into his side that nearly sent him plummeting into the snow. " _I_ want you to. Do it for _me_."

"No. Stop using me for your own weird devices." Waving a hand dismissively at her, Kaito glanced around the stree, his eyes desperate to find the Kagamine twins waiting for him at the other side of the crosswalk they were about to pass. But that side was abandoned.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets and cast Meiko a sidelong glance. "Aren't Rin and Len supposed to be walking with us?"

"I dunno. They don't usually."

"They did yesterday…"

"Quit your pouting," Meiko huffed. "You probably just scared them away with your overwhelming personality."

 _Or maybe something bad happened,_ Kaito thought to himself. _Maybe Gumi's fear that one of them is too hurt to move is actually…_

"Ah, Kaito, Meiko! Wait up!"

The two turned their heads to find Rin sprinting toward them, her bag bouncing at her hip and her cheeks red from the cold. She came to a halt beside them and was met with Kaito's immediate tousle of her hair and Meiko's enthusiastic, "Hey, Rin!"

Kaito turned his head once, twice- peeking over Rin's head and down the road in confusion. "Where's Len?"

"Home," Rin said too quickly. She made her way between the two taller kids to scramble down the sidewalk. "He has a stomachache, so he's staying home."

For some reason, Kaito didn't know what to say after that. _Tell me the truth. Who's hitting you?_ No doubt Rin would lose her trust in him if he said something like that. She'd think he'd been invading her privacy and personal life, and he didn't want to risk that. Not yet, at least. Not until he had to. He just had to wait until the time was right and he had gathered enough evidence.

Kaito stayed quiet for the rest of the walk to the school.

He pushed through the front doors with a headache pulsing at the back of his head, greeted by familiar faces and a few waves, and, most importantly, Miku, shoving a piece of paper in front of his face with a big grin plastered to her lips. "Look, look!" she cooed, hopping up and down on the back of her heels. Kaito looked. Miku excitedly kept talking, "This is our band! The auditions were great and these are the results!"

Kaito took the paper into his hands, smoothing out the creases. The list of kids was different. From the last timeline, it was actually different.

"Luka, Ritsu, Piko, Megumi, and Flower." He poked his gaze up at Miku, who had yet to quit her excited bouncing. "There's a lot, but it's still a pretty good assortment." Although...there was Megumi _. Why her?_ Why?

"Yeah! Yeah, isn't it? We're going to have such a good band, Kai-kun! Do you think you can come over today and tomorrow to practice? My place?" she said, her smile on the verge of blinding.

Kaito clicked his tongue and sidestepped around her. "Sure," he replied, "that sounds good."

"Okay, awesome! See you later, Kai-kun!" She laughed and took off, sprinting down the hallway, likely to go wave the piece of paper around in the faces of the other members of the band. As long as it wasn't him, Kaito supposed it was alright.

Rin tugged on his sleeve and took a few quick steps backwards. "Let's go. I want to stop by Mister Zuiga's class before homeroom," she murmured. So Kaito followed, hyper aware of the boring stare locked onto his head from somewhere in the middle of the crowded corridor. He snuck a look behind him, searching for the source of his discomfort.

A pair of emerald eyes met his own. Kaito took a sharp breath and tried to look away, but the other didn't, and so he didn't either. Eventually, he rounded the corner to the staircase and the eyes faded out of his sight, leaving him with nothing but a sense of confusion and uneasiness.

He decided not to dwell on it.

* * *

For most of the day, Rin couldn't compose herself. She left the classroom time and time again for various things- to go to the restroom or the nurse's office or the water fountain -and whenever she was in class, she fidgeted with her fingers, ignored Miku and Aria entirely, spoke little to the teacher; during lunch, she didn't eat, just pushed around the rice on her tray to make it look like she had.

Kaito tried not to overthink the reasons as to why. It was probably about Len, if he were to take a wild guess. Rin was worried about him, and Kaito guessed he didn't blame her; he was worried about Len, too, but not nearly as much as he was about his sister. It wasn't like her to back out of the lively conversations of her friends and isolate herself throughout the day. It wasn't like her to lose her temper and _yell_ when she was bothered (fairly enough to say, Iroha had gotten quite the scare when Rin jerked around in her seat to demand that she stop pestering Gumi, who had at the time looked pretty unfazed).

She was full of jitters, and the slightest gesture from either Meiko or Miku nearly made her leap out of her chair onto the floor. When Kiyoteru made a comment addressing her state of mind, she brushed it off as a lack of sleep with a lazy flick of her wrist. It seemed she finally managed to calm down a bit after that.

Seeing to it that Rin was feeling somewhat better, Kaito gave his thoughts permission to wander elsewhere. Particularly to the greenette in the middle row of the class, wearing a bright grin as she played a game of rock-papers-scissors with Fukase, Ling hovering over them and failing to predict their next moves.

Her parents had died.

Of course, in this very moment, that wasn't true. They were still alive, and Megumi still had her happiness in tact.

In the original timeline, they had. There'd been a car accident that had killed the both of them the year before Kaito left for a new school. She'd been devastated and...That led her to doing something. It led her to doing something that left the future in shambles.

But there was something else that was bothering Kaito. Her thoughts kept referring to a prescription, to a medicine; what did she mean? What was it she was so desperate for?

He shifted his arms across his desk to rest his chin on the back of his hands. Things were slowly but surely starting to add up, and yet...they were becoming more and more _complicated_ the closer he grew to solving the gaps of this ruined reality. Roro was a vivacious kid with slightly violent tendencies, Len and Rin were losing themselves to some kind of abuse- even Gumi had hinted at that, and the greenette herself was playing a bigger part in this than Kaito had expected. But what did any of that even mean? How could any of it help him?

This was all so frustrating. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. At least he was getting closer to a goal. At least he was changing the past.

"Hey," came a soft voice, "Kaito."

He lifted his head. Rin was peering down at him, smiling gently. The rest of the class was already making their way out into the hallway.

"Can I come with you to your band rehearsal?" she asked.

Kaito rose to his feet and offered a half-hearted shrug. "Yeah, if you really want to," he said. "What about Len, though?"

"He'll be fine. My mom is home so he's not alone. And I don't really want to get sick." Her index and middle fingers twisted around her wrist. "Is it fine?"

There was a coil of doubt in his stomach. He was tempted to tell her to go spend time with Len- he could probably use the company -but what would be waiting for her if she went home? Certainly whatever had kept Len there would be there, right? Certainly…

"Kaito?"

"It's fine," he said, yanking his bag over his back.

Rin grinned, and there was immense relief in her shimmering blue eyes. "Are you excited?" she asked.

"Yeah, I am. It'll be nice to be in a band," Kaito mused, shifting his gaze up to meet Rin's. He nodded toward the door, giving Kiyoteru a wave as he filed out of the room with Rin close on his heels. "The people involved are fun, too, so this should be interesting."

"Nakajima joined," Rin said. "I'll be tutoring her soon."

"Huh? You will? When did that happen?"

"A few weeks ago." The blonde's smile brightened, her eyes flitting down to her feet. "She's a lot like Len. She's extremely gifted in literature, but she's flunking everything else. Since I'm something of the opposite, Mister Hiyama decided back in January he wanted me to start tutoring her after school. I'm kind of happy."

Something at the back of Kaito's head clicked and he blurted, "It's weird. Your brother's friend is slowly easing her way into my life, and yours'; and your brother, _her_ friend, is slowly becoming a part of my life. Not to mention I'll be spending time with one of _your_ best friends…"

"Miku?" Rin queried with a tilt of her head.

"Uh-huh."

Rin pushed open the doors to the outdoors and shook her head. "You find that weird?" When he nodded silently, she added, "You're funny, Kai. That's just life. Friend groups merge at this age. I don't know, it just happens."

"Yeah, but…" Kaito cast her a sidelong glance. "It just feels weird."

"Of course it does," Rin said. She turned to catch Kaito's gaze, so they were staring at each other intently as they walked. A delicate smile blossomed across her features that could have thawed any frozen heart. Kaito swore it melted his. "When things change, everything feels weird."

"You think things are changing?" Kaito said.

"Yes." Rin eagerly started down the stairs, her hands twisting in her skirt. "But it's a good change, Kaito. Whatever's happening, I think it's...it's for the best."

Kaito tipped his gaze back toward the sky. "Yeah," he whispered, "I do too."

* * *

Band practice that day consisted mostly of Miku talking.

She had a big basement that they'd all crammed into, and although the space wasn't the best for music, it was cozy and warm. Miku's mother had been sure to set snacks up for them all with a big smile on her face. She radiated an intense, vivid light. It explained where her daughter got it from.

Miku stood at the front of the room, her hair loose from its usual pigtails, swaying at her hips. She kept her hands clasped by her lap as she spoke, the smile never once falling from her lips.

"I'm glad you could all make it!" she said brightly, rocking onto the balls of her feet. "Hopefully we'll all get acquainted with each other soon and get along well! Now, first let me address the matter of commitment. If you don't think you'll be able to attend meetings, gigs, or other sorts of gatherings, leave now! And if you don't think you can put the effort and energy into being part of a band, please, leave!"

No one left. Instead, Megumi and Flower leaned back against the sofa they were seated in, and Ritsu and Piko cast each other a brief glance of contemplation before their eyes turned back to Miku. Luka clicked her tongue. Her eyes didn't for a second leave Miku's.

"Rin has already talked to me about it, and she's going to be our manager! So any ideas about places to perform you can report to her!" Miku nodded to herself and launched into her next segment. "I don't have any instruments here, unfortunately, other than my keyboard. I'd appreciate if everyone could bring in their own instruments on the days we meet. I'll be getting a drumset at some point this weekend! That will be taken care of, so there's no need to worry, Flower."

Said girl cracked a smile and, shortly after, her knuckles.

Miku turned sharply and gestured to Kaito and Megumi. "You two have your own electric guitars, yes?"

"Yeah," Kaito said, about the same time Gumi looked away and mumbled, "Nope."

"Oh! Do you think you'll be able to purchase one?" Miku asked, a hopeful gleam in her teal eyes.

Gumi shrugged. "I think so?"

"I have my old guitar," Kaito blurted, "so if you can't get your own, I could always lend you mine."

She stared at him for a long time, and for a moment, all Kaito could see was a fragile girl screaming at the top of her lungs on her porch in the snow, waiting for someone that would never come. But it faded to Megumi, just Megumi, as she tucked a stray chunk of green hair behind her ear and huffed, "That works...Thanks."

Miku grinned and clapped her small hands together. "Good! We have that covered, then! Luka, do you have a bass guitar?"

The pinkette glanced away from Miku, peering down at her nails. "Yes," she said, "I do."

"Piko, do you have all your...extra things or whatever?"

"My _extra things_?" Piko shook his head in disbelief, crossing his arms over his chest. "Uh-huh. I have my trumpet and my harmonica and my triangle and my-,"

"Great, great! Let's see, I have my keyboard, I have microphones, we'll have drums...Oh! Amplifiers! We need amps and speakers!"

"I've got some," Flower said with a passionate nod.

"Alright! Bring those in! Bring everything in, as soon as possible! I'd like to have all of our things by tomorrow, if that's at all possible." Miku balanced a hand on her hip and thrust the other up in an eager point. "Now, for the most important part! We need a name for our band!"

 _Epoxy Lips_ , Kaito thought, itching wordlessly at his legs. _That's what they were last time, and I think it'd be nice if they had that name again._

"I think _Mayhem Line_ rolls off of the tongue nicely," Flower suggested, raising a sleek black eyebrow.

"That sounds too violent," Ritsu mused from across of her, kicking his feet onto Piko's lap. "We should go with something more mysterious, like _The Box Room_."

Piko rested a hand idly at the boot on his knee. " _Zenthrax_."

"What is that supposed to be, anthrax?" Flower puffed out a breath of laughter and clasped a palm to her lips.

"No," Piko said easily, "I just thought it sounded cool."

"We should go for something we _all_ find meaningful," Luka said, sitting up from the couch with her hands braced on her thighs. "We sjould combine our interests and find something out of that-,"

Then a single suggestion fell from Gumi's lips. It left Kaito breathless.

She shook out her hair, grinned, and said without a sliver of doubt that it would be rejected, " _Epoxy Lips._ "

And Kaito swore, she looked right at him when she said it.

"Epoxy? What's that?" Ritsu asked.

"An adhesive," Rin replied from behind Kaito. It was the first time she had spoken in the last fifteen minutes, and she seemed pleased that this was what broke her silence. "It's made of synthetic thermosetting polymers."

Ritsu puffed out his cheeks and cocked his head to the side. "So, like, glue?"

"I suppose."

At the front of the room, Miku submerged herself in the idea. "I like this one," she said, her eyes glassy with thought.

"Me too," Kaito said hurriedly. "It's sort of like glued lips, or...sealed lips. A person being restrained from speaking about their life, their past, themselves, the person that they are and the person they'll become. It's secret keeping. It's hiding."

Rin shifted. "It's relatable, at the very least. And different," she said.

"Hm." Miku pressed a finger against her lips. She took a few steps to the left, then twirled and did the same to the right, until she was pacing back and forth across the floor. "Any objections?"

Flower's hand twitched at her waist, but seeing as to how no one else shared her intentions, she sighed in defeat and relaxed back down in her seat.

"Then it's settled," Miku hummed, a gentle laugh rolling from her tongue. "We're _Epoxy Lips_."

"Don't we need a style? We can't be discoordinated in all of our colors and fashion. We have to blend together," Luka said. "We have to make it look like we're a _band_ and not a group of random stragglers."

Miku waved a hand frantically. "That's a good point. Any ideas?"

"High-waist skirts and long-sleeved lace blouses with their hair up for girls- and... _and_ Ritsu." The redhead grinned and gave Luka a pleasant wiggle of his fingers. "The boys can wear, well, khakis, maybe? And button-up shirts."

"That sounds too fancy," Miku said to the pinkette. "But you're on the right track!"

"I vote vibrant colors," Rin murmured. "Designate a color of the rainbow to everyone. There are seven of you, after all."

Miku brushed this option away with a sharp shake of her head. "Too bright. Too much color. Too many options."

Slowly raising a hand over his head, Kaito waited for Miku to catch note of him before he cleared his throat and said, "What if we just do classical black and grey? Black skirts or pants or dresses with grey blazers, black shirts and black scarves or ties or something? I...I don't know, but...You get the premise."

"Oh!" Rin jolted again, resting her hands on Kaito's shoulders with enough force to collapse him in upon himself. "The scarves- the ties -um, what if everyone had a different color for theirs'? That would look nice."

"That actually sounds pretty cool," Gumi said, and Rin flushed noticeably at the other girl's approval of her idea.

"It does, it does," Miku hummed under her breath. She started to pace again, cupping her chin, her eyelids fluttering between closed and open.

"So?"

"So…" Miku stomped, halting and whipping around all at once to nod her head enthusiastically at those staring in such eager anticipation at her. "We'll do it! I can buy the outfits if everyone wants me to! Just talk to me about what style you'd prefer."

"I, under no circumstances, will wear a dress," Gumi said. After a moment of hesitation she added, "Or a skirt."

Miku beamed. "That's fine! No biggie, I can work something out for you." A soft sigh fell from her lips. "I think we've covered everything for today..." She tilted her head and tapped her foot on the ground. A light bulb went off above her head. "Oh! But first! Kai-kun!"

The bluenette fell partially off the couch at the intensity of her voice.

"You should show us more of your lyrics. They're really amazing!"

"Uh...No. I'd rather not-...not yet, anyway."

"Please? They'll love it, I'm sure. _I'll_ love it." She took a step forward and lowered herself into a crouch. " _Please_?"

 _You should date her_ , Meiko said at the back of his head. And he wondered why. Why _her_? He seemed to be asking that question a lot lately.

Rin gave him a soothing pat on the back, and, with reluctance, he sighed, stood, and wrestled open his bag, searching for the journal he'd been given the day before. The material was smooth under his fingers. Along with the comfort it provided was the deep desire to see Len again. To make sure he was okay.

He choked on his own breath as he took out the journal and thrust it at Miku. She caught it with a yelp, but she couldn't stop smiling while flipping through the pages. "You got this yesterday and you've already filled it up quite a bit!"

"I wrote some of my old stuff in there," he said quietly, slipping back into his seat. "The stuff I liked."

If Miku had even heard him, he didn't know, and he supposed he didn't care. Because suddenly, words that he felt solely belonged to him rushed out of her mouth. They fell into the air, rushed and ragged, not music but thoughts gone wild, untamed and frustrated, desperate for release. It was a cry for someone to listen. It was nothing more than a mess.

Kaito found himself enticed by that. The words he'd written and liked and been one alongside sounded disgusting coming from someone else.

These lyrics were his, and his alone. He'd make damn sure that he'd be the one to bring them to life.

He'd be the one to make them music.

* * *

"I'll walk you home."

It was what he said to Rin whenever they left some place together. It was never a request, nor a question. It was just a gentle demand. Every time, Rin went with it. She let him walk her home.

Today, it was different.

She stopped on the curb of the street at the edge of Miku's driveway, shaking her head. "No."

There was no explanation. There was no apology. There was a statement and that was all. She slid her hands into her pockets and stared at her feet as if expecting Kaito to say something.

But he was at a loss.

"Oh, um…" Kaito scratched behind his neck. "Are you sure? It's starting to snow pretty hard."

"I'll be fine, thank you," she said. And she turned. And she left.

And Kaito was utterly aware that she was trying to keep him away from something. Her house? Herself? Len?

He didn't chase after her. He would have, but there was nausea building in his chest and his throat, threatening to swallow him whole. Rin hadn't been _Rin_ all day. She'd stalled in going home. Now she was cutting off a usual routine. What was she so scared of? Why was he so scared of the recognizable fear that had flashed across her eyes throughout the day?

He had never walked home so slowly in his entire life. He kept expecting that if he looked over his shoulder, Rin would be waiting patiently for him, ready to tell him everything that was tainting her and Len. She would let him walk her home, and she would tell him everything.

But every time he looked, there was no one.

She wasn't there.

* * *

 **Hm, I'm pretty content with this chapter! I finally get to introduce more Gumi (or, as I call her, Megumi) because she's a major piece to this story and I just love her okay,, anyways. I apologize if this chapter seemed a little pointless! It's fueling more to come, including the next chapter which I'm looking forward to, heh. Also, sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors, as always! Review if this is your thing, see ya later if not!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	5. Otherside

**Update time! I should mention that this chapter may contain some sensitive/triggering content for some people, such as implied abuse and non-con. Other than that, I don't think there's anything else. So if you'd like to avoid these things, skip over the third part/division of this chapter. All the others are safe! In other news, the end of this update is a little rushed, since I wasn't planning for it to turn out so long! I was tempted to separate it into two chapters but decided against it, so it ended up at about 7000 words. In any case, ignore any grammatical/spelling errors and enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 _"In being born, it seems I cannot go against it._

 _When I realized it by being loved,_

 _I was being washed away, washed away..._

 _Because I'm alive."_

* * *

The following day was better. It wasn't a significant improvement, but Len was standing, arms crossed, outside Kaito's house when he exited, Rin lingering by his side with a smile on her face. That was all it took for Kaito to know that at least not _every_ force in the world was against him. So _this_ \- it was better.

Sluggishly pulling the door shut behind him, he hobbled down the steps and gave them each a quick flick of his wrist in greeting. "Good morning," he mumbled, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand.

Rin grinned at him, as if the brief dismissal she'd given him the day previous had left nothing amiss. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife, but the twins were making quite an attempt at avoiding it. "Sleep well?" she asked.

Kaito shook his head. "Not really," he said. "I stayed up a little too late reading."

At this, Len perked up. He just about leaped over to where Kaito had stomped through a pile of melting snow and fell in stride with him. There was hope gleaming in the green rings of his eyes as he said, "It better have been one of the books I gave you."

"It was the Kemu one. Reincarnation."

Len's countenance tightened into a scowl. It faded just as quickly as it was there, leaving nothing but what could have been a tired smirk. "Of course you'd read the most childish one first. I'm not really surprised."

"You barely even know me," Kaito said. He wasn't expecting it to come out so potent- he'd been aiming for playful. Yet it had dawned on him throughout his late night pondering between pages of Reincarnation that it wasn't far from the truth. It wasn't like they'd ever really been friends up until recently, because of some silly invitation that Kaito would never have thought meant anything to anyone a decade ago.

He knew just as much about Len as Len knew about him. Which wasn't a lot, now that he thought about it. No matter how many words had gone both spoken and unspoken between them, there was a distance.

They were still strangers.

"I'm trying," Len proclaimed. He tucked his gloved hands into his pockets where they fidgeted restlessly. Every footstep forced a labored breath from his mouth in misty puffs. Once he sucked in enough air to continue, he said, "We'll get there eventually."

Kaito opened his mouth and wasn't surprised that no words came out. He let his jaw snap closed, let his eyes settle on the delicate curve of Len's cheekbones. Let his heart stop hammering in his chest.

By the time it finally slowed, his feet were stepping through the gate of the courtyard. The sun was barely above the horizon, casting a brilliant orange light across the sky, streaked with varying shades of purple that turned the clouds pink. It radiated a red hue upon the snow that made it look as though it were on fire, set ablaze by the mere intensity of the sun on a frigid winter morning.

"It's really nice out today," Rin said as she climbed the stairs into the school, hands fisted in the fabric of her short grey skirt.

Irresolute on what to say in response to that, Kaito settled on saying nothing at all. He pushed open the front doors for the twins. They ducked under his arm and headed into the main lobby. He followed them a heartbeat later, sparing himself one last peek at the incandescent world around him. Then he swung the doors shut with a soft _click_ and walked down the hall, his mind replaying every detail of the conversation he'd had with Len earlier.

 _I'm trying. We'll get there eventually._

Kaito ground his teeth together. The words brought that bittersweet taste of black coffee to his tongue, and his palms wouldn't stop sweating no matter how many times he wiped them on his jeans.

Len was anything but typical, and yet he called _Kaito_ the weird one?

Shaking his head in mild confusion, the bluenette tossed his bag onto the floor beside his desk in the classroom and took his seat. Len settled into the desk in front of him, flicking out a pen to doodle on his arms as he always tended to do when he came into class.

When just about every seat had been taken and Kiyoteru had run through attendance, Ruko cleared his throat, stepping out from where he'd been loitering by the blackboard.

"Alright, well- now that everyone's been accounted for, why don't we launch right into today's business?" He clapped his hands together vehemently, a grin dancing across his lips. "Today we start our English literature unit. Mister Hiyama and I have collaborated on putting all of you into groups for the assignment we have starting, as of now." He flicked his multicolored gaze toward the brunette drafting homework homework papers from behind his desk.

Kiyoteru slowly lifted his head to face the classroom, his finger tangled together, resting neatly upon a stack of folders. His dark eyes shifted toward a sticky note at the corner of his unkempt workspace.

"There are three students per group," he said, voice mind-numbingly monotone. "It was relatively randomized." He hesitated, then flicked his gaze to Meiko to add, "And that means no complaining."

Rolling her eyes distastefully, Meiko crossed her arms under her bosom and snapped, "Oh, c'mon, it was _one_ time."

"Right," Kiyoteru said slowly. He went back to looking at the sticky note, adjusting the glasses slipping from the bridge of his nose. "Listen for your name."

A moment's pause. Kaito drummed his fingers against his desk in eager anticipation, awaiting his name to be called alongside Len's and for the blonde to look back at him with one eyebrow arched, hiding a crooked smirk behind faked disinterest. His fingers tapped along until Roro had to launch his hand across the space between their desks and slam a fist down on Kaito's knuckles, lips tugged into an irritated smile.

They both reeled back into composure when Kiyoteru read off, "Yuzuki, Okunuma, and Namine."

Roro pumped a fist victoriously to himself; across the room, Yukari let out a sigh of frustration.

"Utatane, Nekomura, and Luo."

There went the chance of Tianyi being in Kaito's group, then. He tried not to be disappointed.

"Megurine, Hatsune and Ring...Hm, Hibiki, Sakine and Kagamine."

Both Len and Rin fixed Kiyoteru with pointed stares.

"The, ah... _Rin_. The female Kagamine."

Kaito relaxed back into his seat.

"Kagamine- the male Kagamine, Shion and Nakajima."

What Kaito had been expecting for himself was immediately sent Megumi's way. She and Len cast each other mischievous little smirks, and Kaito wondered _why in hell_ he hadn't seen that coming. He tried to ignore the pout that undoubtedly overcame him and reached forward to poke at Len's shoulder.

The blonde cut off his attention from Gumi and refocused it on Kaito, a genuine smile lingering on his lips. It wasn't the usual half-grimace, half-smirk he offered Kaito; it was the real thing, the sort of glittering beam that Kaito had only seen him direct at his sister.

Kaito went to tell him something, but Len beat him to it.

"Can I come over after school today?" was, surprisingly, the first thing out of his mouth. His smile faded into a plain expression, marred only by a look of curiosity. He shifted his shoulders in not quite a shrug, tilting his head to the side. "I like it there."

The breath left Kaito's lungs. He took a moment to recollect it, blinking rapidly, avoiding the aquamarine eyes boring into his soul. "I have band rehearsal today," Kaito said just as he remembered it, his heart sinking in his chest. He liked being home when Len was there, too. "You can come over after."

"Okay," Len murmured. "I'll wait at my house until you can swing by. I...kinda forget how to get to your place. You'll need to guide me." He let out a snort of a laugh.

"That's fine. I'll be there by five. Is that okay?" Kaito asked.

Len dipped his head in a nod. "Yeah." He turned back around, his back straightened, his fingers toying with the elastic of his ponytail. After pulling at it maybe too much, he yanked it out completely, the tips of his blonde hair fluttering to the tops of his shoulders. His fingers slid through the strands, elastic between his teeth until he made a decent knot of hair. Then he slid the band across the base of the clump, tightened it, and went to pushing any loose chunks behind his ear.

For a moment, Len didn't move. He let his hands fall onto his desk, and that was it. A heartbeat later, he said something just audible enough for Kaito to hear.

"You're staring again."

Flustered, Kaito flicked his gaze anywhere that wasn't Len, mumbling out a quick, "I wasn't," about the same time Kiyoteru announced, "Please don't waste time and get into your groups immediately."

Len rose to his feet and waved Gumi over. She cast Kaito a sharp glare- apparently they weren't on good terms, though he'd determined such since the hostility she'd shown for him in the hallway when she'd been staring, and also during their band session yesterday -and then she slung her bag over her shoulder and made her way over to them.

They arranged the desks around them into a small triangle once Roro left, with Kaito being at the tip, forced to stare at both Len and Megumi as they easily launched into a conversation with one another.

Is that how Len felt at Kaito's birthday party, he wondered? Because then he felt pretty bad about it and wished he'd noticed it sooner.

But just as he'd started to consume himself in thoughts about how dumb and oblivious he could be, Len looked up at him and pressed his palms against the surface of his desk, saying, "I was thinking. You should come to the treehouse one of these days with us." There was that little hopeful shine in his eyes again. "Though it's kind of small, and you're...pretty tall."

In comparison to most of Len's friends, and his sister, Kaito had to say, he had a few inches on all of them. Len couldn't be more than five feet, and Kaito himself was well on his way to being six feet tall. Few of Len's friends, with the exception of maybe, _maybe_ , Ling, were close to Kaito's height and he found immense satisfaction in that.

"I'll live," he said.

 _I might've used all the hot water_ , a Len from somewhere very distant into the future said at the back of his head. And the Kaito standing beside him said the same thing he did now. _I'll live._

"You should come this weekend," Gumi added quickly, "like Sunday or something."

"I'll be there," Kaito said as Ruko passed by, setting three paperbacks of the novel into the center of their malformed desk triangle. When he was gone, Kaito urged, "Where is it?"

"The woods- I mean, where else would it be?" Len mused, waving a hand toward the window to the left of him.

Megumi rolled her eyes at him and dropped her chin into her arms, crossed over the surface of her desk. "It's beyond my house."

 _Her house,_ Kaito thought, _where she'll wait and wait for her parents to get home, but they never do._ He had to do something about that. Maybe befriending her through Len and through this project was the first step into doing so properly.

"Okay," Kiyoteru announced at the head of the room, "flip to the first page, and we'll get started. Who wants to read first? Shinozaki?" Mayu shook her head at him in disdain, shifting back in her chair. "Alright. Hatsune, then?"

"Sure thing!" the tealette chirped, and Kaito regretted not forcing Gumi to volunteer. Miku's English accent drove half of the class crazy, and he was no exception.

She enthusiastically launched into the first sentence, but Kaito wasn't really listening. He read it to himself, eyes trailing along the paper as Gumi and Len murmured to themselves amid paragraphs.

It was only the first class and the day already had promises of passing agonizingly slowly.

* * *

"You're not coming to band rehearsals today?"

Rin glanced over her shoulder at Kaito from where she was gathering papers at a table in Mister Zuiga's classroom. She spun around on her heel and hugged the packets to her chest. "No, sorry," she said with a sympathetic smile. "Didn't I tell you? I start tutoring as of today."

Kaito leaned back against the doorway of the room. He supposed he _did_ recall that. "Who are you tutoring?" he asked.

"Your favorite person in the whole world," she said with a teasing grin.

"You can't possibly be tutoring yourself," Kaito shot back, hand resting on his hip.

Rin released an endearing laugh and set the papers back down on the table. "I appreciate the flattery," she cooed, "but, no. It's Nakajima."

Kaito sneered. "What makes you think she's my 'favorite person in the whole world'?"

"Oh, I don't know." The blonde girl heaved a dramatic sigh, her bright eyes flitting up toward the ceiling. "Maybe it's because you two have been glaring daggers at each other since yesterday?"

Caught off guard, Kaito stepped away from the threshold and partially into the room. "So you've noticed?" he asked, tying his scarf loosely around his neck.

"It's not very subtle," Rin giggled, pressing her hand to her mouth. She let it drop to her side when she noticed the embarrassment in Kaito's features. "Look, look, it's not a big deal, Kai. So what, you dislike her? It happens to everyone."

"It's not that I _dislike_ her," Kaito protested, running a hand through his hair. "I'm...I'm just-,"

"Jealous?"

Kaito's brows pulled together. "What would I have to be jealous of?"

"Nothing," Rin hummed. She turned back to her papers and waved a hand dismissively at him, the conversation clearly over with. "I have to start soon, so I'll see you later! Tell me how band practice goes."

"Yeah," Kaito called, "I will," and, blinking the haze of confusion out of his mind, he fled the classroom and hurried down the stairs to the lobby. He started for the exit, only to have a hand clamp around his wrist and tug him back.

Kaito jumped, taking a moment to recover from nearly leaping straight out of his skin before glancing at the panting figure slowly peeling their fingers off of his arm. "Oops, sorry!" they exclaimed, taking an unnecessarily large step away from him, teal eyes wide and smile so big it would probably make her cheeks ache later.

"It's no problem," Kaito said, eyeing her and then the door, debating which one he was more tempted to leave behind. Considering he and Miku were going to the same place anyways- her house -it seemed he was stuck with her, and the temptation to sprint outside right then and there eventually subsided.

Miku gestured to the door, a signal that Kaito should follow her. He begrudgingly obliged, the two of them stepping out into the brightly lit afternoon, trotting down the stairs and into the courtyard. "Sorry for startling you," she apologized again. "I didn't feel like walking home alone, is all, and you were the first person from our band that I saw! I presumed you wouldn't be too upset if we walked there together."

He'd actually been meaning to find Len and ask him to come to rehearsals, but in actuality, maybe it was better that he hadn't. Len had a palpable prejudice against Miku, so being in _her_ house listening to _her_ sing and lead was likely not on the top of his agenda.

That explained why he'd decided to go home to wait for Kaito instead of tag along with him.

"So," Miku said, kicking her left foot out so that it rustled the bag her hands were gripping by her knees, "did you bring the guitars? For yourself and for Megumi?"

Oh, _crap_.

"Um, no, actually," Kaito mumbled, unbuttoning his jacket as he walked. It was getting increasingly warm out here. "It was sort of a rushed morning, and I...just forgot. Gumi's not going to be at practice today anyways, so, we'd only need one...Anyways, I'll be sure to bring them both in tomorrow, for sure."

"Great, thanks!" Miku switched the feet she was outstretching, going from right to left and back again, as if she were dancing along the sidewalk. She was quiet for a moment, but it didn't last. "Do you like the English literature project we're doing right now?" she asked.

Kaito shrugged, shifting his eyes from side to side in hopes either Len or Rin would leap out of the bushes to break him free from this conversation. Being alone with Miku made him feel a sickly anxiety, a coil of awkwardness twisting in his gut. He blamed it on Meiko, putting ideas of this girl _liking_ him into his head. He glanced at her, to find her looking back, teeth showing through the small smile on her lips.

The coil tightened.

"It's alright," Kaito said. "I don't really like a lot of the English novels out there. I'll stick with authors like Kemu, thank you very much."

She giggled, her eyelids fluttering closed as she did so.

And then Kaito, panicking because he didn't want her to be so comfortable around him, being the stupid Bakaito that he's always been, blurted, "There's a rumor going around that you like me."

Miku's composure shattered like a brick to a mirror. "Oh?" she cooed, her voice small and delicate. One of her hands came off her bag to slide against her cheek.

Kaito kept going. Why he kept going, he didn't know, but he just did it and he couldn't stop it. "Yeah. It was mainly Meiko who started nudging at me to ask you out or something." He shook his head and added, "You don't actually like me, right?"

"N-no!" Miku cried, her body jerking to the side of him, arms thrown out to her sides. Her eyes were blown as big as saucers, her mouth for once not pinched into a smile.

She took a deep breath, dusted off her skirt and didn't try to force a tight-lipped grin to lighten to mood. There was nothing either of them could have done to lighten the mood, so they didn't bother. "To be honest," Miku said softly, ambling down the road again, "I had my suspicions that you already had your sights set on someone. Even if I _did_ like you-" she whipped her head at him, a scowl on her face "-which, by the way, I _don't_ -" she looked ahead again "-I wouldn't want to interfere."

"Oh." Kaito fumbled with the strap of his bag, unsure of whether to look at his feet, at Miku, or at Miku's house, coming up fast around the corner. He decided on the latter of the three as he asked, "Who did you think I liked?"

"Rin," Miku said effortlessly.

A startled laugh rolled off of Kaito's tongue. "Rin? No, Rin's not...Rin's my best friend, kind of like a little sister to me. I don't 'have my sights set on her' or anything like that." He shook his head and rounded the corner of the sidewalk, thinking his next words over very carefully. "But," he continued, "even if you don't like me, or I don't like you, I think...I think I know someone who _does_ like you, in _that_ regard."

She cast him a sidelong glance. "Who?" she asked, her words still barely rising above a whisper.

"Megurine Luka. Who else?" he laughed, a grin dancing across his lips. "I could be wrong, but she ogles you a lot, and whenever you two are together she seems really happy."

Miku sniffed. Her eyes had gone red-rimmed, her face blotchy. She was working hard to stifle tears. Kaito felt nothing but immense guilt for having to bring this entire ordeal up. But he knew he wouldn't have been able to rest until he did. "So, you think Luka is…?" The tealette casually trailed off.

"No," Kaito cut in. "Just for you." _I would know. You two moved in together. You were a pop idol and she was a detective. You kept your relationship a secret but it was undeniably there._ "I think she really wants to be close to you. Give her a chance."

"I...I don't know," Miku said. In an even more hushed voice, she added, "My parents would never approve of me dating a girl."

"But they'd approve of you dating a plain ole' boy like me, huh?"

She looked at him, awestruck, as they made their way up the driveway leading into her house. The sun dipped toward the trees, its abating light making their black as night shadows stretch toward the other side of the lawn, as if they were trying to run free from their beholders. They were stuck in place, left only to grow the further and further into the horizon the sun sank. Every ray of dwindling light on Miku's anguished but all the same amazed face made her seem much more vulnerable than she would have liked.

One of her hands itched at her temple, her mouth gaping like a fish on land as she scrambled for words. What she found came out as a garbled, "You're really intuitive, Kai-kun."

She looked like she was desperate to say more, but the door leading into her parents' massive house was not four feet in front of her, crowded by she and Kaito's bandmates, those that Miku most certainly didn't want to have overhear her venting.

"Hi, guys!" she said. The fake smile stretched across her countenance. Kaito wondered if it was hard, having to pretend to be someone else for the sake of being loved.

He thought of Rin, and how her smiles were often tight-lipped just like Miku's, forced and exhausted. And he thought of Len, who was too exasperated to put up a facade like his sister, who let his face always stay deadpan unless he felt he deserved to be happy. Then that smile would curl across his mouth, showing his two front teeth and sometimes his tongue when it accidentally brushed up against them.

An idea for lyrics pulsed at the back of Kaito's head.

Miku unlocked the door into her house, Luka sashaying up next to her, thumbs hooked in the pockets of her leather jacket. The two of them were surrounded in the chatter of the others, Ritsu throwing his arms above his head, Piko making failing attempts to soothe him, Flower snickering about their ignorance.

Behind them, Kaito stood, watching, a grin on his face. It was only when those around him smiled with such sincerity that he felt he could, too. When Miku looked up at Luka and blushed, and the pinkette tugged at one of her long, flowing twintails. When Ritsu slung an arm around Piko's shoulders and Piko rolled his eyes in mocking disinterest. When Flower threw herself in between them, drumsticks waving in the air.

He reminded himself that he deserved this euphoria, this pleasant atmosphere. Change didn't have to be a big cacophony of words and actions put forth toward a future. Change could be simple, as simple as this, as simple as being a part of something.

If this was what change felt like, Kaito wasn't so sure he minded having it revolve around him.

* * *

On his way out of Miku's house, Kaito was, not for the first time that day, snatched by the tealette. Her fingernails pressed hard against his forearm, but he didn't draw away. They waited until the others left with their instruments, farewells echoing down the street, and then Miku uneasily stepped away from him. Neither of them mentioned the crescent-shaped marks imprinted into Kaito's arm as he shrugged his jacket back on.

"Thank you," she said, her teal eyes vivid and appreciative.

Kaito tilted his head at her, buttoning the bottom three notches of his coat as he laughed, "What for?"

"What we talked about on the way here." Miku rocked back and forth on her heels. It was strange seeing her so desolate, like the life had gotten sucked out of her. It wasn't like Hatsune Miku at all, and it was unnerving. "My home life can get pretty complicated, so it's...It can be rather difficult to talk about. I'm glad you brought up the issue about...me liking you, and all that. It's...I didn't really want to. You're just very nice and kind, and I thought if I had to be with any boy, I'd like for it to be you."

He flushed dark crimson at that, and despite his own embarrassment, he was glad to see Miku laugh gently at him. "We're still friends, right?" Kaito said, and she beamed at him, the energetic, bright Miku returning.

"Still friends!" She stuck out a hand, and he accepted it in one of his own. They shook hands once, firmly, like they were in some kind of a business together, and then let go, grinning. "Rehearsal's tomorrow, too. Don't forget to bring the guitars," Miku added.

Kaito nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'll remember." He swiveled toward the driveway, waving over his shoulder at her. She called out a, "Talk to you tomorrow, Kai-kun!" when he reached the curb, and by then, adrenaline over seeing Len, and spending time with him- just _him_ -consumed his legs, and maybe the rest of him, too. Kaito took off sprinting down the sidewalk, bag resiling against his hip with every long stride he took.

Today started off so slow, so mundane. Now time was slipping away so fast, and he was disappointed to find that the day was almost over.

He slowed to a jog when he reached the Kagamine's street, wondering if Rin was home by now or if she was still at the school, lecturing a very incompetent Nakajima Megumi on how to do basic mathematics. He wondered what Len was doing at his house, if he was playing video games or if he was just lounging around on his couch or the front steps, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Kaito splashed through a puddle of melted snow as he ran. Murky water splashed against his sneakers and his jeans, staining them dark. He wondered if Miku's parents were home by now, telling her how to live her life and demanding that she be perfect.

No wonder Meiko wanted Kaito to get together with her so badly. She was just looking out for the poor girl.

The sun plummeted lower beneath the trees. Kaito's shadow sprinted alongside him, faster, just inches ahead.

He reached the Kagamine's driveway, and finally let himself walk. Heavy breaths escaped him in massive huffs, his chest heaving for oxygen. But Kaito marched onwards, padding up the steps to knock at the door.

There was no response. And Len hadn't been waiting on the porch.

Kaito pursed his lips and tried knocking again. No one answered him.

"Len?" he called, and the knocking turned into a slam of his fist. "Len!"

Knocking wasn't going to do him any good, he realized. So Kaito took a sharp breath and reached for the doorknob, twisting it in a sharp, abrupt movement that went hand-in-hand with shoving the entire door backwards, enough force involved that it could have knocked it right off its hinges.

He stepped through the archway and was not a second later violated by the repulsive scent of alcohol and blood. The lights were off, the curtains drawn, the room bathed in utter darkness aside from the light pooling in from the open space behind him.

Kaito felt a sharp breath escape him. He reached blindly toward the wall, his fingers brushing cracks in the wallpaper and a windowpane. Using the faint light he was offered, he managed to identify the light switch. He flicked it on.

Pale lighting filtered into the room, barely bright enough to illuminate the far end of the room, but just bright enough to make out the figure sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by an ocean of red, decorated with wounds so deep and so morbid it brought tears to Kaito's eyes.

He couldn't even find it in himself to _breathe_ , never mind look at Len, a mess of a boy on the floor before him.

"Len?!"

His voice was sharp and choked. He couldn't so much as focus on Len, but at the same time, it was impossible to look away. And the more he looked, the more that fury overtook him, the more he felt like he wanted to break something, smash it until it no longer resembled what it had been.

Who in their right mind would do this? Who would leave him bloody and disheveled and alone, discarded like a doll in his own home?

His jeans were low on his hips, his sneakers at the foot of the couch that rested beside him. It was slanted against the floor, like it had been pushed out of the way in the commotion of putting up a fight. One of Len's feet was bare; the other with a sock only half-pulled-up on it. His yellow hair was left in loose knots across his shoulders.

There were bruises lined across his chest, up his neck and to his cheeks, under his eyes. Blood dripped from a gash on his forehead. But what could have hurt Kaito the most was the way Len was staring at him. There was nothing in his eyes but a hollow emptiness. He could have been looking straight through Kaito for all he knew. He could have been looking at a ghost. Maybe they both were.

"Who did this?" Kaito demanded, slamming the door shut behind him. It resonated throughout the household, rattling every lamp, every table, every bookshelf. The world had gone silent to observe.

Len squeezed his eyes closed. "Shut up." His voice lacked malice, hoarse and nothing less than tired.

Kaito balled his hands into fists, his breaths coming in ragged, desperate huffs. He knew this happened to Len, and to Rin, too, but at this extent? What kind of a madman was their mother dating?

He took a trembling step forward, the floorboards creaking beneath him, ready to give out just as much as he was. Another few steps, and he lowered himself into a crouch. A shaking hand reached for Len, to wipe the blood from his face, but aquamarine eyes flew open at the attempt and Len, sounding devastatingly murderous, screamed, "Don't _touch_ me!"

It sent Kaito recoiling as though he'd been slapped. He looked, just looked, and Len's words echoed in the back of his mind. _You're staring again._

This time, when Kaito reached toward the scarlet stains on Len's face, the blonde didn't move away, didn't flinch or shriek. He lay there, shaking, inhaling air between grit teeth.

"Who did this to you?" Kaito murmured. Every syllable trembled, every word _ripped_ itself from his throat. He let his tears fall as his shoulders shook with the intensity of suppressed cries. "Len, who the _fuck_ -,"

"It was nothing," Len croaked. "It was a play fight. Fukase and I just got into a play fight."

Kaito shook his head in disbelief. In what world could a person be vicious enough to leave a latticework of lesions over scars? "I'm serious," Kaito whispered. His hand rested on Len's cheek, pushing back into his tangled hair.

The only thing Len could force out was a reticent, "Don't tell Rin."

A brief silence passed between them. Then-

"We need to clean you up," Kaito said gently. "You're falling apart."

"You didn't need to see it," Len mumbled as Kaito wrapped his arms around his shoulders and waist and helped him into a sitting position. Len slumped against the couch, the slightest of movements inflicting pain upon him, pain harsh enough to make him yell out and grip at his hair for comfort.

Kaito delved into the kitchen in search of ice, and wasn't surprised to find bags of it underneath the kitchen sink. He lifted one up, scooped out a handful and dropped it into a dish cloth. As he melted the freezing ice in the clammy palm of his hand, he wandered over to the pantry beside the fridge and dug around until he found a first-aid-kit discarded beneath a pile of old clothes and a few soup cans.

He returned to Len, his face finally dry, and bent down in front of him. He was suddenly aware of stupid things, like how his dark hair was hanging in his eyes and he needed a haircut, and that he really _was_ a lot taller than Len, who, especially now- shrunken into himself -was small and much more fragile than Kaito could have ever imagined him being.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he pressed the clump of ice to the deep cut in Len's forehead; the blonde flinched away at first, teeth bared in a snarl. Eventually, he gave Kaito leeway and let himself be taken care of. Len's skin was cool and sweaty beneath Kaito's touch as he dabbed at wounds with ice and hydrogen peroxide, straying away from the gashes on Len's back for now.

"I still wanna go to your house," Len mumbled, his eyes half-lidded. He was barely hanging onto consciousness.

Kaito brushed a loose strand of hair out of Len's face. "I wasn't going to let you stay here, anyway." He cleared his throat and nudged the boy's shoulder. "Can you turn around?"

Len shook his head, so Kaito settled for sliding in behind him, awkwardly placed on his knees. "This is going to hurt for a minute," Kaito forewarned, and slowly pressed one of the peroxide-doused pads against Len's back.

The blonde arched his body with a shout of resistance- "Stop, stop, stop!"-but Kaito didn't, and Len had to sink his nails into his thighs to keep from shrieking. Kaito finished cleaning the dirt and blood from his wounds after a long five minutes, leaving nothing but tattered flesh in its wake. Kaito ran a hand across his face, then reached for one of the bandage rolls and started to line them across Len's back, over his chest, layering it twice before he cut it off and taped the edge on.

"How does it feel?" Kaito asked softly.

Len shifted against him, his torso stiff and tense. "Better," he said, "but it still hurts."

"You can take a shower at my place, if it will help." Then he took a quiet breath and laid his head down in the crook of Len's shoulder, lightly, so as to not disturb him. "Who did it?" he murmured. Len didn't provide an answer; not that it mattered. Kaito already knew. So he asked instead, "Did they do anything else?"

Len shook his head. "They tried," he whispered.

"Have they done it before?"

"...Yeah," Len said.

The sorrow Kaito felt was overthrown by rage. He dug his teeth into his lip and chose not to press the matter.

"I'm going to tell Rin to meet us over at my house," he said instead.

Len shook his head vigorously. " _No_. She can't know, Kaito." His fingers twisted into his thighs. "She can't know."

"She deserves to. You can't keep her in the dark."

" _I have to protect her!_ " Len curled into himself, panting, his hands flying up to his hair to yank at the gnarled strands. "You don't understand. I have to-,"

The door clicked open.

Rin stood in the threshold. The single grocery bag she'd been carrying slipped from her pallid fingers. It toppled to the ground, contents spilling out around her. She didn't look like she noticed, or maybe she just didn't care.

"What-..." A pause. Rin shook her head, palm rubbing at her cheek. "Did it happen again?" she said quietly. "It happened again and _I wasn't here_." She stepped toward her brother on trembling legs, her knees buckling beneath her and sending her onto the floor. "This is the third time since then that he...that..."

Kaito lifted his head off of an oddly silent Len, rising to his feet. He dusted off his muddy jeans and peeled off his sweat-soaked jacket. "We're going to my house," he said. He draped the coat over Len's shoulders. The blonde slowly wriggled his shaking arms into the sleeves, legs tucked sloppily beneath him.

"We can't," Rin objected. She'd wrapped her hands around her hips, hugging herself tightly. "We can't go with you. We're staying here. We have to _stay here_."

"I'm not letting you two do that, not like this. What if he- this _person_ -what if they come back?" Tenderly assisting Len to a standing position, Kaito added, "I wouldn't forgive myself if you two got hurt again."

Rin's eyes pleaded with him even more than her words did. "I don't want you to get involved, Kaito. Something bad could happen to us, to _you_ , if...if..." She tapped her knuckles against her flanks, tongue searching for words she couldn't quite reach.

"He doesn't have restraint for anyone," Len said quietly, head lolling onto Kaito's arm. He pondered that for a second, twisting his words. "Except for Mom."

"Len," Rin choked out. There went her eyes, begging, desperately advocating for him to shut his mouth.

"I'm tired," Len hissed under his breath, "and I don't wanna be here anymore. Kaito's house is warm, and his mom likes me."

"What? Do you think our mom _doesn't_?" Rin gaped. It felt as if the two of them were speaking in a foreign language. "She loves you, Len. She loves both of us."

Len cast her a cold, emotionless glower. "Let's keep it that way," he demanded, and at that, Rin picked herself up, piece by piece, taking the windowsill in her hands for support. She let out a short whistle of breath.

"Okay," she whispered, bobbing her head sullenly.

"Take us home, Kai. Take us home."

* * *

Avanna wasn't at the house when Kaito got there. The twins were blatantly disappointed by this but didn't mention it. Len was too exhausted to attempt speaking, anyways; his deadweight was sinking into Kaito's shoulder so hard it would leave a bruise come tomorrow. Rin, on the other hand, wasn't so much tired as she was stunned. She didn't say anything while Kaito ushered Len toward the bathroom to shower.

"Do you need any help?" he asked.

Len shook his head, taking a half-step toward the staircase leading up toward Kaito's part of the house. Well, it wasn't _his_ , to say, though it felt like it was since that where _his_ bedroom and _his_ bathroom were.

"I can manage," the blonde said, "I've managed before. I can do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Len affirmed, and Kaito was pleased to find a sliver of his ever-snarky self slipping back into his bleary eyes. He didn't spare another second; he shot up the stairs like a bullet, wobbling, catching his balance every time. For being so beaten down, he acted as though his condition was beyond okay. Kaito supposed he was used to pretending to be "okay" by now.

He sighed and gyrated toward Rin. Her right hand hooked around her left elbow, gaze meeting his. "Are you disgusted?" she asked, voice trembling. She didn't even give Kaito time to consider the question before continuing, "Do you think less of us, of our capabilities, of our mindsets because of what you saw? What you heard? Do you think Len is weak, do you think I'm a coward?"

"Rin," Kaito soothed, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Why would I even...?"

She dodged away from his touch. Her hands swept across her cheeks, cradling her face in distress. "I tried to keep it from you, I tried _so_ hard. I didn't want you to get close to Len for all the years we have been friends because I didn't want you to _know_ , I didn't want you to _hate_ me." Rin sniffed, her hands sliding to her sides where they clenched the hem of her skirt.

"If you acted like _you_ around my brother- if you were just your kind, loving, considerate self then there was no doubt in my mind Len would trust you, he would like you," she whispered. The words sounded like they suffocated her. "I figured he'd tell you eventually. I _knew_ he would. So I kept him from you; I kept him from everyone."

"You thought you were protecting him," Kaito suggested.

"He has protected me for so long, Kai. I wanted to do the same for him, but I-...I didn't get it. I didn't know we were isolating ourselves like that. So I stopped, I let us make friends, and... _now_ look. Now look what happened."

He ruminated whether or not things would be any different if she kept secluding them and came to the conclusion that, no, they wouldn't change at all.

"We're going to get rid of him," Kaito said. "I promise you."

Rin grit her teeth and thrust her arm out at the great big world around them. "If you get involved he will hit you _just_ like he hits Len. He'll run away from child protection services no matter how many times you call, no matter how many leads you have. And he'll blame us for nearly getting caught and- and…" She dropped her arm and went quiet for awhile.

"You can't help us, Kaito. I don't think anyone can."

"That's not true," Kaito protested. He couldn't bear the thought of being useless when the entire reason he was even standing here was to prevent this from happening. "One way or another, we'll set things right-,"

"I'm hungry," Rin blurted, and the subject changed in the blink of an eye. She bowed her head toward the kitchen and wiped her surprisingly desiccant cheeks with the sleeves of her sweater. "Would you mind making me some yakisoba? I just...I really wouldn't mind taking a little while to relax and mull this over."

Kaito hesitated, sliding one foot behind him. "Alright. What kind do you want?" he asked, brow raised. There were still so many questions he wanted to ask, but he supposed now wasn't the time.

"Whatever you have." She rotated on her heel and slid away into the lounge, flopping down on sofa. She buried her face into a pillow, undoubtedly crying into the silky material.

Raking a hand through his hair, Kaito left her. He meandered into the kitchen and wondered absently where the day had gone. Hours he'd spent envying- _I'm not jealous of her!_ -Gumi, hours he'd spent with a band that made him feel alone, hours spent in sheer horror, poised beside two people who bridged his past and his future together with their suffering.

 _You barely even know me._

 _I'm trying. We'll get there eventually._

In the galling stillness of his house, Kaito was sure that now, amid everything around him, he'd reached that _eventually_. But upon reaching it, he knew too much.

He knew more than he'd ever wanted to.

* * *

 **Tada...! And so this chapter draws to a close. Len is hurt, Rin is hurt, Kaito is hurt, they're all suffering. I attempted contrasting moods between Kaito's talk with Miku and then his talk with Rin and? Well I'm not sure how it turned out but I tried! In any case, thanks for reading! Leave a review if it's your thing, and if not, see ya later!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	6. Copacetic

**Welcome to the longest chapter yet. I honestly wasn't expecting this to come out so _long_ but it _did_ but, I mean, despite it's length I still think it turned out rather nice. Although there is a lot of filler in this chapter because things are gradually starting to pick up speed, so the chapters should stop going just day-by-day now. I plan to make this story go a little faster now, and this update is a segway into that! So thanks for bearing with me, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 _"Over a thousand times, no matter how hard I try,_

 _I can't get it into words, so I just swallow them._

 _Over a million times, over and over,_

 _This heart that softly thinks of you is never conveyed."_

* * *

It took longer than Kaito would have liked to get Rin to settle down enough for sleep. She kept insisting that she wouldn't go to bed until she talked to Len, but he had been in the bathroom for over an hour and a half and it was starting to get late. Rin's eyelids were beginning to sag from where she was sprawled out on Kaito's sheets, her breathing slowing into a rhythmic simplicity. Just as Kaito swore she was asleep, she jerked to awakeness, mumbling incoherent words under her breath. It sounded as if she was asking if her brother was okay.

Kaito, slumped against the headboard beside her, placed a comforting palm on her shoulder to reassure her that everything was okay. Len was just taking some time to gather his thoughts, he kept telling her. In the depths of Rin's mind, she must have believed him, because she nodded, rolled onto her side, and closed her eyes.

One of her arms was coiled around a pillow, hugging it to her chest. The other loosely held Kaito's hand. The steadiness of her breathing flooded the otherwise silent room.

She was out like a candle blown by the wind. Finally.

"Is she asleep?" a lazy voice called from the hallway.

Kaito glanced up from the book in his lap, brows drawing together. "Yeah," he said, "she's asleep."

With a relieved sigh, Len stepped through the doorway and glissaded into the bedroom. He took a nice long look around, aquamarine orbs glistening at every observation he made about every detail.

"How long had you been waiting out there for?"

Len stopped dead in the middle of his movements, and in the moment in which he did, Kaito let himself take in the sight of his own too-big clothes draped across Len's too-small body. It was sort of funny how massive the tee shirt he wore was; it hung in bunches to his thighs, drooping flimsily over his left shoulder, revealing a large portion of his narrow collarbone. Even the sweatpants had to be rolled up two or three times at his ankles.

Although his expression was tense and on edge and he looked a little ridiculous, Len seemed comfortable, maybe even pleased. It made Kaito feel at ease knowing that much.

"Just a few minutes," Len relented, taking a few cautious steps toward the corner of Kaito's bed. "I wanted to make sure she fell asleep before I came in." He hesitated. "I didn't want to argue with her."

"Argue?" Kaito echoed quietly.

Shrugging, Len ran a finger across the duvet, barely- but noticeably -brushing the side of Kaito's foot. "After this sort of thing, that's what usually happens. She starts to argue about it. Tells me I can't keep acting like some hero, because I'm not. I get it, she doesn't want me to get hurt, but...I- I don't want it to be _her_."

"She said she wanted to protect you, too, you know," Kaito said, closing the book in his lap with his free hand. A soft _thud_ resonated off the pages, a gentle noise that barely reached Kaito's ears, just like the words pooling out of his mouth. "She claimed she hurt the both of you by offering her protection. I think she just doesn't want to see you protecting her and being the only one to get hurt."

Len quirked a brow, his gaze veering from his finger to the cobalt of Kaito's eyes. "So you're saying she'd prefer it to be _both_ of us?"

"Not...not quite," Kaito protested. "I'm saying she'd prefer it to be all or nothing, and considering nothing isn't an option as of now…" He lifted his shoulders to say, _That's the way it is._

"I'm not going to take that into consideration," Len said sharply, the high-pitched loudness of his voice briefly stirring Rin from her sleep. He squeezed his eyelids shut and repeated, quieter, "I'm not. I'd rather it be all for one than one for all. She doesn't deserve any of this, and I refuse to let her bear the weight of it."

A surge of horror tightened its cold fist around Kaito's chest. "You don't deserve it either," he breathed, exasperation clear in the strain of his words.

"I do. More than Rin, _I do_. She stays quiet, she obeys. I fight back. I don't let him control me. I may let him hit me, but it doesn't mean he owns me," Len remarked. "I make sure the only woman in the world who loves him knows I _hate_ him. Even if it makes her mad. Even if it infuriates _him_. Even if it…" A pang of unreadable emotion marred his features. He rubbed at his eyes and said abruptly, "I'm too tired for this."

"That's okay," Kaito said in as soothing of a voice as he could muster.

"Am I sleeping here?" Len asked, waving a hand languidly at the bed.

"If you want to. In that case, I'll take the couch."

Kaito swung his legs off the side of the bed and planted his feet on the floor. He gave Rin's hand a squeeze with one of his own while the other transferred the book from his lap to the nightstand on his other side.

Suddenly, Len lurched forward to grab his shoulder, something like panic written across his face. "Wait," he said. "Wait, wait."

Kaito took initiative to oblige. He waited, his eyes trailing toward Len's.

The blonde rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck, removing himself from Kaito. His teeth sheepishly grit together. "Would you...Would you be bothered if, uh." He huffed and stared at the ceiling. Eventually, he muttered, "Can...Can you...stay here instead?"

"Here?" Kaito mused. His fingers started to relax in Rin's grip.

"Yeah," Len said, " _here_. In the bed. I get, er...nightmares sometimes, so it's...They're not as bad when there are other people around. And, I mean, it doesn't look like Rin wants to let go much either, so..." Hunching his shoulders, he glared at the floor in what could have been irritation. Maybe embarrassment. "So...Would you mind?"

Across from him, Kaito took a moment to breathe. To collect his words.

Surely, he hadn't known Len for very long- it had only been a few days -so he had no say in the matter of his personality and behavior. There was no place for a near stranger to be judged in that regard. Yet, now, they could be considered friends. Couldn't they? So it was different. Kaito could say that Len had never come off to him as the sensitive type when it came to anything else but his sister.

That sort of sensitivity to him must have been conceived as vulnerability in his head. Showing the humane side of a person was a weakness, and if Kaito knew one thing about Len that _had_ to have been true, it was that he refused to let anyone see the weakness inside of him.

Would asking for some comfort be deemed as sensitivity and, thereby, weakness? Because then, how much effort would it take for Len to admit something like that in front of another person; something that simple, but startling meaningful? It made the entire request hold a desperation within it that Len looked like he wanted to yell at himself for showing.

It was, undoubtedly, that humane side of him that he liked to pretend didn't exist.

"I don't mind," Kaito said after what felt like an eternity. Aquamarine eyes shifted to stare at him, and they shimmered with a massive amount of gratitude and happiness. It forced Kaito to look away as he added, "Which side do you want?"

Len blinked blearily at him. "Whatever works."

Kaito took another few heartbeats to contemplate. Then, he stood up, feeling the warmth of Rin's small hand leave his, and peeled the blankets out from underneath her, setting them aside and gesturing to the middle wordlessly.

A small smile flickered across Len's lips. He clambered over the surface before him and plopped down next to his sister. She immediately inched closer to him, nuzzling her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder and clinging onto his arm, the pillow falling discarded from her chest to her waist.

It left a compact space on the very edge for Kaito. Begrudgingly, the bluenette wedged himself into the gap, his shoulders clenching to keep himself from falling flat-out onto the floor.

Once he was at least somewhat settled, he dragged the blankets up to his chest, then switched onto his flank so his back was facing the twins. Almost instantaneously, Len's leg jerked out and kicked him in the calf. "Sorry," the blonde whispered.

"It's fine," Kaito said. His mind was already preparing itself for another long night.

He leaned over to the nightstand and flicked off the lamp, letting lifeless darkness shower the room as he offered a quaint, "Sleep tight."

"Mm," was all he got in response, besides a jolt into his side and a muffled, "Woops, sorry."

Needless to say, it wasn't the best night of sleep of his life.

But he couldn't say it was the worst, either.

* * *

When the three of them stepped into the kitchen the following morning, disgruntled and groggy from a poor night's worth of sleep, Avanna didn't look particularly confounded, but she made an effort to say, "I didn't know you had your friends over," anyways as she shifted a pan over the stove burner.

"Yeah, well." Kaito shrugged and ambled toward the table, tugging out two chairs. He drowsily beckoned the twins over. "Surprise."

Rin politely greeted, "Hi, Miss Shion," before she flopped down in her chair, collapsing her head into her arms. There was fatigue drawn deep into her face, prominent no thanks to the purple bags under her eyes and the apprehensive slant of her mouth. Her ashen complexion did little to prove otherwise, too.

Len, seating himself in the chair beside her, managed to look less defeated. Indubitably, he was just as distraught as his sister was- which Kaito thought was bizarre -shouldn't Len have been _more_ upset, considering the events had been directly related to him? Well, whatever the circumstance was, it had taken its toll on Len, too. The only thing separating him from Rin was that he had a knack for disguising his emotions and putting his guard up when he had no reason to, while his sister could be open when she felt it need be.

"I'm making fried eggs over rice," Avanna said from the back of the kitchen. At that, Len perked up in his chair, his head veering toward her in enthusiasm. "Is that alright with you two?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Len said, a grin splitting across his face. For that split second, the one that lasted until the smile was gone, it was like an entirely different person took Len's place. There was no way to tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Noticing his eagerness, Rin raised her head, poking her gaze questioningly at him. She eyed Avanna briefly, then focused her attention on her brother, and continued to alternate between the two. A delicate lilt of her lips formed after a while of absent searching. "That's better than alright," she said warmly over her shoulder.

As Kaito plopped down at the other side of the table, he tried his hardest not to mention that his mom wasn't the best cook in the world. It wasn't on his agenda to rob Len and Rin of their avidity over a home-cooked meal. They were enthralled about it and he had a fleeting idea as to why that was.

"So, are you up to anything today?" Avanna asked. The refreshing smell of eggs on the pan was starting to go sour from burning. She yelped, flicked the burner off, and stepped back, handle of the pan clinched fiercely in her porcelain fingers. A silent cuss word fell from her lips, followed by a dramatic sigh.

"I have band practice," Kaito said, inspecting her speculatively. "Do you want some help?"

Avanna shook her head in stubborn refusal. "No, no, it's alright, Kai. I need to get the hang of this eventually. By myself." She placed the pan on the counter and started to spoon them out onto bowls of rice. "Sheesh, but it sure is taking a _long_ time!"

"It smells nice. I'm sure you did a fine job," Rin cooed. She picked something off her skirt, her happy attitude unwavering.

She'd been stuck in her uniform throughout the night, having had slept in it. It was a bit wrinkled, but other than that, there were few signs it had been worn for more than a single day. Still, Kaito had suggested they throw it in the wash for a little bit to at least get out the scent. Rin had refused with a yawn, shaking her head and combing her fingers through her hair.

At least Len had accepted something new to wear that weren't pajamas. He'd found one of Kaito's old school uniforms at the back of a closet and, although the design was a little different from the current, had solicited persistently about wearing it until Kaito gave in and groaned, "Fine, go ahead." Like the other clothes, it was still too big for him, but it fit better than anything modern of Kaito's.

"Here we go!" Avanna cried from the counter. "I can't promise it's any good, but it's finished."

She swung by the table to deliver a bowl to each of the kids, a sappy sweet smile dripping onto her freckled face. Without waiting for any of their reactions, she scampered back to edge of the kitchen, simultaneously wetting a sponge and grabbing the crisply charred pan rejected by the microwave.

In less than the span of fifteen seconds, Len had devoured half of what was in his serving. Whether he'd inhaled it or just missed his mouth, no one really knew and no one bothered to ask. A minute passed and, in a rush, he was done, shoving the bowl aside, leaning back in his seat.

With blatant disinterest, his sister watched him, eyes lost in the question of whether she should stare at her own meal or the remnants of what had been his. She went with the former after a long while of pondering, her chopsticks dancing from hand to hand. There was another world swirling in front of her. Wherever she was, it could be decided that her appetite wasn't there with her.

Kaito could say the same. Everything that had happened had mentally drained him. He felt a little on the emptier side, that single thought of _I've seen too much_ lingering no matter where he turned. He was getting pretty tired of all these mood swings.

"Is it that bad or are you just not hungry?"

Avanna's elbow tapped the corner of Kaito's jaw, completely shattering the melancholic surroundings his mind had gone and built around the room to replace what he kept believing was really there.

"Oh, no! No, it's fine, Mom," Kaito said hurriedly, sticking his chopsticks into the bowl and taking a bite. _Burnt._ The eggs were _definitely_ burnt. "I guess I'm really not that hungry, though."

Unvexed, Avanna swerved toward the twins, hands casually set on her hips, features soft and welcoming. It always emitted a genial aura to those around her. Throughout his lifetime, Kaito had never realized how much he relied on it. "What about you, Rin-chan? Are you still eating?"

Rin recuperated from her thoughtful state in seconds. "Yes! Yes I am!" she cooed. Imitating Kaito, Rin delved her chopsticks into her rice, scooping out a mouthful. The tangible cringe on her face said a lot about how "nice" it really was. Regardless, she picked off the contents relatively quickly, relaxed, and fidgeted her hands in her lap. "Thank you, Miss Shion. That was really good."

"Was it?" Avanna cheered, waving one of her arms excitedly above her head. "I'm glad to hear." She spared a glance at the clock on the oven. Her eyes widened to saucers, and like that, she was already working on dismissing the three of them from the table and ushering them to the door.

Once she'd shoved them all outside, she said, "Sorry for that, but I don't want you kids being late! Hurry up, don't lose track of time again!"

Then she shut the door, and there they were jilted, standing out in the swirling storm that was winter.

"I don't have my backpack."

Len squinted in distress at the snow, his thumbs hooked in the belt loops of his pants.

A moment of silence passed.

Kaito blinked and flicked the blonde's temple, one eyebrow lifted in mild expectation. "You can borrow my notes for the day," he said, motioning tiredly for them to get going.

"...Okay," Len replied slowly, his feet reluctant to propel him after the bluenette. Kaito must have slowed down, because Len matched his strides with ease on his left, and Rin even more so on his right. The both of them were unnaturally quiet, and Kaito forced himself not to question why.

He already knew why. He knew why for so many things and it felt all wrong.

Out of nowhere, Len blurted, "I'm going to the treehouse today. Do you want to come?"

"I can't. I have practice, remember?"

Len shrugged. "Not really," he admitted.

"Nakajima said she didn't want me to come until the weekend, anyways."

"That's only 'cause she's not gonna be there today. That goes for most of the crew, actually. It'll just be Fukase, Ling, Lui and me for today."

"Do you mind if I just wait until the weekend to come?" Kaito asked.

"Sure, it's no big deal," Len said. Although Kaito had a vague feeling it was some kind of a big deal by the way Len angled his gaze toward the ground and tightened his grip on the fabric of his pants. "But come tomorrow. Not Sunday, like Megumi mentioned."

"Can do."

There was another break in the conversation. Then Len leaned forward, turning toward his sister with a curious notion about him. "Hey, what are you doing today?" he asked.

"I'm going to Miku's for band rehearsal and then staying there for dinner." Rin cast him a nervous look. "Are you going to stay out late, too?"

"Uh-huh," Len said with a bob of his head, "I think I'm going to spend the day at Lui's."

"Don't come home until after ten," Rin advised. She flattened her palm out across her snow-glazed cheek, her eyelids fluttering.

Len offered her a teasing sneer, as if to lighten her constricted mood. It didn't seem to work, so he let it drop and cleared his throat. "I know the routine," he sighed.

"And Kai?" Rin unexpectedly shifted to address Kaito now, her lips tugged into a sharp frown. He'd never seen her look quite so beaten down.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

There was no other context. Rin stared down at her feet, shuffling along silently over the white sheets of ice spread out for miles in front of her.

Kaito couldn't fathom a response. _You're welcome_ sounded too selfish, but nothing else would make sense.

At times like this, there was little else he could do except settle for nothing.

* * *

 _The world wouldn't stop spinning._

 _After the words tumbled from her mouth, everything whirled around her in a tornado of colors and tattered emotions. She wished she could take them back. She wish she could think before she spoke, but-_

" _I don't want to be just like you! I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer! I want to be a musician!"_

 _It was too late. The blade had already pierced the skin._

 _Her parents were staring at her with even, level gazes. She hated when they looked at her like that, like she was an object and not an actual person. They were probably thinking about what a waste of money she was. A waste of a child._

" _Miku." Her mother was the first to impede upon the issue. "That is highly irrational thinking, coming from you."_

" _You played piano for three years. That doesn't qualify you as a 'musician'. Those are flawed dreams," her father continued with a nod of his head._

 _The floor gyrated underneath Miku and she wasn't sure if she was going to vomit, cry or spontaneously combust._

" _I've been playing piano since I was six! Just because you stopped paying for my lessons doesn't mean I stopped playing!" Miku screeched. "I'm talented, you know! I found something where I am actually talented! Something I love! Why aren't you proud of me?!"_

" _Musicians end up as bums," her mother said, idly examining her nails. "Their careers go nowhere. Most of the time they kill themselves, anyways. Fame gets to people. We only want the best for you, so that doesn't happen."_

 _Her father nodded again. "Music isn't a talent, either, sweetie. Anyone can pick up, say, a guitar and strum some chords, play some notes. It's not that difficult. It's not a talent. But you know what is a talent? Being able to cut open someone's heart and save their life," he affirmed. His eyes glazed over the newspaper, aloof._

" _Go into the medical department like your father did. Or enter the business department, like me. Or even go for engineering."_

" _You're fourteen now, Miku. It's time to start thinking about your future. No more fantasies. No more dwelling on silly things like this. Make something out of your life. Don't be a waste."_

 _A waste? A waste. A waste. Waste, waste, waste- garbage. She was garbage to them, a piece of trash they were merely inches from throwing away. They were going to throw her away, their own daughter, if she didn't listen to them. They were going to disown her. A kid, a little girl that only wanted to be herself. That wasn't fair. They wouldn't really do that. They'd never, ever do that to her._

" _I'm not a waste," Miku said, choking on the words._

" _You will be, if you spend all your time trying to be a musician," her father snorted. "No less, you'll be an embarrassment to all of our friends."_

 _Her mother laughed scornfully. "Really, honey, think of all the consequences leading yourself down this road will bear. It's hopeless." She stopped staring at her nails long enough to scoff at Miku. "Wake up from your daydreaming and come back to reality."_

 _"Look," her father said, "we only want you to be happy. And we only want the best for you-,"_

" _Best for_ me?! _I'm not an idiot! You only want what's best for_ you _and that's all you've_ ever _wanted! You don't care about me! All you care about is that I make you look_ good _so you can boast to your shitty rich friends! I'm an impression, right?! I'm a doll you can change and dress up and then throw away when you don't want me! You don't care about me!"_

" _Where did this attitude come from? It's absolutely foul, young lady!"_

 _Miku felt a horrific pain shoot from her knuckles up her arm. It took a few moments to register just how hard she'd punched the wall, just how hard she was panting, crying, bleeding._

" _I have obeyed you without fault for years! I've participated in camps and pageants and meetings all so you can be happy because that's all_ I _wanted- for our family to not be so dysfunctional!" She ran a sleeve up the side of her face in a vain attempt to dry her tears. "I'm not the foul one, and I'm_ not _the one with the attitude! You have spent your lives using me and disrespecting me! You've been nothing but disgusting, hateful even! I have every damn right to give you a taste of your own medicine!"_

" _You're grounded," her father said. He didn't miss a beat. He simply lowered his newspaper and frowned at her, that one frown that creased his entire pale face._

 _Miku clenched her bleeding fist and knocked it against her thigh. "No, I'm not."_

 _Her mother rose to her feet in one graceful motion, pale blue hair bouncing at her shoulders. "No electronics for a month. No music, no piano, no manga-" she counted them off on her slender fingers as she went "-nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing."_

 _Above Miku, the ceiling started to melt into the walls. Still, she said, "Fuck you," as loud as she could muster._

 _Another pain struck her, and this time, it was not from her own doing._

 _Her mother stood before her, palm as red as the mark swelling on Miku's cheek. "Go to your room," she demanded, "and think about what you have done."_

" _You can't make me do anything. You can't force me to give up my dreams or my will. I'm good at something. And if you have the heart to change that, change_ me _, then you don't have the right to call yourself my mother!" Miku snapped._

" _This." Her mother swallowed, restraining herself, her eyes blazing with pained resentment. "This. Is your last. Chance. Go. To your._ Room."

 _That time, Miku listened. She went to her room like she had been told, slammed the door behind her, and grabbed her phone from her bed. She sent a few passive aggressive and needy texts to Rin, then to Aria, stifling sobs with the back of her arm as she went._

 _Her cheek throbbed. Now that she thought about it, her entire face did, and the hot tears leaking from her tear ducts weren't helping._

 _The ground had stopped spinning, though. Miku relished in this as she tossed her phone aside and rifled through the disorganized clutter underneath her bed. She fished out her keyboard. It was busted up here and there, but not enough to keep her from playing. Fingers shaking, she set it up at the corner of her room, sat down, and thought happy thoughts to repress the rest of her tears._

 _She hesitantly tapped a key. Pain vibrated in her knuckles immediately, and she cursed herself for punching that stupid wall. But she kept playing. Her fingers went on their own accord, trailing from key to key. A pitifully weak melody resounded through the room, oddly soothing while jagged and broken._

 _There came a distracting ringing from her pillow._

 _Miku wiped at her face for good measure, let herself manifest a smile, and went to answer her phone._

 _"Hello?" she asked, her teal eyes analyzing the wall decorated with pictures upon pictures of her and her parents._ _One by one, she picked them off and tore them in half. She watched, eager, as the shreds fluttered to the floor where later that day they would be whisked away by a broom._

" _Is everything alright?" was the first thing that Miku heard. The voice was easily recognizable as Rin's. "I called as soon as I got your text…"_

" _Everything's fine," Miku said smoothly, ripping out the elastics keeping her hair from touching her shoulders. She tossed them to the other side of the room. "I feel a lot better."_

" _That's good," Rin sighed._

 _Miku swallowed. She found herself staring at the blood staining her small hands. It looked sick and contorted. Like something out of a video game or a movie, maybe. Not that she was allowed to take part in either of those things. At least she knew._

" _Miku? Hey. If it's bad at your house, you can come over mine."_

 _She jolted back to her senses. "It's alright...I just have a favor to ask of you," Miku said._

 _A thoughtful hum whispered from the other line. "Alright," Rin murmured. "What is it?"_

" _I need you to make some posters and flyers advertising auditions for a band- for_ my _band. Can you do that for me?"_

" _Band…?" Rin echoed._

 _"Yes, a band. I'm starting a band."_

 _Surprisingly, a gentle laugh fell from Rin's side of the receiver. "Oh, you little rebel, you," she chuckled._

 _Her laugh was so contagious._

" _So?" Miku urged, seating herself on her bed. "Can you do it for me?"_

" _Of course. How many do you need?"_

 _Miku grinned. It felt good to grin for real. It felt good to have someone who didn't think she was a waste of time and space and energy. This person wouldn't throw her out, even if she got a little old or a little boring. Rin would always be there. Nothing could ever be more comforting than that._

" _As many as you can make," she said._

 _Rin said, "You got it, ma'am. I'll call you when they're done!"_

 _They hung up at the same time. They always seemed to do that, and Miku pinned it on the fact that Rin knew her so well._

 _Yes, it really did feel good to know there was someone in this cruel, alarming world who knew her at all._

* * *

"Hi, Kai-kun!"

Kaito faltered at the voice, his feet catching on the edge of the entryway to the Hatsune household. He lost his balance and was met with a faceful of sleek tile floor. Distant laughter that could only be Gumi's filled the corridor. Humiliation flooded Kaito's system, and to hide himself away from it, he stayed on the ground, soaking up his own self-loathing.

He couldn't help but wonder why this was starting to become a habit for him; sooner or later, a vision was going to end up distracting him to the point of walking straight off a cliff. From just a five-minute one of those things, he'd lost track of time and forgotten a majority of his day. He could barely remember what it was Miku had even said for him up on the floor in the first place.

Honestly, he was a mess.

"Kai-kun! Oh, geez, are you alright?" Miku asked nervously, jutting out a hand in his general direction. Kaito made out the blur of her fingers at the corner of his line of sight, an alert blaring in his head for him to accept them.

He gratified his mind's desire and took her offering, hauling himself to his feet. "I'm fine," he mumbled, but that wasn't true. That wasn't true at all. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize! That was my fault!"

He wondered how many times a day she said something like that to her parents.

Miku reached out her fingers to grab his wrist. Her touch was stiff and diffident if only for a second. A natural feeling gradually took over, her fingers easing over the smooth surface of his skin. As if to say something he was meant to decipher, she grinned at him. It seemed wrong, fake. Everything about her seemed that way now.

"Everyone's already here," she said, "in the basement." Her teal gaze briefly flickered up to Gumi, standing in the doorway of the dining room with a bag of chips in her grip. "Well. Except for _her_."

Megumi shrugged, bearing a cynical smirk. "I got hungry," she snorted through a mouthful of chips. Mischief sparkled in her jade eyes- but Kaito saw past it, into the thick greed and desperation that resided within her.

Damn, those premonitions _really_ needed to stop screwing with his head like this.

"I didn't mean to be so late," Kaito murmured as he shuffled further into the house. "I stopped by my place to grab these." With that, he slung the two guitar cases he forgot had been on his back onto the ground and gestured toward Gumi. "One for you, one for me."

"Oh!" Miku squealed, clapping her hands together in delight. "Perfect! Thanks for bringing them!"

She pivoted and waved Gumi over, telling her to grab the guitars and head to the basement. The only protest Megumi gave in return was a roll of her eyes, an irritated groan huffing out from under her breath as she slid the chips into the pocket of her tight orange jacket. A sharp stare in Miku's direction lasted for a split second; in the next, both the greenette and the guitars were gone.

Sheepishly, Kaito shrugged his shoulders "She doesn't really like me," he explained.

"I'm not sure she likes anyone!" Miku giggled, side-eyeing the bluenette in vague amusement. But she must have caught something in his expression, because her own quaver, a flicker of panic shooting across her face. "Kai-kun." She said it worriedly, anxiously. He didn't respond, and she tried again. "Kaito."

He forced a single syllable out of his mouth. "What?"

"You seem... _off_." Miku tilted her head back to stare at his features. "Is everything alright? Really, seriously alright?" she pressed. She wasn't looking at him. He was getting uneasy.

 _No, no I'm not sure if I am._ Kaito clicked his tongue, searching. _I feel like Rin is scared and I feel like she's going to do something she'll regret. I feel like Len is going to try too hard to protect her and it's going to tear him apart. I feel like you're going to turn into a monster because that's what your parents want. I feel like Nakajima knows more about this ordeal than she's showing; I feel like there's something wrong with her, but I don't know what. I feel like I can't do anything, even though I'm supposed to. Even though-_

A hand touched his shoulder. Miku was smiling again, more lucid this time, everything about her...real. The emotions radiating off of her were her own. It loosened the choking hold of Kaito's lungs.

Miku said, "We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to. I get it. Things can get complicated and stressful. But...If you ever need to get something off your chest, I'm here, okay!? I'm sure Rin-chan and Luka-chan and everyone else in the band will be too!"

"Maybe next time," Kaito said, "we can talk. I just-,"

She held up a palm to silence him. "It's okay! You don't have to explain."

Kaito stayed quiet. A smile twitched at the corners of his lips.

"Hey! Some music will probably cheer you up, yeah? That song you've been working on- Futariboshi? It's very sweet! Nakajima and I were practicing singing it earlier- she has such a great voice, have you heard her? Wow! -anyways, we started adding some instrumentals, and we wrote it out as sheet music since we didn't have the guitar...but we knew how we _wanted_ it to sound, and I want you to hear!"

"You two probably sound great together.." As Miku giggled and led him to the basement, he pursed his lips in thought. Then: "Is Rin here?"

"Rin? Yes, she is! She's spending most of the day here."

 _As I'd expected._ "Cool." _They make each other happy. That's...good._

"So, I was thinking today we practice Futariboshi a little- if you like the instrumental, that is! -and then move on to some covers? I was thinking that Error and Reverse would both fit Ritsu's voice, if he'd like to do that...and then we could have Gumi sing Requiem...? Hm, and...you could do Snowman, you'd sing that so great!..."

On and on, Miku went rambling, flailing her arms about theatrically all the way down the stairs.

Kaito had the sudden urge to hug her, and then Rin as he passed her, and even Ritsu and Luka and, geez, _Megumi_ , too. He wasn't quite sure _why_ , he just _did_. Maybe it was because then they would know how much they meant to him. How much he wanted to protect every last one of them, from Rin and Len, to Miku, to, yes, Megumi. But what was there that he could even do? Hugging them wasn't going to solve his problems.

 _You already told yourself what you were going to do,_ he thought. _You said you were going to be a hero. If Len can't be a hero, if Rin can't and if no one else can, then you will. You have to be. You just have to start simple. Right?_

"Alright, alright! Everyone, let's show Kai-kun the progress we've made in Futariboshi!" Miku stood by the piano, her fingers twitching aimlessly along the tops of the keys. Megumi filed in near her, the old guitar tightly gripped in her hands, strap sliding unknowingly off her shoulder. Around her, the others picked up their instruments, and next to Kaito, suddenly, was Rin.

She simpered up at him. "You're going to be impressed."

"I bet," he said. At the time, he didn't know just how right she'd been.

By the time they were done, Kaito felt blown away. He was in another world. Every note lingered, melted into a cascadence over and over in his mind. The notes of the piano, the guitar, the bass, the drums, the _voices_. And he knew, right there, in that moment.

He knew exactly what kind of a hero was.

Breathless, Miku rested her forehead on the keys of the piano, a violent screech of mismatched notes flooding the room. She took some time to get air into her lungs, and when they'd been filled, she practically threw herself over the piano in order to get to Kaito.

"How was it?" she gasped. "Did you like it?"

On instinct, Kaito tousled her hair. She beamed at him, her demeanor lifting his higher.

 _I feel like I'm going to do something right, sooner or later. But I'd like for it to be sooner. Now, for instance._

"It was almost perfect," he said, and Miku didn't even flinch at the phrasing. Kaito kept going. "Slow the tempo, add my guitar- Miku, you take the melody, Nakajima, you on the harmony."

The two girls cast each other prying glances, nodded, and shifted their awareness back to him. They were bursting with poorly contained energy. Kaito wasn't any better himself.

"If we do that," he said, "then we've got ourselves a damn good song."

* * *

Kaito didn't sleep much that night.

He expected it, so he didn't bother even trying to get more than two hours. By midnight, he was awake and alert, his mind focused on a thousand things.

Stretched out on the surface of his bed in the darkness, there was no limit to what he could think about.

The scars on Len's back, for one. They had started to haunt him, but perhaps even motivate him. Kaito never wanted to see them on anyone _ever_ again. Especially not on Len, nor on Rin. On no one, he hoped.

And he thought of music and Miku and Megumi and what it was, exactly, the universe was trying to tell him about these extraneous (but interesting) parts of his life. Miku somehow danced around her restrictions and expectations as a perfect child so she could have a band, achieve her goal and be close to people like Luka and himself. Gumi was struggling through some kind of an illness or disorder with the death of her parents not far out of reach.

In some way, the two were connected. That was important. Very important. But why?

Then he thought of treehouses and Len's friends and how small they were in comparison to him and how there was so much hilarity to be sought in that, because Megumi and music and Miku were all too serious.

At around three in the morning, he got dressed into clothes that could last him the day and sat himself at his desk. Thinking was getting too heavy. He needed to vent. So Kaito took out the journal he'd gotten for his birthday, a pen hooked in the spiraling metal hoops. Without a moment to spare, he started to write, his wrist flicking so rapidly it was impossible to distinguish most of the characters on the page.

He wrote for hours, losing track of time (that was a new very bad tendency of his) until it was nine and his eyes wouldn't stay open. He let his forehead fall onto the page in exhaustion. He'd worn himself out.

Unfortunately for him, he had two hours to get to Len's place, and he was content on sleeping away both of them. But his mom was keen on his plans; she peeped her head into his doorway, chiming over and over that it was time for him to get up- something about not wanting to keep company waiting.

Kaito rolled out of his chair and onto the carpet. He made a noise that could probably be considered a combination of a whine, a groan and a screech of agony. It was enough to make Avanna ask if he was okay, which he was, he supposed, and he told her that. Then, he pushed himself to his feet and regained his composure. He slid on his coat and snatched his phone off of his nightstand before dashing down the stairs.

As he went, he sent Meiko a brief message, considering he hadn't really talked to her much lately.

 _Want to hang out tomorrow?_ he typed. He already predicted she'd say 'why not now', so he added, _I'm hanging out with Len for most of today._

Not a minute later, she responded with, _Sure, tomorrow sounds gr8._

With a nod to himself, Kaito tucked the device into his pocket and dove straight for the front door. It wasn't quick enough.

Avanna caught him by his scarf and dragged him right back to the kitchen table, her thin lavender eyebrow lifted. "No need to leave in such a rush," she mused.

"I'm going to be late."

"You haven't eaten breakfast!"

Kaito shifted his feet anxiously. "I don't need to eat breakfast." He hesitated. "It's about lunchtime anyway."

"Kai," Avanna protested. She gesticulated, noticeably irked, at the table and the plate of food set out upon it.

"I'll eat at the treehouse," Kaito promised, making for the door once again. This time, his mother let him go, pouting to herself even after he gave her a 'goodbye' and an 'I'll see you later'. She was probably waiting to kiss his face, but he wasn't in the mood for that this morning.

Outside, the world was bitter and raw; it was no different than it had been these last few days. Winter was harsh and unforgiving during this time of year.

Kaito exhaled and watched the cloud of vapor that was his breath turn to a thick mist of frost. The wavelength crippled into the snow, forgotten. Kaito spent the majority of the walk to the Kagamine's repeating this. He was growing impatient, his paces growing faster and more haphazard the more that time passed.

When he reached the curb of the familiar driveway leading to the devastatingly charming Kagamine household (even from here, Kaito _swore_ he could still smell blood and booze), he spotted Len, sitting on the steps of the porch with snowflakes in his hair. He lifted his head at the sound of boots crunching through gelid snow.

"Hey," he called, giving a nod of acknowledgment, rising to his feet.

There was a dark purple bruise underneath Len's eye, Kaito realized as he approached. It made a strange tightness form in his chest. "Hi," he said back.

Len scrutinized him behind a mask of nonchalance. There seemed to be a lot of words on his tongue that he would only say if he found the right _something_ on Kaito's face. He must have not seen it, because all he said was, "The treehouse is over past Megumi's. Follow me." He turned fleetly on his heel, hopped off the step and marched swiftly down the road.

Kaito took a gulp of bitter air and trotted after him, expecting nothing all over again.

It wasn't what he got.

About ten minutes into the walk, Len blurted one of the things that it seemed like he had been holding in. "Are you going to the winter formal?"

"Huh?"

"The dance," Len repeated, "at the end of the month? It's girls ask boys. I...I dunno. I figured someone might have asked you already."

"Oh." Kaito had never been one for dances. Or romance. None of that stuff was appealing and he wasn't sure it ever would be. He looked down at the mark on the blonde's face and bit his lip. "I don't think I'm going. Are you?" he asked.

Len toyed with the sleeve of his jacket. "Maybe. No one's asked me yet, and I'm not really sure if I want to go anyways."

"Girls are gross," Kaito teased.

It got a laugh out of Len, and he felt extremely proud of that. "Yeah, I guess they are," he mused.

They walked the rest of the way in, for the most part, saturnity, which Kaito didn't mind. Talking while pushing through roots and drooping branches wasn't his top priority.

The next time a word came out of one of their mouths, it was from Kaito, who wheezed out a short, "Holy crap," at the sight of one of the most extravagant treehouses he'd ever witnessed. Granted, he hadn't seen many treehouses; but if he had, he was sure this would still be the best.

"It's pretty cool, isn't it?" Len said triumphantly. He tugged at a string and a rope ladder flopped onto the ground.

"Nakajima said it was _small_ ," Kaito murmured.

"It is on the inside," Len explained, gesturing to the ladder with wide eyes. "C'mon, you can go first."

So Kaito did. He took hold of a rung, pulled himself up, and pondered, not for the first time- and probably not for the last -what kind of calamity he was getting himself into.

But it was too late to turn back now, wasn't it?

* * *

 **Another chapter down! Finally. I'm honestly having a lot of fun with this story, considering I missed writing KaiLen lots. :')) It's so great to put a lot of effort into something like this. Also! I should have mentioned that all the memories Kaito sees happened in the "other timeline". Whether or not they happened in this "current timeline" is up for you to determine!** **I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors as well.**

 **Review if you'd like, and if not, see ya later!~**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	7. Patched and Logical

**An update a tad it later than previous ones, oops! I've been super stressed with end of the school year stuff, but it's basically summer break now so I'll have a lot of time to keep writing now. I'm hoping to get to chapter fifteen of this at the least by the end of my break. Anyways, this chapter is kind of a filler, but it also introduces new character personalities/conversations/interactions and has a pretty good deal of information that will build us up to the next block of the story. Now, with that out of the way, please! Go on and read!**

* * *

 _"Call out if you get lonely. Talk right when you're sad._

 _Even though I wish I were philanthropic,_

 _This guy is quite serious, like he dressed up in a suit._

 _I'm mimicking you,_

 _And getting my hands on peace of mind."_

* * *

The treehouse was small in the sense that the ceiling stopped six inches past five feet, low enough that Kaito smacked his head upon entering and almost fell right off the landing into the freshly-fallen snow. He probably would have done just that if not for an unfamiliar hand grabbing the sleeve of his shirt to steady him.

"Whoa, man, sorry! Someone should've let you know this place wasn't very big! You okay?"

Kaito blinked away the lingering ache behind his eyes, refocusing them on the figure standing in the center of the room that could only be identified as Hibiki Lui. His smile was sweeping an arc across his face, ginger hair tousled by the breeze streaming in through the windows.

Everything about the scene seemed very materialistic and obfuscous, reminding Kaito that this wasn't his place to be. This here was unexplored territory he was infiltrating. These people were strangers, no matter how many years he'd known them for.

His eyes caught Gumi's from across the room, where she was slouched against the wall with malice in her expression and an ashen whiteness to her fingers.

Some of these people were far stranger than others.

"I'm fine, thanks," Kaito said after a pause that seemed too long to be polite. He cleared his throat and tried, "This place is pretty snazzy."

And it was.

In spite of the height, the width was spacious- maybe a little _too_ spacious. There was so much room for walking, even with the small green sofa and loveseat pushed to the back of the room, right below a damp glass window letting what few rays of sunlight it could collect splatter against the floor. It was all dizzyingly bright, too; the wooden floor was an extremely vibrant yellow and the walls were purple and it mixed together to make the white ceiling look very dull.

As Len came up the ladder from behind him, Kaito noticed the small slider at the far wall, leading out to a well-crafted balcony resting partially on a thick, sturdy branch. There was a table with snacks spread out on it and most all other attendees were crowded around it, laughing and talking about senseless things that kids their age _should_ have been talking about.

Kaito decided that he liked this place. He liked it a lot.

"Did he do it?" Len asked, sidling up to Kaito's side with a lopsided smirk on his face. In that split second, his demeanor changed completely.

"He did! And you missed it!" Ling called from the snack table, her mouth stuffed with a dozen pieces of Pocky.

Len waved a hand lazily at her, walking toward the table with easy strides because he actually _fit_ under the ceiling. "I'm pretty sure I'll have more opportunities," he said.

"Hey," Kaito groaned, ducking down to keep his head from brushing the ceiling again, "don't use my awkward height against me!"

"How tall are you, anyway?" Lui asked. He was looking at Kaito with blinding orange eyes throughout his entire walk over to the loveseat, collapsing into it, legs thrown over the armrest.

Kaito said, "I think five-eight?" and slowly sat himself down at the table beside Len.

Oliver perked up at this, single eye blown wide in amazement. Opposite him, Fukase barely looked any different. "Bloody hell, you're tall," he mumbled.

"Whether he's tall or not isn't the point," Ling said, wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve to rid herself of all the Pocky crumbs. She leaned forward, planted her elbows on the table, and rested her chin in the palms of her hands. "You're pretty popular with the ladies, you know."

"You're kidding," the bluenette huffed.

"I'm not!"

"She is," Megumi huffed from her spot on the wall. She'd started examining her nails as if there was really something interesting about them.

Ling rolled her eyes, a desperate attempt to flout her companion. "Then explain why Miku _and_ Yukari _and_ Iroha are all gushing over him, geez."

"What...What did I even do to...? I dunno. Become popular?"

"You're nice," Len said, "and you've got a sort of aloof but charming sense to you. That's why Rin likes you so much."

Ling snapped her fingers to signify a jarred memory. "Her, too. She wants to ask you to go with her."

"Wait, what?" Len and Kaito said in tandem.

The blonde furrowed his brow, leaning back on his hands, legs sprawled out across the cool wooden floor. "This is the first I've heard of that," he added, casting Ling a speculative look.

She grinned sheepishly, fingers combing over her braid. "Oops! Meant to tell you sooner, guess I just forget. But, come _on_ , do you blame her? Or any of them? Face it, Kaito, you're pretty cute."

If not for the desire to continue seeing Len act so natural and like himself, like a person that actually didn't mind existing in this dangerous world of lies and conspiracies, Kaito probably would have thrown himself out the window by now to hide from the embarrassment creeping down his ears. He tossed Len a bewildered look, to which the blonde laughed, shrugging.

Then he looked over at Ling, subconsciously rubbing the splotch of color on his cheekbone. "So, have you asked anyone to the formal yet?"

"I didn't even know it was happening until yesterday," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "But I'm probably just going to go with, er...Yeah, I think I'm gonna ask Tianyi." Oblivious to Lui's chant of _ooooh_ , she continued with, "Has anyone asked _you_ to go?"

Len shook his head. "Not too sure if I wanna go anyway."

"I'm pretty sure Tei's gonna ask you," Fukase said with a wink.

"Oh, whoa, you mean his obsessive stalker?" Oliver gawked, turning toward Len. "Would you say yes to her?"

"Uh." Len blinked rapidly, and it was his turn to look at Kaito for help, but if the bluenette could barely find words to assist himself, how was he supposed to find any for Len's sake? Len must have caught on because he scowled, raised his hands in surrender and said, "Probably not. We've barely ever talked."

Fukase winked at him again (was it a natural thing for him or? Kaito wasn't sure- the redhead was kind of confusing) and shot his hands out in finger guns. "I can change that, man. I've got connections," he cooed.

"How about _no_ ," Len mumbled, but his eyes- at least to Kaito, who had a bad habit of paying attention to these things -were saying something entirely different.

They were saying, _It would be kind of nice to go with someone, you know? But I don't want her to know anything about me. I'm not supposed to let her._

"In any case," Ling continued, an attempt to steer the conversation in another direction, "Gumi! Have you asked anyone?"

The greenette pushed herself further into the wall, if at all possible. "No," she said bluntly.

"Oh, _what_?! Don't tell me you're gonna pass up the opportunity to ask cotton candy boy out," Lui groaned, shifting around on the loveseat. "He'd totally go with you, ya know!"

 _Cotton candy boy?_ Kaito echoed in his head, and it hit him a second later exactly who they were referring to; "You're thinking about...asking Roro?" _The guy who killed you? What?_

But then a second thing hit him, and that was the fact that they'd dated before, she and Roro, back in the original timeline. The original world. It hadn't ended well, Kaito was sure, but...What was the reason for that? What had sent Roro to the breaking point of killing her, or anyone else for that matter? Ritsu had said something, that week or so ago before Kaito found himself like _this_ , here, changing everything- something about Roro and Luka getting into a fight right after Kaito transferred.

There was little connection between that and Megumi dying. So it seemed, anyway. But Kaito could be wrong. He'd been wrong before and there was no doubt he could do it again.

He caught a glimpse of the girl as she turned her gaze westward, cheeks hued red, countenance very unlike the Nakajima Megumi that Kaito had grown to know over this weird, winding journey.

She ran a hand through her hair and said, "I'm not thinking about it all because I'm not going to ask him to go with me."

"Why?" Ling groaned, throwing her arms out over the table. "Idiot! Don't pass this _up_!"

Hastily, Gumi rose to her feet, jade eyes bleary as she wandered over to the table and slapped her hand down on the surface before lowering herself into a crouch. She flicked her gaze between each of the people sitting at the table and said, "We should change the topic."

"What, you don't like talking about _boys_?" Lui teased. "Fine! We'll talk about _girls_ , 'cause, by the way, I got asked!"

"By who? Your mom?" Oliver bit back.

Lui kicked at his friend's back, eyes dry and irritated. "Haha, very funny," he sneered, "but that's wrong. It's actually- and you'll never believe it-,"

"Suzune?" Len blurted, and it was relieving to Kaito to hear him talk again. He'd spent a little too long in silence.

Lui pouted, throwing his arms out on the armrest until his fingers brushed the floor. " _Man_ , how'd you know?"

"How _wouldn't_ I know?" Len mused. "She's literally the only person in the world who can tolerate you any more than _we_ can."

"Ah! How rude!"

Ling huffed, shook her head, and veered her dark chestnut eyes back toward the center of the group, an entirely different conversation brewing on her tongue. "So, I have some juicy gossip if anyone's interested," she said.

"Oh? Shoot it," Fukase mused, cheek resting on his knuckles.

"Well, you see." She raised her fingers dramatically, like she was telling a ghost story or something. And maybe she was because the next words out of her mouth were kind of terrifying.

"I heard that Mister Hiyama is having an affair with one of the students."

Megumi jerked up from where she was sitting, and Kaito was sure he had done the same thing considering the loud _thud_ and the pain that reverberated up his knee.

"Pft. It's probably just a rumor," Fukase said, scarlet eyes bobbing on his face like he didn't quite believe himself on that one. "Who'd you hear it from, anyway?"

"Yanhe. She stays after a lot to make up tests since she's in guidance a lot," Ling explained, "and she says Mister Hiyama leaves the classroom a lot and always comes back disheveled and kinda...off-smelling."

"It could be a fling with another teacher," Len said.

Scowling, Ling replied, "I don't think so. No other female teachers stay after on the days Mister Hiyama does."

"You don't which way he swings," Lui snorted.

" _Please_. I'm pretty sure if chose to have a fling it would be with a woman. That's just the kind of guy he is."

"You're way too observant," Len said.

She shrugged, poking her finger into the half-empty box of Pocky, a smug expression on her face. "People are too fascinating not to pay extra attention to them," she said.

"Do you think you know who this person is?"

"What?"

"The person Mister Hiyama is 'having an affair' with," Megumi tried again. "Do you know who they are?"

Ling stuffed a piece of Pocky in between her lips, waving her arms in defeat. "No idea. Er, I mean, well...Yan said it might be, um…" She cleared her throat, eyes dancing anywhere that wasn't a human face. "She thought it might be _you_ , Gumes, since you stay after for Rin's tutoring or whatever. But I know better than to believe that's true, 'cause you like Okunuma so much!"

"Phew, thanks for having faith in me," Megumi said with a roll of her eyes, but she was undoubtedly appreciative. "I don't want any fucking rumors popping up about me having an affair with that scumbag."

"Christ, you still hate him, don't you?" Len murmured.

Megumi looked at him with a gaze of steel. "Of course I do. That guy goes out of his way to point out that he used to date my mom, and always makes a statement about the fact that I-" she cast Kaito an uncomfortable look, as if considering her words carefully "-have a _condition_ and need special treatment for it. Plus he's a creep and a pervert and a dick and everyone always pretends that he's not."

So Kaito's initial thoughts were confirmed; something inside of Gumi wasn't quite right. A condition, to be precise. A condition was making her not quite right.

"I remember when my big bro had him a few years back," Oliver said. "He always said he wasn't very fair and gave undeserved grades to undeserving people. A bloody shame. Yohio ended up flunking half his classes no matter how hard he tried. That was before Mister Yokune stepped in, of course. I guess things have gotten better since then."

"I've always known there's been something weird about that guy," Kaito said under his breath.

"I think we've all had our suspicions," Len said, taking a quick glance over his shoulder. When he turned back around, there was disappointment marred on the lines of his face. With a distracted sigh, he said, "I've gotta go. Step-douche is gonna be mad if I'm gone for any longer than this."

Ling frowned. "Aw, seriously? But we barely get to hang out like this anymore! And we're having so much fuuuun!"

Len slumped his shoulders, once again rubbing his thumb along that ugly bruise on his perfectly arched cheek. "I know," he said, "I know it sucks. But I gotta be careful."

"I'll walk you home," Kaito said.

Megumi was quick to add, "I'm going to leave, too."

So they left just like that, as if they'd never really quite been there in the first place. But of course they had, and Kaito knew that they had; the odd feeling in his chest and the sensation spreading from his arms down to his fingertips had him reeling, telling him whatever it was he'd experienced in that treehouse made him believe he was a little closer to finding some kind of truth and wholeness to not only this chaotic mess but to himself.

Something about that was very satisfying.

The blistering silence between him, Len and Megumi, on the other hand, was not. It ate away him until Gumi was gone, departing with a slight wave as she dashed off to her house, and with her absence, Kaito felt like he could breathe again.

Whenever she was nearby, a weight compressed his chest. Maybe it was because there was a peculiar secret she was hiding about herself that terrified Kaito; a secret that he was starting to think he shared.

"So," Len said when they started away from her house down the road. His personality had made that little shift again, going from himself- from a talkative, energetic boy -to a solemn, jittery shell of that person, one that looked as if it at any second it would break apart and shatter into a thousand different pieces. "My friends are pretty cool, yeah?"

"I thought so. Ling especially. She's pretty cool." Kaito hesitated, eyes aimed at the sky. "Though I get the feeling that Nakajima really doesn't like me."

Len snorted softly. "Don't take it personally. She's just...well. She's just _Gumi_. She's not very good at trusting people or...being social, I guess. And I think she had a bad day," he said. After a brief pause, he added, "I'm kinda surprised that Rin didn't tell me she was gonna ask you to the dance. I...didn't know she was, like…"

"I don't think she is. I bet it's more of a platonic thing; we're best friends, so why not go to a trashy formal together?"

"The theme is masquerade," Len said, "so I don't think it's gonna be as trashy as the past ones have been."

"You mean like the one last year? The 'colors of the soul' theme?" Kaito chuckled.

Len shuddered, crossing his arms over his chest. "That was so bad," he murmured.

"Hey, I was gonna ask back in there, but-...I don't know. I hesitated to say anything about it."

"Oh. Well, what is it?"

Kaito fidgeted, hands pulling on the fabric of his scarf. "You're...You'd go with Tei, right? If she asked you, you'd go. Even though you'd be-,"

"Kai. Look. You make it seem like this stuff is easy for me to talk about if you _ask_ , but it's not, alright? It's not. So, if you don't mind, I'll tell you things when I'm ready to tell you things."

"Sorry," Kaito mumbled, trying to look away but being utterly unable to, no thanks to Len's dorky, vibrant smile, the one that made his entire face shine not unlike the sun or the stars or something else so distant but so bright that even from millions of miles away, you could still see it. Strangely, the thought made that weird heat return to Kaito's hands and his chest. It was as if the warmth of the very sun Len imitated wasn't hidden by clouds but was walking right alongside him.

Seeing Len happy gave him the same effect, Kaito supposed, and it was no different with Rin. There couldn't possibly have been anything wrong with obtaining happiness from that of those close to you.

It was then that Len sucked in a deep breath and said, "If Tei asks me to the dance, I'm...probably going to say yes. But I'm not gonna date her or anything. I just- I dunno. I wouldn't want her to learn about...y'know. The stuff. My family and all the bullshit that goes on, and...I'd at least be friends with her. Kind of. Not friends with her like I am with Ling or Gumi or Fukase or any of them or you, but just...friends? Does that make sense?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Len nodded to enunciate the word. "See, I don't want to date someone who I barely know and have them learn all this stuff about me without having ever known me in the first place. That would suck," he said.

And Kaito said, "I can only imagine. But I think that's a good plan. Keep it in your comfort zone."

"Glad I'm smart enough to come up with something that makes sense-,"

There was a loud buzz from Kaito's pocket. "Oh, hang on," he said, flipping his phone out. On the front screen was a notification for a text from Miku; they'd exchanged numbers after officially declaring each other friends during band rehearsals, and she'd become accustomed to messaging him anywhere from three to a hundred times a day. He felt glad that at least he provided someone for her to talk to.

When he flipped to the text itself, it read, _i got 2 talk 2 u bout smth imprtnt_

He sent back, _What's up?_ and pocketed the device.

"Who was that?" Len asked.

"Miku," Kaito said. "She said she needed to talk to me about 'something important'."

Every possible important thing that Miku could want to talk about was flooding Kaito's head, whether it be something about Luka or her parents or the band or the _dance_ , and Kaito was really hoping it wasn't that of all things. Being popular with the ladies, as Ling had called it, which sounded more and more ridiculous the further he processed it, had managed to put a lot of pressure on him.

Len nudged his shoulder as some kind of a reassurance. It worked. Kaito could feel the weight leave his body immediately. "Don't worry too much about it," the blonde suggested. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

A pause.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

Kaito shrugged. "Have at it."

"Why did you suddenly want to be friends with me?"

"Huh?"

"Y'know," Len urged, his eyes rolling toward the pavement, "why did you invite me to your birthday party? You've been friends with Rin for ages, but you didn't ever acknowledge me until then. Why?"

Kaito swallowed, resting his hand on the back of his neck. "Uh, I don't...really know, actually. I mean, I guess it's just...I acknowledged you. I did. I knew you were Rin's brother, but you...hung out with people I wasn't really familiar with. And they also kinda scared me."

"What?" Len said, eyes bewildered but humored. "How did they _scare_ you? You're, like, a thousand feet taller than all of us."

"Yet I'm the biggest coward in the history of the universe."

"The cowardly giant," Len laughed lamely.

"Exactly. They freaked me out because they were all really loud and got in trouble a lot. I've never been much like that. So I strayed away from them and, initially, you. But-" he hesitated, the words gathering in a clump at the back of his throat "-Rin...also made sure I...I didn't talk to you a lot."

All traces of amusement vanished from Len's face. "Why would she do that?" he asked, voice laced with something more than intimidating.

"For...just...Just to keep us safe. She thought she was protecting you and me both, is all."

Len frowned, hands fisting in his pockets. "That's dumb," he said. "She always thinks she can protect everyone but she can't. I don't know why she doesn't just let me protect _her_. It's better that way."

It was Kaito's turn to frown. There was absolutely no positive reaction in anyone from Len protecting Rin in the way that he did; in the end, he was broken, Rin was distressed, and Kaito was left doing exactly what Rin had wanted to keep him from doing. And that was interfering with a predicament bigger than he could handle.

Before he could get his two cents in, Len stopped. It hadn't registered with Kaito that were standing outside Len's house, nor that it had started to snow viciously again.

Nowadays, it was like it never stopped snowing.

"Thanks for walking me home," Len said, lowering himself in a half-hearted bow. He straightened his posture, smiled delicately, and made a step for the door when it swung open on its hinges, resonating a sound so loud it practically knocked Len off his feet. He steadied himself, fear evident on his features. Kaito was waiting for him to scream something about leaving, but instead, he positioned himself beside the bluenette again.

In the doorway stood a figure that was raging all sorts of different violent colors, from red to black and back again. His long, winding purple ponytail swayed at his waist as if fueled by his anger.

"Where the hell have you been?" the man snapped, right before his storming eggplant eyes flicked toward Kaito. "And who the _hell_ is _this_?"

A wild, unexplainable emotion crossed Len's face. "Shion Kaito. Rin's friend- _my_ friend. Y-...you've met him before."

The man- who Kaito had a feeling was definitely Len's step-dad -crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing upon the two of them. "Where have the two of you been?"

"Nakajima's treehouse," Len said, sounding as though he were out of breath.

"You were gone for a hell of a long while. Exactly what were you doing over there that could have taken up your day?"

"Jesus fucking…" Craning his neck to peer up at the purplette, he snapped, "I was gone for not even a fucking _hour_. Cool your shit, damnit!"

"Don't you _dare_ use that tone with me, Len, so help me." His hands curled into fists, tempting Kaito step in and do something. But just as quickly, the man relaxed, his eyes flicking briefly over his shoulder. They settled prominently upon Len again. "Go inside and do something productive before I drag you in here myself."

Len's knees shook, and Kaito shot out a hand amid his instinct to keep him balanced. His fingers coiled around the blonde's forearm, desperate to hold him sturdy. Just as Len went to say something that sounded like, "Where's my mom?", the man interrupted with, "Get your hands off of him."

All the breath left Kaito's lungs. "Excuse me?" he said.

"No, Kai. It's whatever. Ignore him," was Len's quiet response as he peeled himself out of Kaito's grip. The bluenette felt that something important had been lost when Len slowly made his way toward the stairs, head down, hands shaking by his sides.

"Text me," Kaito said through the panic bubbling in his chest. "Soon."

Len compacted himself tighter as the man's hand came down on his shoulder, grip too tight, too forceful. Deep violet eyes shifted in Kaito's direction, a voice snapping, "I don't want to see you back here ever again, do hear me?"

"Kamui, shut _up_ ," Len snapped, struggling noticeably against the hands restraining him. "You're not my fucking _dad_ -,"

The door slammed shut, two fuming figures disappearing behind it. With their absence came the peace of the neighborhood. Kaito stood outside the house, wondering if he should storm in there and stop the act before it happened; _if_ it happened.

He waited for a yell, a shout, a cry.

But there was nothing. Just bittersweet silence in every which direction.

Kaito waited until his phone buzzed, five minutes later. That's when he finally moved away from the driveway and headed back down the sidewalk, checking his phone as he went, every pace agonizingly slow.

There were multiple notifications, most of them from Miku. Two were from Len, and another was from Rin.

Miku's texts consisted of things like, _come 2 my house pls or call me rn kaikun_

And Len's said, _I'm fine,_ and, _I mean that seriously, I'm fine, my mom's home, so I'm alright_.

And, finally, Rin's said, _Did u get Len home? Is everything okay?_

To that he replied, _Yea, he's home fine. Where are you?,_ and mentioned nothing about meeting her step-dad. He wasn't too sure he wanted her to know about that just yet.

Kaito took a little bit longer to reply to Len's text. Finding the right words was a difficult feat. Eventually he settled on, _Please tell me if anything happens, k? Come to my house if you need to. Also, Rin was worrying about you, so you should message her or smth._

With that out of the way, Kaito rubbed his face, dialed Miku's number, and held the device to his cheek.

"KAITO, FINALLY," she shrieked into the line after a single ring.

He ignored the popping of his ears to the best of his ability and asked, "What's up?"

"My parents," she hissed. "My parents are what's up."

"Okay…?"

"Look," Miku said, "look, look, there's this...okay, I need to, uh, ahhh, well. Ask...something of you. A favor! It's a favor, can you do me a favor?"

Kaito's hand rested against his forehead. She was in no way helping the migraine manifesting at the back of his mind. "What's the favor?"

"Go to the winter formal with me. Please. Not really, but like...pick me up for my parents. Give me flowers. Call me pretty. Just in front of them, please! PLEASE!"

"Uh." This made sense. Somehow. "Does this have something to do with Megurine?" Kaito murmured.

There was a loud crash from Miku's end of the call, followed by an even louder groan of pure anguish. The pain in Kaito's head finally exploded, and he nearly tumbled into the snow from the sudden burst of aching brutality from it. After a second, he steadied himself, took a deep breath, and patiently gave Miku some time to recollect herself.

When she did, she cried, " _Yes_ , it's about _Luka_! I'm going to ask her to go with me!" Another crash, another half-scream. "Fricken- where's my dress!?"

"Are you okay?"

"Blue!" Miku gasped out. "Blue, blue, wear a blue tie, we need to match! Light blue, not dark blue!"

"Um, so. I'm your coverup, right?"

Miku let out a huff of exasperation, her voice slowly starting to settle down. "Precisely! I need you to show up at my house so my parents think I'm going with the pretty-eyed boy I talk about a lot! Then we'll walk to the school, take some pictures, and then I'll dash off to Luka and spend my night with her!"

"Wait, wait." Kaito raked a hand through his hair. "Miku, you know I'm all for helping you out-,"

"SO IS THAT A YES?!" she screeched. It was followed by another loud clatter, one that didn't elicit as much of a reaction out of Miku as it did Kaito, who practically leapt out of his skin.

He cleared his throat, sparing a brief look over his shoulder. "I guess, but...there's kind of flaws to your plan, you know."

"Huh?! No, it's flawless!"

"People will see you with Megurine, and some of that could spill to, I don't know, parents that are friends with _your_ parents. And, hey, what will I do the entire night? I'd actually like to enjoy myself-,"

"You will! If another girl asks, say yes, and then tell her the plan! Okay? This is really important to me, thank you for agreeing, goodbye, enjoy your night!"

"Wh-...Miku, hold on, I didn't-,"

Too late. The line clicked dead in the procession of Miku hanging up.

"-...say yes," Kaito finished to no one.

With a muddled mind, he hurried home, arrived to silence, and would have enjoyed it if not for the winding current of his exhausted mind.

Save Len and Rin. Save Miku. Save Megumi. Those should have been his priorities. Yet...Why was it suddenly not...Why was it suddenly not _saving_ them but making them happy? Consoling them? And along the path of doing _that_ , saving them came into play? Ineffective as it seemed, he wasure he could _do_ it, he just wasn't sure what he could do to make their lives any different.

The abuse was his first step at change. Save Len and Rin from the abuse of their step-father, but manage to keep their mother safe amidst it.

Okay. That was a good starter.

Sitting up from his bed, Kaito reached over to his nightstand and pulled the journal that had been his birthday gift from the surface. He flipped to a page with a pen serving as its bookmark, using the both of them to record his thoughts on this mission. Put that Kamui man rightfully where he belonged. That was how he would save the twins- for now, anyway.

As for Miku, though...Kaito drummed the clicker of the pen against his teeth, listening to the oddly soothing reverberation it passed on into the room.

Her parents were a problem. Getting them to accept her for who and what she was was how he'd have to go about in that situation. Maybe he could invite them to a gig...see how talented Miku was up close, see how hyped she could get a crowd. If it didn't work...If it didn't work, he'd make a backup plan. Later.

Megumi was his most complicated issue; yet, again, saving her was directly related to her parents, wasn't it? It was all family issues he was resolving. Ones he'd dealt with through the turning repercussions of his own life.

The vision had told him her parents had died, or, rather, would die. But when? Was that sooner in the future, or was it later? If Kaito could stop that, then surely he could create a major disruption to the space-time-continuum, or whatever it was that was controlling his being inside this world again. Keep Megumi's parents save. Keep them alive. Before any of that, though, he needed to get to know her better. He needed to know her secrets, her...her _condition._ That formed another goal. Good, good, okay.

So what of Roro? How could a man with a gun ever be stopped?

Kaito drooped forward, his hands cupping his cheeks in a failing attempt to hold himself together.

There was so much he could do.

Amongst it all, there was so much that could go wrong. There was so much that he could screw up even worse than it had already been.

That was a weight too immense for someone such as himself to bear alone.

But he wouldn't have to bear it alone for long, because he _knew_. He knew well enough by now that it wasn't just him caught up in the unavoidable future that had already come to pass.

For, not unlike himself, he knew of someone who wasn't supposed to be here any more than he was. A single piece of the puzzle that didn't quite belong.

All he had to do was find a way to confront her.

* * *

 **Next chapter will include the winter formal, which I'm very excited for! My precious vocabbys at a middle school masquerade, what could be better? *briefly wipes tears* I'm making myself really like KaiMiku because of this fic and I have no shame in it, they are vvv cute. But KaiLen and Negitoro still reign, rip. WELL, in any case, who is this peculiar piece of the puzzle Kaito is talking about? Is Mister Hiyama really having an affair? With who? Why did I make Gakupo Len and Rin's step-dad? Questions I have the answers to that you _don't_! But will soon.**

 **Apologies for any spelling/grammatical errors!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	8. Word Karma

**Admittedly, I procrastinated really hard on this chapter. I wrote like 80% of it today and it was bizarre. Quite a ride of a chapter. A lot of it is filler, but another huge portion of it fuels the next few updates. Which means I'll try to have the next chapter up faster this time!**

* * *

 _"Bad dreams continue haunting me._

 _'Don't you dare forget the fate of the mistakes you've made._

 _You just reap what you sow. You receive, you receive.'_

 _'No more!'_

 _Really? Really?"_

* * *

"I've decided that our first gig is going to be during the winter formal!"

Six pairs of eyes sliced through the air to stare Miku down. She smiled back at them, sheepish and tentative, fingers fidgeting relentlessly with her pigtails.

"You've got to be kidding," Megumi groaned. "The formal is in, like, two weeks, Hatsune."

"Not to mention we only have, what, two completed covers? And the original song we've got is barely even finished," Piko added.

"Extra practice!" was all Miku gave as her input, slamming a fist into her open palm.

Flower slunk deeper into the cushions of the sofa, loose white strands falling into her face. "That just means more practice time after school, right?"

"Yes! Plus weekend rehearsals! We're going to do whatever it takes to become the best we can be before the formal! Rin has already set everything up with the school so we can't exactly turn back now!" Miku said.

"I have my tutoring sessions with her, though. I can't just skip those-,"

"What's the song list you're planning?" Luka interrupted, casting the sulking greenette a sharp look from out of her peripheral. Slowly, she glanced back toward Miku, arms crossed under her chest, expression surprisingly amiable. "I don't think it would be a particularly good idea to do more than three or four, considering there are those amongst our group mates who'd like to spend the dance with their dates." Her lips twitched into a gentle smile at this, one that made Miku a mess of blushes and violent hand gestures.

Once the tealette composed herself, she said quickly, "Four songs! Four, I was planning four, three covers and Futariboshi, the original! The covers, they were...I'm not sure? We have quite a few we could choose from!" She looked toward Kaito, flailing wildly again. "Kai-kun! You've been awfully quiet! What do you think?!"

Blinking the haze out of his vision, Kaito lifted his head with a disoriented, "Hm?" and glanced from Miku to those cramped around him on the sofa and back again. He'd totally blanked out for most of that.

"The covers!" Miku exclaimed. "What do you think we should do for covers at our performance! Our _first_ performance, our first _gig_ , need I remind you!"

"Oh, um." Kaito shrugged, leaning back into the sofa. "Something...slow, I guess, and then two faster paced ones? I don't know."

"Mahou!" Flower suggested, flinging her arms over her head with a bright light exploding in her countenance. "That one starts off slow, you know? But gets faster. That could totally get the crowd hyped. Lots of acoustic instrumental, too, it's perfect!"

Megumi nodded in agreement. "I second that," she said.

"Okay. So, we need two more! A faster one, a medium one! Quick! Kai-kun, you're up again! The fast one, what should it be?"

"Agh, don't put me on the spot!" He wiped at his face, thinking, finally saying, "Unhappy Refrain?"

"Great, fantastic!" Miku hopped from one foot to the other, radiating positive energy. "Alright, the final song. Anyone! Suggestions?" she asked.

It took an eternity before Megumi finally sighed and kicked herself up into better posture upon the couch. "We already have Systematic Orchestra mostly finished. Just let me sing that."

Miku's mouth fell agape at this, and she barely managed to snap it shut. "Ah, well, alright! You're going to be singing in most of these, then, unless…?"

"I want to. It's good for my soul," Megumi joked, and it seemed to denudate the tension in Miku's mind. She exhaled slowly, untangling her hands from her hair before resting them at her sides. Just as she calmed down, she exploded all over again, words spilling from her mouth, cheeks combusting into bright scarlet, eyes going wide and spastic.

"Colors!" she shouted. "Outfits!"

"Are you alright?" Luka queried from the couch, shifting herself to the edge of her cushion in waiting to stand.

Miku shook her head, shook her off. She collected the bits of herself she was losing, holding them tight for compression. When she was whole again, she managed to say, "Rin's suggestion was we each have a color of the rainbow! And the outfits, oh, the outfits! I bought them yesterday, they're good to go!"

"I call orange," Ritsu blurted, "y'know, for my designated color."

"Green," Megumi said, waving a hand dismissively over her head as she kicked one leg over the other.

The requests came and went so fast they flew right past Miku, blowing straight into another dimension. She stared blankly at them, baffled, overwhelmed. Then, seeing as to how she was about to either close in on herself and shrivel into dust or explode, Kaito tugged his journal from the pocket of his bag and shuffled to the front of the room, recording each of the colors and their source in an orderly fashion.

Under her breath, Miku thanked him and flopped back into the plush of the sofa beside Luka.

"So, let me see if I got this right," Kaito mumbled, narrowing his eyes at the paper. "Red, Megurine; orange, Namine; yellow, Utatane; green, Nakajima; blue, Miku; violet, Vienna...and, so...indigo for me, then?"

"You can call us by our first names, Kaito," Ritsu sneered from the couch, rolling his eyes. Piko gave him a dope slap for it, but all the redhead did was erupt into a fit of snickers and fight back.

Kaito tried not to let the words resonate inside of him. He tried not to let the future bite him, dig its teeth into his flesh and tear him apart. He tried not to let Ritsu's voice stab into his mind with that constant, "Shion!" nonsense of his. He tried not to contradict everything falling back upon him. He failed- miserably -as he always did when it came to reminiscing about the world ahead of him.

He tucked the journal safely back into his bag and shifted toward Miku, raising his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt at a shrug. "What now?" he asked, brushing a splayed patch of dark hair out of his eyes.

Returning his gaze with the glow of a thousand suns, Miku threw herself to her feet and cried, "Now, we practice! We practice until our entire bodies go numb from exhaustion! We practice until the sun sets and your parents are begging for you to come home! We practice until we're singing these songs in our sleep!"

"That's a lot of practice," Luka mused, slinging an arm over the tealette's shoulder as she stood.

Miku beamed and leaned her head back against the taller girl's chest, peering up at her. "Practice is good, practice is exhilarating!" she cheered.

And she was right; even if the progression forward was downright life-depriving, there was really no denying that the results were the best part of anyone's day.

* * *

On the way out of Miku's house at around nine in the evening, Kaito made the quick decision that it was now or never to do what it was he wanted to do. He hesitated on the front doorstep after most everyone had left, his guitar case slung over his shoulder, waiting.

The door opened. Kaito spun around, suddenly faced with Megumi from where she was standing on the landing, shouting out a goodbye to Miku.

When she finally acknowledged Kaito, her eyes narrowed in dissonance. "What are you still doing here?" she huffed, leaping from the landing onto the concrete. Swallowing, Kaito followed after her, actually taking the steps rather than throwing himself over them.

"I was actually hoping to talk to you," he said, and he almost thought he imagined the way Gumi tensed at the words. She didn't seem like the type to get worked up over a confrontation.

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly, pivoting on her heel to look at him. All he could find in her piercing stare was a ravenous malice that wanted to eat him alive. "What about?"

"Uh, well, the thing is..." What was the thing again? He had words for it, he knew he did. Somewhere. Kaito shifted his gaze to the snow-speckled ground. At least it didn't seem like it wanted to murder him. "Do...you ever get the feeling that you're not supposed to be here?" he finally forced out.

Gumi dropped her crossed arms to her flanks, fists clenching into the fabric of her jeans. There was no way to be certain whether that was a good sign or not. So far, Kaito was leaning toward thinking that it was, especially when she leaned away from him and snapped, "The hell are you even talking about?"

Kaito wasn't sure he had an answer to that. He had no idea. It was just...There was no other way to phrase it. But at least he knew from her reaction that he could keep going. "I'm just saying," he rambled, burying his hands in his pockets, "I think there's something weird here and we're linked to it."

"We?" she echoed. Something like baffled amazement crossed her features. To herself, she whispered, "So I was right," before her attention averted itself back to Kaito.

The amazement was starting fade into petulance. Unease prickled its way underneath Kaito's skin. This was supposed to go over alright. It had in all his mental run throughs of it. Then again, Megumi was most definitely not the type to follow the script. Even if he had been wrong in believing confrontation left her unfazed, he was right about this. He had to be.

And he confirmed it was the truth when Megumi hissed, "So that's why you're interfering! That's why you're messing everything up! You know! You _know_!"

Kaito's eyes blew wide at the accusation. "I'm not messing things up," he reassured. "I'm trying to fix them."

"I am too! But every time I find a way to fix something, you ruin it!" She tangled her fingers in her mess of hair. "I joined the band to try to make a name for myself, and then _you_ joined and because of you _she_ joined, too! And then you befriended Len and stuck your nose into he and Rin's business and got yourself involved in something that you, of all people, shouldn't have-,"

"I'm sorry if it bothers you that I'm making an attempt to protect the people I care about!" Kaito bit back, surprised at the intensity of his own voice. He'd almost mistaken himself for someone else.

Megumi didn't seem taken aback by it in the least. "You didn't care about Len until now! What changed your mind, huh? What made you decide you wanted to save him?!"

"I met him! Eleven years from now, I...I met him! And he was so distressed, because _you_ died, _Miku_ died, and his _sister_ died! Even then, I wanted to go back in time and help him and guess what? I got that chance right after he died because of something _you_ did!"

"Me?! How would you know of anything _I_ did?! You left! You-" Gumi cut herself off. Her hands wrenched into her shirt, her green orbs anguished. "Wait," she said breathlessly. "Wait. Wait, Len and Miku, they...they died? They..." Another pause. Her eyes closed. "What have you seen?!"

"What have I-,"

"Don't play dumb!" she demanded, jabbing a finger into his chest. "You know what I mean! The...the visions! The dreams! You have them, too, right?"

Kaito had almost forgotten about those. He hadn't had one since Len and Rin had been over his house after the entire epidemic with- with that disgusting Kamui guy. "I have them," Kaito said gently.

"What have you seen, then?!" Megumi pressed.

He swiped her hand away from his chest and looked at her with as level a gaze as he could muster. "Len, you and Miku. In that order."

"Shit," Gumi muttered, gripping at her strands of hair again. "Shit, me too. Shit." She shook her head. "So you saw- you saw me, my...parents, you know-,"

"Nakajima," Kaito said, reaching for the sleeve of her shirt. She ducked away. He grit his teeth and tried, "We can keep your parents from dying. We can prevent so much. I know I left, but I have pieces that you don't and you have pieces that I don't. If we can just-,"

Suddenly, her hands, much stronger and much quicker than Kaito could have ever imagined, were around his collar, shoving him back into the wall of the Hatsune abode with so much force he thought his head had split open.

Megumi's breath was growing labored, coming out in puffs of fatigued vapor. But she stared at Kaito with those rage-filled eyes, the eyes that would consume him continuously in spite of how ever many times it was that they went back. After the greenette managed to placate herself, she commanded, "Stop with all this _we_ bullshit! I don't need your help to make everything better! I...I can do this myself! I can change everything!"

Kaito squirmed in her grip. His feet were still touching the ground, but her thumbs were digging into his windpipe. It was beginning to make his arms numb. "Nakajima, we have an advantage if it's the two of us. We can change so much more together," he sputtered.

"No! You don't understand! Len is _my_ best friend and Rin is my-..." Her grip faltered on his throat. Weakly drawing in breath, she added in a much quieter voice, "You wouldn't get it. You just wouldn't. _I_ have to protect her. I have to protect the both of them." Her grip was gone completely, her footsteps retreating into the snow, her hands wringing at her chest. "I have to make it up to them," she said.

Rubbing at the dark marks on his neck with one hand while reaching for his discarded guitar case with the other, Kaito replied, "I have to make it up to them, too, you know." He righted himself, stepped away from the building, adjusted his scarf. "You're right. I left. I abandoned literally everyone and it was a shitty thing to do. So I have some redeeming to be made myself. You're not the only one with regrets."

"Whatever," Megumi scoffed. "I don't care. You can do what you like, but I'm not going to help you. And you're not going to help me."

Before Kaito could find it within himself to ask why it had to be like this, she was gone. She might as well have never been there at all.

And he might as well have been talking to a ghost.

* * *

The Hatsune household was just as intimidating in a suit and tie as it was in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Actually, if anything, it was even more intimidating like this; now he had the burden of thought that if he messed something up, Miku was going to resent him for the rest of her life. There was also the recovering image of his endeavor with Megumi. This place could be a real hellhole.

Swallowing down his nerves, Kaito rapped his knuckles against the front door. It swung open not a heartbeat later, and there stood Miku, adorned in a vibrant blue dress that swept the concrete of the landing in an intricate series of ruffles and hues. The straps slid from off her shoulders, halting at her bicep. On her face was a glinting silver mask resembling a bird, a pale turquoise feather poking up from the slit at the side.

Kaito felt awkward stammering slide up his throat and fought to keep it down. He instead choked out, "You look lovely," and extended the bouquet of flowers he'd been clutching toward her.

Miku giggled, accepting them with perfectly manicured hands. "Thank you! You look very handsome yourself, Kai-kun," she mused. "Come on! Come inside! My parents have been dying to meet you and take pictures!"

"Uh, your parents _have_ already met me, Miku," Kaito said. "Band rehearsals?"

"Only my mom. You still have yet to meet my dad," Miku said, but that was wrong. Kaito had most certainly met her father. He'd met both him and his wife. In turn he'd met the thick, engrossing expectations that resided within their greedy hearts.

He shook this from inside of him, climbing up the steps into the house. Miku shut the door behind him, grabbing his hand to lead him into the lounge where her parents were seated.

"Mom! Dad!" she cooed, lacing her fingers through Kaito's. It was so natural for her to act like this, while meanwhile, Kaito felt like he was being garroted by his own breath. Some date she had, alright. "This is Kaito! Shion Kaito! My date!"

"Yes, sweetheart, I've met him before," Misses Hatsune said, elevating her cerulean stare from off her cup of tea. A bored smile quirked her lips. "It's nice to see you again, Shion."

He bowed his head in answer, eliciting a sharp laugh from Miku.

"Shion, huh? This is the boy you've been talking about?" Mister Hatsune interjected, raising a brow. For a moment, Kaito surmised he was going to get his head beaten in by an angry father protecting his supposedly perfect daughter. Instead, Mister Hatsune broke out in a laugh, the wrinkles beneath his eyes creasing in delight. "Pleasure to meet you, son."

 _Son?_ Kaito blinked the intense blush from his face, straightening his posture. If it was Luka in his place, what would they call her? Daughter? Girl?... _Son?_ "Uh, yeah, you...You too, Hatsune-san."

"Mind if we take some pictures before you two head out on your merry way?" Misses Hatsune asked, unveiling a camera out of her lap.

The process was surprisingly painless. They snapped a few rounds of photos, put the flowers Miku had received in a vase, kissed their daughter on the forehead and told her they'd pick her up at ten, and then practically shoved the two of them out the door onto the sidewalk. Kaito released a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and tugged his mask free from his face.

Miku nudged him with her elbow, grinning. "Not bad, right?" she said.

"Not at all," he replied; and that was just the problem. As they walked down the street, turning the corner that would take them to the school, Kaito dared to say, "They don't know about the gig, do they?"

"Huh? You mean my parents?" Miku scowled. "No, they don't, and I aim to keep it that way for a long while, at least until we're popular enough to draw in our own crowd."

"They don't want you to become a musician," Kaito said in a mumble.

Miku sighed and heaved her shoulders in a shrug. "They want me to follow precisely in their footsteps; become a doctor, they say, become a lawyer. Make lots of money. Do something productive with your life," she muttered mockingly. "My mom kind of supports the idea of the band, but it's likely just so she can watch the entirety of the thing crash and burn."

"And your dad?"

"He never liked the idea from the start, but I went against him and advertised the tryouts anyways. He's pissed beyond belief, even more so about the fact that my potential boyfriend is _in_ the band he couldn't stop me from creating. And if he knew about Luka...Ugh! I don't even want to think about that!"

"You're parents sound...unfair," Kaito said.

"They are. They definitely are," Miku replied. "I don't care, though. I'm happy regardless! We have a gig tonight and all of our friends are going to be there to witness it, whether my parents are jerks or not! Plus, I get to dance with Luka! _Luka_!"

Kaito laughed under his breath. "You two are good for each other."

"You think?" Miku said, smiling sidelong at him. He nodded, and her beam spread from ear to ear in response.

They arrived in the school courtyard a short time later to find Luka waiting for Miku on the first step of the staircase, grinning, running her fingers through the top of her cascading braid. Miku turned to Kaito, bouncing fervently on her heels. "I'm off! Do you remember where all the instruments are?" She didn't give him the chance to answer, just blurted, "Band room! Obviously! Gather everyone at seven-fifty and bring them there, alright?"

"Sure thing," Kaito said. Like the wind, Miku squeezed his hand and was gone, throwing herself at Luka to hug her and squeal out giggles and gush blithely about her thrill for the night.

Kaito strode past them into the school, meandering from one hallway to the next until he stumbled into the noise-filled gymnasium. Already, music was blasting from the speakers erected at either side of the stage, sending fellow students into a frenzy of movement.

In the midst of it, Kaito caught Rin lingering at the snack table, sipping punch and giggling at something Suzune and Lui were saying. He wove through the crowd to reach them, nearly tripping on his shoes every other step.

"Oh, Kai," Rin said upon acknowledging him, a trite smile dancing across her lips. "Glad to see you made it!"

"Er, yeah- sorry I'm late," he said.

"I didn't know you two were a thing!" Lui blurted. In retort, Suzune rolled her eyes and flicked his cheek in what must have been a reminder to mind his manners.

Rin laughed, clearly amused by their antics. "We just came as friends," she explained.

"Right," Kaito agreed. He snatched the Solo cup from her hands and took a swig of the punch. It was sour and tasted like lemons, so he handed it back to her. "Speaking of _things_ , though...Did Tei end up asking Len?"

"Mhm." Rin shook the sleeve of her dress out so it tumbled to her wrist, then gestured limply toward two figures clad in black, white and red at the corner of the conflux. Kaito focused his gaze upon them, leaning against the snack table. Rin mimicked the action, and both Lui and Suzune took it as their cue to flee into the swarm.

There was a humored expression on both Len and Tei's faces, their smirks lilted from satirical quips. Yet they looked so stunning amid their criticism, their noseless masks disguising everything but their relaxed expressions, Tei's silvery fade-to-black dress accenting the bright red of Len's tie.

A sick feeling surged up Kaito's stomach.

 _Len was engaged to her, once. Will this relationship really escalate that far?_

"Kai? Kai, are you alright?"

Kaito blinked, shifting his head to look at the cerulean eyes peering up at him. He nodded, saying, "Yeah, just...kind of nervous about the performance, that's all."

Something mischievous flashed dangerously in Rin's eyes. She tugged on Kaito's coat to lead him toward the mass of moving bodies. "Will some dancing loosen you up?" she asked, her sunset orange gown flowing and flowing across the ground.

"Maybe," Kaito responded, unable to remove his eyes from the shifting of the dazzling fabric. Blue and orange complemented each other, wasn't that it? Or was it-

Rin's heel hit the dance floor and just like that, the music switched from zealous pop to a country beat fit for square-dancing. As Kaito surveyed those around them, he deciphered that that was exactly what it was. He struggled to keep the scowl from showing on his face. He must have failed because Rin laughed and said, "It'll be fun!"

"Right, uh...This is the thing where you...do the _thing_...? I think," Kaito mumbled, staring at his feet.

"Just follow my lead! You dance for a little and then trade partners! It's not hard to get into a groove!" Rin said. She spun herself around, waved Len and Tei over to join the mesh, grappled for Kaito's sweaty hands.

And she danced.

She danced with such an ease that Kaito found himself following suit. She was _right_ ; it wasn't in the slightest difficult once his body knew what it was doing. It twisted itself in circles that shadowed Rin's, and his palms touched hers, guiding them in a square until they were spinning away to new partners.

Kaito grinned at his, at the twinkle of teal in her eyes. "How coincidental," he mused as a delicate hand reached up to swipe at his glittering turquoise mask.

"You look excited," Miku said as he twirled her once, twice, then stepped back and let her press close to him, fingertips of their left hands touching. "I never took you for a dancer!"

"Me neither," Kaito said. He gyrated on his heel and guided their hands together completely. One step back, another right, forwards, left, back...Effortlessly, he repeated the motions. Miku praised him for being able to do it as gracefully as she herself could, and then she, too, was gone, replaced by a third face hidden behind a mask resembling the features of an owl.

All the life sucked itself out of Kaito's chest as he choked out, "Nakajima!"

She scoffed, approaching him with begrudged reluctance. "Shion," she greeted in a mutter, forcefully scooping up his wrist as a telltale sign to spin her. He obliged, words catching in his throat, heat burning through his cheeks.

"Did you come with Okunuma?" Kaito asked after an eternity of silence.

Megumi frowned, her emerald orbs breaking through the sanctuary of her guise. "Is it surprising?"

"No! No, of course not," Kaito cried. He awkwardly pressed their palms together, heart slamming against his rib cage.

With a swift sway of her hips, Megumi replied, "I only got the chance because Yuzuki went with Zola or whatever."

"Yuzuki?" A gear in Kaito's thoughts clicked. "Ah, right. I forgot, Okunuma likes her," he said.

"Fantastic deduction," Megumi snorted. She shoved away from his chest as the next shift of partners came, and it was Kaito that scurried past the row to greet someone else.

It was Miki this time. A less than average dancer, sure, but a girl with an explosive personality. After her came, humorously, Tei, and the two of them exchanged few words, if any at all. Being near her filled Kaito with the same sickness he'd stomached when he'd seen her with Len. Then it was Ling, who made an absolute show out of her dance with Kaito, kicking a leg over his waist, swinging herself around, hollering and flailing and ruffling his hair. It left him uncomfortably disheveled when it came time for him to dance briefly with Suzune, and then-

"Whoa, _Len_?!"

"Oops," the blonde said, cracking a grin. "I think I messed up the system somewhere along the way."

"Just to dance with me? I feel blessed," Kaito joked. He hesitated a bit to reach for Len's hands, nervous that a hidden bruise would fall beneath his touch and elicit some kind of a negative reaction from his friend.

But amazingly, Len just snatched Kaito's hands in his own and whirled around on his heel, whooping out a screech of delight. Kaito tried to distinguish why his heart erupted in his chest at the sight of a free-spirited Len dancing without paying heed to the crowd around him, his mask slipping from his face every so often, an excuse for Kaito to reach forward and briskly adjust it.

Len removed himself from the pirouette to compress his body flush against Kaito's, their palms coming into soft, gentle contact, their feet moving in sync; forward, right, back, left, forward.

"You're an unexpectedly good dancer," Len said.

"Not the first time I've heard that tonight," Kaito huffed. "You've got some skill yourself, you know."

Len laughed- it wasn't his usual snicker, it was a genuine _laugh_. "Yeah, well, Rin and I used to practice with each other. For kicks. Guess I've still got some of that old charm."

"Give 'em the old razzle dazzle."

This burst Len's laughter into a full on tantrum. "Don't- _oh my God,_ you _nerd_!" he wheezed, and just as he composed himself, the song drew to a close and another one started playing; a slow one. Far too slow to be continued friendly when with someone else. Kaito shifted with hesitance away from Len's grip, but the blonde held fast, grinning, bubbling with an energy unheard of. "Wait, wait, stay!"

"Uh." Kaito blinked, his brow drawing across his forehead. "What?"

"Stay! Dance a slow song with me! We'll throw people off," Len said enthusiastically.

 _Why, why the living hell,_ Kaito thought, swallowing down the lump in his throat, _do I feel like I'm about to combust?_ "Okay," he agreed, voice barely squeezing free from where it resided deep within his sense of panic. "But, uh, Rin and Tei...?"

"It's fine! They won't care," Len said.

Uncertain about whether or not that statement was true, Kaito threw caution to the wind and hooked an arm around Len's waist, resting his hand on the small of his back, the other clasping his hip, thanking whatever Gods existed that his mask reached over the raging crimson of his cheeks. Dancing with a guy had to be just like dancing with a girl. It wasn't any different. It couldn't be.

Even when Len rested his fingers on Kaito's shoulders and for just a half a second, a _half a second_ , brushed his forehead against Kaito's chest, it wasn't any different than it would be dancing with Rin or Miku or Meiko or any other girl. It was simple, it was dancing, and it was just Len.

It should have been, anyway. That's all it should have been.

But Len's movements were eloquent and unmatchable, dazzling and eye-catching, his every footstep, his every pace, his every breath leading Kaito along when it should have been vice versa; Kaito should have been in control of this dance, really, yet he'd succumbed to the pleasantry of Len, just Len, being himself, laughing and dancing and gyrating from his grip on Kaito's hand, his tie loosening from its perch in his coat.

Red, it was red, and wasn't it undeniable that blue and red constantly complemented each other over and over again? Fire and ice, anger and sadness, bold and quaint. Always, always-

"Y'know, Kai, your heart is beating kinda fast."

No, okay? No. No, this couldn't be happening. This problematic problem was not going to infect Kaito's life, he wasn't going to let it. After all- oh! Look at that, it was seven-fifty, wasn't it about time to hurry on down to the band room and get this show on the road? Right, yeah, he had to do that.

Kaito winced, extricating himself from Len's grip. His mouth was quick to explain that he had to take his leave, but his brain was slow to accept the fact that he had no idea what had just come over him.

He shouldered his way out of the gymnasium, thoughts going a mile per minute. The theories rushing through his endless expanse of a mind were constant, overwhelming him, flooding the dam that was supposed to be unbreakable. He could hear Meiko screaming at him in his memories, that repetitively comforting, _Bakaito! Bakaito!_

He _was_ a Bakaito, wasn't he? An idiot of the fullest extent, a moron that couldn't pick apart the depths of his soul to relinquish the satisfaction of knowing his emotions like the back of his hand. Kaito thought over possibility after possibility: disgust, irritation, anger, fear, but- no.

No matter how much he picked himself apart in the span of time it took to walk to the band room, he couldn't for the life of him interpret the emotion that devoured him in those brusque moments of close proximity.

* * *

Even with the curtains drawn shut, Kaito could feel the heat bleeding into his body from the stagelights just outside their protective wall. He was sweaty and very, very itchy, the blazer of his official Epoxy Lips outfit gnawing into the skin of his neck, likely leaving a rash in its wake. Kaito scratched at it absently, the habit no longer for the sake of relieving irritation but instead to distract himself from his own turmoil.

"Okay, does everyone remember the set-up?" Miku asked, clapping her hands together.

Kaito glanced up through his mask- which Miku had decided they all looked great in and so they'd keep them for this performance -to look at her. She was emitting light and happiness, the true form of glory.

She continued, "Futariboshi is our first song of the night, performed by Megumi and myself. Next is Mahou, performed by Luka and Megumi! Then Unhappy Refrain, which is Kaito and Ritsu! And lastly is Systematic Orchetsra, Megumi's solo song!"

Megumi held up a lazy peace sign before slinging the strap of her guitar over her shoulder.

"Right! Everything's going to be perfect! We're all going to do great, brilliant, wonderful!" Miku cried, dashing behind her keyboard, stumbling on her own good vibes.

A familiar voice broke the serenity of the evening; Leon, their principal. Of that they were all positive.

"Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys!" he exclaimed over the loudspeaker. "At this time, we now introduce our school's very own group of talented individuals. Please give it up for Epoxy Lips!"

A chorus of cheers and claps and screams extravasated in the audience. It sent shudders down Kaito's spine, and with it, the shock of realization that this was _it_ , this was what would make them or break them. There was no turning back now, not as the curtains rose and their entire school watched them with starving eyes. They were no longer just talented individuals standing on stage; together, like this, they were one.

They were one and the same.

"One, two...One, two, three."

Miku's fingers hit a chord on her keyboard, followed by another, leading the intro softly, her eyes focused, her smile berserk. Megumi shifted in next to her, Kaito strummed a chord on his guitar, and-

" _Doo, doo, doo! Doo, doo, doo! Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo!"_

Nailed it.

Flower hit the drums, keeping up her steady pace; Luka plucked the strings of her bass with easy precision; Piko focused on the background instruments with glee in his eyes; Ritsu sang back-up, and it was perfect. Miku had known and she'd known with an immense trust in them. They had returned it, they had given it back to her.

And there she was, Megumi alongside her, singing in harmony, their voices melding through the chorus, " _Katachi no nai hikari demo kimi o omou hodo ni tsuyoku. Miagereba ano hi mitsuketa futariboshi kagayaku!_ "

The crowd listened, letting themselves sway back and forth to the music, chatting idly in between verses, murmuring amongst themselves. A few cries broke loose, eager whistles and merry shrieks of delight. When the song- Kaito's song! -ended, they exploded into laughter and applause, hoots and screams, some of them begging for an encore as Miku and Megumi breathed in every drop of oxygen they could amass, high-fiving and exchanging pats on the back with the other members.

Kaito bit his lip, examining his fingers. They were sweating like mad but they felt brilliant. Calloused and bruised and exhausted, a mix of things that dragged him into a feeling of pure bliss.

He lifted his eyes, scanning the crowd for sight of Rin, of Meiko, of Len, of Roro. Rin and Meiko were the first his vision caught, fist-bumping and talking to each other, looking like true friends in a way that could have made Kaito's heart melt. Leaping in between them was Roro, chanting and sending the girls into an even deeper fit of hysteria.

But Len wasn't there. Neither was Tei.

That nauseous feeling climbed up Kaito's airways again, suffocating him in slight, minuscule phases. It was quickly engulfed by a guilt that threatened to tear him to pieces. He fucked up, didn't he?

Regardless, he carried on. What other choice did he have? Mahou was on and he wasn't going to let confusion dismantle his state of mind. He floundered to find the proper fret of his acoustic guitar, squeezing his eyes shut. The start of this song was all on him. It depended completely on three muted strums, just three. Then Luka could sing her heart out, and this would all be over faster.

" _Hibi tsutanakumo hakidasu uta. Itsuka mite youna yume_ ," Luka sang, and, oh, had Kaito already strummed the chords? He supposed he had, considering she was going on her way now, and Megumi was joining in with her, playing her own guitar, Ritsu playing his, all others stepping away for the magic- the mahou -of the song.

A deep breath from Luka, Gumi's fingers relentlessly playing and the final words of the final verse; " _Kitto warai ai kiete shimatte mo bokura wa_..."

Over, it was over, there was no more time to waste. Kaito's fingers fumbled to a halt after the instrumental off-vocal ended, and he exhaled sharply, knowing, _knowing_ that with this song completed, it was his turn to shine, his attempt at being something more than just Kaito.

He traded in for his electric guitar, Megumi doing the same; the two of them nodded at Flower, and with a demonic grin, she nodded back.

It was time.

Kaito stepped toward the microphone at center stage. With his chin tilted triumphantly, Ritsu adjoined the bluenette, wearing a half-smile, his orange scarf billowing over his shoulder. He held up three fingers, then two, then one; their signal. Kaito braced himself. He braced every damn part of himself.

Flower slammed her drumsticks against her set, and both Kaito and Megumi launched their picks across the strings of their guitars, the intro slowly crescendoing, building, and finally, finally-

" _Ahhh!_ "

Ritsu grinned, pride bursting over him at the success in their first note. It only grew when he blasted into the first verse, his long red hair writhing in a rhythm like a rattlesnake by his waist.

The chorus approached, Ritsu's gaze burning into Kaito's so the two of them could submerge into the lyrics together, this drilling, " _Iu nara sore wa, sore wa rakkii kuri kaeshi no sanjuu kyuu byou meguri megutte itada mieta, sore wa happii? Nattoku nante suru hazu nai wa!_ " that had the audience going nuts, screams tearing out of their mouths to bring their souls to life again.

It was then, amid the cheery happiness and the awe of a life as a musician, that Kaito saw it. The quick flash of scarlet and dandelion that could only be Len, which was matched with the flowing grace of silver, of black, of Tei, colliding in the music.

Not just hands, not just feet, but _mouths_ , the physical brushing of their lips that resonated deep within Kaito's chest.

 _What happened to being just friends, huh?_ Kaito wondered, and was sickened by the shallowness of his own inner self. He sucked in a deep breath, avoiding the plunge into humiliation. Now was not the time to get distracted. He had a purpose to serve, a life to live, a performance to _perform_.

The echoing of Ritsu's voice behind his in the verse became a lost and hazy memory. His favorite part of the song, gone awash.

The entire rest of the gig; he couldn't remember it. It flew by so fast, or perhaps Kaito didn't register it. The Unhappy Refrain encore especially, he just couldn't- he couldn't remember it. His body was rushing to escape, to be free, to get these thoughts out of his mind. They were menacing, they were distracting. Or, maybe, no, they were just...confusing. Very confusing.

Yet not quite confusing enough to ruin the comfort of Miku's arms around him, her screaming into his chest out of utter delight, chanting, "We did it, we did it, we really did it, they loved us!" and even Megumi joined in, smirking, clubbing Kaito on the back with a breathless, "Well done, _Bakaito_."

As soon as he stepped off the stage, there were Rin and Meiko, buzzing all around him like bees. "Holy _shit_ , Kai, holy shit! You were amazing, your voice is amazing! I'm so proud of you, I'm so, _so_ proud of you!" Rin giggled, her cursing and her enthusiasm and her crushing embrace (how was she so strong for such a small girl?) allowing Kaito to forget.

He forgot even though he recalled that Len had slipped out of the gymnasium some time ago, leaving his date behind to argue with Miku and Luka by the stage until Luka scooped Miku up and charged away.

He forgot all throughout his chaotic dancing with Rin and Meiko and his bandmates, losing themselves in music that wasn't their own but still felt like it.

He forgot when Avanna picked him up at in the courtyard at half past ten, bombarding him with questions about the performance and if he'd enjoyed himself ("Of course I did," and, "It was amazing.").

He forgot as he shut off his phone for the night without looking at any of his missed calls or texts, instead collapsing on his bed to stare at the ceiling.

And it was then that he stopped forgetting.

It was then that Kaito discovered what it was he'd felt when he'd not only seen Len kissing Tei, but when Kaito had been _dancing_ with him. The very epiphany sent him riveting out of his sheets and onto the floor, cusp of his palm over his mouth to repress a gasp. He struggled, he shifted, breathing fast, reaching for his journal and a pen to get these words, these feelings- this...this _everything_ -onto paper before it was all gone.

Because he knew. He knew that what he'd discerned from himself was an unsupported affection and a blackened envy that was blossoming too fast to be cut down.

Shit. It was true, everything that Megumi had said. She'd been right about him all along; he wasn't fixing anything. He was just making a mess into a calamity that was bound to lead each and every one of them to their demises.

And it would be all his fault.

All of it.

* * *

 **This chapter was really weird and uninteresting idek why it just happened. I needed to make Kaito confrontation with Megumi and I did and, well, it came out like this. And then I wanted to write in the masquerade and a first gig, so, yep. Plus I needed to show Len and Tei starting to evolve into a 'thing', and same goes with Miku and Luka. AND NOW, the question stands, what is it Kaito is suddenly feeling for Len? Also tip I didn't put a memory in this update so! I'm going to put one in the next chapter _and_ in chapter ten! Lots of memories.**

 **Anyhow, I apologize for grammatical/spelling errors! Thanks for reading!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	9. Box Room

**Sorry for the late update! Here it is though, a little late. This chapter turned out kind of icky, and my writing feels weird since I just came out of a bad block. Hopefully it's not as weird as it feels when you read it! Enjoy!**

* * *

 _"You know, every minute, my heart shouts 'I'm living' 70 times._

 _But when I'm with you, it's in just a little hurry,_

 _And shouts 'I love you' 110 times._

 _As long as my heart is still beating, I want to protect you._

 _That's enough of a reason for me to live."_

* * *

Rin had been spending a lot of time at Kaito's house since the winter formal. Not that Kaito minded- if anything, Rin's company was relieving -although, admittedly, it was starting to worry him further about just what, exactly, it was that he was feeling for her brother, considering the reason that Rin was away from home so often now was not only because of Kamui, but also Tei.

According to Rin, Tei and Len officially had some kind of a romantic relationship, and the thought of it wasn't so far-fetched to Kaito. He'd seen it happen, after all. He'd seen them _kiss_. And now Tei was spending her time with Len whenever she had a chance, and Kaito hated himself for the inscrutable feelings he had against her.

"Miku spends all her time with Megurine now, Suzune is always with Hibiki, Len with Sukone, Aria is on vacation, and Nakajima, for some reason, avoids me like I'm the Black Death. She's been blowing off our tutoring sessions left and right," Rin said one day after collapsing onto Kaito's bed and stuffing her face into his pillow. They'd just returned from band rehearsals, and Kaito had asked to walk her home, only for her to tell him she was going to come to his house for the evening.

As always, Avanna welcomed her with open arms and a bright smile the moment she walked through the door. Rin had blushed at the attention, and now here she and Kaito were.

He flopped down beside her on the bed, pushing his fingers through his hair to work out the sweaty tangles that intimate guitar-playing could often give him. "No worries," he said. "You're always welcome here."

"Thank you," Rin responded, shifting her head to peer at him. A delicate smile lilted her lips.

It panged Kaito's heart to look at, so he shut his eyes. He and Megumi were making grave mistakes. If they, and Kaito in particular, didn't do something soon, then there was no doubt that the person Rin was now would be a much different Rin leading up to her death. Bitterness and loneliness, as Kaito had learned in adulthood, could bring forth a shell of a person. Someone entirely new.

"I've been working on new song lyrics," he said, desperate for a change of topic. "I didn't show them at practice today since they're not quite done, but...You wanna see?"

Rin rolled onto her back and sat up, nodding eagerly. "Of course I do," she said. She crossed her legs, resting her elbows in between them, watching Kaito intently as he leaned over to the nightstand and pulled his journal out from underneath a stack of papers. Pursing his lips, he dusted it off once or twice, then passed it toward Rin.

She accepted it with a grin, leaning back against the headboard as she began to flip through the pages. "This thing is already packed full, huh?" she laughed. "I'm glad to see you're finding use for it."

"It's definitely come in handy so far," Kaito mused, slumping beside her to vaguely follow the songs she was looking at. The current one that her attention was fixed on was a project Kaito was mildly uncomfortable with having her see.

"Magnet," Rin read, "with Luka and Miku?" She flicked her gaze to Kaito, beaming. "You really care for them, don't you?"

His cheeks burned red. "I think I care for everyone a little too much."

"It's never too much," Rin said, and carefully flipped the page as if scared ripping it would tatter the beauty of the song. She squinted at the song she was currently reading, blue eyes wide and confused. The handwriting was illegible, so Kaito didn't blame her, nor himself; he'd written it at midnight after the dance with no intentions of it being read until now.

Rin noticeably struggled to decipher the writing for a few minutes before giving up and asking Kaito to tell her what it said. "It's called Heartbeat Number Eight Hundred Twenty-Two," he murmured, pointing at the heading. "It's about...love. And stuff."

"What's with you and love all of the sudden?" Rin chimed.

Kaito's blush deepened, and he made an attempt to shrug it off. "Because it's easy," he said. "It's an easy thing to write for."

Rin let out a breathy giggle and flipped the page. It was Kaito's most recent work, a half-finished scrawl of nonsense across the parchment. It wasn't nearly as bad as the previous one, though, which gave leeway for Rin to catch the gist of it. Her smile faltered, eyes narrowed into slits at the words. "This one's...depressing," she whispered. "It's a huge jump from love."

"Yeah, well." Kaito shifted his gaze toward the door, shoulders partially raised.

Rin's eyes followed his, then slowly turned to glance at his face. A frown marred her features as she closed the journal, set it aside and said, "This is kind of random, but..." She looked at her hands, fidgeting aimlessly in her lap. "My mom wants to have dinner with you and your mom."

Kaito jolted out of his trance, jerking his head toward Rin. "Oh?" was all he could force out. Having Kamui in his household or being in the same household as him was unnerving. After facing him with Len, Kaito had an intense desire to avoid ever having to see him again. An impossible request if he wanted to save lives, he presumed, but he couldn't help thinking it.

As if reading his mind, Rin said with a shake of her head, "Not with my step-dad. Just your mom, my mom, Len, you and me."

Kaito instantaneously relaxed, although...Why would Rin's mother want to go to dinner with Kaito's own without inviting her suitor? It didn't quite add up, but he wasn't about to question or contradict it. It was exactly what he'd wanted.

"My mom said she's willing to have you both over tomorrow night, if that works?" Rin continued.

"I'll...talk to my mom about it," Kaito said.

"Great!...Er, Kai? Kai, you look a little pale." All signs of interest in the matter at hand fled Rin in a heartbeat. Her lips twisted in concern as she reached for Kaito, who was pushing a hand against his temple to keep the dull ache thrumming within it at bay.

He hadn't had one of the visions in weeks. It had been long enough that he, in a moment of panic, forgot just what it felt like being submerged in one.

Numbness crept from limb to limb, branching from his spine to stretch out in every direction to the rest of his body. It snaked around his cheek, preventing him from feeling Rin's palm against it, and slowly did he lose the ability to hear her voice as well. Black and red tendrils flecked his peripheral, and just as quickly as they were there, they weren't.

Because Kaito wasn't either.

* * *

" _What's that?"_

 _Pausing in the middle of a bite of rice, Rin raised an eyebrow and asked, "What's what?" as she dropped her chopsticks and cautiously leaned back in her seat._

 _Across from her, Megumi narrowed her eyes. She waved frantically toward Rin's cheek and urged, "That. On your face. It looks like a cut."_

 _Rin offered a smile. "You just answered your own question, didn't you?" She glanced back down at her bowl of rice, appetite elsewhere. The chopsticks remained discarded by the edge of her fingertips._

" _Yeah, but I meant- where'd you get it?"_

" _You should've just asked that," Rin said. She brushed her thumb across the gash on her cheek, forcing her smile not to falter. "I tripped on the way home from school yesterday. A loose branch caught my face, and-,"_

 _Megumi rolled her eyes, bemused. "Bullshit," she declared, her lips curling into a sneer that was commonplace for her. She slumped forward over the desk table in between them, radiating vibes that Rin always found oddly endearing in spite of their evident agitation. "If it's because of_ that _, then you should tell me."_

" _It's...not though," Rin tried. An obvious lie. A deception Megumi could see through as if it were transparent._

" _You're always like this. You and Len both," Megumi murmured._

 _Something inside of Rin perked up. She folded her hands in her lap, feeling her mouth start to quiver and desiring to calm it. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

" _Every time I try to help, you make it seem like everything's fine. You constantly push me away under the thought that, 'oh, it's all good, no problem here', right? But I'm not an idiot, you know."_

" _I never said that you were."_

" _But I can tell you think it. Len, too. You guys just think I'll walk away from the fact you're going through Hell. And it's fucking annoying."_

" _We just...don't want you to get involved." Shrinking into herself, Rin glanced around the classroom, holding her breath. When she felt assured no one was listening, she turned back to Megumi and added, "Can...we maybe not talk about this here?"_

" _Fine. Just...Tell me if I'm right or not." Megumi tapped her index finger against her cheek twice._

 _In response, Rin averted her gaze and nodded her head, her knuckles glowing white from the intensity in which she was clutching at them._

" _Figured as much," Megumi muttered. She tousled her already unkempt hair into an even more so unkempt mess. Eventually, she managed to say, "Wanna come over after school today?"_

" _Of course," Rin said, swallowing down the reluctance her voice was pertaining to. Oftentimes, it was Len that spent his time with Megumi; the two of them had been friends much longer than Megumi had with Rin. It felt wrong spending so many of their afternoons together when Rin already had her own friends, friends she'd known before she'd encountered Megumi._

 _Even so, there was something about this girl. There was something that made Rin feel both captivating and captivated, and she couldn't for the life of her find out what it was, nevermind escape it._

 _After that, the day passed with incredible slowness. In the middle of classes leading to the end of the day, it was as if the clock had just decided to stop, and with it, the world halted on its axis. The best Rin could do to get through it was cast her brother glances from across the room. Occasionally, she'd switch to Megumi, and this warm sensation would rocket through her whenever she found that Megumi was staring back._

 _By last class, they were practically having a staring contest that led to Rin getting distracted and having the teacher call her out- something she was unused to -multiple times. But it was worth it, to see Megumi snicker at her and duck her head away to hide the red flush of her face._

 _When they left the room together after Rin had told Len that she'd be gone for most of the day and to let Kamui know, the two of them walked unnecessarily close, their hands just brushing, yet neither of them attempting to move away._

" _Hey, Gumi?" Rin asked about four minutes into their walk. She felt relieved to have permission to use the nickname, especially considering it elicited a grin from her companion._

" _What is it?"_

 _Rin swiped her tongue across her lower lip. "Is it...Do you think it's...hard...? Living without your parents?"_

 _With a level gaze and no signs of irritation at the question, Megumi replied smoothly, "Do you think it's hard living with a replacement of your dad?"_

 _Rin winced, a hand flying to her cheek in a manner of protection against something that wasn't there. "I...I still have my mom, so...I don't know."_

" _It's hard," Megumi said after a long pause. "But I'm used to it. I've made a living for myself just fine without them, you know? So, it could be worse. It could definitely be worse."_

" _A living for yourself," Rin echoed._

" _Yeah, a living for myself." Megumi quirked a brow, as well as the corner of her mouth. "What, surprised?"_

" _Confused. The heck do you mean by that?"_

 _Megumi pivoted on her heel to walk backwards in front of Rin, hands jammed in her pockets. "I have a job, I have a boyfriend, I have a car-,"_

" _And you still walk to school every day," Rin interjected._

 _Grinning, Megumi playfully rolled her eyes and shifted her shoulders back. "Saves gas," she replied. "But, anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, things aren't bad. I've got money, I've got a living, friends, a place to stay. It's not bad."_

" _It's funny; you come off as such a pessimist, but you're really not...are you?"_

" _Nope," Megumi said, and the rest of the walk was quiet._

 _They walked up the steps into Megumi's apartment, a crappy place belonging to her aunt that she was allowed to live in as long as she paid rent. Most would find it repulsive, but Rin enjoyed it. Anything, anywhere- it would be better than her own home._

 _She followed her friend into the living room, where they agreed on a movie before collapsing into the comfort of the sofa. As always, they sat in close proximity offering little breathing room that was, somehow, pleasant._

" _Want a snack?" Megumi asked once the movie started._

" _Sure! What do you have?"_

" _Uh." Rising from the couch, Megumi lifted her shoulders and said, "I'm not sure? I'll surprise you. That okay?"_

Surprise you. _The words stuck with Rin, and she had no idea why. "Alright."_

 _Megumi disappeared into the kitchen for a few minutes, returning with two marble sodas, a bowl of chips, and some chocolate. She set them down on the coffee table and plopped down next to Rin with a huff. And as if on instinct, her arm drooped lazily over Rin's back, warm and consulting._

 _Everything inside of Rin caught flame, and maybe everything outside, too; her face was surely suffering, bursting into heat like a match. She struggled to keep her dopey smile at bay and failed._

" _So, I've been thinking," Megumi said, pausing the movie._

 _Rin, whose attention hadn't been on the film anyways, glanced at the girl beside her. "About what?"_

" _I think I might be a lesbian."_

 _Rin spit her soda right onto the sofa, coughing and wheezing for breath. "What. What?!" She spun around so quickly it cracked her neck, and she forced herself not to cry out at the pain. "What about Okunuma?! What do you mean you're a lesbian?!"_

 _Megumi rubbed the back of her neck. Patches of red crept up her neck. "It's...complicated. I like Roro, don't get me wrong, but...Guys are just a handful."_

" _What?!"_

" _We've been spending a lot of time together, you and me...so...I dunno. It's made me start thinking. A lot of girls can be pricks, but so can guys, and...I just think girls are better." A pause. "Plus boobs are kinda great."_

 _Dumbstruck, Rin said nothing. She just stared at Megumi, mouth agape, heart racing._

" _Look," Megumi forced out, "what I'm trying to say is I think I might really, really like you, Rin. Like, a lot."_

" _...Me?"_

" _Yeah, you."_

" _What about Okunuma?" Rin repeated, her voice quieter, softer._

" _I...That's a problem. I can't break up with him. It's...again, it's complicated. He's sort of the reason I'm alive right now and I can't break up with him because of that."_

" _So you want to cheat on him? With me?"_

 _Megumi looked down at her feet, almost ashamed. "Yeah."_

 _The ability to breathe fled Rin. She didn't know what to say or do or what Megumi was expecting her to say or do so she could just go ahead and say or do it already without sputtering and suffocating. This felt like it was everything she ever wanted and yet, it wasn't. It never could be._

" _Okay," she agreed. She was fine with this. If she was finally given someone that she felt like she loved, felt loved her, then she couldn't reject her. She had to nurture it. She had to accept it._

 _Megumi looked up from her shoes wildly. "What? Seriously?"_

" _Seriously," Rin confirmed._

" _Holy fuck," Megumi whispered. And that was when she placed her hands on Rin's cheeks, soft and delicate, and pulled their faces together. Their noses bumped. Rin closed her eyes. She couldn't sense anything aside from the warm breath on her face._

 _Then Megumi was kissing her. Her lips were chapped, cracked and bitten, but Rin invited them toward her own with passion. Her fingers moved on their own, fisting in Megumi's hair as their mouths moved in sync, heads turning, bodies desperate to be closer, closer,_ closer _._

 _Rin let out a soft sigh as Megumi's tongue dashed across her own, and that was it. She unraveled. She forgot everything, forgot who she was, forgot why she was here._

 _She simply melded into Megumi, simply watched her world erupt into sparks around her, simply gave in to an intense desire she hadn't known lived within her. She found herself wishing that others would consider her like Megumi did, would look at her with eyes full of amazement and delight and humor._

 _But having it be Megumi and Megumi alone was enough._

 _Being Megumi's secret was undoubtedly enough._

* * *

He collapsed, hyperventilating, into Rin's awaiting arms. He could hear her saying his name, calling out to him, to Avanna, repeating, "Kai! Kai! Kai, can you hear me?! Kai!" like she was a broken record.

They'd never hurt this bad; they'd never hurt at all. This one had shown no signs of pain, of hurt, and still, he was shaking, aching, stinging in every place that could. Rin's hands stroking his hair were doing little to help, but he appreciated the effort.

Slowly, his vision returned to normal. His body clicked itself into place, prepared to function normally, and he could finally sit up and pull himself away from Rin. He hadn't heard his mom enter the room, but there she was next to the bed, holding a glass of water with a pained expression on her face.

"Kai?"

Kaito didn't quite register it. He was too focused on Rin, a happy Rin in another universe that had been violently ripped away, existing in the presence of a girl that claimed to love her.

Did she? Did she really? Even now, after years and years and _years_ , could Megumi possibly still feel the same way for Rin? And would Rin ever feel the same way about Megumi? Kaito didn't know, he didn't, and it bothered him. How was he supposed to fix things if he was a mess like this all the damn time?

He had to find a way to make them get together. Right? Come on, that _had_ to be the right thing to do!

"Kaito!"

He jerked back to awareness in a rush. He fumbled for the water, chugging the contents as soon as the glass was in his hands. Avanna quietly asked, "Are you okay, blueberry?"

"Yeah, it's…" _It's what, Kaito? What? You had a vision, you panicked, you broke down, you saw something that needs to happen again, but differently this time?_ "Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Rin was teary and explosive and nervous, smaller than ever, but at the same time, larger than life. That was the magic of her, and even Len. They had such a way with their presences and their absences. They were huge. Always. "What happened?"

"I think it was a migraine," Kaito lied. "I'm okay, though. I feel fine."

"You should rest," Avanna said, and glanced apologetically at Rin. The blonde gave Kaito a brief hug and multiple "wish-you-wells" before leaving.

When she was gone, and it was just Kaito and his mother, he slumped back into his bedsheets and mentally willed a headache away as he said, "Rin wants us to have dinner at her house tomorrow."

"Oh?" Without even having to look at his mother, Kaito knew she was flustered and blushing. She was sunshine in the company of others, especially the Kagamine twins. "Well, that's very nice of her. I've never met Lily before, either...What a good idea, huh?" Her expression fell a heartbeat later. "But, Kai, sweetheart...Are you sure you'll be up for it?"

"Of course."

Just like that, it was decided. And strangely, it wasn't quite like Kaito had agreed to a dinner at his friends' house.

It was more like he'd just sealed himself into some unchangeable fate.

* * *

Throughout all of literature class the following day, Megumi glared at Kaito with daggers for eyes, and Len did the opposite; he didn't bother giving Kaito any kind of attention at all. The Megumi thing, Kaito could understand. He'd witnessed an intimate moment he wasn't supposed to witness. But the Len thing, Kaito was baffled on. He hadn't done anything wrong as far as he was concerned, and yet Len was avoiding him just like Megumi was avoiding Rin; like he was Black Death.

He was unnerved and uncomfortable. No matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't go away. He was stuck with it. To make it worse, for the first time, he wasn't listening to the reading of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ , and by the time Oliver had finished reading the chapter aloud, Kaito had no idea how to answer any of the questions in the packet they were given shortly afterward.

"We need to talk," was what Gumi said as soon as class ended. She grabbed him by his sleeve and dragged him away from the desk before either of them could explain to Len where it was they were going.

She shoved him out into the hallway as a swarm of their peers followed suit to get supplies for classes after break. Megumi waited until every last one of them were out of sight. Then, she said, "Don't you go trying any bullshit to interfere with Rin and I, you got it?"

"She's pretty upset that you keep blowing off the tutoring sessions. It seems obvious that she likes you, and finds you friendly enough. You have a shot to be with her again. Why-,"

"Fuck _off_ , Shion, that's not what I'm saying," Megumi snapped, her palms flying to his chest. Startled, Kaito stumbled back, his shoulder blades knocking into the wall behind him. He swallowed the anxiety bubbling in his throat, as well as the building ache in his temples. "I'm saying that I don't _want_ to be in Rin's life anymore, okay? I have to stay out. I have to. I'm doing a good job so far- _don't_ fuck it up for me!"

"Nakajima," he said carefully, testing the weight of her name on his tongue again and again as he mustered up the courage to continue, "what happened? What happened that led her to getting killed?"

Megumi frowned, her eyes locking intensely with his. She balled her hands into fists, grit her teeth, and took a threatening step toward him. "Me," she whispered, her voice laced with thick, raspy condemnation. "And _I'm_ going to change that. I'm going to help Roro, I'm going to change him. I'm going to save my parents, I'm going to save Rin and Len and Miku, _I'm_ leading this thing. Not you. Me."

 _Not you. Me._

Kaito shook his head. "I'm going to help."

"Are you even _listening_?! No, you're _not_!"

Insisting on a change of conversation, Kaito said, "Do you have any idea why Len's ignoring me?"

"What?"

"Len. He's been pissed off at me since the dance."

Megumi's countenance dropped into a look of repugnance. She covered the lower half of her face with her palms, and groaned for a consecutive span of fifteen seconds. "You really are a fucking _Bakaito_ , aren't you?"

"...Huh?"

"When the two of you danced at the formal, he thought that _you_ thought he was...into you, or something. And that you realized and that's why you ran away." She rolled her eyes, exasperated. "He's embarrassed."

Something eased off of Kaito's chest, but it was just as quickly there again. _Into me?_ The tables were turned then. Oh, God, how the tables were turned.

"I'll talk to him," Kaito reassured.

"Whatever." Gumi spun around to head back into the classroom, but paused as soon as she grabbed the handle. She peered over her shoulder, cracked the knuckles of her free hand, and hissed, "Just don't fuck things up anymore than you already have."

With that, she threw open the door and slammed it shut behind her.

Kaito had never felt so afraid of a girl in his entire life than he was in that moment, and he swore, for as long as he knew Megumi, that feeling wouldn't ever change.

* * *

From five to six that evening, Kaito did nothing but write lyrics into his journal. The side of his hand, from pinky to wrist, was silver from the constant rubbing against graphite. Eraser shavings were scattered over his desk, and his eraser itself was practically naked, bare and overused. Kaito stopped only when Avanna poked into his room, pushing an earring into her left ear, manicured fingers working leisurely.

"You ready?" she asked.

"Just about," Kaito responded. He hefted himself to his feet, sliding into a pair of sneakers and tugging a sweatshirt over his arms. In comparison to his mother, who was wearing a sleek purple dress and a black sweater, he felt misplaced, but he wasn't going to get all dressed up just for a dinner with his friends.

He hurried after Avanna down the stairs and out to the car, where he slipped into the passenger's seat and blasted the song that was currently playing. Avanna slid into the driver's seat, turning the keys in the ignition as she asked Kaito, "How's your head feeling?"

"Fine. It hasn't hurt since-" _today during school_ "-yesterday."

"That's good," Avanna said, backing out of the driveway. She hummed along to the tune on the radio for awhile, otherwise keen on assessing the dark, snowy road ahead. "Have you talked to Meiko lately? I haven't seen her around for a bit."

"She's been busy with hockey, and I've been busy with the band, so." Kaito shrugged. "We just haven't been able to hang out much."

"Aw, that stinks." Frowning, Avanna turned the corner onto another road, delving back into quiet that was uncharacteristic of her.

She remained that way until she parked the car and hopped out, waiting for Kaito to do the same. Then she locked the doors, and the two of them made their way up the steps to the familiar Kagamine household. Looking at it set Kaito's heart ablaze; all he could remember was an eternity ago, tending to Len's wounds and thinking something along the lines of, _wow, his skin is so warm._

His cheeks glowed red. Beside him, his mother's silence melted into liquid gold. She rapped her knuckles against the front door, rocking back and forth on her heels, turning to look at Kaito and say, "This should be nice," every so often.

The door swung open a moment later, and there she was; Kagamine Lily. She was nothing quite like Kaito expected, and yet, all the same, she was. Her hair was the same golden blonde as her children's, although much longer, swaying toward her hips like a waterfall cascading down rocks. Her eyes were a dull blue, not quite resembling the bright intensity of Len and Rin's own. She was tall, too. Really tall. And slender. Pale. All these details that both connected and disconnected with Kaito's images of her twins.

He looked into her eyes and wondered and wondered and _wondered_ how they would look the day she realized the cruelty her suitor was putting the kids she loved through.

And he thought that, right now, he could tell her. He could say, "He's doing terrible things to them," and declare the truth to the world, but where would that get him? Where would that get anyone?

Megumi told him to stop interfering. He was starting to believe it was a good idea.

"You must be Avanna and Kaito," Lily said, and a bright smile swept over her features. It was just like Len's; tenacious and unexpected, but beautifully graceful. Her teeth were as white as the snow falling around them, illuminated by the red painted over her grinning lips. "I'm glad to finally meet the both of you."

"I can say the same," Avanna said with a cheery laugh. "Strange how we haven't met when Kai and Rin have been friends for so long!"

"And our boys, too," Lily added. Her eyes flitted to Kaito. "Len gushes about you all the time. The both of them do, really. What's your charm, kiddo?" She laughed, and all Kaito could do in response was stare at his feet and cup his cheeks with his palms. "It's cold out there. Come inside! Dinner's almost ready."

Lily side-stepped out of the doorway, allowing for Avanna and Kaito to tread inside. Since the last time Kaito had been here, it was different. It smelled better, it was brighter, and the furniture appeared to have been moved around; the lounge and dining area had swapped places. Weird.

"Do you need any help setting the table?" Avanna asked, and to that, Lily replied, "Oh, if you wouldn't mind, that would be great!" and with that, Kaito's mother was gone, leaving him to close the door leading into the outside and stride his way further into the house. Across the lounge, on the sofa, he could see the twins, Len dozing on Rin's shoulder with Rin eagerly waving Kaito over.

The TV was playing something he had little interest in, but he collapsed next to Rin anyway, heaving out a relieved sigh. When Kaito sat down, Len blinked open an eye and stared at him from where he was drooped against his sister. "Oh," he mumbled groggily, "I forgot you were comin'."

"Surprise," Kaito said lamely.

"He's pretty tired, so excuse him," Rin said a moment later, eyeing Len affectionately as she started petting his hair. It fell loose from its usual ponytail and tumbled down his neck, the elastic disappearing into the cushions.

A familiar heat was starting to arise in Kaito's body. He bit his lip and averted his gaze to anything that wasn't _him_.

Scooting closer to Rin, Len mumbled into her shirt, "I had a weird dream. About snakes."

"Snakes?" Kaito echoed, a trace of a snicker already easing its way into his voice. It managed to startle him; he figured that he'd be desperate to avoid Len's avoiding him. But Len wasn't really avoiding him _now_ , so Kaito had no reason to avoid him. There was no avoiding to be avoided!

"Snakes," Len confirmed. "Huge snakes. And, like...I dunno. They leaped out of the ground and ate people. It was fucked up, man." He hesitated for a few seconds, then added, "I have a fear of snakes, so that made it kinda shitty, too."

"They're nasty," Rin said, giving a determined nod. "I don't like them much myself."

Kaito smiled. The simplicity that came with talking to these two had a way of soothing his world, soothing him, lulling him into a symphony of peaceful ease. He felt at home in a place that terrified him. Only the two of them could make something as twisted as that come true. "I think they're kind of cool. They don't even need arms or legs to move; it's impressive."

"It's terrifying, is what it is," Len murmured, his voice muffled by fabric. Awkwardly, his eyes passed toward Kaito, then jolted in the opposite direction the moment Kaito's own made contact with him. Len cleared his throat, shifted into a sitting position, and jammed his hand under his knee to collect his elastic and start pinning his hair back. "So, uh…" He finally managed to peek at Kaito again. "What did you and Megumi go to talk about during literature today?"

"I was kind of curious about that too," Rin said, lips tugging into a frown. "Last thing I knew, she- no offense -kind of... _hated_ you."

There was no denying that. Kaito crossed his legs and said, "She was just telling me to stop slacking off."

"You _were_ kinda distracted throughout classes." Dropping his hands to his sides, Len leaned back on the armrest and swung his legs up from the ground into Rin's lap. "It was unlike you."

"Well," Kaito said pointedly, "I was kind of wondering why _someone_ was ignoring me. But Megumi filled me in on that, so we're all good."

"Oh." Len's face turned the same tomato red that Kaito's had been doing all day. "Wait, the...the entire reason? You're kidding. Oh my God." He hid his face with the sleeves of his shirt. "I'm going to kick her ass, I told her not to say anything about that."

"She said you were embarrassed, so I didn't push it."

At this, Rin let out a hoot of laughter. " _Embarrassed_? That's an understatement; he was humiliated. He kept ranting on about how you were forever going to believe he was into guys."

"Which I'm _not_ ," he said, too quickly. And the unspoken words that came after, _Which I can prove thanks to my girlfriend._

Girlfriend. Right. Len had a girlfriend.

And Kaito still felt pained in ways he couldn't decipher every time he remembered this.

"Kids! Dinner!"

"Ugh. Rin, carry me," Len whined.

She shook her head and pushed at his shin to urge his legs off of her knees. "I'll drop you," she said when he finally tossed his feet to the ground.

"You callin' me fat?" Len sneered, flicking her forehead as he shoved himself into a standing position. He stretched his arms over his head, cracked his back with a loud _pop_ and headed for the kitchen.

"No," Rin retorted, marching after him with Kaito close on her heels, "I'm just fragile. My arms will break."

"I can second that. The last time you tried to hit me, you complained that it hurt your wrist," Kaito huffed. "I suffered no injuries."

"Hush, you," Rin said through a grin. She pulled out a chair beside Len and seated herself, giving Lily a waggle of her fingers. "Smells great, Mom!" There was so much affection and admiration in her voice, emotions that were so typical for Rin.

Kaito sat across from her to his mother's right, eyeing the sweet-smelling fish on his plate. At least, that's what the aroma told him it was. He didn't feel like disagreeing.

"So, Lily," Avanna started as she lifted her chopsticks and started picking at her meal. "Are you married?"

Lily shook her head, blonde hair bobbing around her face. "No, actually. But I have a boyfriend." At the mention, she cracked a bright smile. Kaito made sure to stare at nothing but his chopsticks.

"Ah! Really now? What's he like? Why isn't he here?"

"He's lovely," Lily said dreamily, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Kamui Gakupo, that's him. He works as an engineer, always busy. He's working now, actually. Night shift at his corporation. But he's so sensitive, you know? Gives you those mushy, gushy teenager feelings, like being a kid again."

Kaito could barely believe that parents could openly talk about this sort of thing in front of their children; he wasn't involved in any of this, not really, and it was making him sick. Swallowing down a bite of fish, he glanced from Rin to Len, waiting for a change of expression, a tell that warned Avanna that Lily was lying, but there was nothing. They were blank-faced, absorbed in eating their food quickly and maybe a little too passionately.

"What about you, Avanna?"

"Me? Oh, no. I don't date." _But you will_ , Kaito thought resentfully, narrowing his eyes upon his plate. _And you did._ "I prefer the independent life."

"I understand. I did, too, after...my husband passed." She paused, as if noting the way both her children flinched at the mention of their father. It piqued Kaito's curiosity, ideas of what happened to their other parent whirring through his head. He wondered if they ever directed the same curiosity toward him. "But then I met Gakupo, and it changed. Sometimes it takes until you meet the right person."

Avanna smiled. "Maybe. I'd have to consider it," she said, shoving her chopsticks through a slice of meat before popping it into her mouth.

"Now, Kaito," Lily said. Her attention switched toward the bluenette so quickly he almost jolted out of his seat. "I heard from Rinny you're in the band she's managing?"

He nodded.

Lily exploded into a grin, clapping her hands together. "Fantastic! I was in a band when I was your age! Most fun I've ever had. Honestly." She dropped her arm to lean her chin onto her fist, saying, "Is it fun? Do you enjoy it?"

"Oh, um." Kaito wrestled back sputtering. Why did talking to her like they were both normal human beings sting so much? "Yeah, it's...fun. I'm the lead guitarist, so. I get to do what I love. Plus, everyone else in the group is cool."

"They're really talented, too," Len added from the corner of the table. "They ignite an entire crowd to life like they're electricity. And Hatsu-what's-her-face is actually, like...not horrible at leading. Not horrible at all."

Rin rolled her eyes, though her smile was teasing. "What, you thought she _would_ be horrible?"

"Well." Len shrugged, averting his gaze to the floor. "Yeah. Basically," he murmured.

"I'll never understand what your grudge on her is," Rin sighed. She waved a hand dismissively at her brother and returned to her dinner.

"Wait, you don't like her?" Kaito asked. "Is it even _possible_ not to like Miku?"

A puff of laughter escaped Rin's lips. "Is it?"

"It is," Len confirmed, crossing his arms. "I'm the living _proof_ that it is."

"He's been this way for years," Lily said with a laugh. "It was in...er, third grade, I think? Somewhere around then, and she-,"

" _Mom_."

"Well, he'd been growing his hair out for the first time that year, and it was finally at ponytail length, and, oh my God, he _loved_ that ponytail, still does. And he'd flaunt it, and at that time, Hatsune had her in ponytails too, and Len would always call his better-,"

" _Mom!_ "

"So, one day, she grabbed a pair of scissors and snipped his ponytail right off during lunch break! My poor baby, he cried for a week over it."

Humiliated, Len slumped into his arms, groaning out in agony. Rin laughed hysterically, holding her stomach and catching her breath in between breathless giggles.

"He hasn't liked her since," Lily concluded.

"It's not _just_ that," Len argued, throwing himself back in his chair. "Okay, it's, like, a _huge_ factor, but there's other stuff." He paused, his lips pursing, eyes darting in Kaito's general direction, then Rin's before he inhaled deeply and added, "She's annoying and fake and acts _perfect_ and it's irritating. Not to mention she's a jerk to me whenever she comes over."

"She's not a jerk to you," Rin said. A surge of amusement sparkled in her gaze. "She just ignores you because you always stare her down as if you want to kill her."

Avanna took a sip of her water, raised an eyebrow and said after she'd lowered her glass, "See, I don't have to deal with this too often; Kai loves everyone."

"No, I don't," Kaito mumbled.

"Name one person you hate," Len said, and the moment he did, everything about him slunk, because they both knew the answer; _Kamui_. A name Kaito wouldn't speak here, not in front of the woman that loved him.

He cleared his throat, brushed off the tension and slowly forced out, "Uh...world hunger?"

The table erupted into spontaneous snorts and giggles, and Kaito realized that he felt at home in a place that was anything but.

* * *

"That was absolutely delightful," Avanna said the moment the door shut behind them. The cool winter air bit at their faces, threatening to rip them into pieces. The snow was beginning to fall harder, littering the ground in ashen white.

Kaito tugged his scarf over his nose, making his way for his mother's car. He squinted against the flakes scrambling for refuge on his eyelashes.

He slid into the passenger's seat of the vehicle and buckled his seatbelt as Avanna hopped in on the other side. "Did you enjoy yourself, sweetheart?" she asked. "Your head didn't start hurting, did it?"

"Nope- well, uh, a little bit? Not much. I feel fine, so it's alright." He leaned against the window. "But, yeah, I had fun."

"Me too! They're such a close family, don't you think? Ooh, her boyfriend must be so charming!" Avanna cried. She jammed the key into the ignition for the thousandth time, cranked the car to life, and sped out onto the road.

"Um, about that."

Avanna tightened her grip on the steering wheel, peering at Kaito with obvious interest. "Hm?"

"Mom, it's...There's something I've been meaning to...to tell you." He could hear Len's voice pleading with him in the back of his mind. _Please, Kaito, please, please. Don't tell anyone. Please. If you do, he'll...he'll hurt them. I can't let him hurt them._ "But you have to promise to keep it between the two of us- just _us_ for a little while, okay?"

"O...kay. Yes, okay." She was starting to look concerned. Her brow had drawn close on her forehead.

Kaito shook out his hair, fighting for words. "I need your help," he said, "and it has to do with Kamui."

"Kamui?" Avanna repeated. "What about him?"

"It's...he's...He's not a good guy," Kaito said. "He has Lily fooled. Bad, Mom. Real bad."

"Kai, what are you getting at?" Avanna urged.

Kaito bit his lip. His hands fisted in his jacket. "Mom," he said, "he abuses Rin and Len."

And he had never seen his mother look quite so shocked and surprised and disgusted in his entire life. She might as well have just slammed the brakes and sent them flying into a tree. "He's abusive...? What?"

He went on to explain to her how about a week ago he'd stumbled upon Len in his house, bruised and beaten and bleeding, and how the blame was all on his step-father, yet Len wanted no one to know of that truth. "I saw it, Mom. I don't want to see it again," he said.

"For Christ's sake," his mother muttered. She spoke nothing else until they reached the driveway of their own house, where she rested her head on the steering wheel and said, "You're not lying? Promise me?"

"I promise you."

"Oh, what do we do in this kind of situation?" Avanna whispered, and, without knowing what else to do, Kaito leaned against her and replied, "I've been wondering the same thing."

* * *

On the way to band rehearsals the next day, a familiar figure stopped Kaito halfway down the hallway, grabbed his sleeve, and dragged him into the nearest empty classroom, slamming and locking the door tightly shut.

"Nakajima?" Kaito said, stertorous. He took a staggering step away from her, toward a desk.

She grit her teeth, her demeanor unsettling and bewildering. She paced around the room, fingers locked in her hair, and when she turned to look at him, she said something very similar to what Kaito had said to his mother the night previous; "I hate to admit it, but I need your help."

* * *

 **/cries and laughs at the same time because I don't know if I like this chapter or not but, God, do I just love Avanna and GumiRin/ YEAH, so, I'm very iffy about this chapter, my style just feels WEIRD, and idk I don't like it, but,, oh well, it's here and interesting stuff is starting to happen, lowkey cliffhanger, wOo. But GumiRin, oh boy. I've been waiting to incorporate this pairing since I started this fic. PLUS MEIKO WILL BE RETURNING SOOon, I've missed her, she's been missed.**

 **I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors! Thank you for reading; leave a review if that's your thing, and if not, see you soon!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	10. Drinking Lightning

**Hi and I wrote nearly the entirety of this chapter today and it's almost midnight. This was actually probably my favorite chapter thus far even if it was a literal pain to write but, ayyye, it's here now. Brief blood tw for the last scene at the end. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _"I'll put myself next to you,_

 _And I'll place you next to me._

 _Which seat must one choose in order to become me?_

 _Is it your body I find in the space next to me?"_

* * *

"You...what?"

"Don't make me say it again," Megumi snapped, jabbing a finger into Kaito's chest. When his face didn't so much as slip, she hissed, covered her face, and grunted out, "I need your help. Okay?"

Kaito cocked his head. "With what?"

"With...With _this_!" Gumi said, gesturing wildly. Her eyes leaked fury and confusion. "With what we are and what we're _doing_ here!"

"Whoa, Nakajima," Kaito said, a failing attempt to calm her. "Slow down." He stepped off the wall, approaching her slowly and steadily. "What happened? What's going on?"

"You were there when they said it!" she cried. She backed away from him, shaking her head, fists flying to her sides.

Gritting his teeth, Kaito tried again, saying, "What are you talking about?"

"The treehouse! The student-teacher affair! Kaito, don't you _remember_?!" Megumi insisted. She swiped for his arm, knuckles white and tense, but Kaito was quicker than that. He stumbled left, heaved a quick breath, and gawked at her. This wasn't the terrifying Nakajima Megumi was used to; now she was neurotic, dreading for an event that neither of them could be sure of.

She continued, loud and prominent, before he could chip in a single word. With her attention no longer on him, her fingers were coiled tightly in her mess of hair. "I was just- I was _thinking_ , about our real lives, about...the _future_ , and I remembered there _was_ no student-teacher affair _then_ , but- okay, so there _is_ one now?" she said breathlessly.

Kaito pursed his lips.

"I don't know. Maybe they just covered it up better _before_ , but I don't think that's right. I think things are just different, I think-,"

"You think...there's another person like _us_?" Kaito interjected quietly.

Megumi jerked her head up and scowled at him. "No!" she hissed. "No, I think that we've just done something like the fucking butterfly effect where _nothing_ is going the way we want it to, no matter how much we want it to! We messed something up and now _this_ is happening."

"How could something that we've done lead to _that_? It just...Nakajima, that doesn't make sense-,"

"I think I know who it is," she said forcibly, her glossy gaze meeting with his own. "Haven't you noticed how often Furukawa stays after nowadays? I don't trust that! And I don't trust how she keeps blowing off dates with guys!"

Kaito let the information sink in, tongue clicking thoughtfully against the roof of his mouth. "Furukawa...wouldn't do something like that. I can't see her _possibly_ doing that."

"Neither could I! But it makes sense, doesn't it?!"

"...Not...really?"

Megumi slapped her palm against her face. She began another cycle of pacing anxiously around the room. "People who once had no significance to us are going to _start_ having significance to us now! Len has significance to you, and so does Sukone, too, doesn't she?"

Kaito glanced away, scratching nervously at his arm.

"Kagamine-san. Kamui. Them too, huh? Me! I have significance to you now! And the band! Hatsune, Utatane, Megurine- _all of them_. So why not Furukawa, huh? Why not all the people you've never spoken to before?"

"You sound insane," he said slowly.

"I think so too!" Gumi cried, flinging her arms over her head. "I don't want to be here! I don't want this! I don't want to...to try and fix things and make them worse! What if something bad ends up happening to Furukawa now? We won't be able to stop it because it never happened before now!"

"You're scared of doing exactly what you told me not to do. We're both screwing things up. And neither of us want to."

The words seemed to diffuse Megumi. With a sigh, she slumped into one of the desks, kicking at the dust upon the tile floor. "Yeah, that's obvious," she muttered.

"Yeah," Kaito agreed. "So that's why I'm going to help you."

He thought he might have imagined the loose smile that lilted Megumi's lips, even if for only a heartbeat. "Good, then."

"It's just...How are we going to go about this? How do you want me to help?"

"I have a plan," Megumi said, even and level and maybe even a little erratic. "I don't know if it will work or not, but damn straight, I have a plan."

* * *

They walked to rehearsals together in silence. Kaito kept his gaze on his feet, ignoring the glares that Megumi commonly shot his way. He breathed out a sigh of relief when they finally arrived in Miku's driveway.

Miku greeted the two of them at the front door with a bright grin, hurriedly beckoning the two of them inside. "I have great news!" she explained once she closed the door behind them. "I'll tell you downstairs!" She sprinted off down the steps into the basement, leaving in her wake only slight leeway for Kaito and Megumi to do anything else but follow her.

Once they'd settled on the couch, Kaito safely seating himself on the opposing end Megumi had taken, Miku thrust herself in front of them, clapped her hands together, and cheered, "Guess who got us another gig?!"

"Uh," Piko started, "wait, let me guess. Me."

Miku narrowed her eyes. She swiped a pencil from behind her ear and chucked it at him.

He screamed, attempted to duck behind Ritsu, and flopped lifelessly to the floor.

For a moment, Miku stared Piko down. Then she drew in a deep breath, closed her eyes, materialized a smile and continued, "Anyways. It was me!"

"We're all very surprised," Flower huffed.

"Man, you're all a ton of sticks in the freaking mud today," Miku drawled, rolling her eyes.

Luka uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "Where's the gig?" she asked.

Miku perked up again. Kaito was starting to learn it didn't take much, especially when it came to Luka. "It's this really popular cafe downtown! The one Shinozaki works at. The manager knows my mom so it turned out to be super easy to schedule us something there!"

"Wait, do you not even actually know the name of the place?" Megumi snickered. "It's _Jorujin's_."

"I knew that!" Miku said, waving a hand dismissively.

"When are we performing?" Ritsu chimed.

"Next week!"

"Damn, man, you're really good at these last minute things, aren't you?" Piko laughed as he finally leaned back into the sofa again.

Miku reached for another pencil. Piko yelped and threw his arms over his face.

"I'm starting to wonder why I let you in," she sneered.

"Because he can play the trumpet like a motherfucker?" Ritsu suggested.

" _Anyways_!" Miku screeched again. She flicked her gaze to Kaito, as if waiting for him to say something. He didn't, so she urged, "You're good at deciding our songlists, so...? What do you think, Kai-kun?"

He glanced around at the six pairs of eyes now focusing on him and shrugged, looking back at Miku. "Uh. I don't...really know, actually," he said. "I mean, we could do Mahou again?"

"That _does_ seem very cafe friendly," Flower agreed.

"No. I want to do completely new ones for this set-up!" Miku protested.

A loud strain of groans flooded the room.

"What?!"

"We can't _always_ do new stuff," Ritsu whined. "That takes a lot out of us, Miku."

She pouted. "Well, I mean, we've been getting through a lot of our new material just fine, so...I just thought it would be nice to constantly do new stuff."

"Miku," Luka sighed, giving her a sympathetic look, "Namine's right. It's okay if we do new songs, but we need to have at least one that we've already done publicly before. Maybe even two."

Noticeably deflating, Miku relented, saying, "Okay, I guess. So. Mahou? And...maybe Unhappy Refrain?"

Luka smiled pleasantly and tossed herself back into the cushions. She was the only one that could make Miku listen, other than, occasionally, Kaito. Something about having the girl of her dreams telling her what do made Miku obey immediately. It was how the band agreed in secret that Luka could be the spokesman if it meant she could get Miku to agree with them over fickle matters such as this.

"Mahou," the pinkette cooed.

"How many other songs d'you want?" Megumi asked.

"Um. Well, our play time is an hour, so, maybe-,"

"Wait, an hour?" Piko sputtered. "That's like…" He glanced at his fingers and started counting under his breath. "That's like twenty songs, dude!"

"Not if we take breaks in between each one and add _commentary_ , moron. And not all songs are three minutes! We have some longer ones!" Miku said.

"As we get more popular, gigs will only get longer," Kaito added. "We should probably get used to this now, while we can."

Miku pointed a finger vigorously at him. "See! He knows what he's talking about! _See_!"

"I see, I see," Piko groaned, crossing his arms over his chest.

As the noise settled, Flower raised an eyebrow, sat up, and said, "I think we should do Fifth."

"Fifth?" Ritsu echoed. "We just started that one, though." He paused, peering over the back of the couch to stare idly at Flower. "And you _sing_ that one. Like, just you. Over yourself. Playing the drums."

"And?" Flower scoffed.

Kaito and Miku spared each other a glance.

"I think it's a good idea," Kaito said after a moment. He could see Miku cringe out of the corner of his peripheral. _You're the one that wanted new songs._ "Along with that, I was thinking we could do View."

Piko pumped a fist in the air triumphantly at this. " _Yes_! Then I can use my fancy whistle!"

"So, Fifth, Mahou and View? Unhappy Refrain if we _have_ to?" Miku hesitantly scribbled something on her clipboard.

"Mm, that sounds good so far," Luka said. "And Joy of Love, we should do that one."

"Very classy. Fits me so well," Megumi snorted.

Luka bat at her shoulder. Megumi hissed and rubbed at the red mark she'd left behind.

"Can we do I Don't Know What's What?" Ritsu piped up. "That's literally the most fun song we have."

Miku jotted more nonsense down. "We'll see," she murmured, but it was evident she was hiding a grin. None of them could deny how catchy that one was.

They went on passing ideas back and forth for another hour or so, and eventually, they'd formed a list that had the lot of them nodding their heads and muttering under their breaths about how this gig actually had potential for their group.

"Hey, Kai-kun! You don't really sing a lot in this line-up. Are you alright with that?" Miku asked, tapping the tip of her pencil eraser against her lips.

Kaito shrugged, his head lolling back on the couch. "That's fine," he said.

"If you say so," the tealette muttered. She set her clipboard and pencil aside, and turned to the rest of the band with her eyes wide and prepared. "So! With that out of the way, who's ready to practice?"

* * *

Rehearsal ended with a mutual agreement that they were all too tired to continue.

All of them except for Miku.

As Kaito pressed himself against the nearest wall, huffing for breath and flexing his aching fingers, Miku cried, "Guys, it's only _six_! We need to practice until nine, come _on_!"

"Miku," Megumi groaned, "we've been practicing for _hours_. We're exhausted."

"Fight through your exhaustion! This is important!"

Megumi shot Miku a look from over her shoulder as she slung her guitar case over it. "No," she said forcibly. "I'm going home."

"Me too," Piko muttered, carding his hands through his sweaty white hair. "I feel like I'm about to pass out."

"Guys!" Miku whined.

She silenced herself when Luka laid a hand on the small of her back and gave her a soft nudge. "We have all week to practice, Miku. Give it time."

"But _Luka_ -,"

"Nope. Hush."

"Can you stay for a little while longer, at least?" Miku pouted, tugging on Luka's hand. When Luka arched a brow, Miku squeaked and stammered, "F-for musical purposes! Duh!"

"I guess," Luka said.

"Oh my God," Flower groaned, shielding her vision with the sleeve of her blazer. "Take it outside! Please! You're in front of innocent children!"

With that, she, Piko, Ritsu and Megumi left in a swarm, talking amongst themselves, leaving Kaito behind as he fumbled to latch his guitar in its case. He scowled, drumming his balled fingers onto his thigh, hoping it would din their violent trembling.

"Here," Luka mused. She stepped in beside him, bent down, and reached for the latch. "Let me help."

"Oh." Kaito shrugged, stepping away to let Luka assist. "Thanks," he said.

"It's no problem," Luka replied as she clasped the last latch shut. She wiped the sweat of her palms on her jeans, hesitated for a quick second, and slowly rose back to her feet, handing Kaito his case.

He accepted it, eyeing her speculatively before giving she and Miku a salute and making for the staircase.

"Hey, Kai-kun, wait!"

Miku leapt out from behind him, grabbing the hem of his jacket. A grin slipped across her features, spreading from ear to ear. "I wanted to talk to you about an idea I had," she said.

"Hm? What is it?" he asked.

"I was thinking…" Miku tapped her index finger against her lips, rocking back on her heels. She glanced at her feet, then Kaito, and her smile expanded. "I wanted to sign up for Battle of the Bands."

Kaito choked on his saliva. " _What._ "

"Don't look so scared, geez!" The humor fled Miku's countenance. She straightened her posture, arms crossed sternly across her features, pouting.

"I'm not scared, it's just...er." Kaito flushed and scratched behind his neck. "I think it goes without saying that we're not...at that _level_ , yet, Miku."

She cocked her head at him, brow furrowed. "Why not?"

"Uh, it's. You know. We're...not as experienced as a lot of the other bands that would be participating."

"We are!"

"...Utatane still thinks that ukuleles and bass guitars are the same thing."

"So?"

Kaito shrugged, offering a shaky smile. "With a lot more practice, maybe we can do Battle of the Bands. It could take a year, though, Miku."

"Why not now?" she argued, persistent, blocking his way when he tried again to leave.

He sighed. "I just don't want us to walk in there with high expectations and end up coming close to last, okay? That's all. We're just...too delicate right now to face failure," he explained tentatively.

"Well." Miku shook out her bangs, glaring at the wall. "I'll talk to Rin about next time she shows. She _is_ our manager, after all."

"I guarantee she'll say the same thing as me," Kaito said, adjusting his guitar case. Miku folded further into herself, and Kaito reached forward to tug on one of her pigtails, jerking her back into reality. "Hey, chin up! We've got ourselves a really good gig next week, don't we? It's going to be fun. We're going to do great."

Finally, Miku relaxed. "I just want to prove to my parents that we're good enough to make it, Kai," she murmured. "I want to prove to them that this is what I want and this is what will get me somewhere, you know?"

"You will. In due time, you will." Kaito gave her shoulder a squeeze with one hand while the other lifted to give Luka, flopped on the sofa with her phone, a wave. She gave a lazy wave back, and Kaito turned to Miku with a nod. "See you tomorrow," he said.

"See you tomorrow," she echoed.

He headed up the stairs, and closed the door to the basement behind him.

* * *

Upon returning home, Kaito found there was a very familiar figure on his front porch, knees pressed against their chest with their face buried in between. The snow had accumulated over the last hour or so, and the tops of their shoes, poking out from the shelter of the porch roof, were littered in white.

Kaito approached them, kicking through mounds of snow himself, struggling to keep both his guitar and backpack from sliding off of him right onto the ground.

"Uh, Len?"

The figure bolted upright, and Kaito found his suspicions to be confirmed. He tilted his head and asked, "What are you doing here?"

Len clambered to his feet, chewing down on the skin around his thumbnail. "Kamui," he said, and once he'd trotted after Kaito inside, he added, "I'll...tell you more later, just...Treehouse?"

"Treehouse?" Kaito repeated. He deposited his guitar and bag by the coatrack and started undoing his scarf. "It's snowing pretty bad out there."

"I know," Len said, "but it's my, uh. Calm place. You could say."

Kaito stopped untying his scarf and dropped his arms back to his sides. "Something bad happened, didn't it?"

"No," Len said, too quickly. "No, I…" He squeezed his eyes shut. He must have decided lying wasn't the route to take here because he whispered not a heartbeat later, "Yeah."

Kaito felt his lips tug into a frown. He ran his thumb over Len's cheek, over the mark that still hadn't faded, and couldn't help feeling pleased that Len didn't flinch away. Instead, he leaned into Kaito's touch, looking fevered and exhausted. He rested his palm over the cool surface of Kaito's knuckles, eyelids falling half-lidded.

Kaito's heart did the weirdest thing then and skipped a beat. Or maybe two. He couldn't keep track over how loudly it started to scream at him when heat exploded on his face.

He slowly withdrew from Len, reaching to the door to pull it open again. The torrent of the snow whipped against them in the doorway, blowing their hair over their foreheads.

"Let's go," Kaito said.

And that's exactly what they did.

* * *

The walk to the treehouse was unpleasant, vehement, and silent aside from the whistling of the wind. But Len kept himself firm against Kaito's flank the entire time. Warmth seeped through Kaito at the contact, and that was enough.

It was horribly wrong, but it was enough.

Once they'd reached the ladder of the treehouse, Len went first, and Kaito trailed up after him, watching his silhouette disappear into the cavity of the wood.

They settled on the floor at the far back of the single room, cross-legged and quiet for a long time.

Then, when the storm had grown tranquil, Len looked up at Kaito, fingers fidgeting in his lap, and said, "Rin's been at Aria's all day, so...she doesn't know. And I don't plan on telling her. Which means-,"

"I can't tell her either," Kaito murmured.

Len went on to stare at his feet. "Right."

"So why tell me?"

"You helped me last time," Len whispered. "If anyone knows, I want it to be you." He tenaciously touched the collar of his jacket, slowly moving to unbutton the clasps and wriggle his way out of it. Next came his shirt, which he tugged off before Kaito could even so much as begin to protest.

There, crisscrossing all the way up his flank, were new, fresh wounds, leaking stained murky brown across his skin.

"I bandaged them for a little while," Len started to explain, "but I figured I'd need to let it air out, so I undid them, and...Now it just hurts."

Kaito swallowed the lump in his throat. His mouth quivered, as did his hands as they moved uncertainly to touch Len's cuts; but Len winced away, gritting his teeth, elbows skimming their bloody surface to hide them.

"What happened?" Kaito breathed, fingers limply brushing the damp flooring.

Len coiled his arms safely around himself and fixated his attention out the window. "I got home, and my mom was at work, and Rin was at Aria's, but Kamui was home on the recliner. At that point, I...I thought that I should get out of there, but...I didn't. I didn't know where to go, so. I stayed. And he...left me alone for awhile. Like, a good hour and a half," he said. "And then he asked me where Rin was."

Kaito pursed his lips.

"I...told him I didn't know, because I hate when he tries to go looking for her, and then...He just...called me a liar or...whatever, and...I don't really remember." Len drew his knees up and planted his chin atop them. "It escalated really quickly, and he said something like, 'Next time, it's going to be her'. I got really scared, Kai. I don't want him to hurt her." His eyes welled up, thick and wet, and he struggled to bite it back, his shoulders quaking. "I don't want him to hurt Rin. Or _anyone_ ," he whispered.

A tear pooled down his cheek. Len quickly brushed it away, mumbling expletives under his breath. After he composed himself, he continued haggardly, "I think I said that to him, and next thing I knew, I was on the floor and everything...hurt. When he was done, I...I just went to your house. I don't even remember getting there, I just...kinda...blacked out. And I was there. And you weren't. So I waited."

"You can't keep going through this, Len," Kaito said. "It's taking its toll on you."

"You think I don't _know_ that?" Len bit back in nothing more than a whisper, his voice rough and hoarse. He dragged his palm up the side of his face and kept it there. "I feel so weak, man. I feel like I can't do anything to...to...I don't know. This is such a mess."

A moment of nothingness passed in between them. It was broken when Len barked out a bemused laugh and said, "The Child Protective Services came the other day, and you know what he did? He found out, so he took my mom, Rin and I out to a big fucking fancy dinner. He does it _every_ time, every _fucking_ time. And Mom won't catch on. She won't. I know she thinks something's up, but she's in denial. Why wouldn't she be? She lost Dad and she doesn't want to lose anyone else."

"She could lose you," Kaito whispered, his words escaping as a cloud of vapor from his mouth.

Len shook his head. "I don't want that. I just want her to be happy. And Rin." He paused. "And myself."

 _I want you to be happy, too._

 _But how do I accomplish achieving that for you?_

"Hey, have I ever told you about the time I got lost at the supermarket?"

"...What? No," Len said, finally meeting Kaito's gaze.

Kaito leaned back on the heels of his palms. "Do you want to hear it?"

He could see Len's expression shutter. It went completely slack, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, before it lilted into a smile. Len pulled his shirt and jacket on again, and flopped onto the cool wooden floor, tracing the ceiling with eyes. "Yeah," he said. "Tell me."

Kaito lied down beside him, their pinkies just shy of touching. "So Mom and I went shopping for a present for Mei a few years ago, right? The mall was really crowded, and I kept getting bustled around. At one point, I saw something Mei might like, so I told Mom to stop to check it out, but I guess she didn't hear me, because when I grabbed the thing- can't really remember what it is now -she was gone. I was surrounded by, like, six thousand other people."

"Poor Kai," Len said.

"It was awful. I hate big crowds of people as is, so, naturally, I started crying. _Bawling_ , right in the middle of the aisle. I was ten or something, dude. And terrified. I think I almost wet myself."

Len snorted a laugh at this.

Kaito grinned. "I cried for a good ten minutes, and then decided to go find Mom. Still holding the freaking present I'd found for Mei. I was desperate. I ended up wandering around the same three aisles for a half an hour, and by that point I don't even know if Mom noticed I was gone or not."

"I'm sure she did," Len snickered.

"Don't let her innocent charm fool you. That woman is oblivious," Kaito snorted. "Someone bumped into me around hour one and I tripped and scraped my knee and started crying again. It was basically the _Hunger Games_ , except there were a million people instead of twenty-four and the goal was to find your Mom instead of kill all the other people."

Len laughed a second time, and it urged Kaito to continue. "Eventually, maybe another thirty minutes later, I _thought_ I'd found my mom, but it turned out to be a woman that looked really creepily like her. But she was nice enough to guide me to the maintenance office, where they sent out an announcement on the loud speaker asking for Shion Avanna. It was kind of nice when we reunited. We both started crying and she hugged me for a good three years and told me she was sorry for losing me."

"You have such a cool mom," Len said.

"Mm. I love her to death, that's for sure."

"...Hey. Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to your dad?"

Kaito felt everything drain out of his body all at once.

He never mentioned his dad. His mom didn't, his aunt didn't, he didn't. He hated him. He had every reason to hate him and every reason to pretend that he didn't exist.

He really forgot about him sometimes. He thought it was for the best.

"Whoa, hey, sorry. Sorry if that was...nosy," Len sputtered, his fingers twitching over Kaito's wrist. Did he feel his pulse, then? Could he feel the way that Kaito's heart was racing because of things he couldn't possibly begin to understand?

He hoped so. Kaito really, really hoped so.

"It's fine," he found himself saying a long time later. He turned onto his side so he and Len were facing each other, breathing the same air, so close and yet so far. He absently drew squiggles into the cool floor, trying to collect his words. Len didn't release his wrist. Somehow, that gave him the courage to find his words.

"My dad," Kaito said, then faltered, and started again. "My dad and Mom never got married. I was sort of an accident kid, and my dad didn't really want to help raising me, but...he loved Mom. A lot. So he stuck around to basically watch Mom raise me all by herself, while he just...sat back. I have almost no memories of him because he _hated_ me. The only memory I do have of him is him telling me that. Telling me he wished I'd never been born."

Len's eyes softened. "Christ," he murmured. "That's harsh."

"He was a tool. I don't care how much he loved my mom; she didn't deserve him." Kaito rolled onto his back again to stare at the ceiling. "Actually, no. I do have another memory of him."

"A good one?"

"Kinda," Kaito said with a shrug. "He took me into Sendai because Mom told him to. She was sick of him disregarding my existence, and she was at work, and she couldn't find me a babysitter for the day, and he had the day off, so. It just kinda happened. It _was_ nice, it really was, until…" He frowned. He could still smell it, could still taste it. The blood that had rained against the asphalt. Always there.

He glanced back at Len. "I...saw a woman. Getting...hit. By a car, and...I figured out a few days later that she'd been on her way home from buying her son a birthday cake. I'll never forget her name, either. Izanagi Mizki."

"Holy shit," Len whispered. "What'd your dad do?"

"What? Like, after she got hit?"

Len nodded.

"He grabbed me, dragged me away from the scene, and we went home. We didn't go to the restaurant we were supposed to go to. We just...went home. He told me not to tell Mom I saw that. So I didn't, I...still haven't."

"What happened to him, then? Your dad, I mean."

Kaito lifted his shoulders in a half-shrug. "When I was about seven, Mom discovered he'd been cheating on her with some woman from his work. They had a big argument, he hit her, and then he left. He called, about two years ago. We'd changed our number, too, so I don't know how he got it. But he called, and apologized for everything, and asked how I was doing, and Mom just told him he didn't deserve to know, and hung up. And he never called again; they never _spoke_ again."

"He sounds like a real asshole," Len said under his breath. Louder, he added, "I loved my dad. So much. He would always take Rin and me to this park, with this really pretty lake, and when my mom wasn't working, she would come too, and we'd have picnics there in the grass, and we'd go swimming. I remember sitting on my dad's shoulder as he rushed through the water like lightning. He was so cool."

"How'd...How'd he die?"

"Heart attack," Len explained sadly. He ran a sleeve across his cheek. "He was always...kinda sickly, you know? Had a lot of cardiac issues, had trouble exercising. A few of his arteries clogged so badly that he just...shut down. And died." He chewed on his lower lip and held fast to Kaito's forearm now.

Kaito didn't quite mind. He adjusted himself on the hard ground and said, "A while ago, my mom had a dickhead boyfriend. He...was kinda similar to Kamui, in a way."

"...That can't mean anything good."

"Yeah. His name was Dex, and he...He was pretty verbally abusive toward us. Mom especially. Whenever they argued, I tried to step in between them. Once, when I did, Dex threw me against the floor and that's about the time Mom told him to get out of our lives. He did. Willingly."

"Why is everyone in this Godforsaken town so unlucky in love? Everything goes to shit so quickly for everyone who tries. I don't get it," Len muttered.

Kaito sighed, eyes fluttering shut. "Me neither."

They let their lack of words soothe them for some time.

Abruptly, though, Kaito interrupted the silence to say, "The band's having a gig next week at _Jorujin's._ You should come. And Sukone, if she wants. We have a really good set-up."

"Oh." Len's grip went tense around Kaito's arm. "I'd like that."

"Your body language is telling me otherwise."

"Huh? O-...Oh. Sorry." Len relented partially on his clutch, his head leisurely leaning back against the wooden floor. "Thanks for this, by the way. It's...been nice. Talking to you make it seems like everything's okay, if that makes sense," he said gently.

"Glad I could be of service."

"No, it's...more than that. You're my friend, Kaito. And that means a lot to me."

 _You're my friend, Kaito._ Again. _You're my friend._

Good. Good, it was _good_ that way, and maybe it was _better off_ that way. Maybe he should've stopped thinking the way he was thinking then, with those words and that thought, but he couldn't. He couldn't.

"You mean a lot to me, too," Kaito whispered.

"I feel like it's bad how much I care about you."

"Why would it be bad?"

"Everything that goes on in my family could end up hurting you- _Kamui_ , could end up hurting you. Or involving you or _something_. That's why Rin and I have tried so hard not to make friends. I mean, we failed, but...I don't know. I'm rambling." Len huffed and flopped onto his front, arms tucked neatly beneath his chin.

Kaito peered at him from the corner of his gaze. "It's getting cold. Should we head back before we get snowed in here for the rest of the night?"

Len frowned, pushing himself onto his knees. "I guess so," he muttered.

It was the conversation. It was just the conversation and getting to know Len better that made Kaito say it, that made him smile and blurt, "Well. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay for a little while longer."

"You read my mind," Len cooed, collapsing back onto the floor. "I could stay here forever."

"Yeah," Kaito said, staring at Len as the blonde closed his eyes and let out a content sigh.

"I could, too."

* * *

Without Len and Rin, Kaito was starting to realize that his bed felt very cold. Even with the windows shut and locked and every blanket he had piled atop him, he was freezing, shivering, curled into himself to preserve his warmth.

He kept replaying his time with Len in the treehouse over and over again in his head. It kicked the ideal of being bitterly cold away from him. It sent heat into his chest, up his arms, spreading slight warmth, if any at all, through him as the clock by his nightstand changed from eleven fifty-nine to midnight.

He should have asked Len to sleep over. Rin, too. He should have found her at Aria's and brought her here. He should have made dinner for them, ate with them, watched a movie with them, lent his clothes to them. He should have made them feel at home tonight.

But Len had said his mom was back at his house, and he would be safe. Kaito should have protested, should have said, _Stay_.

He should have done a lot of things.

Kaito fell asleep thinking of Len, Rin, and every mistake he'd ever made.

Typical.

* * *

 _Her body was cold and unmoving._

 _And Roro was crying._

 _The gun tumbled from out of his fingers and onto the ground, and he found that, try as he might, he couldn't stop the salty tears that dripped in waves down his face._

 _He'd killed her. He'd really, truly killed her, had gone against everything Megumi had made him stand for just to go against her._

 _Just to prove what she'd done was wrong._

 _He should have been good enough for her. She was always good enough for_ him _, even if he'd never wanted her, even if he supposed that she'd never wanted him._

 _They were so screwed. From the start, they had been. He didn't know why he hadn't seen it coming._

 _Roro ran his hands down his face, took a breather, and went to work disposing of the body, ignoring the dollops of water that spilled off of his neck onto her red-splotched mouth that asked, soundlessly, "Why?"_

" _Why?" Roro muttered to himself, dumping her where Fukase always told him to dump the bodies. It reeked of mold and rotting flesh here, so he supposed it was the right place. He yanked his hood over his hair, collar over his nose. "Why? Because you made her betray me. You ruined everything, you prissy fuck."_

 _Her shoe came off in his attempt to quietly rid of her. Roro cursed frenziedly, tossed it into the pit along with her disappearing figure, and briskly scurried off before he could hear the_ thump! _that would signify her fatal defeat._

 _He returned back to his apartment, stuffed his gun underneath the socks of his sock drawer, stripped out of his musty old hoodie and jeans and took a shower._

 _The water was scorching and left his skin blazing red, but Roro wouldn't have it any other way. He used an entire bar of soap, chewed his nails to stumps, and kept asking himself the same question Rin's lifeless form had asked him moments, hours, days ago._

 _Why?_

 _Megumi was going to kill him when she discovered what it was he'd done. She was going to slit his throat and lay bleed to his mattress. She was going to incinerate him, burn him alive._

 _So he had to do it first. He had to beat her to it._

 _She'd paid for her betrayal, sure, but it hadn't been enough. She needed to pay more._

 _She needed to pay with her life as much as Rin had._

 _Roro shut off the faucet, stepped out of the shower, and loosely tied a towel around his waist. He spent a good half an hour roaming around his apartment unsurely, refusing to change, refusing to do anything but go to send Megumi a text and then stop, and then put his phone away, and then take it out again, repeating, continuously repeating._

 _Someone knocked on the front door. He held his breath. It could be anyone, it could be anyone. The police, Fukase...Megumi._

" _Just a sec!" he choked out, pulling on a pair of boxers and sweatpants. They were backwards, he realized upon opening the door._

 _And then his face ached like someone had taken a bat to it, and he was no longer in the threshold but on the floor._

 _Blood dripped from his nose. He went to tend to it, only to be intercepted by a foot thrusting into his chest and sending his head knocking into the wall._

 _When his vision had stopped blurring, he saw Megumi standing over him in all her glory, fuming, fists clenched at her sides._

" _Where is she?" she demanded, hefting him to his feet by his hair and slamming him against the wall his skull had left a dent in not seconds ago. "What the hell did you_ do _?!"_

" _I didn't do anything," Roro said. His throat tightened around the words._

" _Don't lie to me!" Megumi shrieked. She slammed him into the wall again with so much force that it would be a miracle if the neighbors didn't hear. "Rin! Where. Is. Rin?!"_

 _Roro licked the blood off of his lips and shrugged. "I dunno, Gumes. Where is she? Why should I care?"_

" _You know. You know! Of course you know! What did you do, Roro, what did you_ do _?!"_

" _Someone didn't take her meds today," he chortled. Another surge of pain seared through his body, numbing his_ everything _. He started to think that, maybe, he'd suffered enough of this for one day. He coughed up a thick wad of saliva and blood, spit it into Megumi's face, and smashed toes against her ankle._

 _She yelled and staggered, leaving herself vulnerable for him to ram his shoulder firmly into her chest. She slammed against the door, and Roro bolted as fast as he could for his room._

 _A chair flew past him, crashed into one of his many cabinets, and sent splinters of wood catching in his skin. He jumped over the rubbish, slipped into his bedroom, and locked the door behind him. It would spare him a second, just a few seconds._

" _Open up!" he heard Megumi screaming as she thrashed violently against the door._

 _Roro threw open his sock drawer, fished out his gun, reloaded it and cocked it. He aimed it at the door, breathing heavily, soaked in sweat._

 _One._

 _Two._

 _Three, and-_

 _The door crashed open. Without a thought otherwise, Roro fired._

 _There was no scream. There was barely even a gunshot._

 _There was just Megumi, wheezing, staring at him, bewildered, and clutching at the crimson splattered across her chest._

 _She sank to her knees, vomiting up blood and mumbling incoherently._

Take it back, _Roro thought._ Take it all back.

 _He couldn't._

 _And even if he could, he wouldn't._

 _He approached Megumi slowly, steadily, fear and guilt and hatred and frustration sending him into a fit as he slammed his boot into her temple and knocked her furiously into the floor. "Say you're sorry," he whispered, straddling her and thrusting the barrel of the gun against her forehead._

 _Her green hair stuck to her face, shielding her eyes. It struck Roro suddenly that she was crying, and so was he._

" _I'm not," she said. "You sick fuck, I'm_ not _. Rot in Hell."_

" _You first," Roro muttered._

 _He settled his finger on the trigger, and he pulled._

* * *

 **Man. Roro's a jerk. But HEY, Megumi's got her shit together and so much KaiLen happened and I'm scREAming and I promised Meiko was going to come back but she hasn't yet- next chapter tho, next chapter, just you wait (just you wait). I'm so sorry, I'm tired and I'm wiped. Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter anywAy! I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors, beta-ing is hard, yikes,,**

 **Also, in just less then a week, I'll be starting school again unfortunately :/ That means updates will probably be even more infrequent, I'm vvv sorry! I'll try my best to update as often as I can anyway, since...I'm so close to the next arc of this story. So close.**

 **Leave a review if that's your thing, and if not, see ya later!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	11. Your Temperature

**This chapter,, was so hard to write. But here it is, and I'm very happy with the way it turned out! A relieving feeling tbh. So. Ye. Enjoy!**

* * *

 _"The flowers bloom and the moon waxes,_

 _And we repainted the landscape again,_

 _That you were here, the warmth of your body,_

 _Will be forgotten and cool someday._

 _That's all it will be."_

* * *

Outside, the snow was raging in wild howls against the trees, blanketing the ground in all-consuming white. Kaito busied himself with staring at it, at the sticky snowflakes that draped themselves across his window and blocked him from seeing much further than a few feet.

It was better than looking at the disgusted scowl twisting across Megumi's features...not that he blamed her for it. He'd invited her over after rehearsals to discuss matters involving the course of the future. They hadn't expected it to snow, a mistake on their part considering it never really stopped snowing anymore, and Kaito was at fault for trapping Megumi inside his home until the storm blew over.

She was so peeved that they'd made little to no progress whatsoever, and Gumi had been there for over a half an hour. The best Kaito had done was fire up the heaters and make some hot cocoa ("I won't drink tea," Megumi had said upon his offering) that he was now languidly sipping from a bright pink mug as he wrapped a blanket tighter around his shoulders.

"Bakaito," Megumi hissed from across the table. He winced; he'd grown fond of the nickname when it came from Meiko, but with Megumi it was foreign. Hostile, even. He didn't like it. "Pay attention, would you? We have work to do."

"Right, sorry," he muttered. He glanced away from the window to face her, setting his mug gently onto the kitchen table.

Megumi was busy tapping her pencil irritably against the pad of stark white paper in front of her, brow drawn across her forehead in concentration. She swiped her tongue over her bottom lip, sucked in a deep breath, and shook her head. "Where the Hell do we even start?"

"Um." Kaito cocked his head at her, shrugging half-heartedly. The clock latched upon the wall ticked by with a growing halter to its beats. The steady thrum of _tick, tick, tick_ had become a somber _tick...tick..._ that he could no longer find among his own thoughts. "This year...last time...What do we _know_ happened?"

Scratching at the back of her head, Megumi narrowed her eyes upon the paper and grit her teeth. "Nothing _important_ happened, I don't...think. Hatsune started up Epoxy Lips, you and I didn't join then, they got really popular." Her expression darkened. "Rin and Len's...abuse situation worsened a lot."

"As it has been now."

"...Mn." Megumi hunched her shoulders and jotted a few notes down in between the college-ruled lines of the paper. Her penmanship was as untamed as a rabid animal. "Is that all?"

"Maybe. We can always come back to it. So...the next year."

"The next year," Gumi confirmed, her voice softer. "My parents died in a car accident. At that time, I was dating Okunuma, and had no Goddamned idea he was part of a fucking _gang_. He invited me to join him, and I did, because what else was I gonna do? Not like I had anywhere else to go."

"...Right," Kaito said slowly. He took a hesitant sip of his cocoa and peered at Megumi through his bangs, one eyebrow raised.

She shifted in her rickety wooden chair, groaning in distress. "I really liked Rin at the time. So much, man. You'd never understand." She scribbled something else just as Kaito thought, _I don't think that's true_. "But if I dumped Okunuma he'd boot me from the gang, and I'd be homeless or forced into an orphanage or...I don't know. Fuck. Something bad. Something real bad."

"So...you cheated on him with Rin. And he found out. And he...He killed her. He killed the both of you." When Megumi's jade eyes shot up to glare at him, he instinctively looked away. The vision still hadn't fled him; everywhere he turned there was the lingering scent of blood that made him weak in the knees and nauseous.

His companion sighed, glancing away, all signs of malice having dissipated. "Yeah," she said. "Sorry you had to see that, by the way."

"You're alive again, though. That's good, huh?"

She mellowed out completely and said nothing.

Kaito swallowed down the lump in his throat, a climbing sense of fear building in his chest. He tried to breathe evenly, but it was a persistent struggle. He eventually managed to say, "So that's all you know, huh?"

"Yep. All of it." Gumi glanced up in between rapid strokes of her pencil and scoffed. "Minus you transferring right before our graduating year and missing fuckin' _all of this_."

"Yeah. Right. Um—my turn," Kaito blurted, desperate to change the subject. Megumi was extremely sensitive to the fact that he'd left. The last few jabs she'd taken at him had been to proclaim that if he hadn't, maybe Rin would have lived in that last timeline. Maybe they all would have.

He didn't want to believe that. He didn't want to believe he was the cause for things he couldn't control.

"So...Megurine grew up to be a detective. She lived close to me, and she was working on Rin's case. Rumor had it that Okunuma tried to, you know...But he ended up getting Hatsune instead. He fled before he could finish the job," Kaito explained. "Then I met Len; older Len. He told me about Rin, and I invited him to stay at my place, and then it turned out Okunuma killed him too, and now I'm here."

"Now _we're_ here," Megumi corrected. Kaito huffed out a laugh, but his companion wasn't amused. He faked it as a cough into his sleeve.

Once Gumi had finished writing whatever she felt had been necessary to write, she bit the inside of her cheek roughly and said, "We have everything we need. Probably. This is the big stuff."

"Unless you want to count the fact Len and Sukone got engaged last time, and then Len broke it off."

" _What_." Megumi's eyes pierced straight into Kaito's soul when she looked up, nearly sending him flying off of his seat. A shiver rushed from the tip of his spine to his fingertips as they wrapped around the bottom of his chair securely. "And you never told me this? Until just now?"

"Hasn't really come up in conversation," Kaito muttered, his entire face heating a thousand degrees.

Arms crossed indignantly under her chest, Megumi emitted the bland vibe of aggravation and impatience.

With a sigh, Kaito relented. "Look, it wasn't that big of a deal, it's just...They're dating now, and he didn't seem happy in the future, and..." He slumped his forehead into the cusp of his hand. "I don't know."

"You want to break them up?" Megumi suggested with a snort of contempt.

Kaito should have been startled at the accusation, but in all honestly, he wasn't. He'd known that their relationship made him feel awkward and jealous for awhile now. He'd known that _of course_ he wanted them to break up, wanted Len to maybe, just maybe, dance with him again, instead of always having to fill the spaces where he once could have been in with _her_.

"I do," he said, covering his face with his hands. "I seriously do."

"Hm. Interesting." There was the sound of scribbling again, and Kaito removed his face visor, frowning. Just as he told her to _please not record that_ , she intercepted, "I understand the feeling. Back in the last timeline, I never wanted Okunuma to like Yuzuki. But he did." She rolled her eyes. "He still does. The fool never learns."

"Has...has that changed? I mean, do you not...want him to like her anymore?"

"Yeah, it's changed. Duh. My life'll be a fuck load of a lot easier if she just says yes to him instead of sending him to crawl back to me every time he faces the wrath of her rejection. It's so annoying."

"Beats being lonely."

He startled a laugh out of her. It was a broken sort of laugh, the kind that isn't induced by humor. Dry and aching and cracked. He disliked that more than he liked the way she said "Bakaito".

"You're right there, nitwit. I'll give you that," Megumi mused under her breath.

Not exactly enjoying where the conversation was headed, Kaito cleared his throat and said, "Our initiatives?"

"Right." Dismissively waving and tucking a strand behind her ear, Gumi gazed at the long list she'd scrawled over the paper, concentration full and heavy in the silence. "One: Keep my parents from dying. How we're gonna do that, I...I dunno." She frowned, eyes skimming a line. "Two: Get that Kamui fuck thrown in jail, where he belongs. Free the Kagamines of their inane torture. Three: Have Yuzuki and Okunuma date. Get them out of my life. Four: Break up Len and Sukone for good. Five: Make sure Epoxy Lips does kickass at the gig tomorrow."

"So, basically, keep everybody happy," Kaito said.

"Not everybody. Never everybody," Megumi replied. She looked at him directly, suddenly more serious and more determined than Kaito had ever seen her in his life. "We're not heroes, got it? We're not here to make everyone feel better. Just the people we care about. The people we love."

"That's...unfair."

Megumi scowled. For the first time in minutes, she snatched her hot cocoa, now cold and more like creamy chocolate milk, and took a long swig of it. "Life is unfair. For Christ's sake, you should get this by now."

He glanced away, and she set her mug on the table, eyes narrowed into slits. "We're not heroes, Shion. Get that into your peanut-sized brain before I smack it in there. Okay? No one's gonna write novels about us when we get out of this. No one's gonna remember us for what we did. What we changed. No one's gonna look at us any differently," Megumi said firmly.

"We're not the heroes. If we were, then this wouldn't be our situation."

She was right. Kaito knew beyond all hope that she was right, a normalcy that was starting to drive him up the wall. Even so, he wanted more than anything to be the hero. He wanted to go against her words, wanted to sacrifice his own happiness for everyone else's.

But sometimes heroes don't have the leisure of getting everything they want, either.

Sometimes heroes can be as useless as normal, everyday people, and maybe that's the way it's always meant to be.

You can't save everyone.

* * *

The venue was packed full to the brim, nearly overflowing.

Kaito hadn't expected Miku to go this all-out with advertisements and eager invitations, but she had a way of surprising him. She had a way of surpassing his expectations in every way imaginable, and it brought a smile to his face when he caught her eyeing the hordes of people gathered in the cafe with a huge grin on her face.

He sidled up beside her, elbowing her in the ribs.

Beaming, she whirled around on her heel to face him. Sunlight radiated off her not from the open window behind her that betrayed nothing of the snowstorm the day previous, but simply from her soul. Miku could easily be the sun itself sometimes...as could, now that Kaito thought about it again, Len. And Rin.

Kaito didn't know what it was about himself that attracted suns and stars and moons that caused a supernova ad nauseam. Somehow he found himself utterly grateful for it.

"Kai-kun, look at how many people showed up!" Miku squealed, bobbing up and down eagerly on her heels. She looked close to tears, her lips quivering with the weight of her smile.

"How many flyers did you put out this time?"

Miku's giddy grin turned mischievous. She winked and tapped a finger to her temple. "That's my little secret," she said.

"When are we on?" Kaito asked, rocking back on his heels. He briefly scanned the area, trying to find any glimpses of yellow and silver bobbing through the crowd. Coming up empty, he repressed a frown and wheeled toward Miku again.

"Half an hour!" Miku replied. She rose to her tiptoes, peering over Kaito's shoulder toward the stage, her pale, slender fingers outstretched and bouncing at her hips. "The others are setting up, right?"

"Probably not," Kaito said with a shrug. He spared a glance toward the stage, stepping back to allow Miku the same access. To neither of their surprise, there was little much of anything going on, other than Megumi berating Piko for parading around with Ritsu clinging onto his back, and Luka looking only mildly frustrated when the boys tripped into the speakers and Megumi let out a loud, agonizing screech of misery.

Miku sighed, but she wasn't appalled in the slightest. If anything, she was pleased, smiling at the mayhem that was their band. "We should probably go help," she said. Kaito didn't have the chance to agree or disagree; she was already dashing off to the stage, squawking out commands with Luka's attention immediately enraptured.

Kaito didn't think he'd ever get how she had that effect on people.

He shook his head and started to follow after her when a rough hand clamped his shoulder and spun him around so quickly he thought he was going to lose his balance and topple onto the floor. Instead of meeting a face-full of glossy tile, he saw only vibrant sanguine eyes and a chipper, endlessly sarcastic smirk teased with a hint of irritation. Nothing new there, Kaito figured, and the familiarity heaved a breath of relief from out of him.

"I don't think I've talked to you in, what, ten years?" Meiko joked. She flicked Kaito's temple, her short brown hair bobbing as she did so.

"I've been busy," Kaito mumbled, rubbing at the sore spot on his forehead. Meiko was grinning at him, and try as he might, there was no resisting reciprocating the action. "Not that I've _missed_ you, of course."

"Agreed," Meiko scoffed, crossing her arms over chest. The glitter in her eyes was unfathomably playful. "In other news...the fair is coming around in a few weeks, and even if I _totally_ didn't miss you, my mom and I might need some extra hands again this year, if you're interested." For half a moment, Meiko's expression faltered from its mordant sneering as if to say, _And if you're not still busy._

It made him want to tell her. Explain to her that those seemingly thousands of weeks ago when she'd been tugging him through the snow toward school, he'd just been dragged through the past to stand in a place he'd stood in eleven years ago. He could tell her, right now, he really could.

But it wasn't the place, and it certainly wasn't the time. Too crowded, too dense. Not enough space to breathe.

Worst yet, there was the chance she might not believe him, and Kaito couldn't risk that as his clarification as to why he hadn't been spending much time with her lately. _I've just been trying to figure out how to save lives, sorry,_ wouldn't sit very well with Meiko, so Kaito said, "Why wouldn't I be interested? I do it every year, Mei."

She brightened instantaneously, flashing a sharp and toothy smile. "That's what I was hoping you'd say!" she laughed, giving him a playful punch to the bicep. It probably wasn't supposed to hurt, but it did.

"Bakaito," Meiko added after a heartbeat, her smile teetering on the verge of a concerned frown, "y'know, if something's bugging ya, you can talk to me about it, yeah?" She tousled his bangs sweetly. "I care about you."

"I know that," Kaito said, amazed that she could _still_ read him like a book, always could. "And I care about you, too. A lot."

"Good, then!" Meiko said, and her sweet tousling of bangs turned into a noogie that had Kaito screeching shamelessly. A few passing girls looked at him and giggled, but the cheeky vibes rolling off Meiko in waves that reminded him so much of everything he'd been missing lately made it so worth it. "Don't screw up and embarrass me and our friendship, dingus, whatever you do!" she cried, knuckles digging into him ruthlessly.

Eventually, when his scalp was aching and he'd had enough humiliation to bear even for Meiko's sake, Kaito twisted, shoved at her abdomen, and wriggled free of her choke-hold, dusting himself off. "I won't mess up, I won't mess up!" he groaned. He hadn't yet so there was really no reason to why he would _now_.

"I know you won't," Meiko said, then added with reluctance, "kinda." He pouted, but she thumped his chest with a laugh. "Kidding! I'm kidding, you big dork. Kidding. Even if you _are_ the biggest klutz around-,"

"Mei!" Kaito whined, only to get the response of eliciting more laughter from Meiko rather than stopping it.

"M'kay, m'kay," she finally relented, vigorous slope of the lips unhalting. "I've bothered you enough, eh? You've gotta band waitin' for you to help out and that mocha I had Len order me ain't gonna stay hot forever."

"Len?" Kaito said without fault, mood spiking through the roof at the mention.

Meiko said, "Yeah. Len," with a sudden speculation about her attitude, as if she was seeing right through his excitement over Len just like she did his neglect toward things involving anything other than the twins, Miku and Megumi. "He and Rin hitched a ride over from Sukone and her parents, apparently." Meiko rolled her eyes, carding a tan hand through her hair, sending it in every direction until it slowly began to settle again. "I didn't really _wanna_ join them but it was better than sitting by myself."

 _Beats being lonely._

"They're fun," Kaito promised, smirking, "and you and Len get along _so_ well."

Meiko snorted, but that mischief hadn't yet left her features. "Don't start that crap with me, asshat."

Behind them, Megumi bellowed something that sounded like, " _Damnit, Hatsune, where in fuck's name did you put my guitar?!_ " Kaito took that breezily as a cue to check on the situation.

"I should go, Mei. I'll catch up to you later!"

"You'd better," Meiko said. Then she did something she rarely did and drew Kaito in for a hug. It was quick and limp, but with heartfelt emotion, and when they parted, Meiko was blushing fiercely, but her sharp incisor still poked out of her smile. "Good luck, Kai. Rock their socks off for me, got it?"

"Got it," Kaito said with a nod. He awkwardly stepped back, and Meiko did the same, waving, which gave him the courage to turn around and sprint off toward the stage before he could see Meiko make the move first.

* * *

It was ten minutes until showtime, the stage was officially set up, Miku was delivering an inspirational speech, and Rin, as their manager, was checking things off on a wad of paper tacked neatly against the clipboard she had one lanky arm coiled around. Her eyelids were sagging with exhaustion, lips tugged into not quite a frown, but nothing of a smile, either. Kaito had noticed this when she'd first departed from Len, Tei and Meiko's shared table to the bathroom, and then to the stage.

He'd drawn the conclusion that perhaps she was ill, but that didn't seem fitting. Nothing he thought of did, really, and it was setting shivers up his spine, casting him in the illumination of bad-spirited feelings as he attempted to tune he and Gumi's guitars with flimsy, fumbling fingers.

"We're going to do our best, right everybody?" Miku cooed, shoulders raising excitedly toward her jaw, fingers pushed into a gun by her lips. "This gig is going to be rather different in comparison to our last one, we know that, but we can't let nerves- or antics-" she shot Piko and Ritsu a glare, and they beamed, and soon enough, she caved, too "-get the better of us, understand? We're going to blow everyone here away! They won't be able to stop talking about us for weeks! _Months_ , even! Right, Rin?!"

Miku made to pat Rin on the back, but the blonde flinched out of the way with a wince. Her clipboard clattered uselessly to the ground, her palms glistening with noticeable sweat in the artificially produced light of the cafe.

"Rin?" Miku said uncertainly, but Rin was barely listening. She was off somewhere else, blue eyes dull. And then, all at once, she snapped back into her own mind, glanced over her shoulder toward what Kaito knew had to have been Len's table (he wasn't paying attention; he was absolutely engrossed in whatever it was Tei was saying), and scooped her clipboard fluently off the floor.

Miku extended a hand again, retracted it, and echoed, more softly this time, "Rin?"

"Yeah, we're going to do great," Rin said. She didn't remove her eyes from the checklist she'd been working on for a very long time. When she finally did, her expression was that of a mourner at a funeral, smiling through tears they wouldn't dare shed. "I'm fine, by the way. I didn't sleep much last night."

Kaito could feel Megumi tense beside him, and his heart clenched, an icy fist wrapped around it. Just as he went to offer something, anything, Megumi rose to her feet.

"You're pale. Let's get you some water," she said, hopping off the stage and taking Rin by the wrist without giving her a second to argue. They disappeared into the crowd, and Kaito watched, unsure of what else to do. This was something he wouldn't expect from Megumi...not yet, at least. She said she'd been aiming to avoid Rin, to keep her safe.

But Kaito wasn't so certain that was her objective anymore. By the grave relevance on her countenance as she'd left, there was little trying to deny the statement.

Miku shot Kaito a helpless look. He shrugged, panic building in his stomach.

With no words remaining to speak, he shifted his attention back to the taut strings of his guitars, strummed a G chord, and let the sound resonate deep within him. It said quietly, _All is well._

It wasn't.

* * *

The manager of _Jorujin's_ was a brunette that went by the name of Tonio and spoke in song rather than words. He was almost overly theatric, especially when Rin had dropped her pen on the ground and he'd swept down to obtain it and offer it to her like a rose.

Megumi was poised for murder by then, teeth gnashing together vehemently, chiseling them into dust. She avoided the man's gaze, using her pick to bear down viciously on the fourth string of her guitar until it came seconds from snapping. Flower had to lean over the drum kit snatch Gumi's wrist, prying it away from the guitar with a mutter of bolstering fortitude.

"We haven't had a live performance in quite some time," Tonio was saying as Kaito tuned vaguely back into what he was so prominently preaching. His hands were gesturing all over the place, unable to remain still. "You seven are bound to blow my mind away, truly. I believe it."

"Thank you!" Miku said brightly. "We won't disappoint."

"I know you won't," Tonio said, and with that clapped his hands together loudly to announce, "Take it away, Epoxy Lips!"

Miku blinked, cocking her head dumbly to the side. "Huh?"

But Tonio was already gone, worming his way into the back room with unsurprising agility. There was no introduction, no declaration; just the good to go, the stage lights flickering on above them, igniting them with the vivacious glow of pure gold and subtle orange.

"So we just…" Miku bit her lip and slid behind her keyboard, adjusting the microphone hooked to the back of its base. She cleared her throat and tapped the microphone once; feedback screamed through the speakers at each corner of the cafe, sending multiple bothered glances their way.

"You've got their attention," Luka offered helpfully from where she was standing beside Kaito. He stifled a laugh as she continued, "Come on, babe, now's your chance."

The energy- the _sparks_ -from being called _babe_ by Luka sent Miku into an enthusiastic frenzy of bubbling words and phrases that melded together to create something so naturally her. "Hello there, and welcome all of _Jorujin's_! Thanks for coming out this fine afternoon, we really appreciate it. And, uh. If you just came here on accident and were one hundred astonished by the fact we were here, that's cool, too!" She winked, and the same gaggle of girls that had laughed at Kaito and Meiko earlier laughed again.

Relief spread across Miku's features, making it easier for her to speak. "We're Epoxy Lips, and this is Fifth!"

Miku gave a three count with her fingers, thrust an arm in Flower's direction, and let the percussionist take the lead like they knew she would always be able to do.

Once the beat he'd been waiting for hit, Kaito drew his pick down the strings of his guitar, flowing effortlessly from chord to chord as, beside him, Luka closed her eyes and let music of her bass overwhelm her, pink hair elegantly braided over her shoulder, Miku ogling it behind her keyboard, lips pursed.

Flower's voice suddenly rang off the stage, the perfect volume from over the steady taps against her drums. She was on fire, radiating a sort of symphony that had the crowd grooving over the din of their conversations, nodding their heads, tapping their feet, smiling. Smiling as if this was what they'd been waiting for all of their lives.

Megumi strummed into the song, her fingers delicately tracing over her strings without a pick, as nimble as ever. Cautious, even. She was pliant, engulfed in what she was doing, swallowed whole, matching the tempo Flower was setting.

And then the sudden explosive climax that had the audience gasping for breath, attention fixed on the stage like moths drawn to lamps. " _Aaaa, whoa_!" This was Flower's debut, her moment, and as her wrists flicked this way and that, her voice rose, deafening and silencing. " _Iranai haizai no yama ni, umoreta garakuta da sabireta koe de sekai e shimese_!"

The chorus dropped out, Miku and Ritsu's background vocals fading, leaving the steady pace of Flower's drumming constant, her chest wavering with her inhales. Kaito focused not on spotting Len in the crowd like he so desperately wanted to do, but simply on his motions. His every stroke's impact.

He was so zoned in on these details that the whir of Flower's ability rushed past him into the four minute mark guitar streak; he subsided, and Megumi took over as if she owned the place, Kaito supporting her, Luka carried away in her own soothing sounds.

The screaming of the guitar dispatched, degenerating back into the starting melody line with Luka's bass far louder, and then gone, and then only the drums were going, light, tenacious, soft picks against a single guitar's strings as Flower's final lyrics spoke to the audience:

" _Sono mama seijaku no kan'oke ni, dokoka tōku hanareta basho e._ "

There was applause. And a Hell of a lot of it, at that. Kaito lifted his head, hands throbbing, sweat staining his brow and dripping from his chin to his collarbone. He wiped at it with the thin scarf his outfit stated he be adorned in, catching his breath until Megumi tapped his ankle with her heel and said, "Nice, dude."

Her compliment ricocheted like a bullet in the exhausted space of his brain. It went appreciated but all the same ignored in reality, as Kaito was already bracing himself for the next song. Mahou, thankfully. Something they were more familiar with.

And after would be one of Kaito's originals, and he wasn't so sure he was ready for that.

Two minutes of rearranging passed, the cafe customers and attendees and baristas speaking to each other in hushed voices.

Kaito still couldn't find Len.

Once everything had been precisely organized, Miku didn't do any introducing; she just raised a finger and that was all it took.

Kaito picked three muffled chords, and Mahou poured its life and soul into the world a second time from a band now finding recognition.

It was strange this time, incredibly strange. Although the music was flowing smoothly and Miku and Piko's (they'd decided to change it up this time around) combined voices blended perfectly, the crowd spoke over them, as Kaito supposed he'd known they would all along. The thing about live events in cafes was it was white noise, a hum hidden behind their ears to occasionally zoom fully into.

Mahou ended with much less applause than Fifth, not that anyone really cared or minded. As the show progressed, attention would only continue to fade, grow, fade- a cycle of repetition.

"Thank you! Thank you," Miku said into the microphone, breathing heavily. She scratched at her throat and continued, "Next up, we have a very...important song. An original, written by our very own Shion Kaito!"

It was that proclamation that drew Kaito's gaze right to Len. He had his fingers entwined with Tei's on the surface of the table, her cheek slumped on his shoulder, and Kaito felt as sick as Rin looked for a heartbeat. He abruptly scanned another area of the cafe, finding Mayu in her apron and nametag hunched over the countertop speaking quietly to Fukase, and near them, Roro with Yukari and Aria, each sipping a different colorful drink. And among _them_ , strangers piled upon strangers.

Anxiety hit Kaito for the first time, and he wasn't quite sure why. He bit it back, he bit it all back, so Miku could say, "Our third gift to you, Your Temperature!"

The way Miku and Flower worked this song was enthralling to Kaito; Flower led into the intro percussion lines flawlessly, and Miku's fingers descended upon the keys of her keyboard a half a second later, desperate for the release of their tension. Luka chimed in on her bass guitar, eyes plastered to Miku's apprehensive frame that was beginning to match Kaito's own when he strummed in, praying to whatever deities existed that he wouldn't screw this up.

 _Your heat, your temperature, your warmth, it's all the same thing to me. It all means to me exactly what you are_ , Kaito thought, driving his pick back and forth into the strings. _The sun. You're the sun_.

" _Azayaka ni hikaru sono iro ni_ ," Miku began, her brilliant teal eyes finding Luka's, " _toraware te ayumi o tometa._ "

Break. A rush of the snare, and-

" _Aa, nakushite tada setsunakute! Oimotome ta nowa maboroshi._ "

Perfect, was all Kaito could think. This was going perfectly.

So why did it feel so...wrong?

He played the riff where he was supposed to, listening but no longer hearing, feeling but no longer understanding. His throat felt dry, his hands clammy. This wasn't like him, this was _never_ like him, and they still had just over forty-five minutes of this.

" _Hana ga saite! Tsuki ga michite! Mata keshiki o nurikaete!_ "

Kaito had to believe he wasn't the only one melted down into liquid gold by the intensity of Miku's voice, the desire and yearning behind it. The emotions he felt that she took from him and put into her own heart, used to fuel those around her. It was brilliant; the doubt walked off of Kaito's person without a trace, starting on its merry joyride home.

" _Koko ni ita koto! Kimi no taion! Wasure te itsuka tsumetaku soredake sa!_ "

Miku gracefully flung herself into the next melody line, and that was it. That was the beginning of an atmosphere that the crowd was having trouble withstanding. Styrofoam cups left abandoned, nearly every pair of eyes and ears were elsewhere now, right on Miku, on _Epoxy Lips_.

Miku sucked down a huge gasp of air once the words, " _Nakatta ka you ni_!" dripped off her tongue like a waterfall, and Kaito nearly missed his moment of delving into the guitar riff alongside Megumi.

And Miku did something they hadn't rehearsed.

She danced away from the keyboard and started dashing around the other band members, pumping her arms like she was playing a guitar herself, rocking on her heels, arms spiraling around her. Luka extended a hand and twirled her right back toward the keyboard, where she made it just in time to begin singing again.

The breath left Kaito's lungs. She was even now still rushing with energy, head bowing and tilting, shoulders trembling and legs doing a mini tap dance until the final lyric exploded from her throat and she was _dancing_ again, spinning around Kaito in his final verse of the guitar, hips gyrating past Gumi and Piko and Ritsu. She was everything that was alive, everything all at once, unwinding in the threads of her own existence.

When Luka finished with a pang of her bass's low notes, Miku's back was turned to the audience, arms positioned over her head, the lights panning over her and her only like they _knew_ that she was something else now.

Someone entirely new.

Because of something Kaito had managed to create.

The entire rest of the gig felt insane and on overdrive. The crowd was craving more, and Epoxy Lips provided over and over again, encore after encore, until their last song.

Joy of Love, their least practiced and plausibly hardest song. But Megumi knew what she was doing; she knew she could take these matters into her own hands.

She stepped up to the center-stage microphone, slow and hesitant, as Piko melded his violin peacefully into the muted air. It built, growing powerful, suddenly accompanied by a few streaks of the guitar from Kaito, the ringing of hushed noise from Flower, and the steady pace of clapping hands from Miku and Ritsu. Piko continued with the violin, grinning beside Gumi as he nudged her and she nudged him back.

" _Kimi to musubareru kono hi, nando yume ni mita deshou. Sasaeau koto wo chikai futari wa kuchizuke wo kawasu_." She clapped and stamped her foot to the music, back and neck intricately bobbing along to the suave jazz of the song.

The crowd talked over them for a moment, then stopped, then resumed. They were fascinated.

Rin might have been admiring them most from where she was perched at the edge of Suzune and Lui's table.

" _Tsuyosa tazusaeru yo_!" Megumi sang, and in came Miku and Ritsu as her backup vocals: " _Toki ni arasoi nikushimi ni make, hito wa kanashimi kizutsuku keredo._ "

It was slow, but passionate, and like Miku in Your Temperature, Megumi had become a part of the song. A caterpillar freshly reborn as a butterfly.

" _Watashi-tachi no ai ni yorokobi desu_!" Megumi finished, sweat-slicked forehead shimmering in the lights as the song simmered down to quiet and nearly unintelligible English lyrics from Miku, Ritsu and Luka.

And then it was over, and the audience was wild, and Kaito had to drop his head into his hands to keep from screaming at the top of his lungs: out of confusion or joy or _what_ , he wasn't sure. The urge to scream had just majorly built up somewhere inside of him and he really, _really_ wanted to release it.

"Thank you so much to everyone who showed up today!" Miku said breathlessly into her microphone. "We really hope to see you again! Thank you! Thank you thank you _thank you_!"

Off went one light, and another, and another.

Draped over the stage was a curtain of darkness that lasted through the blinding euphoria of Epoxy Lips having no idea what to do with themselves. They agreed without words to calmly step off the stage, walk toward the ordering counter, and _then_ erupt into shrieks and chants and embraces, all of them gripping onto one another and _bursting_ with something they'd never quite felt before.

"It worked, it worked!" Miku was screeching, her arms thrown around Luka's shoulders as the taller girl lifted her higher off the ground and spun her around, grinning. "We really did it, we did!"

"What you did with Your Temperature," Kaito said, palm pressed against his temple. "I was so nervous, Miku. And then- then you did _that_ , and- I just-,"

"You liked it?" Miku said as Luka set her down, keeping one arm wrapped around her waist.

Kaito shook his head. "Damnit, Miku, I _loved_ it."

Miku beamed, and launched away from Luka into his awaiting grip. "I didn't even know I could _dance_!" she admitted, kicking her legs frantically. "It just took over me and _wow_! Wow, I felt like I was flying, it was literally like I was flying and my soul was leaving my _body_ , Kai-kun!"

"You weren't the only hero, though," Kaito admitted, and waved to Piko, Flower and Megumi. They feigned modesty and flipped their hair and snickered snidely, but all in all, everything was as it should have been.

For the first time in weeks, Kaito felt at ease, all traces of panic long since have faded away.

For once, he felt like a normal kid.

* * *

About an hour later, most of _Jorujin's_ had cleared out. Multiple people had approached the members of Epoxy Lips asking for autographs and phone numbers. Among them was not Len, nor Rin, but certainly Meiko, who clung to Kaito like an anchor for the entire time being.

Piko at one point got crowded by a swarm of girls begging for his number; Ritsu had frowned at this and draped himself over Piko, asserting his dominance, saying nonchalantly, "Mine."

Flower had almost punched some guy in the face for calling Miku a reckless show-off, but Miku had pushed Flower away and taken the insult as a compliment, curtsying for the guy and giving him a bright smile. He'd walked away one hundred percent defeated.

Now, with _Jorujin's_ nearly empty except for a few baristas and the clean-up crew, as well as stray friends of the band such as Meiko, Kaito found the adrenaline wearing off and his fatigue crashing into him head-on. He slumped into a stray chair, leaned back, and would have fallen right asleep if not for Rin's voice interrupting him.

"Kai?"

He'd jerked up hectically, having had expected Rin to be home by now. She was looking at him evenly, if not a little sadly. "Oh, hey," Kaito mumbled groggily. He was sure he reeked of sweat and filth but had no urge to try and disguise it. "What's up?"

"Um." Rin scratched at her forearm awkwardly. "Would you...mind if I slept over tonight?"

"Hm? No, 'course not." Kaito rubbed blearily at his eyes and stood up, gazing over at Meiko. She was submerged in a conversation with Mayu, Fukase and Flower about what appeared to be politics. Finding no interest in it, Kaito glanced at Rin again and asked, "Did Len already leave?"

Rin's shoulders slumped. "...Yeah. He's...spending the night at Sukone's and, um. I don't...wanna be alone."

That's not what she meant, but Kaito was smart enough to know the truth behind those fragile words. "My mom will be here in a few minutes. She'll like the extra company," Kaito said, tugging a chunk of Rin's blonde hair.

She smiled weakly and tucked it behind her ear. "Thank you," she murmured. Without another word, she pressed her face against his chest and kept it there. Nothing else was required for Kaito to know to wrap an arm around her shoulders and hold her there tightly.

Miku spared them a questioning look, but Kaito shook his head.

They left it at that.

* * *

That night, as Kaito collapsed into his bed with his hair damp from the shower, Rin reading one of his books atop his pillow, he said, "Something's up."

Rin placed the book facedown in her lap and peered at him. "With you or me?"

"Both of us," Kaito said. He dragged a hand down his face. "I have a severe problem with Sukone."

"You...do?" Rin murmured. The prying look she was offering him was mildly unnerving, almost as if the disliking toward Tei either bemused or annoyed her. Neither of those things fit Rin's personality, and that made speaking of the matter even more bothersome for Kaito.

He sighed softly; it was now or never, whether he liked it or not. "I'm jealous of her," Kaito murmured, "a lot. I don't know why."

Rin pursed her lips. "That song you wrote..."

 _Wait, no._ Kaito threw himself into a sitting position, legs splayed out before him. _This isn't where I want this conversation to go._

"It...was about Len...wasn't it, Kai?"

Rin said it as if it was obvious and Kaito feared that it _was_. That all this time the unknown emotion piercing into his chest whenever Len smiled at him or talked to him or did _anything_ for or to or near him was an emotion all those around him were aware of.

"How'd...How'd you know?" Kaito said.

"He's my brother, you're my best friend." Rin stared at the cover of the novel, gliding a finger back and forth over its spine. "I just had a feeling."

"It's more than a feeling. Christ, I don't know what it is."

"Me neither," Rin murmured gravely. Finally, she glanced up and provided another lazy attempt at what was somehow a smile. _The smile of a dead person,_ Kaito thought. "Mind if I take a shower?"

"...No. Go ahead. There should be a little bit of a hot water left."

Rin swung her legs off the side of the bed, hopping to her feet. "You did great today," she said, setting the book on Kaito's pillow. "All of you. It made me forget who I was for awhile."

She left silently and suddenly. Kaito barely cognized the fact she was gone from his room until he heard running water and the sound of the shower curtain being drawn. His eyes closed, his fingers twisting in the bed sheets as he recalled the anxiety from earlier.

He wasn't doubting the song at that time. He was doubting that the meaning would remain hidden. Miku would portray it and Len would understand it, and Kaito thought he had. He and Tei had left so quickly, without a goodbye or a good job. They were just gone.

The anxiety was returning, no longer based off of solidity but a premonition. A bad feeling.

He got up and made his way for the bathroom because his feet were telling him to, and he had to obey them. He came to the door, listened to the water, and rapped his fist against the surface.

Silence.

He frowned and knocked again, louder...but nothing. And Kaito was reminded of that gruesome time at the Kagamine doorstep, waiting for a response he never got from Len, entering to bandage him and fix him in a way he wasn't meant to do.

Kaito feared that upon opening this door, the bathroom would greet him with a bloody, broken Rin burrowed into the floor, terrified.

"Rin?"

...Still silence.

That was it. Kaito couldn't do this anymore.

He twisted the knob, threw back the door, and felt for a moment that his premonition had been wrong. And it would have been; everything in the bathroom was still neat and tidy and placed exactly where it should have been.

Everything, except for Rin.

She was on her knees on the ground, bare back and shoulder blades crossed with scars, one after the other, a fresh and merciless cruelty having succeeded in its primary job. A few of the wounds had reopened, and there was blood staining Rin's skin, leaking onto the towel wrapped taut around her otherwise naked waist.

She glanced at Kaito, fat tears pooling down her cheeks, her teeth digging so hard into her lip that it bled.

Curling her arms around her chest, shaking with the force of her wet sobs, Rin squeezed out choked, staggering words that would endlessly replay in Kaito's head, he was sure, until the day he died.

"Kai," she whispered. "Don't tell Len."

* * *

 **:))) I love to make the Kagamines suffer why am I like this.**

 **Anyways, the gig section is so much better when you actually listen to the songs- honestly. HONESTLY, I,, advise it. Especially the Kimi no Taion/Your Temperature part.** **Kaito is also very gay and even Rin sees it, and Meiko's back, finally, and Miku and Luka are also very gay, thank yo u.**

 **Apologies for any grammatical/spelling errors! Beta-ing is,, hard. Hope you enjoyed, yo! Until next time!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	12. Negative Thinking

**Hi! Here's an update. Writing this made me horribly sad but it was worth it. Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _"I defined the future, of the wish I want to grant,_

 _I think of taking it into my hands, for you I adore._

 _With reality so contemptible, I sought healing,_

 _Full of sadness, I'm unable to sleep._

 _If I had realized it, the night would have ended_

 _and raising my eyes, I would've seen a blindingly clear sky."_

* * *

The kitchen was silent. Rin sat at the table with a shawl wrapped around her trembling shoulders, a warm cup of cocoa clasped in between her twitching fingers. She wasn't making any attempt to drink it; she only stared down at its contents with wide, shiny eyes, in some state of paralyzing shock.

Kaito sat beside her, twiddling his thumbs as Avanna punched digits into her cell phone, seething with loathing and hatred that she couldn't transform into words. She pressed her phone roughly to her cheek, stepped outside, and slammed the door behind her. The sound resonated throughout the kitchen, breaking the temporary peace. It partially roused Rin from her stupor, enough for her to incline her head at Kaito with a look about her that just said, _I'm tired._

Kaito swallowed, unable to meet her gaze. Something needed to be said, but he couldn't find the right words. "You couldn't have expected to me to keep quiet about that," he muttered. "I...I don't want you to get hurt anymore."

Rin shifted in her seat. She sniffled, pushed her lips to the rim of the mug, and sipped, wincing when it was too hot and she was forced to draw away. Her cheeks were as damp as her hair, still wet from the shower. "You don't get it," she said, voice thick with tears. "No one gets it but Len, you don't _get it_."

"I'm trying to," Kaito said softly. He was trying harder to understand this entire situation than he'd ever tried to do anything in his entire life. One wrong step and it felt like all of that understanding would be kicked aside, broken and discarded.

"Len is going to freak out," Rin said, trembling. "He's going to freak out and he's going to do something _bad_ , now that he knows, and...and..." She dropped her gaze, shoulders raising to her chin, hiccupping on a sob that caught somewhere between her chest and throat. Her eyes pinched shut to repress tears that pooled down her cheeks heavily, effortlessly. Trying to prevent them was a losing battle, so Kaito delicately looped an arm around her and let her fall into his chest, where she clutched to him and wept openly, fragile as a porcelain doll.

"Len will be fine," Kaito reassured her, though it wasn't reassurance for himself. He couldn't quite believe that Len would be anywhere near fine when this had blown over, and Rin wasn't buying it herself by the way she was stiffening in Kaito's embrace.

A tense though not displeasing silence passed between them once again, Rin remaining pressed up into Kaito's side until she'd cried herself out. By then, Avanna was slipping back into the house, muttering incoherently as she jammed her cell into her pocket.

"Mom?" Kaito asked. His arm tightened around Rin's shoulders, and she sniffled in response.

"That man is going to _pay_ ," Avanna hissed, unnaturally furious. It was strange to see her anything other than generous and calm and perhaps a bit emotional, but not like this. Never like this. Though this time, it donned her for a good reason, that demeanor. "How _dare_ he. How _dare_." She dropped her face into her hands and, after taking a deep breath, gawking at Rin with no longer anger but hopeless desperation. "You're only _children._ "

She said this as if those in the room didn't know it already. Rin started to convulse again, and changed the subject, whispering out, "Is Len coming over here?"

"Yeah," Kaito said, swallowing the lump in his throat. After delicately wrapping Rin up in her towel like it was a cocoon and calling for his mother, Kaito had led her into his bedroom, stroked her hair, and waited for Avanna to enter; there, he'd explained the happenings, and, biting her lip to try not to explode, Avanna had helped Rin to re-dress with soothing words as Kaito wandered out toward the hallway and frantically dialed for Len. They had exchanged few words, as all Kaito needed to say was, "It's Rin," and Len was prepared, saying, "I'm on my way."

It kind of made Kaito jumpy, knowing that Len had completely blown off Tei. What had he said to her? Of course he wouldn't have confessed to her the truth behind his leaving, but...still. Kaito chewed on his thumbnail and quenched the flaming thought immediately.

He didn't want to think about that right now. Didn't want to think about Tei or anything else while the threads of everything tied just came _untied_ like this.

"Rin," Avanna said evenly, "when did...when did Kamui do this? How long ago was it?"

Rin peered up from Kaito's chest and wiped at her red-rimmed eyes, sitting up straight in her chair. Her knuckles were white, fists clenched tightly at her sides. She kept running them up and down her thighs, movements rigid as if moving too much too quickly would break her. "The other day," she said, and this was insufficient, because she corrected herself to say, "Two days ago. The night before last."

She seemed to want to say more, but her lips were quivering too much to allow anything to pass from them. Avanna and Kaito waited, patient as they could be.

Then, Rin drew in a deep breath and whispered, "Len was at Sukone's, and...I didn't know what to _do_ , I didn't think he'd be _home_." Her eyes welled up again. "Miku had invited me over, but Mom said she'd be making dinner and I wanted to be home for that but then she wasn't _there_ , _he_ was and I panicked, Len never leaves me alone at home anymore, he never _does_." She pushed her fist against her mouth, trying to contain herself.

Kaito resisted touching her for comfort. She didn't look like she wanted any physical contact when she was like this. "I...I thought maybe he wouldn't notice me, and- but, he did, and at first...he didn't do anything, just...I don't know, greeted me like everything was okay, so I thought, this is fine, this is okay, and went to my room to do homework, and he just-..."

 _Oh, wait, I don't want to hear this, wait-_

"I don't remember, I really don't, he just _came in_ , closed the door, and then..." Rin cut herself off abruptly there, a sob ripping from her throat as she collapsed into Kaito's awaiting form again. A moment later, then: "I didn't tell Len, I didn't let him know. He would kill him, I really thought he might try to kill Kamui and Kamui would...he'd do something to Len, something _awful_ , worse than any of things he's done yet, and I... _I don't want that_!"

Both Avanna and Kaito startled at Rin's shout, but neither backed down. Neither succumbed to letting the fear and the anger tear them apart, not yet.

"I want him to be happy, I want to _protect him_ , like he's always done for me!...But that one time, _the one time I needed him most to protect me_ , and he wasn't even _there_!" Rin snapped. No malice resided in the tone she'd taken, only a certain sense of loneliness and yearning. "He- he _abandoned_ me to _him_ , for a _girl_. Why? I don't get it, _why_?" A pause. "Why do I _want_ him to be the one to take this for me? Why does everything hurt and ache no matter which one of us is taking it in the _first place_?!"

Rin shook her head and snotted into Kaito's collar. He cradled her there, wishing to split his power in half and share it with her...As if it'd do any good; he didn't have much power in himself to begin with.

"If it's him, I want it to be me," Rin sobbed, voice draining into a whisper again, "but if it's me, I want it to be him."

As if on cue, the front door flew open on its hinges without even so much as a knock. Len trudged in, sticky with snow, the late night air breezing in after him. The storm had followed him inside as a cloud above his head.

Rin was right; he looked about ready to lay his bare teeth into the exposed column of someone's throat.

He kicked the door shut behind him, not bothering to remove his coat or boots, and marched from the foyer into the kitchen. His teeth were grit, jaw clenched and taut, and the way he moved signalled that he didn't notice anyone except for Rin from where she was huddled up against Kaito.

Before Kaito could even give him a greeting, Len had Rin hefted to her feet, holding her at shoulder's-length with his eyes narrowed, for a long time expressionless, thoughtfully and darkly considerate.

And then he said, "That fucking _asshole_ ," and let out a horrified sob that finally allowed the lingering cloud above him to cast its downpour as he yanked Rin to his chest and folded his face into her hair. His arms coiled tightly around her waist, tentative to even so much as graze her back, and Rin hiccupped brutally into his neck and clung to him like he was her anchor.

"You left me there," Rin whispered, "all by myself. You- you didn't e-even ask if I was okay when you came home, Len, what the hell? What the hell?"

Len ground his teeth together, squeezing Rin tighter. No apologies would cut it, Kaito could tell that's exactly what he was thinking, and it was the type of thought that would leave Len a mess for words. "I...didn't even know he was home, Rin, fuck, I had no idea!"

"But all y-you've been doing lately is blowing me off for _Sukone_! What if I need you- I _always_ need you, and you- you j-just..." Rin choked on a breath and Len attempted to hold her tighter. She let him.

Kaito spared a glance at his mother, but she was too busy rising to her feet, unsure of what to do with herself, to notice him. He supposed he was the same. Uncertain and unsure, experiencing something far too intimate for his eyes. He had the nagging temptation to cover them until this was over.

"You're unbelievably stupid, you know that, right?" Rin said, trying to force fake humor into her stuttering voice.

Len wasn't amused. "I know," he whispered. He buried his face further into Rin's hair and said it again, repeating it until it must have started to hurt his throat. "I know, I know," and, finally: "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Rin, this is all my fucking fault!"

"It's not," Rin said, gliding her fingers into Len's hair. "It's Kamui's fault, it doesn't mean you-,"

"It does!" Len protested, writhing away from Rin and holding her by her wrists, staring endearingly, yet so despairingly, into her eyes, the ones that mirrored his own. "It _does_ mean I'm at fault, because I swore my life to you and I fucking _failed_! I messed up on the only thing I thought I could ever do right!" His raspy pant could have shaken the floorboards when it came out as a distorted, "I let you down, I'll always let you down, won't I?"

"No," Rin said, her hands quaking from where they were rigid between she and Len. "No, that's- _Len_ , you know that's not what I'm saying, I just-,"

"You just _what_?!" Len said, and the rage was back, vicious enough to make him snarl, lip raising to show his teeth and the bleeding vengeance that poured from his eyes. "You wish I blew off more of my life to fucking loathe myself in his goddamned presence, is that what you want? You want me to just do what he says so you can get off easy, huh? _Is that it_?"

The regret on his face was instantaneous, and the fear and disgust and absolute betrayal on Rin's came no sooner. She tugged her wrists weakly from his grip and released an ugly sob, fat dollops of tears starting to form a puddle beneath her. "Why...Wh-why would you-,"

"Len," Kaito said, standing up so aggressively the legs of his chair scraped against the floor.

But Len's fury has not simmered, not in the slightest. He whirled on Kaito, a torrent, and thrust an accusatory hand at him, screaming, "Fucking stay out of it, Kaito!"

"Stop yelling," Rin said, and the weakness in her voice abated. She righted herself, her posture, sniffling all the while. Her face was pink, nothing in contrast to the bright red of Len's own. "If you act like this, then who's to say you're any different from him, Len?"

"Any different from-... _fuck_ , no, no I'm not, you-,"

"I don't want you to get hurt so I can 'get off easy'," Rin whispered, tenderly caressing her brother's cheek with ice cold fingers. "I just want you to stop being so selfish."

"How am I being selfish?" Len asked, but everything had fled him. His words were empty with misery as he leaned into Rin's touch, tears flooding his cheeks. "I'm so close to being happy, Rin, to just-" he hiccupped, sheepish about it, tilting his nose at the ground, placing his palm over Rin's knuckles. He shook his head and said, "I'm so close to what I want."

Rin's brow furrowed, and she looked surprised. Insulted. "What you want?" she asked, baffled.

He didn't have anything to say to this. In a rush, it seemed his anger had intervened with his ability to coherently think. There was a strange twitching going on with his left eye and hand, which was steadily balling into a fist.

Panic punched Kaito so hard in the chest he nearly puked.

"Mom," he said, frantic. Avanna caught the intonation of his worry and hurriedly stepped toward the twins, gently separating them. Rin seemed almost relieved at being a few steps away from her brother as he once more began to seethe, ready to go off at any moment. Worst of all, he was crying again, but it was the silent kind of crying that made him look nothing short of devastated.

"Len," Avanna said soothingly, braced on her knees, eyeing Len with the approach of the mother that she was, that she would always be. She tried to brush his cheek and he flinched away, sputtering. Avanna smiled sadly, recoiling, and asked, "It's okay, sweetie. It is. You can talk to us."

"I don't wanna," Len said, pouting like a child, as if he'd been reverted back in time even further than Kaito had. His other fist clenched, the intensity of his twitching eye increasing. He scrubbed at his tears, humiliation evident through the jerky, aggressive motions. Then, something overwhelming crashed into him, and he turned to Avanna, dull eyes brightening, widening. "Did you call them?" he asked.

Blatantly confused, Avanna tilted her head and asked calmly, "Call who, Len?"

" _Them_! The- the people, the child services or whatever, fuck, _them_ -,"

"Child Protective Services?" Kaito suggested, and Len nodded vigorously.

"You didn't- don't tell me you did, you couldn't- have called them, you- you-,"

"Len?"

" _He'll just blow it off again!_ " Len exploded, throwing Avanna off her guard. She held herself together, barely managing, and looked Len in the eye. Behind them, Rin was reeling, palm pressed to her forehead. She had never appeared more exhausted in her life. "And if not, then- he'll- _fuck_ , if he figures it out, knows you- we- that they were called, he'll-,"

Avanna gripped his shoulder to calm him, but it didn't seem to work, even if he slumped vaguely into her. Just like a son would a mother.

"He'll- they'll figure him out, and- he'll hurt Rin and Mom, he will, I _know_ he will, that fucker, he's- _what were you thinking_?" Len's fingers twisted in his hair, pulling it loose from its ponytail, ripping strands out. "I should've been there, why wasn't I there?"

"Len, deep breaths," Avanna advised. It was her turn to begin panicking, addressing Len with a nervous intent that was as unfamiliar as her anger. "You're hyperventilating-,"

"What's wrong with this fucking town?" Len burst out, lunging out of Avanna's grip and slamming his back against the wall, manic. Utterly, purely manic. He'd lost himself. Rin whimpered in distress, and Kaito stepped protectively toward her- not worried Len would hit her, but just taking the necessary precaution to make them both feel safer. "Why is that everyone leaves, screws shit over? They make everything great, and then they just destroy it. Why? What's the point of that? All they do is strip us of our happiness like we don't even fucking deserve and- and then they, they just...act like it's _our_ fault, like acting out and wanting just a sliver of- of _something_ , anything at _all_ is wrong!"

Len wiped his sleeve against his cheeks. "We don't get to keep anything, not our fucking promises, not the people we love, _nothing_ , it's all just a waste of time because places like these take everything we love away from us!" he screamed.

"Len," Rin pleaded, gripping wanly at Kaito's arm, " _Len_."

"It's always wrong! All the time, like whenever I want or need something it's always _wrong_ , I don't deserve it, and every mistake is _my_ fault! And then I freak the fuck out because she's right- you're right, Rin, I'm not any better than Kamui is, and he-,"

Kaito couldn't take it, the words that were penetrating him. They cut too deep, left too fatal of wounds. It was searing into him and dissolving his skin, and he wasn't sure what else to do but take the thing stabbing him and curl it tightly into his arms, securing it safely despite its struggling, kicking protests. Len shoved at Kaito's chest, yelling, "I told you to _stay out of it_ , didn't I?", his words broken by hysteric sobs and his knees buckling until he couldn't hold himself, sinking to the floor and bringing Kaito with him.

He stopped shoving and yelling, the fight leaving him. He slouched into Kaito, dripping wet face stuffed into the crook of his shoulder as his fingers, paler and more delicate than they'd ever been before, gripped his shirt, taking handfuls of fabric into his fists.

Breathing heavily against Len's own rapidly thumping chest, Kaito brought one hand to tenderly touch Len's hip, the other settling on his spine to run up and down it in cautious yet soothing movements. Len relaxed, finally, huffing a breath of comforted relief.

"I'm sorry for yelling," he murmured, the statement noticeably directed at Rin, even if he wanted the response from Kaito.

Kaito adjusted his posture to rest his chin atop Len's unkempt swarm of hair. "You've gotta control that temper of yours," he said gently, "or it's going to end up hurting someone."

"I kinda wanted to punch the wall," Len murmured, shaking like he was trying to stifle a laugh. "And maybe rip out my hair."

"That's what I'm talking about."

Len lifted his arms to drape them over Kaito's shoulders as he lifted his face. Kaito had to mentally restrain himself from using his thumb to brush the tears on Len's soft cheeks off.

"I can stay here for the night, yeah?" Len asked. He flicked his gaze toward Rin, who was now clinging to Avanna's side, and then focused it back upon Kaito. "With you?"

"Of course," Kaito said. He'd been ready to command Len stay anyway.

"Would, um." Avanna cleared her throat and warily smiled at her guests. "If either of you are hungry, I can make something to eat?"

"No, thank you," Rin said, looking awkwardly in the direction of her earlier discarded cup of cocoa. Len, too, shook his head, favoring to nuzzle up into the warmth of Kaito's chest with a disoriented groan.

Avanna nodded and carded a hand through her hair. She still had uncertainty scribbled all over her countenance, as if she wasn't sure what to do, what to say.

"We can go watch a movie upstairs or something," Kaito murmured, "if you want to unwind."

"That sounds nice," Len said. The tension had left his body, and the way he was positioned made him abnormally small. Feeble, even. His voice was no better.

Kaito helped Len to his feet, gestured to Rin, and kissed Avanna on the cheek before hurrying upstairs with the twins right on his heels, quiet and displaced, as if they had no idea how to make the words that had floated between them fade.

Standing in the eye of the hurricane, Kaito wasn't positive he had any idea either.

They settled naturally into Kaito's bed, Kaito sprawled out in the center with his laptop on his legs, Len and Rin flanking him on either side, their heads on his arms. Rin had dozed off after explaining that the movie didn't catch her interest, and now she was snoring peacefully, which put Kaito's anxiety to rest.

Len, meanwhile, was all for the movie; it was some cheesy romance-action cliche revolving around a girl with weird superpowers that had to save her childhood friend...or something of the sort. Kaito had forgotten the details already.

When the movie ended, Kaito shut his laptop, set it in on his nightstand, and fell into the pillows with an exhausted huff. The gig had worn him thin, and with this added upon it, it was as if there wasn't anything left of him. He was empty- abysmal. Len scrambled over him wordlessly, squirming into the space between he and Rin. "Sorry," he muttered, "but I like being in the middle."

"S'fine," Kaito said, already half-conscious. He scooted to the edge of the bed to allow more room, and watched, alleviated, as Rin tangled her arms and legs with Len's, snuggling her way against him.

Kaito propped himself up on an elbow and stared down at Len with groggy eyes; Len stared right back, his arm around Rin's waist. "What?" he murmured, words a bit slurred.

"You two are going to be okay," Kaito said, determined. "I promise."

"It's kinda hard to believe that, y'know? Especially...after this, 'cause...just-..." Len shrugged. "Kamui's a fucking disaster. All of this is. There's barely anything we can do anymore."

"We'll figure it out. Eventually," Kaito murmured.

"I sure hope so," Len said cynically, and he shut his eyes before the conversation could escalate.

Kaito accepted this and dropped into the sheets, reaching for Len's hip, a sudden habit. Len sighed, pressed his ankle to Kaito's, tangled their fingers together. "Night, Kai," he whispered.

"G'night," Kaito whispered back.

The dull, isolated beating of his heart sooner or later lulled him into a restless sleep. With just the flutter of his eyelids, the day was over. Finally.

It was over.

* * *

 _Luka never had much interest in Roro._

 _She supposed this was fair, as few did in their high school years, unless they were green-haired with attitude issues...but in any case, Megumi was Rin's friend, and Rin was Miku's, and thus Luka went the extra mile to respect her, whether her relationship with Roro was prominent or not._

 _But sometimes going that extra mile wasn't worth it, because sometimes Roro was horrible, and Megumi would always defend him._

 _It happened often enough that Luka was used to it, but occasionally she felt the need to put her foot down, especially when Roro made a show out of his trash-talking Rin and the fight with Len that followed. It was a big joke to him, and Luka had never wanted to kick that smile off his face more. She was sure Megumi was feeling nothing but the same, yet she still grit her teeth and supported him._

 _She chose that idiot over her own friends. That notion worked the gears in Luka's head, alerted her there was something wrong with the behavior her pupils were displaying._

 _Luka did the only thing she could think to do when hatred for Roro overflowed her veins._

 _She confronted him, exposed him, publicly. She slammed him into a locker and made sure Megumi was watching when she said coolly, "The bullshit game you're playing needs to stop."_

" _The fuck're you talking about?" Roro spat, dumbfounded, tugging at her grip with no avail on loosening it. His jaw went taut and he released the low hum of a growl._

" _You know very well what I'm talking about," Luka said. "Taking advantage of your girlfriend's predicament, bashing on her friends, acting like a total_ dick _. Not to mention spending your spare time screwing strangers over, how about that?" She snorted, bemused. "You don't even consider it, don't even apologize. Jesus."_

 _Understanding crossed Roro's features. "If you're talking about the Kagamines then they fucking deserved it," he snapped. "Had it coming."_

 _Luka heaved him by his collar and rammed him into the locker again, still horribly calm, unfazed. "One of these days Megumi is going to hate you for what you do to those two. I'm surprised she hasn't started already, or maybe she has and she's just too stubborn to stop treating you like the defenseless twig you are. God, she could do so much better. Why do you hold her back, Roro?"_

 _Footsteps advanced rapidly toward them. Roro smirked in triumph, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead._

" _Hold her back? I give her everything she needs. I'm not holding her back by doing that," he laughed._

 _Luka went to retort, but a hand clamped firmly onto her shoulder and dragged her back. "Luka," it said, and she recognized it as Megumi without even needing to see the face. "Enough."_

 _There she went again, standing up for him. Luka crossed her arms under her bust and sneered. "You really let him play you? For what, hm? What's the benefit?" she asked, clicking her tongue._

" _What's your problem?" Megumi hissed. "Leave him alone."_

" _It's like you think I don't know," Luka said. "Like you think no one knows."_

 _Megumi's eyes blew wide, her tongue wetting her lips anxiously. Her gaze flitted to Roro, then to Luka, and she gritted her teeth. "Don't," she demanded, breathless._

 _Luka considered for a moment, she really did, but what Roro was capable of was beyond her, so she settled on saying, "This isn't about you, Nakajima. I have business with him. Not you."_

" _If you have business with him, you have business with me," Megumi snapped._

" _Really? Would you say the same about Rin and Len?"_

 _Megumi frowned. "You-...What do they have to do with this?!"_

" _Chill," Roro said, stepping away from the locker to throw an arm around Megumi's shoulders, side-hugging her tightly. "She's just trying to rile you up."_

" _No," Luka protested, examining her nails, "I'm trying to make a point, Roro, and tell you that what you're doing is wrong."_

" _Whatever," Roro said. He nudged Megumi. "Let's get outta here- Gumes?"_

 _Megumi was still staring pliantly at Luka, mouth agape and eyes curious. When Roro gave her another tug, she snapped out of it, rubbed at her face. "Yeah, okay," she muttered, and wriggled out of his grip, disappearing down the hall without him._

 _Roro winked at Luka and cooed a, "Cheerio!~" as he turned on his heel to follow his girlfriend; but Luka was fast, and she snagged him before he could go._

" _We're not done here," she said._

" _I think we are," Roro said, smiling._

 _Luka grunted and roughly shoved him into the locker again, this time eliciting a sharp, whinnying yelp from him that made his cheeks flush. "Whatever is going on between you and Megumi, you should stop it. You're indirectly hurting her, and since she's a friend of my-" Luka refrained from saying 'the girl I may or may not want to date' "-own close friend, I want it to stop."_

" _I'm not even doing anything wrong!" Roro yelled._

" _Leave the Kagamines alone, too, you fucking hear me? And Miku. The next time I hear of you bothering any of them I swear to God I'm going to slash the tires on your new car."_

" _That's a threat!"_

" _Yes," Luka confirmed, "and so is this." She brought her knee roughly in between his legs, grabbed his hair, and shoved him into a heap on the ground, deadpan. "Don't fuck with my friends," she said, and sashayed off amidst the laughter of those around them._

 _Behind her, she could clearly hear Roro scream, "You'll pay for this, bitch!" but at the time, she didn't think twice about it. She never thought she'd have to._

* * *

Kaito blinked awake, stoic and only mildly uncomfortable. His skin was sweaty, sheets sticking to it in a sheen. His hair was matted to his face but he held no desire to brush it off when he knew it would just start to smear itself in place again later.

He sucked in a breath and rolled onto his side, toward Len, Rin and the clock; it was a little before dawn, and, as far as Kaito, could tell, the twins were sleeping just fine.

Though that didn't last long.

Not ten minutes after Kaito had awoken, Len jolted upright with a silent scream trapped somewhere in his mouth. Once it had fled, he threw his head forward, tugging his hair and pulling his knees to his chest. The blankets dripped off of him like a waterfall, pooling at his lithe waist.

Kaito shifted nervously and blurted, "Nightmare?"

Len jumped, whipping around toward him as if he was looking at a completely different person. But the fear resided, and he just seemed sick after that.

"You're awake," he muttered.

"Yeah," Kaito said, keeping his voice quiet in hopes not to stir Rin. "Weird dream."

"Me too," Len said.

Kaito sat up and angled himself across from Len, twiddling idly in his lap to keep him distracted as he said, "You wanna talk about it?"

"You first."

"Oh. It...was a premonition dream, I guess. Or some weird instinct," Kaito said, "about Okunuma and Megurine getting into a fight, which is likely when you think about it."

"Mn." Len leaned closer to Kaito. With that done, Kaito could see that his cheeks were sodden again. "Mine was...um...a vent for today, y'know? Maybe for everything," he muttered.

Kaito couldn't resist; he brushed Len's bangs from his eyes and relished in the way Len eased so warmly into the touch. "How so?"

"I was just like Kamui," Len said, "and...I hit Rin. Badly. Because maybe if you hadn't grabbed me today, I would have really done it, just...lost myself. Like that." He dropped his gaze and waited for Kaito to graze his cheeks before he continued. "And then...it wasn't Rin and me, but...Kamui and me. And it was just a memory of...something, I- I can't go into, um- it's-,"

"He really fucked you up, huh?" Kaito said.

"He still is. He gets high off of fucking me up," Len said, laughing dryly. "Rin, too. Anything that moves." He hesitated, then added, "The dream ended when I killed him, and Rin watched. She always does...That's always how it goes. But...you were there, too, and it felt different, and I felt weird. I didn't- I hated you seeing me like that- _angry_. It's embarrassing."

Kaito shook his head. "Not embarrassing," he said. "Natural."

"Not how I get it," Len muttered. "I just...blow up, y'know? It feels disgusting. You did amazing, by the way. At the concert-thingy. You were so happy."

"Oh, um. Thanks."

"Sorry I left so soon. It was, uh. A lot."

"Mm. No need to apologize. S'good."

"No, but- ah, um...That song. Your original? Um...Who...who'd you write that for?"

Kaito tensed, not wanting to answer this question with any answer. Your Temperature wasn't easy to explain when it felt as indefinite as the relationship he had with the person it was for.

"No one in particular," Kaito finally said, turning to collapse into the bedspread again. Len followed, cozying up next to Rin. "It was a thought, I guess. For anyone."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"...Did your mom really call the CPS?"

"Yeah," Kaito repeated.

Len sniffed and dragged a palm over his eyes. "Fuck," he mumbled.

"It's that bad...?"

"Yeah, I-...it's not good. He's just- _fuck_ , I hate him. I've never hated someone so much."

"Me neither."

"I can't believe he-...Kai, he never lays a _hand_ on Rin. It- why did I let my guard down? What was I thinking, shit-,"

"Hey." Kaito frowned and flipped over, pushing his fingers into Len's hair, petting it. Len made a contented noise and tilted his head back. "It's not your fault for wanting to be happy. You've gone through a lot. You have a right to want that."

"Do I?" Len scoffed, despondent. "It's like I'm supposed to suffer through this for the rest of my life."

"You'll find happiness," Kaito said. "I'm going to make sure you do. You and Rin both."

At the mention of his sister, Len whimpered, wrenching his eyes closed. "You're only one person, Kai, you can't make miracles happen," he choked out.

"I could if I tried. I'm already on that track," Kaito said.

"Fuck, you're-..." Len reopened his eyes and grappled for Kaito's wrist, holding it steady over his hair. "Why are you so _nice_ to me? What did I do to make you-,"

"You didn't do anything, okay? I just like you. And your Rin's brother, so it's not like I'd ignore you for my entire life. I like you and I want to protect you, how I've always wanted to protect Rin."

"Is that it? That's all it is?" Len asked, the anger seeping into him. "You like me because I'm Rin's pathetic brother, and-,"

"You're not listening to me," Kaito said. "I like you for you. For everything that you are. I like your smile and your laugh and your mood swings and how easily I can talk about things with you. I like that you get me, and I...more or less try to get you. That's why. Okay? That's why."

Len pursed his lips, glancing away. "Okay," he whispered after a long hesitation. "I believe you."

"Good," Kaito said, tousling his bangs affectionately. "Now try to get a little more sleep, alright?" He returned his hand back to his waist, semi-surprised when Len took it in his own, without saying a word about it.

When Kaito was absolutely certain Len had fallen asleep again, he raised one of his knuckles to his lips and kissed it, scantily aware of what he was doing, but appeased either way.

* * *

A few days later and it was as if the world had rotated violently on its axis, throwing everything off its balance without letting anything really change.

The CPS had observed the Kagamine household, finding nothing wrong or out-of-sorts, just as they always did. Kamui Gakupo had conveniently taken his family out for dinner that night, after scrubbing the entire abode clean, and for the umpteenth time, he was let off the hook.

Rin resumed acting as she always did during school, kind and soft and cheery, even if there was something there, a tainted, bittersweet aberration beneath her facade. She would flinch away from contact, stay after much longer than necessary, and seldom offer her time to anyone but Len.

Len found little time to leave her side, anyway. He'd receded into his shell again, deluged by abhorrence, and his chronic nosebleeds, which most had forgotten, had not only returned but gotten worse. People started to treat him like he was a child and it was obvious he despised it.

Megumi noticed the change in both her friend's and Rin's demeanor and hovered, buffer broken. She would approach Rin in the hallway, contingent on her actions, and speak with her, and Rin would be enthused. Megumi apologized for blowing off their tutoring sessions, and, without wasting a heartbeat, Rin forgave her. With Len, Megumi would pretend things hadn't changed. He appreciated that.

Kaito invited all three of them to spend time at his house when he wasn't assisting Meiko in preparations for the up-and-coming spring fair. There was a burden of memories on his chest that pressed down harder and harder every day, but try as he might, it never dissipated.

Epoxy Lips was doing fine, and Miku was screaming over the check Tonio had sent them for their services the next time Kaito saw her. They split it as evenly as they could, but in the end, most of the money had ended up going to Rin, even though she politely tried rejecting. Miku scheduled another gig at the spring fair, which Meiko was thrilled over, despite two other groups performing and Piko throwing a fit that they weren't going to compare. They were, Kaito realized that; they'd probably do better.

The world felt the same, as if that night hadn't really happened, as if Kamui hadn't broken Rin apart and left Len to pick up the pieces, as if Kaito and Len hadn't talked the way that they had, heartfelt and crestfallen.

The world felt the same...and it didn't.

While everyone else danced on their pedestals of oblivion, Kaito knew that things were bound to go horribly wrong again in no time, whether it be because of Kamui or the fair or the band or _anything_. Nothing gold could stay, and things weren't even that gold as of now.

Change would come no matter what, again and again and _again_. The snow was beginning to melt, the days were getting warmer, the gardens were blossoming to life. Change was coming.

Kaito was prepared now, for anything, and at this rate, that was all he could really do for anyone.

"You ready for the fair?" Meiko said on their way home from school one day, beaming and playfully slapping her fist to his back. This was her favorite time of year, and it always had been.

"Yeah, I guess," Kaito said, eyeing the growing greenery around them warily. "I can tell you are."

"Always am. Winter'll be all over soon," Meiko said.

"It will, won't it?" Kaito muttered.

They walked the rest of the way without speaking another word.

* * *

 **This was actually the most difficult chapter to write so far, just because emotion portrayal and transitions between a lot of dialogue from different characters is a pain in the butt. Thankfully, Noe-chan, EZFG and Yunosuke helped me get through it, and now it's here, and I'm semi-content with the way it came out. I just wanted the KaiLenRin, yo. N' Roro being a jerk.**

 **I apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors! I don't really like to beta,, ehhh. I use _hand_ way too much lmao.**

 **Thank you for reading, and leave a review if that's your thing! Until next time!**

 **With love,  
Hour.**


	13. Warmth

**Not gonna lie, this chapter is kind of trashy. It's been a rough couple of weeks and getting through my own writing has been a challenge, idk. I don't like the way this turned out but I've rewritten it four times, so this is as content as I was going to get. Beware of spelling errors. Enjoy regardless, and thank you for your continued support, everyone.**

* * *

 _"_ _Break me apart, break me apart_

 _with an invisible knife._

 _Break me apart, break me apart;_

 _pierce deep into my body,_

 _but still, be gentle, and weave me together_

 _with the precious treasures."_

* * *

Spring came in a whirlwind. All at once, the snow melted, the days grew warmer, and plants began to sprout again among plush landscapes and blossoming forests. Frost stopped biting through gloves, and in its place, sunlight streamed between leaves glittering like glass and thawed frigid expressions back to lilting smiles.

With the vanishing of winter came preparations for the spring fair, hosted every year primarily by the Sakines' and assistance from other meager families that wanted to take part in a community effort. Kaito wasn't sure he'd had any time at all to himself between band practice, fair services, and treehouse gatherings that Len kept eagerly (though kind of hesitantly?) inviting him to. The stress on his shoulders was immense, but Kaito supposed he appreciated it; it at least got his mind off of other affiliations.

Affiliations like feelings and thoughts and perceptions that were all weighed down by a budding anxiety of what awaited him in future months. He and Megumi had reached a balance, it seemed, yet between them accomplishing anything still felt impossible. They were only two people, and Megumi lacked determination, lacked motivation.

Meiko, oddly, remained the only constant in Kaito's life. As Len changed, and Rin changed, and Megumi and even his _mother_ changed, Meiko stayed the same as she ever was, bold and violent when the situation called for it, otherwise just shy of being hyper with a cocky grin and list of snarky comments.

She invited Kaito over to work on funding and painting and baking whenever he wasn't busy with Epoxy Lips or Len- which was her current field for cocky grins and snarky comments -and it was a reminder to Kaito that she, unlike everyone else, was insistent on being herself. It was comfortable, surrounding himself with her when he didn't know what else to do. She was beginning to feel like a safe haven in a time where everything was going awry.

At present, they were sprawled out in Meiko's backyard, brows slick with sweat and clothes splotched in patches of dried paint, sipping lemonade from Solo cups and admiring an entire afternoon's worth of work. In the end, it wasn't much, but it was enough to be proud of: a vast array of banners, cut-outs and signs advertising games and rides, now tinsel with dollops of orange sunlight.

"Well done, yeah?" Meiko mused, clinking their Solo cups together, eliciting a laugh from the both of them. She carded a hand through her auburn locks, frowning when sweat and paint clumped chunks of it together in knots around her fingers. "I'm gonna need a three hour long shower to get this all out," she muttered.

Studying the purple and red residue caked into his jeans, Kaito sipped his lemonade and said, "It'll take ten fifty minute cycles in the wash to get out these stains." He snorted. "I didn't really consider that painting would wreck my favorite pants."

"We've been doing this for _years_ , Kai. Take notice a lil' bit more, c'mon."

In response, Kaito grunted and flopped onto his back in the grass, empty cup falling discarded beside him. "I am mentally and physically exhausted. It's been a long day."

Meiko snickered and tapped at his ankle with her foot. "Funny that you consider one test in algebra a long day. I've had longer!" she said and took a long swig from her lemonade.

Kaito squinted up at her. "Tolerating Nakajima and Yuezheng flicking wads of paper at me for five periods straight is kind of a long day in my opinion," he muttered.

"I don't sympathize," Meiko said, throwing back the rest of the contents in her cup and crushing it in her palm, tossing it aside. She leaned beside Kaito and smiled up at the sky, dazed. It was unlike her, but at the same time, kind of expected. This was her favorite time of year. "You're bonding with people. Isn't that supposed to be some big grand ticket to happiness?"

"I wouldn't call it bonding," Kaito said. "I only talk to Nakajima because of the band-" _more or less_ -"and Yuezheng because of Len, uh. I'm not really sure I like either of them?" A pause. Kaito frowned and started fanning the collar of his shirt to cool his face. "It feels like summer, what the _heck_."

"The spring fair is only in two weeks," Meiko said, beaming, her chestnut eyes glinting in vibrant streams of light.

Kaito sighed and shook his bangs out of his peripheral. "I'm just glad winter is over," he said.

"It was a good run though, wasn't it? I mean, you joined a band, befriended Len and proved to me that he isn't a creep, and had a pretty good birthday, right? In the span of just over a month and a half. Isn't that nuts?"

"I guess. I also lost contact with Roro pretty badly and made some stupid choices," Kaito mumbled.

Meiko rolled over and playfully punched his bicep. He winced anyway, gritting his teeth and craning his neck to face her. "The only bad choice you made was ignoring me for a solid week. That wasn't cool," she said, though her eyes betrayed her attempted frustration. So did her smile.

"You're in way too good of a mood."

"You can't blame me. Winter drains so much of my energy and I need to reboot it. By the end of spring it'll be gone again, anyway. Let me enjoy it, Bakaito."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

They didn't move an inch until Avanna finally arrived to pick up Kaito, and after that, it was all he could do not to count down the seconds before the cycle of his life restarted all over again.

* * *

Two weeks flew by in a rush. Kaito didn't really register most of it after a certain period of time, caught up in between the callouses chewing away at his fingertips and the lines of crusted paint pressed into his palms. The day before the spring festival, he was a writhing, panicked mess, because these two weeks had been spent in a surreal kind of peace; the calm before the storm.

Something was bound to go wrong, it had to, but as much as he confessed this to Meiko was as much as she gripped his hair and told him to _suck it up_. He really wished that he could take her advice and do just that.

That afternoon, before the bell for dismissal rang, Kaito was caught amid his stress by Len, who tugged at the sleeve of his blazer with his own tied around his waist, sleeves of his button-up rolled to his elbows. He glanced up at Kaito, brow furrowed, and said, "Come to the treehouse after rehearsal."

It wasn't phrased like a question, not that it ever was. Len as of late had been evasive and seclusive toward everyone but his sister, his defenses raised like a shield around them. But toward Kaito he still held the semblance of everything they were with only minor faltering.

"Sure," Kaito said, blinking dumbly when he realized he'd been silent for a tad too long, and Len was gripping his wrist in what could have been concern. "Same crowd as usual?"

Len scoffed, releasing his hold and taking a dainty step back. He crossed his arms and cocked his head. "Who else?" he asked, a strand of bright blonde hair catching on one of his eyebrows. Kaito resisted the urge to brush it away, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Right, yeah. I'll be there."

"Good," Len said. Before Kaito could get in another word, Len whirled on his heel and darted off in the direction of the main doors just as the bell rang, and in his place, Miku materialized at Kaito's side, startling him with a pleasant greeting.

Kaito jumped and bumped his arm roughly against the wall, exhaling in a huff through his nose when Miku laughed. "Scared you, did I?" she teased.

"Uh. A little." Kaito pushed himself off the wall and quirked a brow. "Are we...walking together? Is that what's happening right now?"

"Affirmed," Miku said, smiling.

Clicking his tongue idly, Kaito followed Miku out of the school and into the courtyard, where she took a breath, mussed her ponytail, and said, "Do you think you could pretend to be my fake boyfriend for a little while tomorrow at the spring fair? For my parents?"

Kaito stifled a groan and lengthened his strides, forcing Miku- petite as a flower -to have to triple hers into a jog to keep up with him. " _What_?" she whined. "They're going to be there and I don't want to disappoint them."

"You won't disappoint them," Kaito assured, slanting a frown across his lips. "And even if you did, how would be me acting as your boyfriend _affect_ that?"

"I don't know but it would still _help_!" Miku stopped in her tracks to grab Kaito by the hem of his shirt and pull. " _Please_ , I will _pay_ you," she begged.

"I never said I was rejecting! And you don't have to pay me, Miku, geez," Kaito said in a mutter, pushing at her chest to force some distance between them.

She obliged unwillingly, but didn't try much further. "Thanks," she said, patting him quaintly on the shoulder. Kaito's smile must have not been convincing enough because, somehow, she managed to add, "If we act as a couple, you know, then it might make a certain someone at the fair jealous, right?"

Kaito's face flushed. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, attempting to outwalk Miku again. She caught up in puffs, adorning a smug smile.

"You make it seem like I don't notice," she pressed, giggling. "It's really obvious that you like him. Why are you so thrown off by the fact I know about it?"

"Because it's awkward," Kaito mumbled, "and I'd rather pretend that the feelings weren't there at all."

"I acted on my feelings for Luka, and look were she and I are now!" Miku said hopefully.

Kaito bit down on the nail of his thumb to suppress the temptation to raise his voice. "I'm not _you_. And it doesn't matter, anyway. By the end of high school, everyone will part ways and it's- supposed to be like that. I don't want to spend my time on something that will just...end. Like everything else."

"Such a downer," Miku sighed.

"I know."

After that, Miku died down on the remarks as to Kaito's supposed interest and launched into a tangent about her parents and how her mother had broken one of the keys on her piano back at home, and she was so sick of being treated like dirt by them. Kaito ruffled her hair and provided comforting words of assistance. She cheered up instantaneously.

While waiting for the others to arrive, Miku made tea and Kaito tuned his guitar. They didn't speak, for Kaito was afraid anything he might have said would be reason enough for Miku to inform him on what to do about his predicament. Miku must have sensed that, so she busied herself with tea and left him to his pondering.

Megumi, Luka and Flower shoved their way through into the house about a half an hour later, arguing about politics. Luka, by the look of it, was winning. Ten minutes later, in popped Ritsu and Piko, the former fixing his hair and asking the latter for his opinion on it, which was just, "It's fine, my God. Your hair is _fine_ ," with less and less agitation and more defeat each time he repeated it.

"Great, you're all here!" Miku said, then cut herself off and jerked her attention toward Kaito. "Unless Rin is supposed to be here?"

"She's not," Megumi said, waving a hand dismissively as she seated herself in a stool beside the aisle counter. "Aria already invited her to a study session at her house or something."

"That's fine, then. In any case, as you all know, we have our first competitive concert tomorrow!" Miku announced. Piko scowled and Miku kindly threw him a glare before continuing, "We've been practicing hard, so there's no doubt in my mind that we'll do a fantastic job! Let's make our last real rehearsal count, alright?"

There was a chorus of agreement that Ritsu had to nudge Piko into, but it was enough to fulfill exactly what Miku had wanted them to do.

Practice ended with the lot of them sweating, breathless, and grinning. Flower pumped a fist triumphantly into the air and whooped "We're so ready for tomorrow," she said. "We're gonna destroy, guaranteed."

"Can't argue with that," Megumi mumbled, and took a long sip from Miku's water bottle when she was too occupied with Luka to notice.

Kaito glanced at the clock mounted beside the couch and bit his lip, packing his guitar away safely into its case. "I'm heading out," he said quickly. "Can I just leave my guitar here for tomorrow? Miku?"

Miku spun around, red in the face, and nodded furiously. "Sure, sure, if you're not going to practice tonight then go right ahead."

"Alright." Standing, Kaito propped his case against Miku's keyboard and started to say his goodbyes and good lucks, but Megumi snatched him as he started up the stairs, drawing him away.

"You're going to the treehouse?" she asked.

"Yeah," Kaito said.

Megumi shrugged and said, "It's behind my house. We should walk together."

"Sure," Kaito agreed. He slung the strap of his bag over his shoulder and gave Miku a brief farewell salute before heading out the door with Megumi silent and stoic at his heels. Of course.

They were never ones for small talk.

* * *

"Where is everyone?" Megumi asked as she popped her head into the treehouse, foot nearly nailing Kaito square in the temple from where he was climbing up the ladder beneath her. She wriggled her way inside, and Kaito slipped in after her, ducking to keep from bashing his skull again.

Len peered up from the couch and quirked a brow, laying the book he'd been reading on the table beside him. "They left," he said, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. "You guys are late."

"We rehearsed a bit longer than we thought we would," Kaito said. "You waited for us?"

"Obviously. Rin's at a friend's, and I don't want to go home." Len sniffed and scooted over, a gesture for Kaito to take the space beside him. He indulged, and Len slumped against him with heavy eyelids. "How long are the two of you planning to stay for?"

Megumi seated herself on the floor in front of them, kicking her legs onto the coffee table. "Since it's my treehouse, as long as I want," she said, and tilted to look back at Len with a wry smile. He rolled his eyes and decided to ignore her, gaze shifting to Kaito, who shrugged.

"Until you want me to leave," he said.

Len hummed a contented sigh and dragged his knees to his chest, lashes dancing lazily above his cheekbones. "I'll be at the fair tomorrow, by the way. Mainly just to hear you guys play."

"I'm honored," Megumi huffed. She took a minute to consider and lifted a hand absently. "We actually sound pretty good so you're in for a treat. It'll be a hell of a lot better than our last two performances."

"Impressive," Len said, not really that impressed at all. More than anything, he seemed tired and bored, as if hanging onto nothing like this was beginning to spread a void within him. His fingertips traced patterns in the sofa cushions, lips pulled into a half-smile.

Kaito regarded this with both a tenacious appreciation and mild concern. He flicked a strand of hair from Len's eyes and shifted to make their current position more comfortable. Len roosted cozily against him, burrowing into his warmth.

"Tired?" Kaito murmured.

"I could sleep for a thousand years, thanks," Len snorted, tapping at Megumi's neck when her gaze grew a little too critical. She huffed and slid to her feet, feigning disgust.

She turned toward the door and said, "If you two are just going to have a snuggly nap-fest, then I'm outta here. I got homework to do."

"Be gone, go ahead," Len said, words muffled by Kaito's shirt. "We'll be the tree people that take over your treehouse. Don't worry about it."

"I'll try not to," Megumi said. She gave a flippant wave, slid down the ladder, and was gone, green hair bobbing in and out of view as she stalked her way through the wood back toward home. In her wake, Len and Kaito remained, unmoving in the dim glow the windows along the wall emitted.

Kaito slid an arm tentatively around Len's shoulders, tasting his heartbeat in his throat, and gave the blonde a little nudge that roused him from his daze. "Did something happen?" Kaito asked, keeping his voice low.

Len squinted, contemplating this, and lifted his chin just enough to stare into the clinquant cobalt of his Kaito's eyes. His expression was languid and pliant, a canvas of dripping emotion like Kaito had never seen it before. "Nothing happened," Len insisted. "Kamui—since then, when—you know, he...hasn't been as bad? He's nervous, maybe."

"I would be, too," Kaito said, sliding against the armrest so Len's head could rest upon his chest, palms tucked safely against his own. After a moment of careful consideration, Kaito wrapped an arm around Len's waist and secured it there, breathing growing slightly erratic.

"He's barely even home anymore, which is a relief for Rin and me, but it bums out my mom a lot, y'know? She'll make dinner for us four and he won't even be there for it, and she'll act cool with it, as cool as she can, and it just...doesn't work. I can see right through her." Len _tsk_ ed, frustrated. "It makes me hate that douchebag six times as much," he mumbled.

"I'd say it's better than him hurting either of you, though," Kaito said.

"Definitely," Len agreed, "but I...I don't know. I'm tired. I'm really, really tired."

Kaito went rigid, face heating and eyes shifting in the other direction. "Um," he sputtered, wishing for a better grasp on his words, "you could sleep right now. Like this. I—wouldn't care."

"Don't you think it's weird, though?" Len muttered. "Two guys in a situation like this?"

Whatever Len meant by that, Kaito tried not to read too deeply into it. "You're the one who rested up against me," he said, awkward.

"Yeah," Len said, "and that's why I'm asking. You don't think it's weird?" He tilted his chin back, eyeing Kaito curiously, as if the ideal of Kaito being somehow repulsed by it was devastating to him.

"I don't think it's weird," Kaito said.

"I try not to be clingy, y'know?" Len murmured, his voice growing quiet. He averted his attention to the other side of the room and dropped his cheek over the steadily building rhythm coming from within Kaito's chest. "But it's so easy. It's so easy to forget about a lot of different things with you."

"Yeah." Because it was all Kaito could think to say when his mind was reeling at a time like this. Throughout his life, he had seldom experienced attraction. He'd never had a girlfriend, nor a boyfriend, had never gotten married, had never so much as kissed someone, not in his future, not in his past. Emotions were rising inside of him faster than he could collect them, and he had no idea on how to deal with it.

Len went silent for a long time after that, and Kaito made no attempt to break through the fragility. He simply twined his fingers through threads of blonde hair, mind elsewhere. When Len finally spoke, it was to mutter, "I don't think I should get attached to you."

Kaito's gut clenched. "Why is that?" he asked, hardly letting his voice surpass a whisper.

"I'm a wreck," Len said, "and you're not, and I'll want to be a part of that more than anything else. You're so— _likable_. You have everything to offer and when you're hurt, you bite it back for the sake of other people. You're...what I want to strive to be, yeah? You're brilliant." A beat passed. "If I get attached to you, then that might blind me...and I might do something I'll regret."

"Like what?"

"Like this."

It happened very quickly. Len sat up, his thighs bracketing Kaito's hips, his brows furrowed in determination and his hands braced on Kaito's shoulders. He didn't look so tired anymore; he looked full of energy, renewed and wide awake.

His breath was warm on Kaito's face, their noses shy of touching and Kaito's hands not sure where else to settle but on Len's waist, where they had been since this started.

"Um," Kaito said lamely, and Len's sharp stare was so icy, so terrified, that it cut the rest of Kaito's sentence off before he even knew what he was going to say. His face was hot, skin searing, the lack of distance between he and Len's mouths resonating a pitiful sort of want that exploded in every nerve, driving electricity from his fingertips to Len's shirt.

There was suddenly no space left to breathe; Len had infected all of it with his presence, leaning in closer and closer, unstoppable.

Kaito could kiss him. It would be so painless, so effortless, and he liked to believe that nothing would change if he did. The opportunity was beckoning him, inviting him. Wasn't refusing it naive? This was what he had been waiting for. What he had longed for.

But then he remembered Megumi and Rin and Roro, remembered the pact they'd made that had led to both Rin and Megumi's deaths eleven years in the future. Len could be the same as Megumi, Tei no better than Roro, and the pieces would fall in place then. If Kaito sealed this, let it happen, he would be succumbing to Len's inevitable decision to keep it a secret. Or worse, he'd give it up for good.

After all, he said he'd regret this.

Len's hands slid to Kaito's wrists, pinning them against the armrest. His face was flushed, contemplative, completely unlike the disastrous chagrin that had overcome Kaito's features.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Len admitted, his voice raspy and choked. "Shit, Kai, I have no idea."

"That's fine. You can keep going," Kaito blurted unhelpfully, watching as Len twitched, lips pinching into a frown. He hesitated, the adrenaline pooling right out of him and his eyelids sagging in a manner that was so very, very sad.

Somehow, these had been the wrong words to speak. Maybe what Len wanted was denial. Maybe he'd wanted to be hated for feeling this way, or maybe Kaito had proven to him exactly what he hadn't want to hear; that Kaito was a being of utmost love and adoration and Len was nothing more than a scratch in the everlasting surface of his existence.

Len moved away before Kaito could grab him and pull him back, push their mouths together and destroy the all-consuming emotion he was bearing once and for all. In the end, he thought, he was no different from Len. He was attached, for attachment to such a part of his life was natural.

And attachment led to feelings and desires that weren't real. Kaito's jealousy over Tei and his self-loathing, his pining at the winter formal had been for naught; he did not want Len, not really. Not in the sense he thought he did. He only wanted to keep him safe, wanted to protect him, shower him in affection that he lacked. There was nothing more to it than that.

In the moments between Len going to kiss him and Len sliding to the other side of the couch, anguished and aching, this was what Kaito convinced himself of.

"You weren't supposed to say that," Len said, scrambling away from the couch, losing his balance and tumbling to the ground. His eyes were wide. Blank. "I- fucked up real bad, I-,"

Kaito righted himself and extended a hand. He could fix this. He could. "No, hey, wait-,"

But Len was moving too quickly to be caught. He slung the strap of his bag over his shoulder, haggardly breathing, and darted past the sofa to the doorway. Kaito flung himself off the sofa, begging to whatever God existed that this wasn't actually happening and he was just dreaming. " _Len_ ," he said, despondent.

The blonde whipped around and started down the ladder, sparing Kaito a single atoning look on his way to the forest floor. Kaito grit his teeth and stumbled to the entryway, heat radiating off of every pore in his body.

"Len!" he called. Not that it mattered.

Len was long gone, as he always had been, and like this, like he was, Kaito had no chance to catch up. He pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

He told himself that things were better this way, but that was a sentiment he couldn't for the life of him accept.

* * *

Len had a strategic way of avoiding Kaito the next day. He took the long route to get everywhere and anywhere, danced past Kaito's locker, distracted Rin away from Kaito for his own benefit, and, to his advantage and to his dismay, nosebled often enough that he was sent to the nurse's office multiple times, skipping class time he shared seated in front of Kaito.

By the end of the afternoon, Kaito stopped trying to get around this. He relented to the fact Len wanted to be alone and respected it. There was no changing it.

He walked with Meiko to her house after the last bell, enraptured in his own spiraling thoughts, wondering if all of this meant Len would still be coming to the fair, if Rin would. If the song he had written those weeks ago would even mean anything when they performed it. He was quiet, he knew he was, but Meiko, for once, didn't push it. She, too, didn't portray any particular interest in speaking, brow drawn and lips pursed, contemplative.

They arrived at her house some time later, piling into the back her dad's pickup truck after loading all of the sets and equipment left to deliver into the bed. As they buckled their seatbelts, Meiko's dad hopped into the passenger's seat, grinning, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and blasting the music. Kaito resisted the temptation to reach for his guitar and clutch it to his chest; Miku had it, after all. He wouldn't see it, wouldn't get to practice with it, until she arrived at the fair in another hour or so.

Upon pulling in, Meiko's dad let down the tailgate and called over a few of the workers to help him with unloading them. Meiko grabbed at Kaito's shirt and hopped out of the truck, dragging him along behind her.

Immediately, Kaito found himself ogling the scenery. Most everything was set into place at this point: tents for games, rides swinging around the once empty field behind the old junior high school, cotton candy and ice cream machines set up at every corner, the stage in all its bedazzling glory. Color split through every corner in vivacious hues from red to blue to green and back again.

"They really went all out this year," Kaito murmured, flooded by sticky heat. The sun was radiating intense heat even from where it was half-hidden behind hordes of white clouds.

"And they're not even done yet," Meiko said, and she grinned, already brimming with enthusiasm. "We still have an hour before we open the gate and concessions. Which means we have a whole ton of shit to do until then-,"

"Language," Meiko's father mused as he walked by, a board tucked away at his side.

Meiko snorted and rolled her eyes, but her snarky smile hadn't been wiped away. She headed off toward the concession stand, Kaito trailing on her heels, and within the span of the next hour or so, they dabbled with work, idle and non-conversive. All of the things Kaito wanted to say were about the present issue of Len, which seemed horribly unfair. There was no reason for him to take up so much of Kaito's head, but what had happened was resonating viciously.

He kept wanting to relive that moment, strangely...kept wanting to do it differently, change what had happened. Maybe then, things wouldn't be like this. Or maybe they would. Because he hadn't done anything, and because Len was severely unpredictable, there was no room for assumptions or guessing.

By the time the fair had officially opened, Kaito was mentally and physically drained, especially when Miku purchased her tickets at the gate alongside her parents and came gamboling toward Kaito. It was at the same time that she threw her arms over his shoulders and pushed her cheek to his that he remembered the deal he had succumbed to.

Reflecting back upon it, he wasn't sure he minded so much, not after a subtle rejection and the complicated swell of uncertainty bubbling in his chest. Kaito coiled his arms briefly around Miku's waist and drew away only as she did. She beamed up at him, then her parents, who had caught up to them. Beside a taiyaki stand, Meiko watched, intrigued.

"Mom, Dad," Miku said, gesturing merrily toward Kaito, "you remember Shion Kaito, yes? My date to the winter formal?"

"Of course," Mister Hatsune said. He bore a shaky smile. "Nice to see you again, son."

And then, as expected, Misses Hatsune asked him questions about the band, skeptic, and about school and his home life. The woman wasn't one for privacy, but Kaito endured for the sake of keeping them satisfied so Miku could get away with spending the evening with Luka.

They left soon enough, almost as soon as Kaito spotted Rin entering. Len, as far as Kaito was aware, was nowhere near her. His shoulders slumped in disappointment, but he suppressed it, relaxing as Meiko clapped his back and laughed teasingly at his fake boyfriend skills and Miku waved Rin over, whispering a thanks to Kaito beforehand.

Rin almost immediately pulled Kaito aside when she approached, her eyes very dark and very tired. She looked in no state to be at a fair, but Kaito didn't have much courage to say anything against that.

"Did something happen between you and Len?" she asked. "Because he's been acting all weird and mopey since yesterday and every time I talk about you he does that irritated pouty thing. Nothing happened, right?"

"Um." Kaito placed a hand on the back of his neck and shrugged, averting his gaze to Meiko and Miku, neither trying too hard to disguise their eavesdropping. Kaito glanced at Rin again, apologetic. "Is it possible we can talk about it in private? Later?"

"What about right now?" Rin said. She pointed at the Ferris wheel, obviously eager to enact upon this conversation. "He might be coming later and I just- want to be able to help you two communicate so it isn't like last time."

Kaito supposed there was no fending this off. "Alright," he agreed, turning back to look at Meiko and Miku, surprised to find that Luka had slipped among them, laughing and touching Miku maybe a little too often for it be considered platonic by any prying eyes. Meiko gave him the a-ok without having to hear him explain, and with that out of the way, Kaito and Rin walked toward the Ferris wheel.

The line was short, and once they got on and were up, Rin seated across from Kaito with her hands tangled in her lap, the air was far tenser than it had been previously.

"So, what happened?" Rin asked, straight to the point.

"It wasn't what _happened_ ," Kaito murmured, "it was what _didn't_ happen."

Rin squinted, already confused. "What?" she urged.

"It's..." This wasn't working in the slightest. Kaito had no idea what he was supposed to say, how to express even half of the things that went wrong in the span of less than a minute. When he finally did find the words to speak, it was messy and rushed, a string of syllables: "We were going to kiss, I think, and then we didn't, and then he left and I had no idea what to do."

And Rin's baffled expression only worsened. The cart they were in stopped, right at the top, brandishing the snow barren city in all its beauty for what could have been the first time.

"What?" Rin said again, softly.

Kaito ran a palm down his face. "I might have feelings for him," he said, "and he...might have feelings for me, but I don't...I don't think I want him to reciprocate, and he's the same. It's requited but. _Not_ , at the same time, and I-...I just want him to be happy, is all, whether it's with me or-,"

"Kai," Rin whispered, and she grappled for his wrist. The cart began moving again, descending downward. "Please, _please_ , by whatever means it takes, please give him the love he deserves. Whether it's...requited or not, just please be there for him because all he ever _wants_ is for you to be there for him, and for me." Her eyes were hopeful, pleading.

"That will always be the case," Kaito said. "Even now, even if things are like this, it's not like I just- stopped _caring_. Of course I'll...I'll always be there for you two. Always. You know that."

"I know," Rin said, quiet, "but after everything from those few weeks ago I've just- I've been so worried, Kai, that nothing will be the same, that everything will be weird from now on, and I don't want that to be true starting with you and Len falling out of touch. Or- or even you and _I_ , okay?" She squeezed his wrist, desperate for reassurance. "It's a crappy time for all of us and we just- we just need to stand beside each other is all, regardless of our feelings. We have to keep all that we had as is, as it _was_ , just yesterday."

Kaito frowned, suddenly consumed in an uncomfortable helplessness that had been recurring for too long now. "Everything will be fine, Rin," he said. "I promise."

She believed him, without a doubt, and pulled him into an embrace as the cart lowered to the ground again. "Please," she whispered, "don't break that promise."

The pressure, nor the stakes, had ever seemed higher.

* * *

"We gained a few more guests while you were gone," Miku said the moment she saw Kaito and Rin approaching again. At her side, now pinned with Luka, were Megumi, Flower, Lui and Suzune, currently submerged in a raging debate about what sounded like dessert foods.

Kaito flicked his gaze from them to Miku, cocking his head. "When are we on?"

"Not for another two hours or so," she said. "No need to rush it; we have plenty of time, not to mention we're still missing crucial parts of the band." Linking an arm around Kaito and Luka's shoulders, she beamed and added, "Let's go have some fun in the meantime!"

Miku's definition of _fun_ , however, wasn't quite what Kaito had in mind; while fun to him meant, like, talking or playing stupid rigged games for over-sized prizes, Miku's version consisted of riding every single ride- _every one_ -at least two times. Her favorites were any of the ones that spun a lot, and by the end of the third round of teacups, Kaito, near vomiting alongside Rin, decided it was time to move onto something else.

"I'll win you a teddy bear," he said to Miku, "if you just don't drag us on those _hell machines_ ever again."

"Hell machines?" Miku snorted, flipping a pigtail modestly. "They're party machines, more like." She blinked, side-eyed her companions' slightly green faces, and hiccuped on her laughter. "Oh, come _on_ you guys! They're not that bad! _Guys_!"

"They're pretty bad," Luka commented, still clutching at her mouth. "I was dead by the first ride on the Doomsday Twister."

Miku frowned. "That was the first ride we went on at _all_ ," she said.

Luka smiled weakly and nudged her girlfriend's shoulder. "Yeah," she mused, "exactly."

With most everyone out of commission thanks to Miku's unexpected taste, the group, after catching up with Piko and Ritsu, moved on to the fair games, Meiko keenly pointing out the fact that she and Kaito had painted most of the signs advertising them. Miku said that that was _really great_ , and went on to ramble about how she thought all of the colors blended nicely, especially the yellow and blue parts.

Kaito tried to pretend that Miku wasn't inconspicuously referencing things that he was attempting (and failing) to get out of his head, but when it didn't work, he turned to a ring toss booth and slapped three hundred yen down on the bench. Meiko sidled up to him and slapped another three hundred down.

"Whoever does better buys the other a soda," Meiko said, grinning ear to ear.

"You're on," Kaito huffed.

It took Meiko two rings to land on the neck of the bottle in the center of the circle, whereas none of Kaito's landed anywhere close at all. Meiko accepted a teddy bear and passed it off to Miku, who giggled and kicked at Kaito's ankle. "I thought you were supposed to get me the teddy bear," she hummed, and he jabbed her in the flank as a retort.

They wandered aimlessly for a bit longer, Lui and Suzune splitting off to do their own meandering, and Piko buying a bag of cotton candy that he refused to share with anyone. Eventually, evening began to settle, the sky blanketing itself in a sheen of pale, glimmering violet.

"We should probably go unpack all of our stuff, change into our outfits and go through our songs real quick," Miku said when they stopped by the stage, clutching at her elbows. "We don't have much more time before we go on. The group ahead of us is about to go on, and I heard they're good."

"Message Repressed," Piko said, shoving the last mouthful of cotton candy down his throat. "I did some research into them. They're really popular in their hometown or whatever." He swatted away Meiko when she snatched for his snack, sidestepping just in time for Roro to shove past him.

He looked right at Megumi, heaved a sigh of relief, and extended a hand for her. She immediately recoiled, quirking a brow and leaning somewhat into Rin. The blonde caught her without even thinking, and Kaito felt compelled automatically to do something.

"Gumes," Roro said impatiently, "shit, we gotta talk."

"Talk?" Megumi echoed. "I'm doing something."

"It's important," Roro protested. He was panting heavily, fidgeting.

Megumi paced away a step and crossed her arms under her breast. "We can talk later," she said, and perhaps purposely swiped her fingers along Rin's, a gesture that made Rin furrow her brow and stare Roro down as if in a threat.

"We have things to do," she said, and turned to walk off with Megumi right at her side. Miku trailed after, the rest at her heels, save for Kaito. He lingered for half a heartbeat to formulate a question.

"Something the matter?" he asked.

Roro snapped his attention toward Kaito and tensed, shaking his head. "Nah, it's-" He swallowed. "It's nothing, Kaito. See ya." He jammed his hands in his pocket and marched in the opposite direction before Kaito could say another word. With no real reason to chase after him, Kaito flocked toward those that proposed meaning, sinking a little bit deeper into contemplation.

* * *

Message Repressed had skill, that was for sure, but after their practice session, Kaito was certain that they would never compare to Epoxy Lips; or, at least, they wouldn't so long as the migraine pulsing in Kaito's temple lamented. The last thing he wanted was a vision epidemic upon stage, in front of people. It would only be mortally embarrassing.

Miku paced around the area behind the stage, gripping at her hair. Stress had contaminated her, the fear of failing and having her parents rip away her career in music hitting her full force. Luka calmed her, stroking her cheek and caressing her hip, and Kaito supposed that he didn't need to be a fake boyfriend, after all. It was really for nothing.

Message Repressed exited left stage a few heartbeats later, the lead singer- a boy with mussed blue and white hair -laughing and batting at a girl nearly identical to him as they went. Kaito bit into his lip, watching, confident only when Meiko slid up behind him and slung an arm around his waist. "Stop worrying," she said. "You're going to do fine. Absolutely."

"I hope so!" Miku called from Luka's embrace, groaning.

The announcer congratulated Message Repressed, allowed the applause to fade, and then ushered Epoxy Lips up in their wake. Miku groaned louder, shredded away from Luka, and led the band in their uniforms, with all of their instruments, onto that stage, among the mass of their city, illuminated by bright, artificial lights cast in greens and blues and pinks, blinding and searing.

They positioned themselves, a quiet lulling over the audience. Miku tapped one finger against her thigh, then two, then three, and Flower launched into her intro.

Luka picked up from there, and then noise had exploded everywhere, and Kaito was rushing to meet every beat, the corners of his peripheral hazing, the thrum of his heartbeat painful. He scoured the crowd for signs of people he knew, of people he could distinguish. He thought he could see Roro, winding his way through the maze of bodies, grabbing onto maybe Fukase's neck, withdrawing him.

Kaito's stomach dropped. He shifted his gaze in another direction and saw Mayu wriggling toward them, and in one moment, the demeanor of the fair potentially skyrocketed out of control. The song flew by, his callused fingertips hardly remembering what strings he was playing, what he was doing.

He wasn't aware when it ended, and it took Megumi hitting him hard in the forearm for him to snap out of the trance. It slipped into his vision again, overwhelming. Fragments of memories, past memories, future ones- he couldn't tell. The images were blurring together. He felt, not for the first time, extremely sick. There was Roro, there was Megumi, and Fukase- some sort of drug, someone saying something, and a gun, and- " _Gumes, you have to do this for us, please"_ -music?- " _I'm not doing shit for any of you anymore"_ -people...

Kaito glanced at Megumi with fury in his eyes, sweating through his clothes, unable to catch his breath. Concern set her ablaze. "Kaito," she said, steadying him. From the microphone where she was talking, Miku spared a glance back.

There was pain, sparked by a match of thought. Kaito winced and hunched, burning. His skin was on fire.

"Something really bad is about to happen," he said to Megumi, and-

The last thing he could remember was hitting his head against the surface of the stage, and a thick blackness enveloping a patronizingly familiar face in the crowd.

* * *

 **Uh, yeah? this chapter went a lot of different directions lol forgive me. the KaiLen almost kiss scene was,, important to me and just- I love these kids. Anyhow, apologies for any grammatical/spelling errors, I'm a lazy beta-er.**

 **Also, I'll be placing Countdown on a temporary hiatus until late January / early February, so I can work on a few other projects, including my secondary account, _running awol,_ a gumiluka wizard!au for this account. yup yup, busy. thanks for reading, and I'll see you some time soon!**


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